Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

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A Losing Battle: for my sweet Bard.

by raven

Feedback: raven@sunbeach.net

 

I see the water before me gently cascading down the coral wall, the effortless beauty of nature. If only you knew that I am at this very moment falling for you; would our love blossom, could it be, our mutual devotion as beautiful as what I witness here before me…

Maybe. My lucid thoughts drift through me, weightless, and I am captivated by your brilliance. You stand before me, an adoring artist's recreation in the center of my mind, I am dazzled by your endearing beauty. Your smile, so soft and slight on your gentle lips, your laugh, so deep, so sweet, the delicate tumult of joy that bubbles from deep within. Your eyes that dance before me, so understanding, so alive. You search my soul with your penetrating gaze, and I feel suddenly exposed, as I stand, my heart before you naked, awaiting your response… Alas, this is only fantasy, I should not panic, for you do not really see the contents of my soul, you do not really see that this love inside is for you, and you alone.

Will life ever be so kind as to allow us to be together. Will we ever truly fit snugly into each other's lives as we do in my dreams. Will your dreams ever run with mine, or would you run away if you knew that I long for you, that mere friendship is not enough. My desire shifts me and I am taken into a realm of ecstasy, your lips on mine, your hands travelling the length of my body, my arms holding you, my voice carrying you into sweet release, surrender. Alas my conscience drags me back into reality, I close my eyes to the truth; you will never feel this love I feel for you, you will never know this sadness I feel without you.

My sweet, my love flows for you as does this river: the rapids; my desires, my passion that shakes me, these pools are my understanding, my heart that breaks inside of me… will I ever be anything more to you, than just a friend. I sigh, for I cannot face the truth, my existence cannot continue without you.

One day you will tire of me, and I will once more drown in this river of my own self-destruction. I cannot give you all of me, though I'd gladly trade my life for yours. I cannot let you see that this warrior is wounded that my weakness is you.

I will battle on, this war waged between my conscience and my desire, in the hope that one-day you will see: beneath this armor, behind these eyes, there is a heart that beats, and a love, that must be freed. I love you Gabrielle.

 

copyright liz raven 1998.


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