Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. MCA/Universal are getting rich. I’m just having fun.

While I do have a pretty good idea how things work on a production set. I claim absolutely no working knowledge of how things are actually done on the set of XWP. Therefor, everything stated here is pure assumption and logical thinking.

Ever wonder what it might be like if Xena and Gabrielle were really teaching Lucy and Renee how to be Xena and Gabrielle?

This is part six in The Truth...series and MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR 6TH SEASON X:WP.


The Truth and Nothing But The Truth…

Part 6

By T.Novan


"Xena! Please come to bed. It’s almost midnight." Gabrielle turned down the comforter and smoothed out the multitude of pillows.

"Ooooo Gab we’re busted!" Xena grinned and pointed at the screen.

Torn between rolling her eyes and letting her head drop in frustration, Gabrielle dropped her head. "What now? And why do you even go over there? You know we’re not suppose to."

"Yeah, well, when Rob, Lucy and Renee stop, so will I." She scanned the list. "Want to know what people think of this season so far?"

"Not really." The bard popped her slightly misaligned shoulder back into place before lying down on the large bed. "When they come over here and let you knock the crap out of them in a fight scene, then I’ll be concerned about what they think." She rubbed her sore shoulder. "I think I’m gonna bruise by the way."

"Well, they seem to love it. One or two deluded fools seem to think Rob is going to put Xena and Ares together at the end of this thing." Xena typed a little more. "Put ice on it."

"Ares’ would have liked that." The bard stretched out on the bed and cracked open her book. "But he was always slightly deluded too. So are you lurking or causing trouble?"

A truly evil chuckle could be heard through the room even over the clicking of the keyboard.

"Causing trouble. Xena, what are you posting now?"

"That Rob should be ashamed of himself for blatantly thumbing his nose at the people who don’t want to see Xena and Gabrielle as a couple in the last season."

"You have too much time on your hands. Does Rob know you go over there?"

"Oh it’s so easy to get them riled up." Another evil chuckle. "Jesus, these are some truly pissy people. I’m sure he does. Like I said, I’ll stop when he does."

"Xena, has anyone ever told you to get a life?"


"Tell you what. If I have to, I’ll buy you a life, a clue, whatever it takes. Please stop picking on the fans."

Xena leaned closer to the screen typing furiously. "Because she was asleep for a year, you moron!"



"Come to bed before something in your forehead bursts and I have to clean up the mess."

"Why can’t they figure it out for themselves?"

"Because the average age is between thirteen and twenty two when you can’t see the forest for the trees. But what REALLY scares me is the fact that you’re playing over there. You’re three thousand years old for God’s sake. You should know better."

"They’re just so much fun to torment."

"I should expect this from the woman who would take Joxer on seasonal snipe hunts." She murmured, then blonde brows came together. "By the way what did you mean when you said we’re busted?"

"Weeeell, you know when we did the stand in work for Return, so they could rig the lighting and mark the cues and they decided to use that footage?"

"Yeeees…" Oh the bard didn’t like the sound of this at all, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and joined her partner at the computer screen.

"Apparently my nose is a bit more pointed than Lucy’s." The warrior grinned pointing at the screen.

"Damn! What do these people do put this stuff under a microscope?"

"Pretty much."

Gabrielle grabbed her partner’s face in her hand and examined it from every angle. "Yeah, it is a little more pointy. But it’s fitting for the rat you are."

Xena pulled free and hit the refresh button. "You have no sense of humor."

" Tell you what, we’ve got to be on the set at six am so I’m going to bed. I may be immortal but I still need my beauty sleep." She turned around and shook her finger in Xena’s face. "Don’t say a word!"

"Okay, I’ll just sit here quietly and play on the computer."

"Or you could come to bed, be not so quiet and play with your wife."

"Thought you needed your beauty sleep."

"Didn’t say how many hours were required to qualify." She offered with a wink.

"You’re offering me your body so I’ll get off the net aren’t you?"

"No, I’m offering you my body because I’m horny." She began unbuttoning her blouse very slowly, turning it into almost a striptease. "I’m offering you my body," She allowed her hand to travel under her shirt and unfastened the top button of her jeans, "because I want you to come over here and make love to me."

"Well, now, how can I possibly turn down an offer like that?" The warrior powered down the computer and popped up from the desk. She charged across the room, scooping the bard into her arms and flinging them both into the center of the bed.


Xena sipped on her coffee, watching Gabrielle and Renee block a fight scene. "Higher! Renee you need to get your leg higher or you’re gonna loose your balance when you do this at full speed and you’re gonna bust your ass." She called, gesturing with thumbs up when they both looked her direction.

"What do you mean higher?" Renee called back. "If I try to get my leg any higher…"

"Ren…don’t!" Gabrielle cut her off. "She is sooooo in a mood today if you give her any fodder at all we’ll never get anything done."

"Oh boy." The actor glanced over to the warrior, who was strolling in their direction. She covered her eyes. "I think it’s too late. I’m sorry."

Xena stopped in front of the cute blonde she wasn’t married too and grinned. "You were saying?"

"Umm nothing." Renee looked up with a big cheesy grin. "I didn’t say nothing." She pulled in a quick breath making a slight sucking noise through her teeth. "It was her." She jerked her thumb at Gabrielle.

"Oh thanks a lot pal!" The bard’s eyes went wide when she realized her friend had just laid the blame squarely on her shoulders. "I love you too."

"Been my fantasy more than once." Xena mumbled, letting that image form in her mind then she shook it down her spine. They’d kill me. "You say something, Shorty?" The warrior called to the bard.

"Don’t call me that!" Gabrielle yelled. "Don’t make me come over there and kick your butt." She teased, squaring her shoulders definitely.

"You egg her on!" Renee turned her attention to her teacher. "Now stop it."

Xena moved in behind Renee and grabbed her by the shoulders forcing her to grimace just a bit. "Owww…" She groaned, as the playful grip slowly became a massage.

"Yeah, stop it!" Xena teased, while letting the tips of her fingers dig into her friend’s shoulders.

"Umm Xena…" Gabrielle gestured to Renee. "You’d better stop or she’s not going to be able to work at all today."

She looked at her friend who was standing there with a look of total bliss in her face. The kind of look you get after REALLY good SEX. "Renee?"


"Should I stop?"

"Not… just… yet…" She answered in a voice that was somewhat between here and there. "Hmmm that’s niiiiiice. God Gabrielle, now I know why you can’t keep your hands off her." She let her head drop back so she was looking upside own at Xena. "You gotta teach this to Steve."

Xena laughed. "No way. This is a patented Xena skill number five. I don’t share theses special pressure point skills with anyone."

"You know if you’d teach a few people how to do this, they could go out and recruit people to serve you as a Goddess with a magic touch. It could be a whole new religion, worshipping at the altar of Xena."

"All right thaaaaaaaat’s enough!" Gabrielle marched over and removed Xena’s hands from Renee’s shoulders. "This is my altar." She laughed at the look on her friend’s face. "Go get your own." She teased.

"I wanna be you when I grow up." The actor told the bard as she ducked out from under Xena’s hands.

"You keep your hands and your pressure points to yourself, Stretch." Gabrielle put a playful finger at the tip of her spouse’s nose.

"Sure. You say that now." A dark brow arched in challenge, right before she bought her lips up to kiss the finger in question.


Lucy stood next to Renee, watching while the set was prepared for the next scene. She gave her friend an amused look and a poke in the ribs. "I recognize that look. Xena massaged your shoulders didn’t she?"

"Oh yeah…" The blonde nodded. "It was…"

"You don’t need to tell me."

"Don’t let Gabrielle know that you know these things." Renee smirked a bit, watching as her real life counterpart bopped her very own warrior in the back of the head while they finished the stunt scene they had been doing.

"She knows. Xena gave me some great massages when I was getting over the broken pelvis."

Renee just shook her head as they walked slowly toward the ancient pair that had become such good friends to them both. "I never would have survived that."

"Best therapy I could have gotten. I think that’s why I was back on my feet so quickly." She grinned as she leaned over and whispered. "Next time ask her for number four."

"Four’s better than five?"

"By a long shot." Lucy nodded. "But make good and sure you’re sitting down first." She held up her index finger. "I made that mistake once, but only once."

TBC…? You never know with me <G>


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