DRAGONJULS' Storybook
Silence of Love ~~
Disclaimers
:..General storyline with the adult theme of consensual relationships between women. If this bothers you, is illegal in the State, Province or Country you live or if you are the under age of 18, find something else to read. There are loads of general stories out there.Storyline
:..My beta readers Alice, Packer, Vi and Mel as always my grateful thanks can’t do it without you all.Acknowlegement
List of Main Characters
| Dilana R Sterling – Writer | Rachael Alderman – Mute |
| S G Ryan – Publisher | Sister Angela – Nun |
| Randolph Sterling – Dilana’s father | Sadie Thompson – Orphan |
| Mrs. Drummond – Housekeeper | Sam Proctor – Orphan |
| Celina Ratford – Patron of the Arts |
Part Three
Three weeks later
SG watched her friend soak up the acclaim genuine and false, which came her way over her new novel ‘In Search Of Poseidon’s Daughter’. It was a wonderful story filled with action, adventure and a gentle romantic feel about it that held the threads together very well. If no one told her who the author was, she wouldn’t have associated it with Dilana. It was not her style. As she read it two or three times more in the office, she saw her friend’s natural flare for storytelling leaping out at her. what a pity Di hadn’t written for several years. However, with the current novel and the one her friend was working on, her talent had reached new heights. Okay, so she had a vested interest both personally and professionally. Even so, the critics were raving over her new book and rightly so.
The first week had been difficult for her friend. She had appeared nervous and unsure what to expect initially, but as the interviews and book signings took off so did she and the old confidant writer sprung into action. She knew that Dilana’s heart wasn’t in the city anymore or at the numerous parties she had been invited to! Now her heart was well and truly held by a mute woman in a small town, who probably didn’t even know she had that power over her friend.
Women, as always, swarmed around the writer. She was like a magnet, admittedly Di flirted, but this time around it was a more gentle flirtation. Nothing that a person in her position wouldn’t do given the numerous opportunities set in front of her.
"SG, please come over here and talk with Dilana." A high female voice shouted from across the room. It was Celina Ratford, a patron of the arts having a penchant for taking scalps in the publishing world, and it looked like Di was the order of the day.
"Now, what has my favorite author done to want you to have me talk with her Celina?" She asked walking over to the circle of women who were buzzing around her friend. Di smiled and winked at her as she settled next to the writer’s shoulder.
"She refuses to take up my offer of a cruise around the Mediterranean after her publicity tour is over. I told her she could finish her new book in beautiful surroundings and pleasant company." The woman was around forty, had married and divorced three rich men in quick succession and now pleased herself who she dallied with. In particular, artistic people seemed to draw her in any shape, size or gender, as long as they were in the media eye.
"Perhaps she has other commitments."
"You’re speaking as if I’m not here. Thank you again for the offer, Celina, I’m afraid, as SG said, I do have other commitments and my book will be written in the place where I started it."
The words were crisp, clear and to the point, which made the rich woman pout in indignation but she wasn’t finished yet. "Okay, it is short notice how about I come and see you work in your environment. You can show me around and we can become much closely acquainted."
A laugh bubbled up in Di as she considered the woman conceited and so very sure of herself. Then again a few years ago she probably would have taken up the offer and thought nothing of it. Now though, she knew that it would be a shallow thing to participate in and her heart apparently ruled her head these days. "I don’t think so."
"What’s so special about this place where you live now? Or maybe it is not the place but a person perhaps? Have you been holding out on us Dilana? I was told you were so very…how shall I put it delicately."
Di was angry now; who did this woman think she was anyway! "Why not say it how it is, you were told I’m easy! That was a few years ago. I’ve grown up since then and I don’t do the rounds anymore."
SG felt the anger in her friend and also the red tinge under the carefully applied makeup on the older woman’s face. Celina might be a joke internally but you never challenged her in public, she had powerful friends.
"How would it be if we all had another glass of champagne and enjoyed the floor show that I’ve arranged for this evening?" Placing a hand on her friend’s arm, she guided her to a safe distance from the aggrieved woman who was throwing daggers with her eyes.
"That wasn’t a smart move, Di." The whispered words increased Di’s annoyance at recent events, this wasn’t right.
"Who the hell does she think she is anyway?"
"A patron of the arts and a powerful one, she has friends in most of the large retail outlets and if she makes certain calls we’ll be lucky to market the book in anywhere but market stalls."
"She can’t do that, SG! I thought those kind of situations went out with the ark?"
SG held up her hands in a gesture of resignation. Di was right people shouldn’t be allowed to do that but they did and she wasn’t a powerful enough publisher to make the waves Celina could make go away without severe damage to Di and her as well.
"Hey, hopefully she’ll have a few more glasses of champagne and move onto her next conquest." They both glanced in the direction of Celina Ratford, who was engrossed in conversation with one of the large retailers in California.
"What happens if she does as you say?"
"I’ll have to eat humble pie for months trying to get your book onto the main shelves but we’ll do it. No one wants to miss out on a best seller."
"It won’t be one though, will it, if no one will sell it?"
"Let me worry about that, Di, that’s what you pay me my commission for, right?"
Dilana smiled slightly as they turned to watch the act SG had booked for the evening, "okay, I’ll leave it with you, for now." Her words followed SG as she held her breath and hoped it wouldn’t be necessary for her friend to be further involved.
* * *
"When’s she coming home?"
Soon, Sam, maybe even Saturday.
"Can we have our BBQ Saturday if she comes home?"
Rachael smiled at the boy who was itching to know where Dilana had gone and why she hadn’t invited them for the monthly BBQ last weekend.
Perhaps next week Sam I can’t say for sure she will be home but in her last letter to me she said it would only be four weeks at the most that she was away from…home.
"You’re a nosey parker, Sam!" Sadie Thompson stated as she watched the signing between the two of them.
"No I’m not!"
"Yes you are!"
"Am not, I’m a nosey Proctor so there!"
Rachael couldn’t help it she laughed at the sparring between the two youngsters. She knew that she shouldn’t have favorites but these two tykes had stolen into her heart. No matter what happened between them, and there was plenty; she never had the heart to chastise them heavily.
What would Ms. Sterling think if she saw you arguing over her?
Sam gave a wide-eyed expression and turned to Sadie who had a very similar expression plastered on her face. "Don’t tell her, will you, Rachael?"
I won't if you stop arguing and go along to dinner I’ll be there in a few minutes.
"Deal. Come on, Sadie."
"I don’t see why I should agree with you, Sam Proctor. I don’t want her to adopt me!" The girl stomped away in the direction of the dining room as a red faced Sam gave Rachael a bemused look and scuttled off after the girl.
Adoption? Dilana? Sam was fantasizing she would have to speak to Dilana about this little problem. The child could get hurt if her friend said the wrong thing. Kids at his age were very vulnerable and though they loved them all, each orphan really wanted parents of their own rather than share out the affection of so few on so many.
Picking up her satchel, she was surprised when Sister Angela walked into the family room and came towards her with a pristine white envelope in her hand.
"Another letter for you, Rachael. Before you know it you’ll have more written words by a famous author than in her books." The nun smiled warmly as Rachael grinned and practically snatched the communication from the nun’s hand.
Swiftly ripping open the envelope she extracted a single sheet, which was unusual, Dilana usually sent at least three pages. She always had something to say. Maybe this was short because she was coming home. Quickly reading the contents her smile and happy countenance faded, as a frown that furrowed her forehead appeared.
"Not bad news I hope, Rachael." The nun hadn’t intended to pry but she knew how much each letter from the writer meant to this child it was like watching the sun come out when they arrived, not so today, it would seem.
Azure eyes usually bright and happy turned to her, their misery clear as a brightly polished mirror. Listless hands handed over the letter for the nun to read. It wasn’t much of a letter either, a few short sentences, the content of which was that the writer had been delayed indefinitely and that she would write back soon.
"Rachael, she’s a very popular author and perhaps it is just another few days, nothing to worry about."
The nun wasn’t convinced that was the case the words had been clear and to the point. It was like being dismissed and sent into the background. Was that what the author had wanted to convey? If she hadn’t then she was in deep trouble because that was how it had been taken.
I don’t think she’s coming back, Sister.
The hand signing held its own power of expression and in every movement and expression that crossed the woman’s face the despair was clearly evident for all to see. You didn’t need to understand the signing to know how hurt the child was.
Quickly Sister Angela crossed the short space between them and pulled her close into a hug that tried its best to protect the child from hurt but failed dismally. "She’ll be back, Rachael, she will. Didn’t she promise you and when has she broken her promise? You have to have faith my child in Dilana and God and all will be well."
The words permeated Rachael’s consciousness. However, it couldn’t prevent the heartbreak she felt. Why would she feel this way? Dilana was her friend and she had the right to stay away as long as she pleased. She owed no one here an explanation, not even her. Yet, at the same time, her mind reminded her as her heart beat rapidly in her chest, of why it was so important that Dilana should come back to her… she loved her!
The tears that had threatened when she had read the letter initially now cascaded down her cheeks as she wept for what was never going to be…her friend whom she loved dearly. What was she going to do now?
* * *
"Don’t argue with me, SG. It isn’t about the damn book!"
"No? What is it about then? For sure as hell I don’t know why you are doing this."
Turning away from her friend, Di went over to the window that overlooked the street below from her apartment. "I’m attracted to her, is that a good enough reason?"
"No, dammit, it isn’t! I know it’s not true and don’t you DARE turn your back on me, Dilana Radolphin Sterling! I know you better, remember?"
A deep sarcastic laugh followed the comment.
"Maybe you thought you knew me. I’ve changed or have you forgotten that? Wasn’t it you who said so?"
"That’s twisting the words to suit the situation. You know I meant that in relation to your new life not this plastic sham of a life you are trying to convince me is yours again, I don’t believe it!"
"Okay, then don’t it doesn’t change anything. I’m going on that cruise with Celina and there’s nothing you can do about it."
"Di, please tell me the real reason. Not the false one you’re trying to feed me with. Don’t I deserve that much, I’m your friend."
SG watched as the writer placed a hand at the back of her neck and massaged the muscles. What happened here? Okay, Celina had called some of her pals and pretty much made their marketing campaign a non-event but she would keep trying and the book was good enough to stand on its own merits and not what some of the big retailers thought the public should buy. Her publishing company was close to financial embarrassment and she’d had to delay her wedding so she could use some of the funds they had earmarked for the big event to keep her head above water. However, that was the name of the game here and how things worked. Not that she’d told anyone her financial position, particularly her friend. She knew Di’s views on responsibility and knowing her, she would view this as hers but it wasn’t. It was a business venture, not a personal one in this instance. Although Di would never see it that way, she never had with the publishing of her books; everything was on a personal level with her friend.
"I told you, I’m attracted to the woman, I haven’t had a lover in over five years and I want some fun. Call it my libido wanting some action."
Sucking in a deep breath SG gambled as she spoke next. "What about Rachael?"
A tornado hit the apartment or so it seemed to SG, who was suddenly whirled off her feet as her friend grabbed her by the neck cursing several times before she set her down growling, "Rachael has nothing to do with this, nothing, SG. Never mention her name again in this context, do you hear me?"
"Sure." Her legs were shaking and she felt totally disorientated by the viciousness of the assault on her person and the tone in the words her friend uttered…did she say friend? Now she had to wonder.
"You’d better go. Celina is coming over for dinner, I don’t want her to find you here."
"Okay…Di?"
"Yeah."
Staring at the person, she thought a friend, all she saw was a stranger staring at her and it hurt. What was going on here really? Had Di finally flipped?
"Nothing, send me the script of your next novel when it’s done."
Unsteadily walking towards the door, she vaguely heard a muttered, "Yeah, the final one."
What the hell did that mean? Not daring to turn back to ask.
* * *
Dilana never thought that she would lie to SG, but she had and her friend was hurt by the deception and they both knew it was deceit.
She glanced at the mirror to stare at her image and what she was becoming. Hell, she had thought life was looking up and she was finally in control of her destiny. Then bang, it dropped a bombshell on her head and all the preconceived ideas of happiness were shredded into a million pieces.
Why did life have to be so difficult?
About the only thing she had been right about was that this current piece she was working on would be her last! No more publicity tours! No more people like Celina Ratford to get their claws into you and no more letting people down. At any other time she wouldn’t have balked at calling it a day and not finishing her current book but it was important…not to her but to the orphanage and she hoped Rachael as well.
Yes, she was writing the book based on an orphanage and true, she had based some of the characters loosely on people she had met in the small town but it wasn’t really about them. It was more the promise of what that particular orphanage gave to its residents and she wanted to show the world how important it was and that there were still places like that in this jaded world.
She had already informed her lawyer that eighty percent of her profits on any sale would be set up in a fund for the orphanage with a couple of clauses. It was, therefore vital; the book had maximum exposure and the chance to sell when it came out. If sleeping with Celina Ratford was the price to pay then it was easy to do there was a lot more at stake than her current scruples. What did it matter; it was just another affair in a string of them. After it was all over and she had secured the book on the shelves, then she would try to salvage what she could of her life.
As the words floated around in her mind she knew that the one thing she wanted most in life would never be hers anyway. Maybe Rachael would never get to know about this slide from grace. Who would tell her and why would it matter to the woman anyway? It wasn’t like she was romantically interested in her anyway.
The doorbell pealed and Di sighed heavily as she pushed long tapered fingers through her hair and made the short locks spiky as she turned to open the door to her visitor. As she reached to unlock the door, her heart spoke to her and tried to reach into the pragmatic mind that had taken over.
What if Rachael feels like you do and you never gave her the chance? Will she understand this situation if she ever finds out? Would you?
As her sub-consciousness pleaded with her, she opened the door and forced a smile as she was engulfed in the arms of Celina Ratford. She was instantly smothered with small kisses before a full onslaught, forced Dilana to concentrate on the woman in her arms rather than the one who might never be.
* * *
Five Months later
Sister Angela gazed at the young woman who sat in the shelter of the gazebo in the walled garden. For all intents and purposes, she looked her usual self but if you knew her well enough you could see the changes in her over the last few months.
No one could have seen how a letter could wreck so much havoc in a person but the one from Dilana Sterling had. Rachael no longer smiled and the peace and tranquility she always emitted was muted to an occasional glow. The young woman had lost weight too. She had never been particularly fat and now she was virtually skin and bones, which was upsetting for some of the orphans who noticed the change in her. Someone had to talk to her. She was wasting away and she supposed, since she was as close a mother figure as Rachael could have, bar her own mother, that someone had to be her. Still, a heart-to-heart talk about a certain author wasn’t something she was going to relish. These things had to be done though and why not now, perhaps Rachael could move on and forget the writer’s interlude in her life; there was only one way to find out.
As she entered the garden, she saw Sam Proctor standing beside Rachael and he was singing her a song. How lovely to see the compassion the innocence of the young had.
"Why, Sam, I never knew you had such a wonderful voice." Sister Angela smiled warmly at the boy and was given a rather sheepish grin as he winked at Rachael and then ran off, embarrassed at being caught singing a sissy song.
Rachael looked at the nun with questioning eyes. She had avoided contact with her except when necessary for two reasons. One because she was so upset and didn’t want to talk about how she was feeling. How could she when she didn’t know what to say she had never felt like this before? The second, that was totally irrational and uncalled for, but she couldn’t help it. The nun had been the one to bring the message to her of her friend not coming back and every time she saw the Sister, she expected another letter to be handed to her to confirm her fears. Now she felt her thoughts were justified with the passage of time that wasn’t healing her wounds, merely allowing them to fester.
"May I sit Rachael?"
Yes
"Thank you child. It’s a beautiful day I thought you might have been out at the beach." Knowing full well the young woman hadn’t set foot near the beach since the correspondence from the writer.
No, I’m happier here.
Placing her hands on her lap clasped together gently, Sister Angela doubted that very much as she saw the strain etched into the pale features of the woman at her side. Shortly they would have to call a doctor if things didn't progress with the child. She was making herself ill and for what?
"Are you? I thought you enjoyed your visits to the beach."
I’ve grown out of it.
Smiling the nun turned to look directly at the girl. Her comment was rather like one of the kindergarten children and it made her realize that in defense we often act like children. "Yes, we do sometimes grow tired of the beauty around us and it isn’t until later that we appreciate how enriching it was in our lives. Perhaps, with time, you’ll change your mind."
Perhaps.
"I promised to take the younger ones to a BBQ at the beach this Saturday; Mr. and Mrs. Drummond and a few of their friends have invited us and I thought it was a good idea. The weather is closing in and they’ve missed…well, I thought it was a good idea. Would you like to come?"
Rachael shook her head vigorously. "No" couldn’t have been spelled out any louder if she had been able to articulate verbally.
Sighing softly, the nun looked down at her still clasped hands as she thought of her next retort.
Glancing up sharply, azure eyes blinked rapidly in puzzlement.
I haven’t gone anywhere, what do you mean?
"I’m afraid you have, Rachael. Your body may be here with us but your spirit has left on a journey of its own and it’s breaking your heart."
Swallowing the lump that stuck in her throat, Rachael wanted to shout that it wasn’t anyone’s business but her own. However, she didn’t want to hurt the children, they didn’t deserve that. It was hard enough living without immediate family but to be shut out by the only family you had come to know and rely on was worse. She should know that more than anyone should. Why did she want to do this to people she loved?
I wouldn’t want to hurt them for the world.
"I know you didn’t, Rachael, perhaps if you shared your burden you might feel better."
The tragic eyes cut into the nun’s tender heart as they implored her to take the pain away.How can this ever feel better?
Reaching across, the old nun placed a comforting hand on top of the trembling ones and smiled reassuringly. "Everything will be okay, Rachael, if you have faith. Please tell me what the problem is. I want to help you child, please."
Tear filled eyes beseeched the nun to understand as she rapidly hand signed her immediate feelings.
As the child’s hands trembled, so did the nun’s as she watched the woman sign. Why hadn’t she seen this happening, why?
"Rachael, I know Ms. Sterling was your friend and you became quite close but do you know what you’re saying?"
Nodding her head, the tears trailing down her pale cheeks the young mute woman wanted desperately to speak. Her mouth opened like a small bird trying to feed for the first time but still no words came out into the open. Was it so wrong? She was afraid of her feelings and what they could mean. All she needed was the support from people who loved her to make it less complicated than it already was.
I know what I’m saying, I love her, Sister, and I want her to come back to me!
"I understand that you care about her, Rachael, and it’s likely you feel…"
No! Not likely. The truth is I do love her! I feel alive when I’m with her and she makes me feel whole for the first time in my life. I call that love, don’t you, Sister?
All her doctrines said this love wasn’t what God intended but she had lived a long enough life to know that life these days didn’t always fall into God’s teachings.
You haven’t answered me Sister. Is it because you think it is wrong and not what God would want?
She closed her eyes briefly, the child was correct. It wasn’t what God intended but that didn’t stop it happening. She had to deal with this delicate problem in the best way possible.
"Did you ever discuss this with Dilana?"
Maybe the writer had been instrumental in creating this situation and when she had grown tired of a small town girl she had left, never to return, breaking another heart in her wake.
No! I couldn’t, it wasn’t something I was comfortable with. We needed to get to know each other better she said that too, she was frightened of commitment. She never said but I knew it and eventually we would have worked something out that we both wanted.
Looking upwards Sister Angela thanked God that at least the writer hadn’t been that cruel, though her current absence didn’t exactly enamor her to anyone here at the moment.
"Rachael, I don’t know why she left like she did. Why don’t you write back to her and ask if she’s coming back?"
Trembling fingers gripped the cloth of her trousers as she grappled with the idea. Why hadn’t she done that all those months ago? Now, it was too late, surely?
It’s too late I don’t know if she’s still at the address she gave me.
"You could try. If you love her so much isn’t it worth finding out rather than wasting away here never knowing?"
For the first time in months the azure eyes shined out brilliantly and the smile, that felt like you were drenched in sunshine, whatever the weather, creased the young woman’s face.
Thank you Sister, thank you!
The woman jumped up and ran towards the main building faster than Sam did when he was in trouble
Watching the exit, the nun sighed. She hadn’t committed herself either way on what was right or wrong but she loved the child as her own. If this would stop the decline in Rachael’s health, it was worth bending a few principles to do so. Faith was part of the job description!
* * *
Dilana watched her lover basking on the sun-drenched deck of the schooner Celina had hired a month ago to enable them to cruise around the smaller islands in the Mediterranean. She had kept up her end of the bargain and been an attentive lover for the past five months but now she wanted it over and soon it would be.
The worse thing about this whole mess was that she thought that Celina actually had deeper feelings for her other than the shallow conquest of someone that had originally been out of her reach. They’d had fun she couldn’t deny that. Lots of parties, plenty of time to soak up the sun and peace for her writing, which she’d used as an excuse more often than was actually needed. The novel had been shipped last month to SG, whom she had rarely contacted in her months with Celina. Their contact had been polite but not friendly which made any conversation somewhat stilted and one sided. Nevertheless, she had continued and asked SG to let her know when the book was on the shelves and selling under its own steam. Anytime now, she hoped. SG was wonderful on deadlines.
Her thoughts continued to revolve around her old friend. The guilt over her continuing deception was eating away at her over the months, but it had to be that way! SG would not have understood, she didn’t have a mean bone in her body and would have been shocked and probably disgusted by Di’s behavior.
What surprised Di the most, was that SG hadn’t as yet tied the knot with her fiancée and she was sure it had been booked for months earlier, not that she could have attended or would have been invited at the end of the day. When she’d asked, a clipped no was the only answer she had. Perhaps love wasn’t running smoothly for her friend either and she wasn’t there to help. She had taken, taken, taken and when perhaps, she could have helped SG, she hadn’t been there for her.
The solemn thoughts traveled as they always did to Rachael, what she wouldn’t give to see her friend, the woman she loved, just one more time and bask in the peace and tranquility the woman always emanated. How could she now? Some tabloids had reported the fact that she and Celina were an item. She had no doubts, that even in a small town, that kind of news didn’t get out, especially as she had been taken in by many of the local community.
God what a mess! Her hand was placed over her face for a few moments and her eyes peered out at the blue sea in anguish and guilt.
"Are you okay, Di?" Celina asked as she placed a bare arm around the cotton-clad shoulder of the woman she had taken as her current lover.
"Sure Celina, why do you ask?" She smiled brightly at the woman who smiled warily back and kissed her lightly on the lips.
"No reason. What I want to know is why do you always at this time of the day? Stand here at the same place and watch the horizon, there’s nothing to see."
A small irritating laugh followed the question as the older woman stretched her partially clad body up against the writer’s in a sensuous fashion, reminding Di of a cat winding around a person’s leg and purring in satisfaction.
"Perhaps the artistic side of me sees something out there." Her mind knew what she saw or hoped to see, Rachael doing exactly the same thing on her private beach and wishing the same thing as she did… that they could be together soon.
"Of course, the writer in you darling. Will you write something for me one day?" The woman was now kissing her neck and though she really wanted to say no to the sexual advances, she knew it wasn’t the right time; at the end of the day she didn’t want to have the last months go up in smoke. Di knew Celina was not bad, but being powerful and rich in certain circles allowed her to never take no for an answer – and gracefully left it at that. A part of Di wanted to scream her outrage at not only the woman’s tactics but also her own weakness for allowing her that power, what a pathetic excuse for a woman she was. Damn you Celina!
"Perhaps." To stop any more questions Di returned the kisses dropping to the deck to engage in passionate pursuits.
* * *
"Ms. Ryan, you have a visitor." SG’s PA announced as she scrambled to check her diary for that day. She didn’t recall any meeting at this time. Besides, it was lunch and she usually used the time to catch her breath and call Darryl.
"Kate, I haven’t got any meetings scheduled. Is someone early?"
"No, she refuses to speak but passed me a note and although I told her you were busy she’s been here for over an hour. I didn’t have the heart to turn her away sorry, SG."
"Really? How odd, what’s the person’s name?" Normally Kate was good at getting rid of the so-called hopefuls who wanted to get into see her with their own particular manuscripts. This would be one of them but Kate was feeling sorry for the woman obviously.
There was silence for several seconds as Kate found the piece of paper the woman had written for her in clear precise script.
"Rachael Alderman, a friend of Dilana Sterling, what do you want me…"
The door to SG’s office opened before the PA could finish her sentence and her boss was standing shocked as she looked at the woman who originally had been seated but now stood up as the auburn haired woman flew into the room.
"Rachael? Hi, please come in. Want any coffee or something else?" Signaling to Kate to go and fetch in her lunchtime snacks and drinks.
The mute woman shook her head and followed SG into her office then stood there like a frightened child. Dilana was right about one thing, the woman certainly showed every emotion on her face. It was like reading a book.
"Hey I’m sorry to keep you waiting. If I’d known it was you…well, you know how it I, I get lots through the door that want me to publish their masterpieces." SG stood up unsure exactly how to communicate with this woman. Di had mentioned a notebook they used but was that being too familiar?
"Sit down, please and tell me why you’re here? That is, if you could explain to me…. I think I could do with some help here." Holding up her hands feeling like a gauche teenager, disabilities were not her strong point.
Rachael watched listening as the woman rambled; she was completely ill at ease with her inability to talk. One time, when she had felt jealous of her, she would have let her struggle on. Now, she needed this woman’s help and pointed to the pad on the desk.
"Sure thing." SG quickly retrieved the pad and a pen giving them to the woman.
Sitting down as Kate brought in her sandwiches and water plus a few other snacks should the mute woman decide to change her mind about joining her.
"Thanks, Kate. I have an appointment with Brian at two can you call him and tell him I’ll be late but I’ll be there as soon as I can."
"Yes, no problem, SG."
As the PA left the room, Rachael handed SG the pad and walked over to the small window of the office that looked onto the bustling street below.
I need to contact Dilana. Can you help me? I’ve written to her several times in the past month but haven’t had a reply. I wondered if she had moved, would you help me, please?
Glancing at the pensive woman at her window, she thought she looked different, haggard sure but way too thin as well. Maybe Di hadn’t known Rachael as well as she thought she had and the woman did care about her…more than care in fact.
"Which address did you use?"
Rachael turned from her blind view of the street below she hadn’t been looking really it was just a place to go. She quickly scribbled the address Dilana had given her.
"That’s her apartment here in the city but she hasn’t been in town for over six months. I’m sorry, she’s abroad at the moment and its difficult to track her down."
With frustration evident on the young woman’s face, she tried to do hand signs and then realized that was futile and grabbed back the pad and wrote more.
You know where she is, please; I need to speak with her, its important.
What should she do? Break it gently that the woman Rachael thought the writer was, wasn’t that person at all and was off on a romantic interlude with someone she didn’t even like, never mind love! Damn! She might not like what Di was doing but she couldn’t bring this woman into the triangle too. It wouldn’t be right to shatter her ideal of the writer as well.
"I know the hotel she uses from time to time, Rachael, but by the time you sent a message there she might have moved on. Tell you what, I’ll explain to Di that you need to communicate with her and have her send you a more permanent address, how would that be?"
The pain etched itself deep in the woman’s face and SG could see why the writer was so taken with the woman, if for nothing more than to watch the differing, expressions cross her features.
Thank you.
SG felt the raw emotion of the moment as the slumped shoulders indicated the woman’s bitter disappointment at being unable to reach her goal. An idea struck her as she reached inside the drawer of her desk and pulled out a volume that was still being printed.
"Rachael, I thought you might like to see this, its Di’s new book." Handing the volume over to the upset woman who snatched it like a lifeline and hugged it to her as she left the publisher.
My God Di, what have you done?
Glancing at her watch, she had another ten minutes before her meeting across town with Brian, her main printer who was due to have the first batch of Dilana’s novel off the press this afternoon. The volume she had given Rachael was a pre-press copy and didn’t have the final cover of acknowledgements in it. What a pity that was in hindsight. She should have thought of that the mute woman might feel a little better if she saw the dedication. Still Di could tell her that herself if she wanted to make contact, which now was totally in her hands.
Dialing Darryl’s number, she smiled as she heard his deep voice. It was great to have the love of someone, even if they were miles across the State.
* * *
Rachael stopped at the stall selling newspapers and magazines as she waited for the train to take her to the nearest station to the town. Sister Angela had promised to have Rob, the caretaker, collect her at the station. However, if she missed this connection she would have to let them know her new arrangements.
Selecting a couple that might not necessarily appeal to her but would some of the younger people at the orphanage, she paid for them and waited for her train, it was due anytime. As she stood there watching the people milling around the depot, some slowly others faster than the trains themselves, she wondered if they had problems too! Of course, they must have, everyone did but quite the magnitude of hers, she wasn’t so sure. To her they appeared insurmountable and there seemed no end to the dark tunnel that she had entered. Would the light herald happiness or merely the closing of one door and the opening of another as Sister Angela would most probably say.
Sometimes she listened to people’s conversations, not eavesdropping exactly, because often there were so many conversations trying to jostle for position that you found snippets that sounded interesting but as you tried to home in on that particular conversation something else replaced it and the original one was lost in the morass. Other times, it was difficult to listen for any particular set of words as they were a jumble of sounds that couldn’t be deciphered. Today was much like that, the humming in the background like a telephone connection that was unable to make a connection.
Careful not to miss the arrival of her particular train she glanced up at the arrivals board and checked that they hadn’t changed the platform; satisfied that she was at the correct one she waited patiently for it to arrive. Rachael glanced down at the book held securely in her hand. This was after all, the only recent link she had with Dilana and it would be interesting to see what the writer had completed in her absence. Had it all been worth it she wondered. The title sounded interesting, ‘When Dreams Need The Hand of Faith.’
Flipping the book open, she was about to read the introduction when the train arrived. Stowing the volume with the two magazines she had purchased, she would start the book when she was settled in her seat.
* * *
"Thanks, Brian, you’ve done a great job. Couldn’t have asked for better timing as it turns out either, I need to get Dilana back here for some promotion work." Smiling, the head printer appreciated the publisher’s sincere comments. She was one of the few he would pull the stops out for.
"Not a problem, SG. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but can I have a copy for my wife? She’s a fan of Ms. Sterling’s work. Not my type of reading matter at all although she swears by them."
"Sure, Brian, take whatever you need, within reason of course. When I see Di again I’ll get her to autograph one for your wife, how would that be?"
Chuckling, the man grinned broadly, "Great! Do you think she will?"
SG rubbed her chin in thoughtful reflection for a moment before smiling, "I guarantee it."
"I’ll have the first batch you need for promotion at your office first thing in the morning and the first shipments will be to schedule." The man was now flicking over the dispatch sheets and working out the logistics in his head.
"Great. Talk with you tomorrow, Brian, and thanks again. I couldn’t have done it on time without you." Walking out of his office, she went down the small stairway towards the parking area.
Turning the book over from the front cover, the writer’s face smiled up at her and she wondered if Di was actually smiling at this minute. The picture on the book had been taken in the second week of her last tour, a week before she met up with disastrous fate that was to take her on an unexpected journey.
The preface had all the ingredients of an old fashioned yarn that could be applied today and as it was, loosely based on real life. What would the orphanage people think of the book? Would they love it, hate it, or tolerate it because it was going to bring in revenue? If Di wasn’t already on a downfall with her current choices in life, then she wasn’t going to be flavor of the month when or if she ever went back to the small town. All well and good saying the usual crap about not based on anyone living or dead but would that small town believe it?
At the end of the day, it was Dilana’s best novel to-date. Filled with tensions, emotions and a desire to achieve goals that seemed impossible but at the same time, there was the promise of eternal hope as it ended something missing from most of Di’s books even her last, which had a happy ending.
As she flicked the pages she saw the dedication that Di had insisted be inserted, regardless of any fall out from Celina Ratford when she eventually was given a copy.
For the woman who had captured peace and tranquillity in a silent world, allowing me to share it with her, I hope you will include me for a lifetime. Thank you Rachael
As SG read the dedication, she realized that she should have waited to send a complete copy to Rachael. She, above anyone, needed to know that Dilana wrote the book for her. If she could never say the words, I love you, outright she had tried to do so in another form, the only other way she knew, by writing a book.
Maybe, just maybe, when she called Di tonight the situation may not be as hopeless as everyone, even the writer thought. After all, Rachael had made the effort to seek Di out. Perhaps the title of the book wasn’t such a stretch of the imagination for Di to apply it to herself.
* * *
"You never told me the book was finished. Why not?" Celina asked annoyed and upset that Dilana had kept that little secret. She had thought that they had become close. Admittedly, she had used her influence and forced the relationship but the writer had been very amenable to the situation in all ways.
"I didn’t think you would be interested." Di stated flatly as she was pierced by eyes that held confusion and was it...pain…surely not?
"Interested! You didn’t think I was interested. We’re lovers. Doesn’t that mean we share important things in life?"
"Yes we are lovers. However, isn’t that about sex, Celina? You told me that from the first time we went to bed together. Why should you want to know about things that have nothing to do with the sexual relationship?" Di knew she was being harsh but she had spoken with SG who had told her that Rachael had been looking for her. That fact alone was enough for Di to get on the next plane home and protect the mute woman from the big city.
"I’m a patron of the arts, Dilana I love your work. So yes, I’d be interested! Have you a copy of the story here with you?" The older woman demanded. She thought they had actually grown past the situation being just about sex, however, she realized they hadn’t really talked much.
"Not a hard copy, no, SG has that. In fact, she wants me to return and promote the new book. I’ve said I’ll be back there by the weekend."
Sarcastically Celina retorted, "Thank you for allowing me two more days of your company! Have you been planning this with Ryan? I know she was never happy about you leaving with me."
Di stood up and went over to the balcony and looked out at the horizon it’s inky black outlook given a sheen as the moon set a shimmering glow like a path of light to an unknown destination.
"We discussed the publication of the book but she wasn’t sure of the time frame."
"That would be a first! That woman is the shrewdest person I’ve ever met and she knows deadlines like you and I can add two and two together to make four."
"I admit she’s a great publisher to have in your corner. She’s a terrific friend too, in the good and bad times."
Both women stared at each other. One determined that she would stand her ground; the other unsure what to do for perhaps the first time in years. It would be so easy to call some friends and deliver a severe blow to the new book’s arrival on the scene.
"Look, lover, please stay another couple of weeks and when the book is in the high street we’ll go promote it. What are a few more days?"
"I can’t!" Di knew that a few more days in Celina’s company would be like years to her now. Especially with the knowledge that Rachael had come looking for her, she had to leave and leave now.
"You can’t? Or you won’t?" now where had she heard that…oh yes, SG had made a similar comment what now seemed years ago, only this was different.
"I won’t." The simple words echoed on the small deck, now for the fall out.
"Do I mean anything to you, Dilana? Have all these months together been such a chore for you?" For the first time in her life, Celina felt that she didn’t have any control and that this time, when it was someone she really wanted to stay in her life, they would leave her alone. Could she stomach the honesty if Dilana chose to tell her?
A coward turns their back when they have something to say that wouldn’t be well received and Dilana knew one thing about herself; she’d been a stupid fool in the past six months but she wasn’t a total coward and it was time she lived up to the expectations her family, friends and most importantly of all, what she expected of herself.
"I wish I could say that you mean something to me, Celina, but you don’t, never have. It was a means to an end and one you introduced into the equation. I only followed your bidding, now you want to change the rules? I think not. I’m leaving in the morning and you can do your worse because living this lie has torn me apart inside. I don’t know how I’m going to convince people that I can be more than the shallow person they have come to think of me at this time. I will keep trying though; until I take, my last breathe, because if I haven’t any pride in myself how can anyone else have any in me? Maybe you should ask yourself that same question."
A strangled sob flowed out of Celina as she tried to dredge up anger at the situation but couldn’t as the hurt she felt at the rejection pained her more. "I can change, Dilana, if you give me the chance." Her voice beseeched the writer who shrugged her shoulders and left the woman sobbing uncontrollably on the deck.
If anyone would have told her this scenario was going to happen she would have smiled and said Celina deserved every last tear and heartache. Now all she felt was regret and an enormous amount of relief that this part of her life was over and she’d never allow it to happen again.
Now, she needed to salvage her other relationships, SG would be her first step and then onto the most important one of all, Rachael. If it took her the rest of her life she’d keep trying, because now she knew, as she never had before in her life, the mute woman was the answer to all her dreams. Now she had to wait and see if the hand of fate actually had any pity left for her or divine intervention.
to be continued
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