HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP & TV REVIEW!!!
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             Volume IV, Number 6, 2/8/98
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XENA

Gabrielle and Epirotica trade child rearing and 
household tips while Callisto BEATS THE STUFFINGS out 
of Xena!!
	"It's really been difficult raising a child who's half 
horse," says Epirotica, watching Callisto smack Xena. 
"She's always eating hay with her hooves instead of a 
knife and fork."
	"I know what you mean," said Gabrielle, watching 
Callisto do a double backflip. "When I gave birth to 
a monster child, people were getting on my case 
because the monster kept killing people with her 
telekentic powers." Callisto smacked Xena across the 
compound. 
	Gabrielle looked at Epirotica's sports bra, compared 
it to her own. "Nice! Where did you get it?"
	"On sale at Penny's," Epirotica sniffed, watching 
Callisto tossing Xena into the air again.

	Meanwhile, Xena battles her ultimate enemy, the high 
booted, studded leather clad ultra blonde Callisto.
	"How do you like this!" she says, smacking Callisto 
across the face.
	"How do you like that!" Callisto says, giving her a 
jab in the gut.
	"What about this?" Xena says, wrestling Callisto to 
the ground.
	"What about this?" Callisto responds, rubbing Xena's 
back.
	"How do you like this!" Xena challenges, rubbing honey 
and oils on Callisto's belly while gently caressing 
her arms and legs.
	"Actually, it's not so bad," Callisto concedes.

	Later, a well oiled Xena returns to camp to see 
Amazons gathered around a huge campfire, roasting 
marshmallows. "Hm, something smells good!" says Xena. 
"What is it?"
	"Uh, Xena," says Gabrielle. "Better brace yourself. 
Remember what you told me to do before you started 
the fight with Callisto? You told me to do three 
things: to feed Argo, set up our sleeping bags, and 
make sure your son Salon wasn't killed by my monster 
child."
	"So?"
	"Well... would two out of three be considered a bad 
day's work?" 

	Xena is devastated when she learns that Salon is dead.
	"And some horse guy bit the dust too, although he was 
pretty expendable from the outset" says Gabrielle.
	But Xena just waves her away.
	"Xena, I love you!" wails Gabrielle. "Listen, I agree 
that mistakes were made. There's a lot of blame to go 
around and whoever's responsible may well be at 
fault. So why don't we just forget the whole thing 
and start over?"
	"Go away!" thunders Xena.
	"You can't mean that! Who will scrub your back in the 
hot tub? Who will give you that special massage-"
	"Your job position has been filled," says Xena coldly. 
She slowly walks out of the firelight, pulling the 
leering and winking Callisto along on a leash and 
collar.....

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