HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP & TV REVIEW!!! Over 70,000 subscribers! Volume IV, Number 16, 4/19/98 http://www.joking.com **************** Xena Xena gets captured by BALD CHINESE GUY who throws her in a dungeon and puts a sandwich board on over her skimpy swimsuit! When Gabrielle hears that Xena is chained up in her swimsuit in a wet dungeon, she insists on visiting her friend. But nothing prepares her for the sight of the sandwich board chained to Xena's body. Gabrielle peers at the lettering.... "Xena, what does "affordable rates" mean?" she asks. Later, Xena flashes back to her time with CHINESE SUPERMODEL! They dance around each other, give little hugs, and look longingly into each others eyes. Then, Chinese Supermodel teaches Xena HOW TO BEAT THE CRAP out of her enemies. Chinese Supermodel: "Xena, if you want to truly learn the martial arts, there's one secret you need to learn the key to." "And what's that??" Xena asks. "Serving me," said Chinese Supermodel. "Your rehabilitation will be a long process, but you can start by giving me back rubs and rubbing me down every morning. Now feed me grapes while I teach you about Yin and Yang." Later, CHINESE SUPERMODEL gives Xena a sexy leg massage to heal her broken legs! Xena: "This is really good! When you're done, can you massage the rest of me? I think there are other parts that are, er, broken too." Finally, after some unimportant plot developments, Xena walks away with CHINESE SUPERMODEL's little black dating book. "But Xena, that book isn't little; it's actually quite large," said Gabrielle. Xena smirks, "Isn't it though? I guess I wasn't the first woman that she, ahem, worked her healing touch on...."