Impulse: Book One

AFTER ALL IS SAID

“Impulse: A sudden inclination or urge”

The American Heritage dictionary

By Mezzo
mezzosmelodramas@msn.com

**DISCLAIMERS (see Installment One )**

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Installment Four

A few hours later the girls’ apartment was wall to wall with people.Tori needed to get some air so she went outside.Spotting the car they had rented, she sat on the hood gazing at the stars. <o:p></o:p>

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Whenever Tori needed to think or was upset, she would always look to the sky and locate her favorite star. <o:p></o:p>

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“Mom… you said that if I needed to talk to you, all I would have to do is close my eyes and you would wrap your arms around me...Well I think I need you now mom.I have always wanted to have what you and Daddy had. However, things just haven’t worked out that way.I thought I found it. But I never found the right time to express how I was feeling to that person.You see mom… It’s Brett. I love Brett. I always have and I’m afraid I always will.I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love her.”Tori took a moment to compose herself not wanting to cry in case someone should happen by.“A long time ago, I made the decision to push her away. I didn’t want to risk hurting her by showing her that I was in love with her.She was so young and innocent at the time and I didn’t think she could understand.Today I found out, she’s involved with a woman. I keep asking myself, ‘What was it all for?’I feel so lost right now, Mom. What am I going do? How am I gonna live the rest of my life without…” <o:p></o:p>

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Just then, she heard someone approaching her.When she turned around, she saw Brett making her way towards her. <o:p></o:p>

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“Hey I thought I saw you come out here. Is everything alright?” <o:p></o:p>

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Tori nodded, “Uh, yeah. Just needed some air.”<o:p></o:p>

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Tori could smell Brett’s perfume from where she was sitting and it was taking all her will power not to throw herself head long at Brett’s feet. <o:p></o:p>

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Brett had seen Tori leave the party and hoped that she could finally have some time alone with her.She missed Tori so much and wanted to talk to her.She knew that Jenna would have a fit if she found out she was out here with her.But she didn’t care. She hadn’t seen Tori in so long and wanted to find out how she was.Maybe get some answers as to why they had not kept in touch. Though she never would, she desperately wanted to tell Tori how she truly felt about her.It’s not that she didn’t care for Jenna.Jenna had come into her life at a time when she desperately wanted to feel needed.Brett had never fully recovered from the loss of Tori.Although her relationship was far from perfect, she had tried her best to make it work.<o:p></o:p>

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Brett had tried to date boys as her mother said when she got to a certain age. Though it was a pleasant experience, it just wasn’t what Brett wanted.Every time she kissed a boyTori’s face would appear in her head.She would remember the tenderness and the safety that she felt with Victoria and no one could ever replace that bond that she felt with her childhood friend.<o:p></o:p>

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When Brett found out that Toriwas going to Cambridge to study, she had decided it was high time to figure out a few things about herself.<o:p></o:p>

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Her friends Alexi and Adrian had announced that they were involved with each other when they were in high school.Much to their parent’s horror, they silently hoped that it was just a phase and would eventually die out. However, what they felt for each other was undeniable. They had been close, like Brett and Tori, since they were children and one day nature just took its course.<o:p></o:p>

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Brett had always known Alexi and Adrian growing up.They were all the same age.But they hadn’t really become close until high school. They found out that Brett was curious about their lifestyle and helped to explain things to Brett when she showed an interest. When the time came, they all agreed that they would attend college together finding a school that taught everything that each had wanted to major in.<o:p></o:p>

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Brett had gone to clubs withAlexi and Adrian but never really got serious with anyone.Then one night last year at the beginning of their junior year, Jenna approached her at the bar that they were at.Although Jenna was not Tori, she had her own charm and appeal.Always seeming so sure of herself was what attracted Brett to her the most.Jenna had short hair similar in color to Brett’s and blue eyes not quite as vibrant as Victoria’s. Over time, they built a friendly companionship.Brett’s need to be needed and Jenna’s need for control seemed to be just what it took to bring them together.Brett’s big mistake was thinking Jenna could provide the security she needed because of her outward confidence.It wasn’t her fault that it turned out to be a facade.<o:p></o:p>

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It was just recently that Brett and Jenna agreed to move in together.Brett had started to see a change in Jenna the moment she moved in. Jenna’s possessive streak was starting to bcome more prominent. Every time Jenna saw Brett talking with someone, she always seemed to get jealous.<o:p></o:p>

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No matter how much Brett tried to reassure her that Jenna was the only one, it never seemed to appease the insecure woman. <o:p></o:p>

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Jenna Carlisle had a rough childhood and had never received the kind of love from her parents that she needed.She was passed on from family member to the next, while her parents traipsed all over the world. Over time, Jenna became very bitter and very rebellious, hanging out with a bad crowd.Fortunately for Jenna, she was very intelligent but not so good for the people around her. Contrary to what people would think, her grades were excellent. She was accepted to all of the big schools. <o:p></o:p>

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At age fifteen, she learned that the best way to get what you want from people was to find the person’s weakness and exploit it. Her parent’s weakness was their name and the luxuries that it afforded them.Therefore, she set out to humiliate them in public. <o:p></o:p>

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More than once, her parents received a call to school for a conference.<o:p></o:p>

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Every time her parents went away she had outrageous parties, where no expense was spared and made sure illegal substances were everywhere to be found.She would even make the telephone call to the police herself. <o:p></o:p>

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Countless incidents escalated one after the other.Until her eighteenth birthday, she received a large check for her college tuition and a note.The note stated that every semester, she would receive from her parents: college tuition, room and board, and an allowance.In exchange she was never to step out of line, do anything to embarrass them, or step foot onto their property.If any of these occurred, they would immediately cut her off without a second thought.<o:p></o:p>

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She was well on her way to destruction when she met Brett. Brett being a compassionate soul tried to see past all of that.She took on the roll of pampering and nurturing Jenna, taking the time to try and understand her. She knew what it was like to be left out in the cold.Brett would not do that to Jenna.She would be the one that made a difference in Jenna’s life.She would be someone that Jenna could count on.<o:p></o:p>

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Brett finally woke from her reverie and looked up to see Tori looking at her.<o:p></o:p>

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“I haven’t had a chance to wish you Happy Birthday, Brett.”Tori brushed her hand across Brett’s check.With that simple gesture, Brett threw herself into Tori’s arms breathing in the warmth that Victoria always seemed to exude.<o:p></o:p>

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Brett barely heard the next words Tori spoke. “ You …are… aren’t you?” Feeling Tori’s breath against her ear, it took a second to understand what Toriwas asking her.Finally, it registered.Brett looked up and with a look of resignation and a deep level of regret she answered, “Yes. Tori… Yes, I am happy.”Though she wanted to, Brett could not stay there any longer without revealing everything that lay in her heart.She could not turn her back on Jenna. Not when she tried so hard to bring Jenna to this point.However, it didn’t stop the fact that it would always be Victoria that owned her heart and soul.<o:p></o:p>

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Knowing what she felt for Tori was best left in the past,she gathered her strength to allow Tori to walk out of her life again. <o:p></o:p>

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Besides, Toridoesn’t feel the way I feel for her. Brett thought to herself.She still sees you as that little girl.Not the woman you wish she would desire.Brett quickly chastised herself. Stop this Brett, you’re with Jenna now.Stop thinking about something you will never have.Dreaming about something Tori will never feel for you.<o:p></o:p>

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She reached up and brushed away the locks of hair that fell upon Tori’s face. Looking into the deep blue eyes that she would always love, she stretched up and gently kissed Tori on the cheek. Softly she whispered, “Take care of yourself, Tori.”With one last bone-crushing hug and a soft brush against Tori’s lips, she said in a whisper, “Goodbye, my love.”Brett turned around in a blurred motion and ran back to the apartment never looking back.<o:p></o:p>

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More than one tear fell that night and the sound of two hearts breaking filled the air. Tori walked alone for a very long time playing repeatedly in her head the look that she saw in Brett’s eyes. Is it possible that Brett feels the same way that I do?Tori asked. But now you’ll never know will you?You waited too long and now she has found someone else.Brett’s too good a person to leave someone once she’s made a commitment to.Tori ran down the darkened street and didn’t stop until she was breathless and her legs begged for mercy.She couldn’t get far enough from the pain and anger that was building inside of her.Angry at her stupidity and pain from the loss of love that she would never have.<o:p></o:p>

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By the time the sun revealed itself across the sky, coldness began to set over the frost-covered earth and a broken heart. A new Victoria Hull was born that day, a Victoria whose heart had no place for love.Victoria came to the conclusion that night that love did not exist. It made you weak and left you cold. With a determination born of anger and sadness, Tori made a promise that night to never feel that kind of pain again and if she couldn’t have the woman she loved, she would have the world instead.It was time she set the world on fire and every one had better watch out. Victoria Hull was coming.<o:p></o:p>

TO BE CONTINUED. Installment Five