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"Xena, I Want a Divorce ..."
by Pallas
Pallas3@yahoo.com
FADE IN:
INT. COUNSELORS OFFICE DAY
The room is large and expensive. Marble desk, large window with view of Mt. Olympus in the background. Two chairs sit before the desk. A woman of about fifty is sitting behind the desk making some notes. PAN SHOT of desk as the intercom buzzes and the woman leans over.
SECRETARY (VO)
Ms. Sappho, your two-thirty appointment is here.
SAPPHO
Fine. Send them in.
Large stone door swings open, and XENA and GABRIELLE walk into the room. They accidently brush shoulders coming in, and Gabrielle gives Xena a glare. Xenas hand clenches as she takes a seat.
SAPPHO
Okay. Nice to see you both here. Thats a good step in working together to finalize the details of your break-up.
GABRIELLE
Yeah, first good step shes taken in months.
SAPPHO
Now, Gabrielle. Were not here to argue. Were going to try and divide up your things in an equitable manner. There is no blame at this point.
XENA
All the blame lies with her! I did everything I could to make this work. I gave up killing people. Quit drinking. Settled down. Gods, I even took a normal job! All to make her happy.
GABRIELLE
Here we go again! The self sacrificing ex-warlord act. Damn, Im sick of that!
XENA
And Im sick of you! Constantly talking about whats wrong.
(mimicking Gabrielle)
Xena, we need to talk about whats happening. Theres something wrong. Talk to me. Talk to me. Makes me want to
GABRIELLE
Is that so? At least I tried. You just sat there sharpening your sword, looking at me with that strange look in your eye. I was frightened!
XENA
You shoulda been.
GABRIELLE
(to Sappho)
See what I had to put up with?
SAPPHO
Please! Both of you, settle down. We are way past laying the blame at eithers doorstep. We have some issues that we need to handle.
(looks at both)
Do we still want to handle them, or should we conclude our business?
(more)
Both women look guiltily around the room and nod slowly.
SAPPHO CONTD
Okay. Then lets get down to business.
(to Xena)
Xena, where is your attorney? He should be here.
XENA
Well ... um ... hes ... um ... I had to ... well ...
GABRIELLE
I think what shes trying to say is she killed her attorney. Isnt that right, dear?
XENA
Well, he wouldnt listen to me.
(sarcastic to Gabrielle)
And wheres your attorney?
GABRIELLE
Yeah. I really like paying some worthless slime ball 200 dinars a hour to screw up everything. You and I can do that for free.
(beat)
Besides, Id rather give the money to the pool boy. He does such a good job keeping the pool hot and steamy ... He knows just how I like it.
XENA
Big surprise there! I think half the delivery boys in the neighborhood know that.
(beat)
Half a wonder why you havent started on the maid, too.
GABRIELLE
Hate to tell you, dear, but shes a lot more ... um ... skilled than you.
And here I thought you had so many skills! Ha!
SAPPHO
Can we please focus! Youre both waiving your right to counsel, so well work this out like adults ... do I have to repeat that?
(more)
Both women glare at the counselor and slowly shake their heads
SAPPHO CONTD
Good. Now, first item... Xena, Gabrielle is requesting spousal support.
XENA
You bitch! How ... why ... where do you get off requesting support?
If anything, you should be paying me!
GABRIELLE
Thats classic! Ive given you everything over the past few years. Taken care of your every whim. Anticipated your every desire. Put my life ... my dreams on hold ... so you could pursue yours.
(more)
Xena mocks Gabrielle by pretending to play a violin, and rolls her eyes.
GABRIELLE CONTD
You just keep doing that, and Ill see you in court!
(beat)
Besides, I know about the secret accounts, Xena. Remember that! I hear judges arent too happy with finding out about non-disclosed assets.
XENA
Dont threaten me! You have no idea what I can do to you!
GABRIELLE
Obviously the courts do. Otherwise they wouldnt have granted me a restraining order against you.
XENA
Like that would stop me.
SAPPHO
Why dont we return to support later. I see under assets that you two jointly own a home on the Palatine hill in Rome. Nice neighborhood. So, what are we going to do with it?
XENA GABRIELLE
Sell it. Keep it.
SAPPHO
Mark that down as a disagreement.
(beat)
Okay. Weve got a horse. I assume its paid for?
XENA
She. Argo is a she. And yes, shes paid for, and shes mine!
GABRIELLE
Ha! Argo loves me a lot more than you. She belongs with me.
XENA
Argo has always hated you. She just got good at hiding it. Knew I should have listened to her. Shes very smart.
GABRIELLE
Always thought you two were a bit too close.
(beat)
Fine. You keep Argo, but I get your weapons and armor.
XENA
In your dreams. Those are pre-joining, and theyre mine.
GABRIELLE
Obviously you forgot we live in a community property state. Theyre half mine.
XENA
Obviously you forgot about the pre-nup you signed.
(pulls out a piece of paper)
Yup. Says right here that should we ever split up that I get to keep everything I owned prior to joining. Think that includes Argo, my weapons and armor.
(shows signature to Gabrielle)
That is your signature, my love, isnt it?
GABRIELLE
You got me to sign that after a whole bunch of wine. I believe that is called duress, isnt it Ms. Sappho?
SAPPHO
Oh, you want my opinion on something?
(beat)
If you signed a document, Gabrielle, and didnt challenge it within the time limits of the law, then you have no recourse now.
Xena beams and folds the document away.
GABRIELLE
Fine. Keep your sweaty old weapons. Its not like your in any shape to use them anymore.
XENA
Whats that supposed to mean?
GABRIELLE
Only I sure wish theyd hurry up and invent plastic surgery, love. You could use a tummy tuck.
XENA
Well it was your brilliant idea that I become an investment banker. I was a warrior. My body was honed to perfection. Now I sit behind a stupid desk pushing parchment and stocks all day.
GABRIELLE
It paid the bills, didnt it?
XENA
The way you shop ... just barely.
SAPPHO
Can we move on?
(beat)
Gabrielle ... Xena says that she contributed significantly to the success of your writing career ... as well as your success as ... do I have this right?
(beat; looks down at the paper twice)
as an Amazon Queen?
GABRIELLE
Shed like to think so! Half the time I had to convince the Amazons to even accept her. Its only because of me that they allow her into their territory.
(beat)
And my writing? Dont make me laugh. Xena is about as literary as that desk. Only thing she helped with was falling asleep so many nights, leaving me totally frustrated and in the mood to write.
XENA
Too bad what you wrote wont get by the censor. Anyone tell you that youve got a filthy mind?
GABRIELLE
You did, love, but I think you enjoyed it.
XENA
(looks at her fingernails)
Always knew I should have gone into acting.
GABRIELLE
(glares at Xena; to Sappho)
What does she want ... for this fictitious help in my career?
XENA
Whatcha willing to offer me, my angel?
GABRIELLE
Would a quill up your ass be enough?
SAPPHO
Gabrielle ... there is no call for that type of language here.
GABRIELLE
Ill use any language I want. She has no right to any part of my writing ... and, gods hold me back absolutely no right to my title as Amazon Queen.
XENA
I could just challenge you for the queenhood.
GABRIELLE
Youd be just low enough to do that.
(beat)
But did I forget to tell you Ive got a new Amazon champion?
(looks around thinking)
Yes ... I think I did. She is proving very adequate in accommodating her queens wishes.
XENA
When did you turn into such a slut?
GABRIELLE
When you turned into such a corpse. I mean, I ve seen sides of meat that have more life than you.
XENA
Maybe you drove all the life from me.
GABRIELLE
(sadly)
There was a time when you called me your life.
XENA
(mean)
We all make mistakes.
GABRIELLE
(teary eyed)
What happened to us, Xena?
(more)
Xena shrugs and looks away.
GABRIELLE CONTD
I dont know if I want this.
(starts crying. wipes at her eyes. stands up)
Excuse me. Ive got to go.
Xena watches Gabrielle leave the room. She turns back to Sappho, who is staring at the warrior.
SAPPHO
How do you feel, Xena?
XENA
Like shit. But whatm I gonna do?
SAPPHO
Why dont you go talk to her. I honestly dont think youre ready to see me.
XENA
Meaning what?
SAPPHO
Meaning, youve both got some unresolved issues that make it a waste of my time to sit here and listen to you two try and hurt each other.
XENA
Wasnt always like that.
SAPPHO
Never is, dear. But youve got the power to change it.
Xena looks at the door again. She takes a deep breath and stands and starts out the door.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
EXT. OUTSIDE THE OFFICE DAY
Xena exits the building. Gabrielle is sitting under a tree on a grassy area. Xena looks at her, raises an eyebrow, takes a deep breath and walks slowly over. She squats down and puts a hand on Gabrielles shoulder.
GABRIELLE
(shrugging off the touch)
Dont touch me. I want to be alone.
XENA
Fine. Be alone. I dont care.
(beat)
Just wanted to see if you were okay. Guess so.
GABRIELLE
Why?
XENA
Whyd I come over. Got me.
GABRIELLE
No. Why has this all happened? What did we do ... or didnt do that got us to this point?
(beat)
I mean, I thought Id love you forever. You were everything to me.
XENA
Guess we should have left things the way they were. Never got involved with each other. Knew it was a mistake from the start.
GABRIELLE
Whats that supposed to mean?
(beat)
If I remember correctly you used to make love to me with just your eyes long before we ... well you know.
XENA
Should have left it that way, Gabrielle. You were my best friend. The one person I thought I could always count on for anything. I knew that once I touched you that would all change.
(more)
Gabrielle pats the ground next to her and Xena looks away briefly before dropping to the ground. Xena roughly pulls at hunks of grass.
XENA CONTD
(almost whispered)
I never wanted to hurt you.
(beat)
Now I cant stop myself. Youve torn me ... beyond repair I think.
GABRIELLE
(looks away, voice weak)
Quite a pair we turned out to be, huh?
XENA
Why does the thought of losing you still make me tremble?
(beat)
Im scared, Gabrielle. Nothing makes sense anymore.
GABRIELLE
I know. Its like my life ... it has no meaning now. Im ... so confused. In so much pain.
(beat; angrier)
And its all over you! Gods, I swore Id never let you back into my heart ... not after the last time. Whym I so weak when it comes to you?
XENA
I said I was sorry. I didnt mean to push you. It just happened.
GABRIELLE
You mean like your warlord days just happened?
(beat)
Face it, Xena. Youre a violent person ... and Im not.
XENA
No. You dont use your fists to hurt. But youre just as violent with your words. Youve cut me to the bone so many times I thought my soul would never stop bleeding.
GABRIELLE
And that cold shoulder routine of yours doesnt do the same to me?
(beat)
Do you know how many nights I spent crying ... because I couldnt get close to you anymore?
XENA
As many as me? Somehow I dont think so.
(beat)
And I dont think it took you too long to find a warm shoulder.
Gabrielle stands and looks down at Xena. Xena looks up and narrows her eyes.
GABRIELLE
You want me to say Im sorry again? Well I wont! Im tired, Xena. So tired of apologizing for that ... for me ... for everything.
XENA
(lays back on the grass, looks at the sky)
Remember doing this? Just looking up at the sky, so at peace with ourselves that we didnt need to do anything to feel perfect.
(looks at Gabrielle)
When did we stop doing this? Why did we?
GABRIELLE
(stares down at Xena, her face conflicted)
Xena ...
(beat; harder)
This is getting us no where. Weve got to move on with our lives. Theres nothing left here but ashes.
(beat)
Im late for an appointment with my editor. Call me when youre ready to deal with this.
XENA
(touches the ground)
Sit. Please. Dont go yet.
(more)
Gabrielle reluctantly sits, but a safe distance away. She tries to look bored, but her eyes betray her.
XENA CONTD
I cant watch you walk away again.
GABRIELLE
(voice breaking)
And whys that?
XENA
(looks directly at her)
Because ... I ... um ... still ...
(beat)
I just cant. Leave it at that.
GABRIELLE
(reaches out, takes Xenas hand)
But I cant stay. Not like this. Being nothing more than strangers sharing an empty shell of a life.
(beat; drops her hand)
And I think that we need to go different ways. Youre not happy. I know that. I cant make you happy anymore than you cant make me happy.
XENA
(touches her hand. hardens her eyes. stands up)
So, this is what you really want? Want to go through the whole thing, huh?
GABRIELLE
Id like to go back to the beginning and make different decisions.
XENA
Yeah. I should have left you in some stupid village right after you followed me.
(clenches hand)
I knew it. I should have done it. I ...
GABRIELLE
You couldnt have, and you know it. For some stupid reason we both needed each other.
XENA
Something like that.
(beat)
Is that still the case ... or is it all over?
GABRIELLE
(looks away)
I dont know.
XENA
Dont you think we should find out before we wage all out war on each other?
GABRIELLE
You could just give it all to me. Make it simple.
(beat)
I think Ive earned it.
XENA
Youd like that, wouldnt you? Well get over it. If we go down that path then its a battle to the death, Gabrielle. Dont forget that.
GABRIELLE
So you never really lost the warlord in you after all, huh?
XENA
Only you can make me feel things to such extremes.
GABRIELLE
So, you recruiting a mercanary army again? Maybe you should sack Poteideia first. Would just complete the perfect picture my parents have of you.
XENA
Shut up! Its your damn parents that have caused a lot of this. Bunch of closed minded bigots. Youre their daughter, but theyd rather have seen you miserably married than happy.
GABRIELLE
Seems they got their wish.
Xena clenches her fist and starts to move toward Gabrielle, but stops herself and straightens up again. Her face is flushed with anger.
XENA
Make a decision, Gabrielle. The next step is divorce court. Let some lame-brain in a black robe decide what to do with our lives. Well both lose.
(beat)
Well come out broken and alone. You really want that?
GABRIELLE
And what are my other options?
(beat)
We cant live together anymore, Xena. Thats a fact of life now. When I look at you, that face that I once loved more than sunshine, its become nothing but a mirror to my tortured soul. Youre eyes that I thought I could get lost in forever ... now they only reflect back hatred and loathing.
XENA
So, you hate me now?
GABRIELLE
No. Dont think I ever could. I hate myself. Have for a long time.
Xena sinks to her knees next to Gabrielle. Her hand rests on Gabrielles shoulder.
XENA
Gabrielle ... Im sorry. For everything.
GABRIELLE
(pats Xenas hand)
I know that. And Ill take all the blame for this. Its my fault anyway.
(beat)
Youre right. I made you do things that you didnt want. You never wanted to live in Rome, even though it meant I was closer to my writing. You didnt want to take that stupid job. And you were so good about hanging out with all my idiotic literary friends. You didnt even mind when they tried to make you feel stupid. You did everything for me. I know that.
XENA
Then you know I did it because I wanted to. Not because I had to. I wanted you to be happy, Gabrielle. Thats all Ive ever wanted.
GABRIELLE
And I never did anything that made you happy. I let you give up everything that you loved ... for me. I never thought twice about it. Gods, Ive been so selfish and stupid.
(beat)
And now Ive damaged things beyond repair.
XENA
Its not like that, Gabrielle. Weve only just untied the knot. It was never broken.
GABRIELLE
How easy you make it sound. Just look into those eyes that have always held my heart, and fall into your arms again, right?
XENA
It could be that simple. If you let it.
GABRIELLE
And then what? We go back to our lives. Sorry, Xena. I cant live that way anymore. And I dont think you could either.
XENA
We could travel again. We always liked that.
GABRIELLE
As do-gooders again? Dont think so. Grown past all that, dear. Lost my illusions of a perfect world awhile ago.
XENA
(takes Gabrielles hand)
Just travelers. Weve got plenty of money. We could go anywhere. Do anything. Be anyone we want.
GABRIELLE
Can we be everything to each other again?
XENA
You never stopped being everything to me, Gabrielle. Cant you feel how Im shaking right now. Im terrified of losing you.
(beat)
But youre right. We cant go on like we are now. I may still love you more than my own life ... but Im hurt. So deeply that I cant feel anything but the pain.
GABRIELLE
(crying)
Im sorry. So sorry. I knew I was hurting you. Was the only reason I did all those things. Didnt think that you cared for me anymore, and I wanted to see you hurting ... wounded by my betrayal of our love. I never felt anything with them. Doesnt make it right, I know that, but ...
XENA
(puts finger to Gabrielles lips)
Ssshhh! Doesnt matter anymore. Didnt matter then. I knew what you were doing. Id quit feeling anything, so I just let you continue. Easier that way. At least I got to see you. I knew if I confronted you youd leave.
GABRIELLE
Whatre we going to do? I never thought that wed ever get to this point. Everyone said we had it. That once in a lifetime love. Never to be broken. Perfect.
XENA
Perfection is hard to live up to.
(beat)
All we can do is try and go on from here. Build something from the ashes. See if we still have that once in a life time love.
(beat)
You willing to try?
GABRIELLE
Put everything behind us? Start from scratch ... no blames ... no regrets?
XENA
No anything except you and me. Fresh, unscarred souls and feelings. We promise never to speak of what has happened before today. Look only to tomorrow.
GABRIELLE
(seizing Xenas hand)
I ... want to ... so much. I need to believe. Im just not sure of anything anymore. Everything is swimming. I dont know what to believe.
CLOSE UP as Xena leans forward and captures Gabrielles mouth. Gabrielle leans into the embrace, her hands closing around Xenas face. Tears run down both their faces. Xenas hand runs down Gabrielles hair. Xena pulls back, doesnt wipe at her tear stained face.
XENA
Can you believe in that?
GABRIELLE
(semi-breathless)
Gods, even after all of this ... that still hasnt changed. With just one kiss you can possess me again completely, cant you?
XENA
(holds her hand out)
So, are we going to give it a try?
Gabrielle places her hand in Xenas. Xena smiles at Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE
We try. Cause Im not ready to lose you yet.
FADE OUT
The End
copyright © Pallas, August 1998.
Pallas3@yahoo.com