Darkbard Fantasies July 22, 1997
"I don't want her heart on a silver platter - - Just a chance to reach in and touch a little piece of it. SJ Wise
For Barb, Leah, Caite, Rosemary and Patricia Be gentle with the pieces I left you - I'll love each of you forever
I feel her warm breath against my back - the sensation soft and comforting. Her nude body is pressed so very close to mine that I can feel her heart beating inside me. My own heart joins the rhythm.
She has one arm casually draped over my side. She is sleeping, but I long to have her holding me and awake. I want to feel her hands touching me with intent.
I take one finger under her chin and pull it upwards and towards me. It catches her by surprise. I lean in and so slowly touch my lips to hers. She does not kiss me in return. My heart falls for only a moment until she smiles up at me and says "thank you"; her eyes penetrating and sincere.
I want to feel her. To take her in my arms and run my hands over skin so smooth and tender that she melts underneath me. I need for her to want me, too.
I have never felt hair so soft in my whole life. Every time I touch it, it feels more so than the last. My fingers glide through it amazed at the texture. I can't get enough.
Her dreams are my dreams. Her desires mine to fulfill. She allows me that. I see her stare at me and silently ask for everything. Some say she is selfish. I say she is determined and I like strong women.
I've heard her cry but once. And once was enough because it broke my heart that I could do nothing to help her. I had no control and my support wasn't good enough. It was her battle, not mine.
I love her honesty. I crave it. Sometimes I get hurt but I have no right to be angry or feel self-pity. The truth is righteous beyond all else. Really, what more could I ask for from my partner than that?
My eyes are always watching her. Occasionally I feel dazed, confused, or lost inside of her. Love does that.
I want more time with her. Or I want her to want more time with me. I get confused which is which but the premise stays the same - to be together.
I stood calmly by a lake the other day and said "I love you". She blushed. I didn't know she would and it made me smile - a lot. I smile every time I remember her reaction.
She was silent. And I absorbed every word.
I want to hear her say my name a thousand times. A voice so sweet and so full of sincerity that I fall for her time and time again.
Even when we fight she makes me laugh. She makes faces or giggles or gestures crazy things with her hands. It is the single most wonderful thing about her.
In only a few short months she realized I can never lie to her. Why? Because I will start to laugh. Lil dimples invade the corners of my mouth hard as I try to keep them away. It is more than I want her to know. Or is it?
I find myself wondering what everyday will bring to me. Or her. Or us. The future is unknown, obviously, but I find I think about it too much. I wonder what she thinks about?
I love waking up next to her. I want her perfume on my sheets, her underwear on my floor, her stuff in my house. My cat likes her, too.
She is an unnerving, impossible, relentless, sweet, caring, innocent, funny, wild, intelligent, intoxicating, sexy woman.
I hope I am the same to her.
Making love to her is the single most romantic gesture ever acted upon: passionate, strong, determined, gentle, persistent, giving. To the point of exhaustion. The kind where afterwards you fall into endless slumber with her arms wrapped so tightly around you breathing is difficult.
Comfort is important. We are comfortable together.
We share the same goals, same morals, same everything. We want more. We want it all.
My mother would hate her.
I felt her tongue slip into mine. A kiss of perfection. Short, to the point, and purposeful. But soft.
I reach out to hold her hand. She takes it. I tell her I am her mountain. She says she never had one before.
The proof is in my strength. I hope she takes that, too. I offer it unconditionally.
Today is yesterday and tomorrow all rolled into one. I accept her past, as she mine. We will face the next day without fear or trepidation. We cannot be hurt as one heart beats with fierce loyalty to the other.
She reaches her arms out to hold me against her. To fall into them is all I ever wanted.
I wrap mine around her and feel myself falling
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