Disclaimer:  The story you are about to read is true. It's true that it's a story. But not any kind of story. It's one more pathetic attempt to cash in on my desperate need to make fun of fan fiction, in particular, uber fan fiction.  


Love/Sex:  These two women like each other. A lot. But nobody gets none, so you don't have to cover your eyes when you read this.


Dedication: To MaryD, because "You're MARYD!" and you sure know what Vegemite is all about.

Special Dedication: To My Carrie...Thanks for last night and every night for the rest of our lives.

Fast Fling

By Carrie's AJ



The burgers sizzled on the grill, and the sound of the milkshake machine filled the young woman's ears.  "Pepper" Beasley worked the evening shift at Burpy's Burgers and Fries, a fast food establishment on the edge of the drink water town that lay more than thirty miles from the nearest large city.

She strained her hearing in order to be aware of any footsteps that might mean that a customer was approaching the counter.  In the meantime, she busied herself with the prep work that would allow her to quickly fill new orders.


Pepper turned around to see a tall, slender woman standing at the counter, waiting.  She approached the counter, openly staring at the woman who she could only describe as drop dead gorgeous.  The woman seemed to be taking an interest in her, too. 

Taking a quick peek at the other woman's nametag, the customer said, "Pepper."

"There's some on the table with the rest of the condiments. Wouldn't you like to order something to put it on?"

The taller woman shook her head and gestured toward the counter help's uniform. "Your name tag."

"Oh! I swear! My mother used to say that I can get so preoccupied with things that I'd forget my own name." She let out a self-conscious laugh and then tried to put on her best counter person smile.

"I think your mother must be right."  The taller woman smiled in order to make it clear that she didn't mean anything by the comment.

"Hunh.  Can I get you anything?" Like a room for two at the motel next door and a nice warm body pillow, namely me?

"I'd like a cheeseburger, large fries, banana milk shake.  And if it's not too much, I was thinking about getting a room at one of the motels here in town rather than drive on to Houston for the night. What would you recommend?"

"Well the cheeseburger, fries and shake come to $4.50.  The motel advice costs a lot more, but I'm sure we could work out something."  Did I just say what I thought I said? 

"Did you just say what I think you just said?" The woman looked startled, but there was something about the younger woman that appealed to her.

"What makes you think I'm younger than you?" Pepper asked.

"Because we've got the same writer as the other spoofs, and you're shorter than me."

"Well, I hope that you're not wearing lifts in your shoes, and that eye color of yours better be for real."

The older woman laughed, tossing her raven tresses behind her ears as she said, "I'll let you get real close and you can tell me if it is or not. My name is Alexandra Jude. You can call me AJ." The woman held out her hand, which Pepper quickly accepted.

Both women entirely forgot about the food order and stood staring in each other's eyes.  They could feel the warmth flowing between them. It seemed to rise from the pit of their stomachs and spread throughout their bodies. 

Suddenly, Pepper realized that she'd been leaning on the spigot of the coffee urn that sat on the counter for the customers' convenience. They were both coated in a large puddle of hot brown liquid that permeated their clothes and gave them both third degree burns.

"Damn!" AJ cursed.  Same stupid thing happened at that McDonald's last week when I tried to pick up--nevermind."

Pepper was rapidly dialing 911 and was frantically prancing around screaming, "Hot! Hot! Hot!"  She glared at the other woman and said, "You'd better be ready to make this up to me when we get out of the hospital!"

"Shut up and get the ice!" the dark-haired woman hollered as she tried to pick at her saturated clothes in order to pull them away from her skin.

"Listen, you nit! Just because I'm a young green-eyed blonde who is ripe for the picking by an older, dark-haired woman with chiseled features, blue eyes, and a tortured past doesn't mean you can treat me like shit!  Climb over the counter and get your own damn ice!"

The two women ran outside as soon as they heard the sound of the emergency services vehicle's siren.  It was a good thing, too. The hamburgers had been left on the stove, and a grease fire erupted, sending Burpy's Burgers to fast food heaven.

They turned around in amazement to see the building bursting into flames again and again.  The way the flames would surge and recede, then surge and recede made the both of them quite horny.

"As soon as the bandages come off?" Pepper asked.

"You got it!" the older woman hungrily agreed.

"Soulmates?" Pepper asked.

"Sure, whatever." The older woman jumped into the back of the ambulance that had arrived moments after the EMS truck and shrieked, "Get me to the damn hospital! And hurry!"

"Yeah, what she said!" The petite blonde joined the other woman in the truck.

As the ambulance sped away, the younger woman looked at the older one and thought, I don't know what all the fuss is about with women who look like this in the other stories. She may be gorgeous, but I can tell that this one is going to be a great big pain in the ass!

The end.


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