Shaken

By KG MacGregor

KGMacGregor@aol.com

Part 7

The blonde attorney was fuming! Tony had just told her that they had lost the foundation grant for Kidz Kamp, a community program that sponsored camping trips for children in foster care. What had Lily hopping mad was that the foundation had increased funding for the Boy Scouts. As a volunteer for Kidz Kamp, she was jealous, pure and simple. And she took it personally that the Scouts excluded gays from their ranks.

"Lilian Stuart," the blonde barked into her phone.

Whoa! Somebody’s having a bad day. "Hi, Lily. It’s Anna."

The lawyer sighed with exasperation. "I’m having such a shitty day!"

"Oh, I’m fine, and thanks for asking." Gotcha! The line went quiet and Anna wondered if her joke had come at the wrong time.

"Sorry," Lily finally said sheepishly. "I just got some unpleasant news, and my mind was there."

"Unpleasant news? What’s wrong?"

"Oh, it’s just a funding cut. In our line of work you get used to it. I didn’t mean to snap at you."

"It’s okay. I was calling to see if you’d be interested in an early lunch. I’m downtown for the Chamber of Commerce meeting, and we’ll be wrapping up a little after eleven."

"That would be great! I could use a friendly face." They firmed up their plans to meet at Lily’s office and walk to a nearby deli.

Eating lunch on a park bench, Lily told Anna all about Kidz Kamp. She and Tony were regular volunteers, along with staff from the county’s social services department and juvenile court. "The kids love it. The foster parents get a break. And all the volunteers get the chance to build trust and have fun with the kids we see on the job."

Anna was impressed that her friend was doing something so selfless and helpful to the community. Thinking back to the moving presentation she had seen, she felt shamed by the fact that she had failed to follow through. "I’m sorry, what did you say?"

"I said we’ve got a trip planned for next weekend if you’d like to join us. Right now, I’m the only female chaperone and we have three girls on the list to go. Please, please, please!" she asked excitedly.

"No, no, no! I don’t do sleeping on the ground. Or bugs. Or snakes." Anna was adamant. Camping was not her thing.

"But it’s fun!" pleaded Lily.

"Then I hope you have enough fun for both of us. Now if you ever need help taking them to a play or to a museum, sign me up. I’m just not…"

"You’re prissy," the lawyer teased.

"I’m not prissy, I’m…refined."

"You’re prissy."

**********

The prissy Amazon had called later that day to invite Lily on a boat outing with Hal and Kim. Now Sunday morning, anxiety about her first boating trip weighed heavily on her mind as she waited for Anna to pick her up. When the long black car wheeled into the apartment complex, Lily stood to gather her things.

"Ready to go?" Anna asked cheerfully.

"You bet," was the excited reply. As Anna had instructed, Lily had filled her daypack with sunscreen, a warm jacket, and a change of clothes. At the bottom of the bag was a foiled-wrapped loaf of nut bread, her contribution to the food supply.

Hal and Kim had spent Saturday night on the boat, so they were ready for launch as soon as their passengers arrived. It was a little on the cool side as they set out, but it warmed up quickly as the sun climbed higher. The sisters sat on the cushions at the back—or stern, as Lily learned it was called—while the first-time boater rode shotgun, getting a lesson from Hal on the boat’s features.

"She’s a lot of fun," Kim said, gesturing at the blonde. "She’s making Hal’s day, asking all those questions. Do you think she’s just being nice, or is Hal really all that fascinating?"

"You think maybe we’ve misjudged the guy all these years?" the tall woman joked.

"Nah, couldn’t be. I think she’s just easily amused."

"Well, I’d worry about anyone who found Hal interesting."

Lily chose that moment to glance their way. When she realized that she and Hal were the subject of their amusement, she stuck out her tongue and turned her back haughtily. Fifteen minutes later, she was proudly driving the boat on her own.

"So what was so funny?" Hal demanded as he slid in beside his wife.

"We were trying to decide if Lily was really interested in your boat lesson or if she was just being nice." Kim slipped her arm through her husband’s to ease the potential blow to his ego.

"Well, I think it was both," he spouted indignantly.

Anna rose and moved to the tall "co-pilot" seat alongside her friend. The blonde was standing on her tiptoes, chin up, peering out over the shimmering blue plane.

"Having a little trouble seeing over the bow, Pygmy?"

"Will you still think you’re funny when we run a sail up your neck, Amazon?" Lily turned and nearly choked at the sight. Anna had taken off her shirt and shorts to reveal a plum colored two-piece bathing suit…and the most beautiful body the blonde had ever seen. Unable to look away, she took in Anna’s long shapely legs, well-toned shoulders and abs, and the curve of her…figure.

Anna was accustomed to being admired, though she had never marveled at her own features. "Good genes," she’d always told Scott. That changed however when she began working with Nikki, the personal trainer who took over after the physical therapy. Now as she stood beside the wheel, Anna was acutely aware that Lily was admiring her appearance. She was proud of her hard work, and liked knowing that her intense workouts had also earned her friend’s approval.

For her part, Lily more than approved. She knew she’d been caught staring, so she just went with it. "Wow, you’ve really been working out! You look great!"

Suddenly shy, Anna could only smile and look away. "The sun feels good. Did you bring your suit too?"

Lily had hers on underneath as well, but in the presence of this goddess, she was having second thoughts about sunbathing. How stupid would that be? She quickly discarded her shirt and shorts, hoping that she would pass muster in her aquamarine tankini.

Now it was Anna’s turn to stare, though the dark sunglasses hid her appraisal. How was it possible that this woman were actually smaller than she appeared? Lily had muscular legs, tapering at her hips to a tiny waist. Her shoulders and arms looked strong and lithe, and she was more well-endowed than she appeared in her suits and casual clothes. Wonder what she’d think if she knew I was looking at her breasts! For some reason, that realization amused more than embarrassed the tall woman, but she covered with a casual comment on Lily’s suit, and a warning not to get burned.

They cruised north along California’s picturesque coastline, turning back at mid-afternoon. As the sun began to fade, the two friends donned their clothes and jackets and Anna wrapped herself in a wool blanket from the cabin below. Seeing Lily shiver as the wind blew through her lightweight fleece, she held her arms open and invited her friend to huddle inside. When the small woman stepped in front, Anna closed the blanket around them both, instantly sparking a memory of pulling Lily close as she struggled for breath in the collapsed mall. A sense of panic suddenly invaded her, and she squeezed Lily tightly to her chest.

The blonde was lost in the sensation. Her rational mind told her that Anna was simply seeking warmth in the embrace, but she enjoyed for the moment imagining that it meant something more. I could get so used to this.

Once docked, Lily thanked her hosts profusely as all four pitched in to clean up their mess and wash the sea spray from the boat’s surfaces. "You’re welcome any time," Kim replied sincerely. She hoped that Lily’s interest would encourage her sister to come along more often. Kim couldn’t put her finger on why, but she certainly had a feeling she would be seeing more of this blonde.

Pulling up in front of the apartment, Anna exited the black car to help Lily with her things. "Thanks for coming with us. I really had fun, and so did Kim and Hal." With that, the two friends shared a friendly hug.

Something subtle had passed between the women today. Lily knew as she walked into her darkened apartment that she needed to keep her feelings in check. Anna was turning out to be all the things she wanted in a partner—kind, smart, funny…beautiful. Falling in love with a straight woman would get her heart broken for sure.

Driving toward her home in Bel Air, Anna pondered the unexpected feelings that surfaced when she held Lily close under the blanket. The moment had triggered some sort of protective instinct, and Anna enjoyed the sensation of warmth and closeness. It felt like…something had clicked, whatever that meant. She liked Lily a lot, and she wanted to get to know her better. She decided then to do something totally out of character.

**********

"Lilian Stuart," the attorney answered enthusiastically, recognizing the number on her display.

"Good morning, Lily. How are you?" came the syrupy sweet voice.

"Hey, good for you, Amazon! You’re social skills are really coming along," she praised playfully.

"Don’t let it get out. We wouldn’t want others to raise their expectations."

"I’ll keep it just between us. What’s up? By the way, I really had a great time yesterday."

"Yeah, me too. I was wondering if…hypothetically speaking, of course…a person were to decide to go, say…camping, what sorts of camping equipment might that person…hypothetically require?"

Lily sat up, very excited at where this conversation seemed to be headed. "Well, one would probably need a sleeping bag, a mess kit, some good hiking boots, and a few odds and ends to enhance one’s comfort." She paused and added, "Hypothetically, of course."

"Of course. So if one were to…hypothetically…decide that she needed this equipment, how difficult do you think it would be to get someone’s help in picking out the right things?"

"Oh, I think someone might be available on Wednesday night to escort such a person to a conveniently located REI store for said items."

"6:30?"

"6:30 it is. And I’ll spring for the pizza afterwards."

**********

"Tony, you got a minute?" Lily stood in the doorway of the managing partner’s office.

"Anytime. What’s up?" Tony LeFevre was one of Lily’s favorite people in the whole world. He and his brother Mike had started the Clinic ten years ago with a grant from the LA Minority Coalition. Lily never knew Mike, who died of AIDS the year before she joined the firm.

Tony was 36 years old, and a respected member of LA’s legal community. He wasn’t particularly handsome, but he had that charm that most women found irresistible. He treated everyone with respect, and he loved kids.

"I have a favor to ask," she started awkwardly. "You remember my friend Anna, the woman from the earthquake who came by for lunch last week?"

"Are you kidding? A man doesn’t forget someone like that." Tony had considered asking his co-worker how she would feel about him asking her friend out.

"Yeah, that’s kind of where I was going." The blonde paused to consider her words. "She’s going to be coming along this weekend on the Kidz Kamp trip. I was wondering if you’d mind…not flirting with her, or asking her out or anything."

That settles that, he thought. "Of course, if that’s what you want. Are you…interested in her?"

"Oh no, it isn’t that," Lily quickly assured. "It’s just that we’re getting to be really good friends, and I wouldn’t want anything to…complicate that."

"No problem, my friend."

"Thanks." She returned to her office, knowing that if she had been straight, Tony would definitely have been her type.

**********

The RAV4 picked its way along the wooded road until they reached the campsite. Tony and two other men were working with the boys to unload the tents and set up the cooking supplies. They moved hurriedly, as darkness was falling, and it was important to everyone’s sense of comfort to have a hot meal on the first night in camp.

The trip to Silverwood Lake, north of San Bernardino, had taken nearly three hours, most of that spent navigating LA traffic to exit the city. This was their favorite site. It had all of the things kids liked to do—fishing, swimming, hiking, and canoeing. To Anna’s relief, there were even restrooms close to the campsite.

The dark-haired woman had grown more and more apprehensive as they drove further from the city. After the shopping trip with Lily, she had come to terms with leaving behind the comforts of home. What had her on edge today were the three girls in the back seat. Rosa and Carlotta were 11-year-old twins who giggled and whispered to each other in Spanish. Lateisha, a nine-year-old African-American girl, kept to herself, staring out the window lost in thought. Lily engaged all of the girls in occasional dialogue, asking about school, their friends, and things they liked to do. Anna, the mechanical engineer who lived in Bel Air and sold luxury cars, couldn’t think of how to relate, so like Lateisha, she too retreated in silence.

Sensing her friend’s nervousness, Lily suggested that Anna and Lateisha unload the supplies from the back of the SUV while she and the twins set up the tent the five would share for the next two nights. Though hesitant to be alone with this quiet child, Anna was glad to be doing something other than just sitting. "Have you ever been camping before?" she asked the little girl.

Lateisha simply shook her head no.

"Well, this is my first time too. I guess we both have a lot to learn this weekend." When the girl didn’t reply, Anna knew she would have to think of something more engaging. "How about giving me a hand with this cooler? It’s pretty heavy for just one person." Together, they hauled their load to where Tony had stacked the cooking supplies.

"Who’s your helper there?" Tony asked.

"This is Lateisha. She’s pretty strong for a nine-year-old. It’s a good thing, too, because I couldn’t lift this by myself," Anna praised. The small girl finally gave a shy smile, and the woman hoped she might break through after all.

"I can see how strong she is. If you need any extra help from me, just let me know."

"Oh, I think we’ll manage," said Anna. They headed back to the RAV4 to finish their task.

Anna met the other leaders, Jack and Matthew, while she worked to organize the cooking gear. Jack was an intake officer from the juvenile detention facility. Four of the six boys on this trip had darkened Jack’s door, having gotten in trouble over shoplifting, vandalism or fighting in school. The other man, Matthew, was Jack’s brother-in-law. Lily loved it when these two came along, because they always brought canoes.

Tony’s two charges, like the twins who came with Lily, were in foster placement, waiting for their parents to grow up. Lateisha was a special case.

Two hours after they arrived at their campsite, all the campers were relaxing around an open fire. Though their bellies were full with Tony’s excellent spaghetti, the allure of roasted marshmallows was too strong to resist. Two years ago, Lauren had insisted that the men share the cooking chores to set a positive example for the boys in the group. Grumbling, they conceded that she had a point. Lily and Anna were charged with breakfast for the next two days.

Shortly after ten, the children were sent into the tents to find their sleeping bags and settle down. The five adults planned the next day. Jack and Matthew wanted to take their boys fishing first thing, then hiking in the afternoon. The others opted to explore the nature trail in the morning, and swim in the afternoon if it warmed up. In mid-October, the temperature could go either way.

Crawling into their tent, Lily and Anna discovered that the twins had moved their sleeping bags to right side, while Lateisha had moved hers to the left. That left them to squeeze into the middle, side by side. Lily surprised her friend with a gift of a self-inflating air mattress. It wasn’t Grandma’s feather bed, but Anna found that the cushion took the edge off the hard ground.

As they settled in, Carlotta spilled her sister’s secret. "Rosa’s afraid of the dark."

Lily knew what that was like, and she tried to think of ways to reassure the girl. Anna nudged her and whispered into her ear. "That’s a good idea," Lily said to her friend. And so it was that Anna and Lily told the fascinated children their story of being trapped together in the mall, and finding their way out in the darkness. "I used to sleep with a light on at night, but since the earthquake, I haven’t needed it anymore," she finished.

Getting no reply, the pair realized that all three girls had fallen asleep. "Well, I certainly enjoyed hearing the story again," Anna whispered.

"Me too."

In the night, a small hand shook the tall woman awake. "I have to go the bathroom," Lateisha squeaked.

"So do I," Anna replied. "Will you go with me?"

"Okay," the little girl agreed.

Finding the flashlight and their shoes, the two walked quietly to the nearby restroom. Without a word, they took care of their business and made their way back to the tent. "Goodnight, Lateisha."

Several moments later, Anna heard a quiet "goodnight."

Lily awoke to voices outside the tent. She sat up to discover that she was alone, and the light streaming in through the flapping zipper told her it was morning whether she liked it or not. The sleepy camper tugged on her boots and crawled to the opening. She couldn’t believe the sight. Nine children and three grown men were lined up with their mess kits, each getting a heaping dose of oatmeal and brown sugar from the Amazon Chef. She hurriedly grabbed her kit and scrambled to the back of the line.

"Wow! Who does your hair?" Anna teased.

The suddenly self-conscious blonde reached up to flatten her locks as her friend presented her with a piping hot cup of coffee. "I suppose you crawl out of bed looking like Cinderella every morning," she challenged.

"Hardly…more like Sleeping Beauty." She winked at the blonde, who stuck out her tongue and looked for a place to sit.

Anna filled her own plate last, and sat next to Lateisha on a fallen log near the edge of the campsite. "You’re quiet this morning. What are you thinking about?"

The little girl shrugged. "Nothin’."

"Sometimes when something’s bothering me, it helps if I talk about it with somebody else. If you want to do that, I’ll be happy to listen, Lateisha."

The woman expected no response, so she was surprised when a small voice said, "My mama died." With that, the child broke down in sobs.

Anna set her plate down and took Lateisha in her arms. She stroked the girl’s braided hair as she rocked her slightly back and forth. "I’m so sorry, honey. It must be so hard for you." From her own experience, Anna knew exactly how lost the little girl felt. She was determined to ease the hurt in whatever small way she could. She encouraged Lateisha to talk about her mom, and soon began talking about her own.

The others had noticed that the quiet little girl was finally opening up, and they gave the two a wide berth. Lily was glad that Lateisha had found a friend, but she knew that Anna too would be richly rewarded for reaching this troubled child. These were the treasures that Lily pursued when she worked with children and families in trouble. No amount of monetary compensation was worth the feeling she got when she knew that she was making a difference in someone’s life. She was proud that her friend had reached out to this child, and impressed that she had broken through. She doubted that many others from Anna’s opulent world could have done that. When the group set out on their nature hike, the sight of the tall woman holding the small child’s hand triggered in Lily an emotional groundswell. Anna Kaklis is a very special woman.

Lunch that day was hotdogs, chips and cookies, always a hit with the kids. If Lily had worried that Anna might not like the outdoor cuisine, she needn’t have bothered. She and Lateisha had piled their plates high and retreated to their fallen log. In fact, Anna was coming off like an old hand with this camping stuff. This is my world, Anna. What do you think?

In the afternoon, the boys—who apparently had lost their minds—decided to go swimming, even though the water temperature was more suited to otters and Russian submarines. Lily and Anna commandeered the two canoes for a trip across the lake.

"This isn’t as easy as it looks, Lateisha." The pair was struggling to avoid several low branches that hung over the water directly in their path. When Anna paddled one way, Lateisha paddled the other, and now they were hopelessly trapped. From the other canoe, Lily and the twins were howling with laughter at their predicament, and that made the tall woman more determined to get out of this mess. She stood gingerly, reaching for a branch to push them away from the shoreline. Unfortunately, Lateisha chose that instant to drop her oar in the water and push off from the sandy bottom. With a scream, Anna toppled head first into the freezing water.

Lily’s first instinct was to laugh. She fought it, however, and rowed quickly to her fallen friend. Barely containing a grin as she watched Anna splash around to find her footing, the blonde asked, "Are you hurt?"

"N-n-n-no!" Anna shivered, as she stood waist-deep in the water.

Lily rowed still closer and leaned over the side, asking in a voice so low that only her friend could hear, "Are you cold, or just glad to see me?"

In a lightening quick moment, Anna reached into the other canoe and grabbed the taunting woman by her waistband and collar. "Oh, I’m glad to see you alright!" Rosa and Carlotta watched in shock as their leader was thrown end over end into the lake. In the next breath, Anna pulled her canoe from the overhanging trees and aimed it toward the campsite. "Row for your life, Lateisha!" She jumped into the back of the canoe and the two paddled feverishly to put distance between themselves and their pursuers. The three girls cried with laughter as Lily screamed her threats for revenge across the lake.

Once they reached the shore, Anna jumped out and dragged the boat up onto the sand. "You’d better hide," she told the delighted Lateisha, expecting the game to continue once their adversaries reached the camp. The little girl ran to stand behind Tony as Anna disappeared inside the tent.

"Where is that Amazon?" Lily bellowed as she raced from their abandoned canoe. Rushing into the tent, she found Anna kneeling topless with her back to the zippered entry. Oddly speechless, Lily stopped dead in her tracks.

"Gotcha, funny girl," the woman said without turning, pulling a sweatshirt over her head.

The game momentarily forgotten, Lily blushed as she recognized the lustful sensations that overwhelmed her as she glimpsed the muscled expanse of the woman’s back. Without a word, she moved to her bag to find some dry clothes.

"You’re not angry, are you?" Anna asked, suddenly concerned about her friend’s silence.

"Are you kidding? I bet those girls haven’t had that much fun in years." Talking about the children took the exchange to safe ground. I’m in such trouble here.

The ride back into the city on Sunday afternoon took a little over two hours. They dropped the twins at their foster home, and made their way toward the temporary shelter where Lateisha was staying until her father returned from military service overseas. Anna hopped out of the car to help the girl with her things, and they shared a long hug that brought a tear to Lily’s eye.

"You were great with Lateisha, you know. Your being with us on this trip was the best thing that could have happened to her." Lily’s praise was genuine.

"I liked her. She’s a sweetheart, and I understand what she’s going through."

"You mean because you lost your mother around her age?"

The woman nodded, a sad look crossing her face. Lily placed her hand on Anna’s knee to comfort her, "Thanks for spending so much time with her. You’re going to make a great mother one of these days. If that’s what you want, that is." She dismissed the unbidden image of the two of them fussing over a baby.

"I’d really like to have children some day. I just hate the whole ‘trial and error’ thing of marrying a suitable father." Anna went on to tell Lily about the call she had received from Scott last week. He wanted her to know that he and Sarah had gotten married in a civil ceremony. This came as no surprise, as Anna knew that Scott had moved in with Sarah shortly after they had separated. According to his lawyer, this had been under the auspices of being close to his son. "I’m happy for them. Really, I am. But I can’t help but envy them both, and I wonder if Sarah has something that was meant for me."

"I think you know the real answer to that," Lily said. "You know, more and more single women are choosing to have children. Have you ruled that out?"

"I haven’t really thought about it, but I suppose it’s an option."

**********

Lily was in trouble and she knew it. What she now felt for the tall dark-haired woman had slipped past friendship, and she was sure to have her heart broken—it was only a matter of time. She and Anna had gotten together twice during the week following Silverwood Lake, once for dinner at Empyre’s and once at Lily’s house. Anna knew that her friend lived on a budget, so she always paid when she invited Lily out. They were increasingly comfortable together, poking fun at each other at times, and baring their souls at others.

On Saturday night, Lily picked up Chinese food and made her way to Sherman Oaks to have dinner with her friends. She had reluctantly turned down a movie offer with Anna because she had neglected Sandy and Suzanne for weeks.

"Are you insane?" Suzanne erupted when Lily had confessed that she was falling for Anna. The woman knew she would get an earful of admonition from both her friends, but she hadn’t expected this outburst.

"The heart has a will of its own, Suzanne. It’s not like I can help liking her. She’s smart and interesting. She makes me laugh. She’s kind and generous." Lily wanted to add "beautiful" to the list, but knew that would really set Suzanne off on a tirade. "You should have seen her last week with one of our foster children. That girl had hardly said a word in six months, and by the time we dropped her off at home, they were best friends. Anna even gave the girl her phone number, and they’ve already talked two or three times this week."

Sandy crossed the room and sat down next to her friend. "Suzanne’s right, Lily. Anna’s going to break your heart all to pieces." Sandy looked at her forlorn friend and added softly, "It’s not that she can’t be a good friend to you. She obviously already is. It’s just that she is straight…and that means she can’t return the feelings you have for her. You’re only going to hurt yourself by pursuing this, Lily. "

Lily nodded her head slowly as she looked at the floor. On the inside, it was her friends that she wanted to back away from. A few minutes later, she did just that, grabbing her jacket and heading for home.

"I think we’re too late," Suzanne said to her partner.

"I think so too. All we can do is be there for her to help pick up the pieces."

Shaken

By KG MacGregor

KGMacGregor@aol.com

Part 8

From her office on the second floor, Lily saw the beautiful woman exit the black car and walk briskly toward the entrance to her building. I’m getting a surprise visitor for lunch, she thought with amused satisfaction. She quickly reached into her top drawer to check her appearance in the compact mirror. Three minutes later, she couldn’t believe her eyes—Anna was walking back to her car…with Tony!

"How could he do that!" Lily demanded. Lauren hadn’t seen Lily so mad since the Kidz Kamp funding cut. It was best not to answer, just to let the blonde attorney vent.

"Is something wrong?" Pauline had made her way down the hall to see what the yelling was about.

"It seems that Tony asked Lily’s friend out, even though she’d asked him not to," Lauren explained.

"Oh, no. Tony didn’t ask her. She called him."

Lily thought she might be physically ill.

One hour later, the BMW with the beautiful driver dropped Tony at the sidewalk in front of the building. The smiling lawyer had a spring in his step as he made his way back inside. In his desk chair, he found a small, blonde, very angry attorney.

"You could have said no!" she growled.

"Not to this." Still smiling, he removed a check from his pocket and placed it on the desk in front of her.

From the account of Premier Motors, payable to Kidz Kamp, in the amount of ten thousand dollars. Signed, Anna M. Kaklis.

**********

Pulling through the open gate at the Kaklis home, the woman in the battered SUV suddenly felt like "country come to town." She had been delighted when Kim called with the invitation to Anna’s thirty-second birthday dinner, but as she parked among the BMWs, she couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.

"Surprise!" she said when Anna answered the door. The tall woman was thrilled to see her friend, and right away set off to introduce her to her parents and younger brother. She, and now Kim, had told everyone about the petite blonde attorney who had rescued her in the earthquake.

The birthday girl—her actual birthday was the following Tuesday—walked her friend through the majestic house toward the backyard patio. Lily took in the splendor of the fine home, lavishly decorated with art and antiques. Once outside, Anna dragged her to the umbrella table where George and Martine Kaklis sat with David, Kim and Hal. She wasn’t surprised to see that the men in the Kaklis family were tall and handsome.

"How’s my favorite first mate?" Hal asked enthusiastically.

"Hey, fella! I’m supposed to be your favorite first-mate," whined Kim, backhanding her husband playfully across his stomach. She reached out to hug the blonde, "I’m glad you could come."

"Me too. Thanks for inviting me."

Anna moved beside her stepmother. "Lily, I’d like to you meet my mother, Martine." When her father had married the widow, it had taken a couple of years before Anna felt comfortable calling Martine her mother. George had asked both of them to accept the label as an attempt to build family unity. The teenager had feared at the time that it would betray her own mother’s memory, but she complied to please her father. At 32, Anna knew she’d been lucky to have such a good relationship with the woman.

"I’m pleased to meet you, Mrs. Kaklis," the blonde said politely.

"My brother, David." David was well over six feet tall, with his sister’s black hair, but Martine’s hazel eyes.

"Hello, David."

"And this is my father, George."

Lily held out her hand. "Mr. Kaklis."

"Mom, Dad, David, I want you to meet somebody very special. This is my dear friend, Lily Stuart."

Somebody very special? Lily relished that thought.

George Kaklis’ reaction reminded the woman of her first meeting with Kim. The man stepped forward to embrace her, then stood back and said sincerely, "I can’t tell you how happy I am to meet the woman who saved my daughter’s life."

"You know, she always says that, but I’ve learned that she usually leaves out the part where she saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t raised such a courageous daughter."

Kim leaned over and butted in, "Hal and I call them both ‘the mutual admiration society.’ It’s nauseating."

On cue, the two women blushed slightly, and turned the tables on the always lovey-dovey captain and first-mate, teasing them about their own mutual admiration.

Dinner was lively, with lots of conversation and questions for their guest. "So Lily, I take it you aren’t married," Martine started.

"That’s right, Mrs. Kaklis."

David jumped in, "Anna told us about something funny that you said when you guys were in the bridal shop at the mall. What was that again?"

Anna repeated Lily’s quip about her worst fear, and while everyone laughed, Martine didn’t quite get it. Kim noticed the perplexed look and whispered loudly enough for everyone at the table to hear, "Lily’s a lesbian, Mother."

A suddenly embarrassed Martine Kaklis looked at her guest with wide eyes. She too whispered loudly, "Oh, I’m sorry." She had somehow been left out of the loop on this bit of information.

Lily just laughed and whispered back "Don’t worry. I’m cool with it." She winked conspiratorially.

Everyone then laughed, but Martine went on, still whispering. "No, I mean…why am I whispering?" In her normal voice, she continued, "I mean I’m sorry for being so presumptuous. Now that I think of it, I believe Anna did mention it. I just forgot."

From there, Lily regaled the group with tales from Anna’s first outing with Kidz Kamp. Everyone in the room would have given their eye teeth to have seen the usually chic Anna cooking and serving breakfast to the campers, negotiating a sleeping bag, or especially tumbling into the lake. All were especially proud—surprised even—as Lily told of how Anna had broken through to the quiet Lateisha. None had ever imagined that the serious woman who stood out among LA’s business leaders would so easily connect with a troubled child.

Lily was enjoying herself thoroughly. The Kaklis family was fun, and they obviously were extremely devoted to one another. Being raised by a single mother, the blonde had never experienced this type of family life. Not that she was complaining—life with Eleanor had been perfect as far as Lily was concerned—but it was interesting to see the sibling dynamics, as well as the familial interchange between George and Martine. This was the life the young attorney wanted for all of the children she worked with in the foster care system.

George was fascinated by their guest, but troubled by something he saw in his own daughter’s face when he watched the two interact. It was unsettling, and he had seen it before when, at 20 years old, Anna had brought home her friend Carolyn from college. George had been certain at the time that Carolyn was a lesbian, and he was glad to learn that Anna and she had drifted apart during the following school year. All of this scrutiny of Lily notwithstanding, George couldn’t help but like the young woman, and he could never dismiss his gratitude for her role in their earthquake rescue. Still, he felt the need to send a subtle message to both of the young women. "So Lily, I’m curious. Do you ever encounter discrimination in your work?"

"You mean because I’m so short?" she quipped, knowing well that he was talking about her sexual orientation.

He chuckled, then went on, "No, I was just wondering if prejudice against gays was as bad in the court system as it is in the business world. I don’t consider myself prejudiced, but I have to confess that I’ve always been reluctant to hire people who were open about their sexual preferences because I think our potential customers would rather not deal with someone gay."

Lily bristled slightly, but tried to keep in mind that most people who "didn’t consider themselves prejudiced" were simply ignorant of what constituted bigotry. For some reason, it wasn’t taboo to be "open about your sexual preferences" if you were straight. She didn’t want to offend her friend’s father, so she tried not to take it personally. "So are you saying that BMWs aren’t appealing to gays?" Lily glanced at her friend to see if she was stepping over any lines with her question. To her displeasure, Anna seemed to be considering the argument on its face, rather than dismissing out of hand the notion of discrimination against gay sales staff.

George was a great businessman and he was certain that his position was best for the dealership. "No, not at all. I’m just saying that it makes better business sense to sacrifice the business of a minority than to risk alienating a majority. It’s just a matter of numbers."

For Lily, the worst part of this was the seeming acceptance by Anna to this Neanderthal point of view. Furthermore, that George had mentioned it at all seemed purposive to Lily, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what his motivation might have been.

To Anna, it was all a moot point, since she did all the hiring at the dealership. It had never occurred to her to consider someone’s sexual orientation as relevant to the job. She resolved to talk to her father in private, missing the fact that the conversation had left her friend uneasy.

Abruptly standing, the uncomfortable blonde looked across the table to her friend as though she were a total stranger. "I hope you’ve had a nice birthday, Anna. I should be going. I’ve got three cases scheduled for court next week, and I need to prepare." Turning to Kim and Hal, she added, "Thanks for including me in your plans. I know the way out." With that, she turned and left.

The front door closed before Anna could react. As realization dawned on what Lily must have thought, she immediately scampered to the front door to see the RAV4 disappear beyond the hedge. "Dad, that was rude!" she said, returning to the dining room. In all her life, she had never spoken to her father that way, and the shock was clearly registered on all the faces of the Kaklis family.

"Anna, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. If you want, I’ll call her and apologize." George was indeed contrite. He had not intended to insult the woman, though it was clear that he had.

"No, I’ll talk to her. I should go too. Thank you all for the party."

"Wait up, Anna." Kim rose to follow her sister to the door. "Are you going to Lily’s?"

"I think I should, don’t you? I just sat there, Kim. I had no idea that she was taking Dad’s words to heart, and I didn’t stick up for her."

"You need to talk to her. I don’t know what’s up with Dad, but she surely knows that you don’t feel that way." She took her sister’s shoulders and looked her squarely in the eye. "You and Lily care about each other, and you need to see what that’s about. Don’t let Dad decide this."

Anna was struck dumb by her sister’s words. See what it’s about? Did she mean…

The dark-haired woman finally found her voice. "I…it isn’t like that, Kim." Is it? With that, she was gone.

**********

Lily was furious with herself. I should have kept my mouth shut! She was angry at herself for stomping off like a spoiled child. "I ruined dinner. I ruined her party. I’ve ruined everything. Way to go, Lilian," she said aloud, pounding on the steering wheel.

The RAV4 responded with a sputter, and slowed dramatically of its own volition. Lily slid one lane to the right and exited the freeway. To her relief, she spotted a Chevron station ahead as the car continued to slow, but it was clear she wasn’t going to make it. "Damn it! What else could…" She stopped herself suddenly, remembering that the last time she had asked a question like that, the earth had opened up and swallowed her. The RAV4 finally died against the curb, about 30 feet shy of the busy station.

**********

Just great. She’s probably gone to tell her buddies what a shitty friend I turned out to be. Anna sat in her car staring at Lily’s empty parking space, furious with herself for not voicing her disagreement to what her father had said. Gathering her nerve, she waved her hand across the infrared beam. "Lily’s cell phone," she enunciated clearly.

**********

"Three hundred dollars!" The blonde was incredulous. This was not the estimate for fixing the car, but the offering to take it off her hands. "The tires alone are worth a hundred and fifty apiece!"

The mechanic shrugged. He had a friend who would buy the car for parts, but neither was going to make a fortune on the ancient SUV. "Take it or leave it."

Lily groped for her phone when she heard the familiar chime. Anna! She would face the music first for her rash behavior. Then, she would deal with her car.

"Hi, Anna," she answered contritely. "I’m sorry I stormed out. I lost my head."

Anna was shocked. She’s apologizing to me? "No, Lily. You did nothing wrong. What Dad said was wrong, and I should have corrected him. I do all the hiring at the dealership, and I couldn’t figure out what on earth he was talking about. I’m the one who needs to be forgiven."

"No, you’re not. I was at a party in his house. He has a right to his opinions. I should have just controlled my temper. I ruined your party."

"No you didn’t. It wasn’t your fault." Immensely relieved that they were back on solid footing, Anna asked, "Where are you? I drove to your house."

"I’m on Henderson Avenue…at a Chevron station…with a dead car."

"I’ll be right there."

**********

"Yes, it’s a great vehicle. I have no doubt at all that it’s the best one on the road, by far. It’s just…a little out of my price range. A lot, actually." It was after hours on a Saturday night in the showroom of Premier Motors, but Lily was getting the VIP treatment, looking over the brand new X5. BMW’s entry in the SUV market was sweet—leathered appointed, powerful, loaded with bells and whistles. When you tacked on taxes and dealer fees, the price of the lower end model was nearly 43 thousand dollars.

"I can get you a good deal. I know the owner," Anna winked at her friend.

"I’m sure you can. But even with a good deal, it’s more than I’ve saved for my house. I need to be looking at the Suzuki or the Ford Escape."

Anna blanched. "Look, Lily. What if you could get the X5 for the same price as one of those other cars? Say, twenty-two thousand. Which would you rather have?"

"The X5, of course. I’m not an idiot. But I can’t let you drop the price on this car that much. This is business." Lily was adamant.

"It’s more than business, though." Lily turned to interrupt, but Anna held up her hand. "Hear me out." She paused to choose her words carefully. She didn’t want to offend her friend. "I have a little trouble with my leg when I can’t stretch it out all the way. If I’m going to spend as much time in your new car as I did in your old car, then I would like to help you get something that’s comfortable to me." Lily was almost sold; she could see it in her eyes. She went on, "If you really like it, that is. And if we’re going to keep doing things together."

Lily was quiet as her head processed all the things Anna had just said. Keep doing things together. Yes, we are going to keep doing things together. She gestured at her friend’s knee. "It still bothers you?"

"Sometimes."

She thought about the long trips from San Diego, and to and from Silverwood Lake. She felt awful that the woman had probably been in agony the whole time, but was too nice to say anything. "Okay, I’ll do it. But we’ll compromise. I can go as high as thirty."

The car dealer smiled triumphantly. This sale was her best one ever, and she was taking a $21,000 hit. "We’ll see." Anna grinned and dragged the blonde through the glass door to the lot. "White, black, silver, or blue?"

**********

"You should probably slow down a little bit," the dark-haired woman suggested.

"Holy shit! I’m doing ninety-five!" The blonde eased up on the accelerator and dropped her speed to a respectable eighty. She was still speeding, but no longer leading the pack on the Grapevine, that infamous twisting, climbing stretch of Interstate 5 north of LA. "I can’t believe how powerful this thing is. I love it!" A driver had delivered the brand new silver X5 to her apartment on Sunday afternoon. The paperwork on the front seat told her that Anna had ignored her gesture of compromise, fixing the final price at $22,000, financed over four years at 0.9 percent annual percentage rate. No one on earth had ever gotten such a good deal.

"I’m not carrying enough cash to get you out of jail," Anna warned, her eyes smiling. "You’ll have to spend the night."

Traffic was pretty light for a Friday night. They had left work early to get a head start north to San Jose. Lily was thrilled that Anna agreed to go with her. She hadn’t seen her mom since September, and even though she’d be back in three weeks for Thanksgiving, this was a chance to introduce her two favorite people to one another.

Anna was looking forward to meeting Eleanor. It would be fun to hear stories of Lily as a little girl. This also was a chance to see her friend Liz in San Mateo, whom she hadn’t seen since the wedding. They’d talked on the phone several times, but that didn’t compare to seeing each other face to face. Anna planned to drive up Saturday for dinner in the city while Lily visited with her mom.

The drive to San Jose was a little over five hours. Anna had suggested they hit the drive-thru at McDonald’s in Kettleman City, but Lily overruled. "You’re not eating in my new car!" Their quick stop cost them only 20 minutes.

Just before ten, Lily pulled to the curb in front of a small, two-story Victorian. The ladies grabbed their overnight bags and made their way up the sidewalk to the lighted porch. The front door opened, and an unassuming woman of about 60 stepped out. From somewhere in the corner of her brain, Anna remembered the image of this woman standing over Lily’s stretcher as she was loaded into the ambulance at the Endicott Mall.

"Hi baby! I’m so glad you’re here!" The two embraced and hugged fiercely. Their devotion was unmistakable. A long moment passed before they broke apart.

"Mom, I want you to meet…someone very special." She intentionally recalled the words Anna had used when introducing her to her father. "This is Anna Kaklis. Anna, this is my mom, Eleanor Stuart."

Anna reached out her hand to the older woman, but Eleanor was having none of that. She pulled the tall woman close and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for saving my daughter."

In a now familiar scene, Anna answered, "You’re welcome. But I couldn’t have done that if she hadn’t saved me first."

They entered the cozy house and were met at once by a handsome basset hound. "This is my boy Chester. He’s never met a stranger, so he’ll probably follow you around the house. If he gets on your nerves, just push him away."

The women set their bags beside the staircase, following Eleanor into the small living room. The comfortable room held a stuffed swivel rocker and loveseat for the house’s human occupants, and a sprawling flannel beanbag for the adorable hound. Chester took his place in the center of the room, as the travelers made their way to the loveseat. The pup then changed his mind and came to sit at Anna’s feet, locking his droopy brown eyes onto her blue ones. "Hi there, fella. I hear you’re easy," she said, reaching out to scratch behind the happy dog’s ears.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?" Eleanor asked.

"No, we’re fine, Mom. Go ahead and sit. I know where things are if we change our mind."

For the next half-hour, Lily’s friend and mother exchanged pleasantries and talked about the attorney as though she weren’t in the room. Anna had heard the story of how Lily had come to live with her first grade teacher. She was surprised to learn that Eleanor was now principal of a large elementary school.

Eleanor was excited to hear that Lily was driving a new car. She peered out the window, but promised to get a closer look the next day. Seeing the tired looks on the faces of her visitors, she turned to her daughter. "Why don’t you show Anna to your old room, and you take the futon in the office?"

"No, no. I’ll be fine on the futon," the tall lady protested. "You should sleep in your own room."

Eleanor and Lily both laughed. Lily explained the house rules. "First of all, your comfort is my reason for living. Second, I don’t have a room here anymore. Mom threw my old furniture out ages ago. And third, the futon’s barely big enough for me, Amazon. Chester would be licking your feet all night."

"Well, lead the way, Pygmy."

**********

"Wow! You look fabulous! Do you mind me saying that divorce agrees with you?" Liz was astounded at the difference in her friend since the wedding. Anna had always been beautiful, but way too thin in Liz’s mind. Even dressed in slacks and a sweater, it was obvious that Anna had put on weight through her shoulders and middle, and the muscles in her neck were evidence of her workout regimen.

"You look great too," Anna said sincerely. Liz had always been on the heavy side, but her Italian features were striking. The olive complexion, the large brown eyes, and jet black hair always earned her a second look. In addition to her usual look, Elizabeth Leandro Patterson had a glow.

"That’s because I’m pregnant." Her smile grew wider and wider.

"Congratulations!" Anna was truly happy for her longtime friend. "When are you due?"

"Not until the middle of May. I just found out yesterday. Rick’s walking around on Cloud Nine."

"How is Rick? And Chloe?"

"They’re fine. They wanted to see you, but I wanted you all to myself." The two women had decided to meet at Stella’s, a trendy neighborhood place in San Francisco’s Mission District. Through dinner, they caught up on one another, including the story of the earthquake and the remarkable woman Anna had met.

"Do you ever hear from Carolyn?" Liz asked casually. Carolyn Bunting had been one of Anna’s closest friends at Cal Poly. During their sophomore year, they were practically inseparable. But when they returned for their junior year, Carolyn was distant, always busy with other things, other people. Anna had been deeply hurt, but assumed simply that Carolyn had developed other interests.

"Not recently. Did I tell you that I saw her about four years ago at the reunion? You and Rick were in Europe, I think."

"How was she?" Liz was fishing. Something about the way Anna had talked about her new friend made Liz think this was the finally the time to have that conversation with her friend that she had avoided more than ten years ago.

"She was great. She’s living in Seattle working for God. I mean, Bill Gates," she corrected herself, laughing. "She introduced me to her partner, a woman who works in the Seahawks’ front office." Anna let the words settle a moment. "Did you know back in college that Carolyn was gay?"

"Yes, I did…Did you know she was in love with you?"

The tall woman froze. A flood of emotions long buried crept into her consciousness. "How do you know that?" she asked quietly.

"She told me. She called me in Sacramento after sophomore year. She asked me if I thought it was possible that you felt the same way about her." Liz took a deep breath. Her friend deserved to know the whole story. "I should have told her the truth, that I really didn’t know how you would feel. Instead, I told her that I didn’t think it was possible. That you never talked about her that way. She asked me if she should break off your friendship." Liz was so ashamed of what she was about to say. "I told her yes."

Anna sighed deeply, then leaned back in her chair. "Well, that explains a lot. I never really understood why she didn’t want to do things together anymore when we came back in the fall."

Liz reached across the table and took her friend’s hand. "Anna, I’ve always regretted my hand in that. I’ve…wondered from time to time if you might have…found what you were looking for in Carolyn after all."

A look of sadness crossed the tall woman’s face as she processed what Liz had said. "I don’t know what to say, Liz. I’m sure you did what you thought was best at the time."

In for a penny, in for a pound. "No, Anna. You’re not letting me off the hook that easily. Not until I tell you that I think you ought to step back and take a look at where things might be headed with your new friend."

"With Lily?"

"You should hear yourself talk about her. You should see the look on your face. What is she to you, Anna?" What was it Kim had said? You need to see what this is about.

The tall woman grew quiet as she turned the question over in her mind. "Lily is one of the most important people in my life. We’ve shared something extraordinary, and that will probably bond us forever."

"How would you feel if Lily met someone and fell in love?"

"I…don’t know, Liz." She knew, but she wasn’t ready to say. She’d be devastated.

**********

"Have you told her?" Eleanor joined her daughter on the loveseat to watch for Anna’s return.

"Told her what?" Lily was nothing if not evasive.

"That you’re in love with her." Eleanor was nothing if not persistent.

The young woman sighed and turned toward the window. "No, I haven’t. I’m afraid it would freak her out."

The older woman was worried for her daughter. There was no easy way a mother could protect a child from a broken heart. "She might, Lily. And it might make her so uncomfortable that she wouldn’t want to be friends anymore."

Lily nodded in agreement. She could feel the tears starting to form. Eleanor was going to warn her off, just as Sandy and Suzanne had.

Eleanor placed her palm on the side of her daughter’s face. With her thumb, she touched the tear that threatened to fall. "But some things may be worth the risk, sweetheart."

**********

The drive back to LA started out quietly. Both women were absorbed in the mental recounting of their respective conversations, each wondering if the other had a hint of her true feelings. Anna leaned back into the plush leather, draping her arm over the console.

Lily looked at the hand near her side. Finally, she reached out and took it in her own. "Thanks for coming with me this weekend. It really meant a lot to Mom. And to me." Anna squeezed the small hand, but didn’t release it. They rode in silence like that for more than an hour, both acutely aware of their closeness.

Shaken

By KG MacGregor

KGMacGregor@aol.com

Part 9

"It snowed last night in the Sierras." No response. "I know, ‘You’re fine. Thanks for asking.’"

"Hello to you, too. What’s with the weather report?" Lily had finally accepted that Anna preferred to start her conversations in the middle. She would get around to the beginning eventually.

The car dealer cleared her throat and enunciated formally, "I’m calling to request the pleasure of your company for Thanksgiving in Tahoe with the Kaklis clan."

Normally, this would have been a no-brainer for the attorney. An opportunity to spend a holiday with her beautiful friend was not something to be trifled with. "As tempting as that sounds, I always spend Thanksgiving with Mom." She was sorry to miss out on the fun at Tahoe, but Lily was a strong believer in family traditions. She hadn’t missed Thanksgiving with Eleanor since she was seven years old.

"Sure," Anna goaded her friend. "You’re just afraid of Dad." The two friends had talked at length about Anna’s relationship with her father as they journeyed back to LA from visiting Eleanor two weeks ago. Lily surmised that her friend felt an acute need to win her father’s approval, though she couldn’t imagine that any father would find fault with such a wonderful daughter. "So how far is Tahoe from San Jose?"

"Mmmmm…about four hours. Why? You want to come down?"

"Well, I thought maybe you could drive up and spend a day or two with us. We could ski, maybe go to a show at one of the casinos…"

"That sounds like a lot of fun, but I’m really not much of a skier."

"That doesn’t matter. We’ll find something to do."

I can think of a few things. "Sure, I’d really like that. I probably should talk with Mom first, though. I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings if she’s got something planned. When do you need to know?"

"No deadline really. We’re all going anyway, and there’s plenty of room. We can play it by ear."

**********

Eleanor had practically shoved her daughter out the door on Friday morning. She wasn’t going to stand in the way of advancing Lily’s love life. "Stop it, Mom! I still haven’t said anything to her. We’re just friends."

"That’s because you’re here and she’s there. Now go!"

The drive had taken almost five hours, as fresh snow had narrowed Interstate 80 traffic to one lane at the higher elevations. Lily was fearless in her go-anywhere X5, arriving at the rental cabin just after one in the afternoon. The surrounding woods were a beautiful white, and the smell of wood smoke filled her nostrils when she stepped from the SUV. Two other four-wheel drive vehicles, a Lincoln Navigator that looked like a rental and a Jeep Wrangler with a Cal-Berkeley alumni sticker, were already parked alongside the cabin.

"Lily!" George Kaklis’ booming voice could be heard through the door as she made her way up the steps to the broad wrap-around porch.

But it was a grinning Anna who opened the door and pulled her inside. "Get in here and shut the door before all the heat gets out!"

"I had a lovely trip. Thanks for asking," the blonde joked.

"Shhhhh! What’d I tell you about raising people’s expectations?"

Lily greeted Martine, then George, who was friendly and polite. David was spending the holiday with his girlfriend’s family back in LA. Kim and Hal were on the slopes with their friend Todd, who had arrived earlier that day.

George was still tender from the rare scolding his family had given him about his comments to Lily at Anna’s birthday dinner. In truth, he didn’t care at all if his salespeople were gay. He had just overreacted to the closeness he had seen between the attorney and his daughter. When Martine suggested privately that his heavy hand might lead Anna to rebel and do something she might not otherwise do, he realized that the sensible thing to do was back off and treat Lily like a family friend. After all, she had saved Anna’s life. "Lily, I feel that I really owe you an apology for my remarks at Anna’s birthday dinner. I hope you’ll forgive me for putting my foot in my mouth."

"There’s nothing to forgive, Mr. Kaklis. Reasonable people sometimes disagree. It’s what makes the world interesting." Anna was impressed with both her father and her friend at this considerate exchange.

After lunch, Anna and Lily drove the elder couple to the airport in Reno. George was reluctant to be away from the business over the holiday weekend, though Martine would have enjoyed spending more time with her family. More than that, she wanted time with George when he wasn’t so completely absorbed in his work.

"I was going to put you in the room Mom and Dad had, but I didn’t know that Todd was coming up today." Todd, Anna explained, was Hal’s fraternity brother and best man at their wedding. He now lived in Sacramento, but was moving soon to take a city planning job in Orange County. "You’ll be stuck with me, if that’s okay." Lily followed her friend into a small room, smiling to herself with anticipation.

Twin beds. Rats! "Hey, you put up with me in a tent. I can suffer sharing a room," she winked.

The evening was relaxing and entertaining, as Hal and Todd traded memories of fraternity pranks. The three women simply shook their heads in disbelief. "You guys are so crude," Kim said in disgust. "Lily’s got the right idea. I’m surprised more women aren’t lesbians."

"There’s still time," Anna joked.

If only! "Well, you know what they say," Lily said in agreement. "Better latent than never!"

**********

On Saturday morning, the five friends trudged along the path through the woods to the slopes. Compared to the stylish sisters, the blonde felt like a ragamuffin. The snow pants she wore were from her pudgy days, and they bagged around her hips. Struggling clumsily with her rented boots and skis, she more than once considered taking a pass, as she could stop short of making a complete fool of herself. But with Anna’s encouragement, she gamely joined in.

Lily did fine on her first two runs, picking her way slowly down the center of the trail as Anna and Todd crisscrossed one another playfully. On the third trip, just as she was sure that she had the hang of it, some demon child clipped her elbow as he raced past. Working desperately to keep her balance, the novice skier teetered first one way then the next, finally ending up sprawled face down in the snow bank at the side of the trail.

Anna gasped in alarm as she watched the accident unfold. Racing to her fallen friend’s side, she dropped down and turned the woman over. She was…laughing? Lily’s cheeks were red with the cold and her green eyes sparkled in the bright sunlight. Snowflakes clung to her eyelashes and golden hair. She looks adorable. Relieved that the woman was alright, Anna too began to laugh. Abruptly, their smiles faded as each recognized something unmistakable in the other’s eyes.

"Is everything okay here?" Todd threw a spray of powder as he abruptly came to a stop, shattering the moment.

Godamnedsonofamotherfuckingbitch! Lily had picked that up from Lauren, and it had never seemed more appropriate than right now. "Yeah, I’m okay. Injured pride is all." She glanced back at her friend, who had looked away and was now intent on helping her to her feet. The three started slowly down the mountain.

"Well that was hardly your fault! That kid wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing." Anna wanted to bolster her friend’s shaken confidence. "Are you sure you’re alright?"

Lily wasn’t hurt, but the familiar tickle in her chest told her that an asthma attack was on its way. "Actually, I’m fine, but I think my asthma is kicking up. I get this way sometimes when I exercise in the cold. Laughing probably pushed me over the edge."

Anna suddenly panicked, as memories of the earthquake flooded back. "Did you remember your medicine? Do you need a doctor? What should I do?"

"No, no. Don’t worry about me," Lily assured. They had reached the lodge and she began to remove her skis. "It isn’t bad, and I have my medicine in my locker. As long as I don’t do anything to make it worse, I should be fine."

"Then we should stop for the day. We’ll go back to the cabin and you can rest."

Going back to the cabin with this beautiful woman sure seemed like a pretty good idea, but Lily was cursed with a "put others first" quality that was annoying at times. "No way! You missed a whole day yesterday because you were waiting for me. I’ll be fine. I’ll sit in front of the window down there and watch you guys come down. Go on!" She gestured toward the lodge. "I’ll be there."

The weary blonde turned in her boots and gathered her belongings from the rented locker. As usual, the medicine took effect right away and she already felt better. She laughed out loud when she spotted Anna, Todd, Kim and Hal skiing toward the bottom in a makeshift conga line.

**********

"We’re gonna kick your ass!" Hal hissed to Lily.

"Aw, you sissies couldn’t score if we went home!" The football wars had begun in earnest, as the Cal Bears took the field in Berkeley against the UCLA Bruins for the final game of the season. Hal and Todd had dragged the TV to the center of the vaulted living room, arranging the sofa and loveseat close enough to yell at the refs.

Kim and Hal staked their claim to the couch, and snuggled together affectionately. Todd, wanting no part of the sickening display, took a seat opposite the pair on the loveseat. When Anna entered the room, he gestured to the open space beside him.

"Hey, not fair!" Lily whined when she walked in and found that the only empty seat was at the end of the couch with Kim and Hal. "The Berkeley Bozos should have to sit together."

"Nice try," said Todd. "I’m not getting near those two. The whole couch might spontaneously combust at any moment."

And you’re not giving up the beautiful Amazon either, she thought dejectedly.

The game was one of the most exciting contests Lily could remember. The Bruins scored first. That’s good. The Bears answered back. That’s bad. The Bruins intercepted. That’s good. The Bears recovered a fumble. That’s bad. The Bruins blocked a punt. That’s good. Todd put his arm around Anna’s shoulder. That’s bad. Very bad.

At the end of the third quarter, the dark-haired beauty suddenly stood. "Does anyone want anything to drink?" She made her way to the kitchen to a chorus of orders.

Lily started to follow her, but stopped when Todd jumped to his feet and padded into the kitchen. An eternity passed in the next five minutes, and the anxious blonde could stand it no longer. "I’ll go see if they need a hand." Full of apprehension, she walked quietly toward the kitchen.

The sight of Anna kissing the young man was like a blow to the gut.

**********

Anna,

Thank you so much for the invitation this weekend. I had a wonderful time.

Sorry I missed the end of the game last night. My asthma usually doesn’t act up like that, but sometimes it happens when I’m in a place I’m not used to. Anyway, I’m fine now.

I woke up really early and thought I’d hit the road. I’ve got a busy week in court, so I could use a head start on getting my cases ready. I’ll probably be pretty busy for the next couple of weeks, but maybe we can get together after that.

I hope you guys have fun today. Have a safe trip home. Thanks again.

Lily

When Anna returned from the kitchen with the drinks, Lily had already gone to bed. "She said something about her asthma bothering her again," Kim said.

The dark-haired woman made her way up the stairs to the small room she shared with her friend. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. Lily was on her side, facing the wall.

"Yeah, I took some medicine. I just need to get some sleep. I’ll be fine," she lied. She might never be fine again. Please just go away.

**********

"What an idiot!" the woman exploded as she barreled south on Interstate 5 at 103 miles an hour. "What the fuck did you think you were doing? Why would you think there was a chance in hell that she might be interested in you? You idiot!" Through unchecked tears, Lily berated herself for letting her desires cloud her judgment. "You just saw what you wanted to see."

The X5 driver didn’t much want to see those red and blue lights in her rearview mirror. "Fuck! That’s just fucking perfect!"

**********

Anna was frustrated. She’d been back from Tahoe a week and a half and had yet to connect with her friend. Each call went to voicemail, and Lily’s return calls seemed to come when she too was unavailable. She had no way of knowing that Lily had actually called the dealership five times, only staying on the line when she was assured of being put through to the woman’s voicemail.

The Christmas season was a busy time for the dealership. Anna and George worked hard to clear the lot of excess inventory before the taxman counted cars on December 31st. To help with their goal, Premier Motors had a contest each year, awarding the top seller for the month a Hawaiian vacation. Brad and Anna were clearing almost 15 cars a day.

**********

It was never Lily’s nature to seek consolation for disappointment of any kind. Rather, she tended to withdraw, by keeping her mind occupied with work, and her body with challenge and pain. The week after Thanksgiving, the attorney went to the weight room every night when she returned to her apartment complex, completing three reps at 80 percent of her max until her muscles burned.

The following weekend, she sought solace hiking deep into the San Gabriel Mountains, more than 17 miles on Saturday to the top of Mt. Disappointment. How appropriate. She followed that with a 12-mile climb to the observatory at Mt. Wilson on the following day. Though she carried her cell phone for work emergencies, Lily avoided calls from Anna, and from Sandy and Suzanne.

**********

The attorney reached for the phone on her desk, but stopped short when she recognized the caller. "I need a better plan," she muttered, letting the call go to voicemail. It was after six on Thursday evening, and she was alone in the office. Lily had practiced in her head a hundred times the conversation she would have with Anna, if only the tall woman would read her part.

"I’ve really had a lot of fun these last few months, but I’m neglecting my work."

Anna would say "I know how important your job is to you. You’re one of the most conscientious people I’ve ever met."

"I wish I had more time to do things with my friends, but my clients really need more of my attention."

Anna would say "I understand. Maybe we can get together sometime when you get caught up with your work."

"I’d really like that. Thanks for being so understanding."

It was a silly scenario, and about as likely as Cher having drinks with the Pope. The hardest part would be facing the woman in the first place. Lily knew in her rational mind that Anna had done nothing wrong. She had no legitimate reason to feel angry or betrayed. How on earth could she explain her withdrawal in a way that was even remotely credible without spilling her secret?

The phone rang again, this time announcing a local pay phone. It wasn’t unusual for the clinic’s clients to call from a pay phone, so the attorney quickly picked it up.

"Lilian Stuart," she announced.

"Should I be hurt that the calls from my cell phone are getting bounced?"

The blonde froze in her chair as her stomach did "that thing" again, fluttering, then sinking. "I just walked in," she lied. "Have you been calling?"

Anna let it slide. Her friend’s voice sounded cool and strained. "Yeah, just a few minutes ago." And about a hundred other times this week. "You must be awfully busy. How are you holding up?"

Lily was genuinely touched at her friend’s concern. Anna didn’t deserve the cold shoulder she was getting. "I’ll manage, thanks. My clients have a hard time around the holidays, and we all usually have too much to do." She relaxed in her chair, beginning to enjoy the exchange. She had really missed this.

"Why are the holidays so hard? I would think it would be a happy time." The car dealer wanted her friend to open up.

"Well, it’s kind of stressful for people who don’t have money. The kids act out because they’re jonesing for things they can’t have. Everybody argues. The stress level goes up, and eventually, somebody starts hitting."

"I guess that makes your job pretty hard. I hope you’re taking care of yourself." Anna couldn’t put her finger on what it was, but she knew something was amiss. The only thing she knew to do was comfort and support her friend. "Would you want to get together for dinner? It sounds like you could use a break."

You are so fucking irresistible. Lily had to buy some more time. She couldn’t see Anna in this weakened state. "Sure, but not tonight. I’ve got tons of stuff to do. Maybe next week…Wednesday?" That was almost a week to strengthen her resolve.

**********

The week passed all too quickly for the anxious blonde. She and Anna had arranged to meet at the Starfish, a casual seafood restaurant in Marina del Rey. Lily had suggested including Hal and Kim to deflect the conversation from her own withdrawn behavior, but her tall friend was having none of that. The lawyer arrived ten minutes late to find Anna already seated by the window overlooking the marina. She looks tired.

The site of the attorney walking toward her table brought an immediate smile to Anna’s face. She looks tired. "It’s good to see you finally! You’re working yourself to death."

"I’m fine. But I’ve been neglecting my work a bit over the past few months. It’s time to get caught up." This is the part where you’re supposed to say how conscientious I am and how you understand my need to work.

"Look, you’re one of most dedicated people I know. But you’re going to have to find a balance. It can’t be good for you to work so hard."

That wasn’t your line! "Look, what I do is important. If you slack up at work, that’s a few thousand dollars less in your pocket at the end of the month. If I do, women get slapped around, and kids get molested by their mother’s boyfriends. That’s why I work my ass off!" She wanted the words back. She hadn’t meant for that to come out so forcefully, and the part about the money in Anna’s pocket had never before been a conscious thought in Lily’s mind. Now, there was a look of hurt in those beautiful blue eyes, and she had put it there.

Anna was pure class. She gathered herself and went on, "I know that what I do doesn’t hold a candle to your work. It shames me sometimes to think about it. You’re a real hero to me."

If the earth had opened again and swallowed the humbled blonde, it would have been a fitting ending to the moment. With misty eyes, she reached her hand across the table and covered that of her dignified friend. "I’m…sorry. I didn’t mean to…That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me."

The rest of dinner was an awkward affair, the conversation stilted and superficial. Lily insisted on paying the check this time, and the pair parted with no plans to see each other again.

On December 21st, a florist delivered to the clinic a gorgeous basket of wildflowers in a Christmas arrangement.

Lily,

I hope you have a wonderful holiday. Please give my best to Eleanor.

Anna

Part 10

"What did I tell you? Gorgeous, isn’t it?" Kim held her arms wide in the foyer of the luxury condominium. Twenty-two hundred square feet, two bedrooms and a loft, a private patio, and covered parking. "It’s gated, so you won’t have to worry about unwelcome guests. The maintenance fees are only eight hundred a month. That’s a steal in this neighborhood."

"I don’t know. It’s okay, I guess." Anna couldn’t seem to get enthused about any of the properties on Kim’s list. She knew it was time to give up the house—the one she had bought with Scott. She hadn’t been comfortable there since the day she moved into the guest room. Come to think of it, she hadn’t been all that comfortable in the master suite with Scott either.

"I wonder what Lily would think about it. She’s got a pretty good sense of things." Kim had been thinking for weeks how to bring up the subject of Lily with her sister. Anna was back to working long hours, losing weight and avoiding her family again. And she wasn’t spending time with the attorney, who Kim thought had come to mean more to her than any friend she had ever had. "Why don’t we call her and see if she’ll join us?"

Anna walked away from the realtor into the living room. "Does this fireplace work?" She needed to change the subject.

"Yes. Did you just ignore me?" Sister wasn’t going to let it go.

Anna sighed and sat on the low hearth. "Lily and I aren’t doing much together these days. She’s been really busy at work." That was the party line.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"We had dinner together a couple of weeks before Christmas." She was silent for almost a minute, staring at the floor. "It’s like something happened at Tahoe, but I have no idea what it was." The tall woman’s voice was sad, but the words were deliberate, as though she had gone over them many times in her head. "It seemed like we all had a good time. Then she got asthma that night and left the next day without saying goodbye. When we got back, she ducked my calls. I must have done something or said something."

"Did something happen in the kitchen?"

"When?"

"When you and Todd went to get drinks for everybody." Kim was straining to remember the details. She sensed that this was an important event. "Lily went in to help, then she came back and said she was sick. Come to think of it, that’s the last time I saw her."

Anna’s eyes grew wide as she stood and started to pace the empty room. Clutching her head in her hands, the moment came back. "She came into the kitchen? Are you sure?"

Kim nodded.

"I was in the kitchen with Todd. He was telling me how much fun he’d had and how good it was to see me again." She turned and looked out the window. "He asked if we could get together when he moved down here. Then he kissed me." Anna suddenly knew that Lily had witnessed that kiss.

Kim realized it too, and immediately understood the significance. "He kissed you?" She felt anger arise at the thought of Hal’s friend being so presumptuous.

"I stopped him, though. I pushed him back. I didn’t get angry or anything, I just wasn’t comfortable with it. I told him that I didn’t think of him that way. He said he was sorry, and everything was okay after that."

"Did you ever see Lily in the kitchen at all?"

"No."

"Then I think we just figured out what changed." Kim put her hand on her sister’s shoulder. She couldn’t articulate the rest. Anna would have to do that. "Honey, I’m here for you. You can talk to me if you want to."

"Thank you." Anna reached out both arms and hugged her sister. "I…want to think about it all for awhile, but I promise I’ll talk to you soon, okay?" She was glad to finally understand what had changed things between Lily and herself, but she had no idea what she would do about it.

**********

The drunken blonde stumbled to the door to stop the incessant ringing and pounding. "Lay off, already. I’m not fucking deaf!" Fumbling with the dead bolt, she flung the door back without checking through the peephole. There in her doorway stood two very angry women.

"What the hell’s going on with you?" Suzanne demanded. "You don’t return our phone calls. You don’t come by. You ignore our invitations without so much as a ‘fuck you.’"

"Who the fuck do you think you are, coming into my house and yelling at me like that?" Oh yeah, really drunk. "Get the hell out of here!"

Sandy was shocked to hear the always gentle woman speaking to them in this manner. On the other hand, Suzanne’s language never surprised her. She took in the dirty apartment and her disheveled friend. Never in her life had Lily been more in need of a friend.

Without another word, Sandy stepped forward and embraced the woman. Lily resisted at first, trying to turn away, but Sandy was bigger and held on tight. The little blonde finally relaxed. She wanted to cry, but the tears were gone.

"What’s this about, Lily? Is it Anna?"

The drunken girl nodded. "You were right about her. And about me. She’s straight, and I should have left her alone. But I didn’t. I was under some grand illusion that she could fall in love me. Just like I fell in love with her."

"We told you that was going to happen. We could see it coming a mile away." Suzanne would rather be right than president.

"Shut up, Suzanne," Sandy stopped her partner.

Holy shit! That was worth letting them in!

"This is our fault," Sandy continued.

"What do you mean our fault?" Suzanne was stunned. In 12 years, her partner had never told her to shut up. She was certain she should do just that.

"Yeah, what do you mean your fault," slurred the little drunk.

"I mean that Lily has been ignoring us because she didn’t want to hear us say ‘I told you so.’" Lifting up Lily’s chin, she said sincerely, "We didn’t ever mean to give the impression that we wouldn’t be here for you."

"Even if I decided to wreck my own life?"

"Especially then."

**********

The revelation that Lily had pulled away from her because of Todd made Anna want to simply pick up the phone and tell the woman that it was all a misunderstanding. However, there were several problems with that approach, not the least of which was the fact that Lily wasn’t taking her calls. Besides, it was a pretty vulnerable spot for Anna to crawl into willingly, especially if Lily had already moved on. But the main thing that stopped her was the realization that she wasn’t prepared for Lily’s response, no matter what it was.

"Are you getting excited about our trip?" George Kaklis entered his daughter’s office. On Monday morning, the two of them would leave for Germany where they would tour the BMW design center and meet with the engineers. It was something the father and daughter had done every three years since Anna was 17.

"Of course," she replied, but without her usual enthusiasm. "How about you?"

"I always look forward to these trips. Not because we’re going to hear about the cars, but because I get to spend time with one of my very favorite people." George hadn’t seen much of his daughter lately, and he wasn’t sure why. She seemed withdrawn, much as she did before she announced her decision to divorce Scott. "Listen, sweetheart. I know you’re working on something in your head. If you want to talk, I’ll listen. Who knows? Maybe I can help."

"Thanks. I appreciate that. I look forward to being with you too." She hated being such an open book, but she sure wasn’t ready to dump this melodrama on her father. "I love you, Dad," she added sincerely.

When her father retreated, Anna stood and closed the door to her office. Pulling from her wallet the business card she had located last night, she dialed the Seattle number. It was time to take a step.

"Carolyn Bunting please." Anna drummed her fingers nervously as she waited on the line for the familiar voice.

"This is Carolyn."

"Hi stranger. It’s Anna Kaklis. How are you?" Lily’s lessons in social skills were really paying off.

A brief moment passed as the programmer registered the name and voice. It really was her. "Anna? Wow, what a surprise! I’m fine. How are you?" Carolyn was genuinely excited to be hearing from her long lost friend.

"I’m fine too. And Vicki?" Anna was glad she was in the habit of writing things down. When Carolyn had given her the Microsoft business card at the reunion, she had scribbled Vicki’s name on the back.

Carolyn was very impressed. She had been pleasantly surprised four years ago when Anna had responded so warmly to meeting her partner. She wasn’t sure how the beautiful woman would react to learning that someone who had been so close to her was gay. She needn’t have worried. Anna was still the kind and authentic person she had fallen for so hard in college. "She’s fine. Gosh, I hope you’re calling because you’re in Seattle."

"No, I’m in LA. I…wondered if we could talk about something, but it’s personal, so I thought we could set a time to talk later tonight."

Personal? Carolyn would explode if she had to wait to hear this. She gave Anna a cell phone number and grabbed her coat. "I’m going for a walk. Be back later," she told the co-worker in the next cubicle. This open corporate culture certainly had its perks.

"Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?" the programmer asked as she slowly walked the grounds of the business campus.

Where to start? How much should I say? "I…I’ve met somebody, Carolyn." Here goes. Deep breath. "Her name is Lily. She’s smart, funny, and sweet. She’s one of the finest, most decent people I’ve ever known."

Carolyn was astounded. She had once hoped that this woman would have those feelings for her, but she had accepted then that it wasn’t possible. She had never given Anna’s sexuality another thought. It seemed perfectly normal when she’d gotten the wedding invitation… "What about…Anna, aren’t you married?"

"I’m divorced. It’s kind of a long story, but it’s not especially ugly. Some things just weren’t meant to be."

"So…what’s the problem?" Carolyn couldn’t complete this puzzle on her own.

Anna sighed deeply on the other end of the phone. "Carolyn, I don’t know where to go from here. There was only one other time in my life where I felt anything close to what I feel for Lily…and that was what I felt for you."

The rush of emotions threatened to overwhelm the woman as she walked, and she made her way to a bench. Her love for this beautiful woman had faded years ago, but the memory of how strong it was had not. Giving up Anna without ever knowing if there was a chance for them was one of the hardest things she had ever done. "I don’t know what to say, Anna. I take it you know now that I loved you back then."

"I had dinner with Liz in San Francisco a couple of months ago. I talked to her about Lily and she said I needed to see it through. And she told me about talking to you that summer. Looking back on it now, I think she wishes she hadn’t warned you away."

In a magnanimous gesture she didn’t really feel, Carolyn smoothed things over for the benefit of her friend. "Well, who knows if you and I could have made anything work. Besides, things have a way of working out. I can’t imagine my life without Vicki." That much was true. She and the sports communication director were a perfect match.

"Carolyn, I have so many questions. Some about me, some about Lily. We’re in a mess right now, and I need to fix it before I lose my sanity."

"Look, why don’t you come up to Seattle for a couple of days? I’d love to see you, and so would Vicki. We’ll talk. I promise you won’t leave more confused than you are now."

It was already late Friday afternoon. "I leave Monday morning for Germany. I’ll be gone nine days." That seemed like an eternity to Anna. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could take the uncertainty.

"Why don’t you come up tonight or tomorrow? Go make some arrangements and call me back. I’ll pick you up at the airport. You can go home on Sunday."

And so it was done. Anna would fly to Seattle at 9:31 a.m. Saturday morning. She desperately hoped she would find her answers there.

**********

There was always something instinctively frightening about the phone ringing in the middle of the night. 1:31 read the digital clock. Lily grabbed the receiver as she groped for the lamp on the nightstand. "Hello."

"Miss Stuart! Help me! He’s outside and he says he’s coming in. I think he has a gun!" The frantic woman spoke with a heavy Spanish accent.

"Whoa, slow down. Is this Maria?"

"Yes, it’s Miguel. He’s been drinking. He called me and said he wanted to see his kids."

"Listen, Maria. You need to call the police. I’m coming over right now, but you need to call the police. Can you do that?" The blonde tumbled from the bed and started to dress. "I’ll be there soon. Call the police now, and whatever you do, don’t let him in."

Thirty minutes later, the silver X5 stopped in front of a small white house in East LA. There were already two police cruisers on the scene, lights flashing and radios blaring. Neighbors watched the action from their yards. Lily ran toward the house to see Maria Esperanza being led away in handcuffs. The front door was torn from its frame.

"Whoa! What’s going on here? Where are you taking her?" she demanded to the officer holding Maria’s elbow.

"Who are you?" he scowled, pushing the woman roughly into the back seat of the cruiser.

"I’m Lilian Stuart, Mrs. Esperanza’s attorney. And I’d like to advise you that I don’t like the way you just shoved my client into the car," she said angrily. At that point, another officer emerged from the house with a handcuffed Miguel, whose face was bloodied badly.

"Look, Mrs. Stuart. We have our rules. If they’re both fighting, we haul ‘em both in. The judge can sort it out."

"This is her home! She didn’t just rip her own door off! She has a right to defend herself!" This was ridiculous!

"Like I said, it isn’t for me to sort out. If you want to help your client, you should come to the station with her." Resigned to wait, she cooled her heels while the officers finished collecting their evidence.

A familiar car pulled into the driveway, and Sandy got out, flashing her credentials to the waiting officer. The social worker had gotten the call only moments after the police arrived to come and collect the children, who would go into protective custody until the incident was resolved and the home deemed safe. "Lily! Is everything alright? What happened?"

"Sandy, thank god you’re here. I think everyone’s okay. Except Miguel. He’s going to have a headache. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy," she muttered sarcastically. "It looks like he broke the door down and Maria greeted him with a two-by-four. The bad news is that she’s been arrested too."

"Why don’t you come with me inside? The kids know you and they won’t be as scared." The two women entered the small home to find two small children sitting with a police officer in a back room. Each was holding a brand new teddy bear, courtesy of the LAPD. Every cruiser on the force held at least one of the stuffed animals to be distributed in moments just like this one. The children lit up when they saw the familiar faces.

"Hi there," Sandy started. "It was pretty scary tonight, wasn’t it?" Lily admired her friend for her professional skill and dedication, but especially for the way she interacted with the children in her care. "Lily’s going to go help your mom tonight, but I need you guys to come with me for now. Can you do that?"

The girl nodded, and pulled her younger brother by the hand. "Is mommy hurt?"

"No," Lily answered. "Your mother is fine, and I’m going to bring her back soon." She held her anger in check while she was with the children.

Central Booking was the social hub of LA at three in the morning. Prostitutes and their johns, drug dealers, burglars, barroom brawlers and all their lawyers filled the hallways awaiting their turn. It was going to be a very long night.

Lily and her client were called in at 4:15, along with Miguel and his lawyer, Pete Simpkins. "I don’t want my client spending the night here," Lily said firmly to the booking officer.

"It’s out of my hands. The statutes are there to cool everyone off. You can get her out in the morning." The booking officer prepared the forms, and the Esperanzas were escorted through the secure gate where they would be searched and given color-coded jumpsuits, then taken by elevator to the jail’s secure upper floors.

Lily knew the statutes well. "Look, this is an open and shut case of self defense. That lunatic broke down the front door. Mrs. Esperanza had a right to defend herself against someone entering her home." Her voice rose, but she was not yet shouting. However, all she was getting was a blank look. "You know as well as I do that the officers had discretion here. They only brought her in because they were too goddamned lazy to do the work on the scene to settle it." Now she was fuming.

"Lily, can we go somewhere and talk?" Simpkins motioned toward the door.

"Not unless you’re going to drop the charges and give that bastard up!" she retorted angrily. With that, she gathered her briefcase and jacket and stormed back into the busy hallway.

"Wait! We need to talk or this is going to happen again and next time, somebody’s really going to get hurt," he pleaded.

She turned and poked a finger into Simpkin’s chest. "Then you need to explain to your client that he blew it big time! He lost custody in the first place because he can’t control his goddamned temper. Now he shows up drunk and breaks the door down. What does he expect?" The diminutive attorney stepped back and glared at her opposing counsel. "Talk to me when you’ve gotten your client into an anger management class. I’m getting a fucking restraining order first thing in the morning, and if he shows up again within a hundred yards of their house, he’s going to jail!"

Pete was taken aback by the veracity of the lawyer’s threats. He and Lily had always enjoyed a respectful working relationship, but this was not the professional level-headed woman he was used to seeing in court. "Lily, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but it wouldn’t hurt if you sat in on a couple of those seminars too." He waited to gauge her response before continuing. A moment passed, and the woman physically slumped, as if absorbing his words.

"I’m sorry, Pete," she finally said, almost too low to hear. "I…What can we do? I’m listening."

The tall attorney let out a breath. "Miguel tells me that Maria hasn’t been letting him have visitation. She leaves and takes the kids when it’s time for him to come over. He hasn’t seen them since before Christmas."

"Why didn’t he come to the court?"

"He didn’t understand that he could. He thought since she was granted custody, it was up to her. That’s my fault for not making it clear."

"I’ll talk to her tomorrow," she promised. "Can you see about getting him into a class? I really think it will help."

"Sure."

Lily turned to walk away, but Pete stopped her. "Whatever it is, Lily, good luck with it."

"Thanks. I…I’m sorry for being such a jerk."

**********

"I can’t believe you’re really here." Carolyn looked across the table at her friend. The face was still beautiful, but the stress was evident in the firm set of her mouth and the serious blue eyes. Carolyn had brought Anna to the harbor for lunch, thinking they both could talk more candidly without Vicki around.

"Thanks for letting me come. I…I didn’t know who else to turn to. I regret that we didn’t stay close. We really shared so much." The years fell away as they talked, each realizing that the other had changed little from the friend they had known in school.

"So why don’t you tell me about this woman you’ve met," Carolyn prodded as they left the restaurant for a walk along the waterfront.

Anna took her friend through the dramatic story of the earthquake, and of finding Lily after her divorce. She recounted the baseball game and the ride from San Diego, the boat trip, "the first time I ever consciously realized I was looking at another woman’s breasts! Now I think I probably always have, but the sight of hers in that bathing suit just pushed a button in me or something!"

"I used to look at your breasts all the time," Carolyn laughed.

Anna blushed slightly, but took the comment in stride. "Well, if I had known that at the time, I might have stood up straighter, and worn something skimpier. Who knows?"

Who knows indeed? Though it was gnawing at the programmer that there might have been a chance for them long ago, this was about the here and now. Vicki was the here and now for Carolyn, and Lily was the same for Anna. "So go on. What else?"

Anna told her of the camping trip…

"You? I don’t believe you! You’re making this up."

Ignoring her friend’s sarcastic response, Anna continued with the story of her father’s rude remarks, the trip to San Jose, and Thanksgiving in Tahoe, emphasizing the looks they exchanged on the slope when Lily fell. "I swear, if Todd hadn’t come over right at that moment, I think I might have just kissed her!" She finished with the story of Todd in the kitchen. "And now, she doesn’t want to get together any more. She doesn’t say no, she just says she’s too busy, or she ducks my calls altogether. I want to talk to her about what’s really going on, but I need to be prepared for her answer."

Carolyn was quiet as she digested the tale. Finally, she began. "Well, I agree that she probably has feelings for you that go beyond friendship. You have sort of an irresistible quality about you." She winked at the dark-haired woman. "But if she saw you kissing Todd…"

"I wasn’t kissing Todd. He was kissing me!" she said indignantly.

"Lily has no way of knowing that. What she saw was the two of you kissing. As long as she had hope that you might be interested in her, she was going to stay close and be your best friend. As soon as that possibility disappeared, she needed to run away to protect herself." The familiar feelings washed over Carolyn. She was certain that she was reading Lily perfectly. "I’m the voice of experience here, Anna. I know exactly how she feels." She waited for her words to register, then continued. "Lily is a lesbian. Lesbians run the risk all the time of falling in love with straight women. It’s not something we can help. But once we see the handwriting on the wall, that self-preservation thing kicks in and there’s nothing to do but run."

"She doesn’t need to run from me. I’m not going to hurt her," Anna protested. "And I’m not all that certain that I’m straight," she added, almost inaudibly. "But that’s an issue for another day. Right now, I just need to fix things with Lily."

Carolyn thought hard about what Anna was saying, pretty sure that the woman had never before considered the possibility of being gay. "Anna, whether or not you’re straight is more important than you think. It would be devastating for Lily if you were to wake up someday and decide that you need something else that she can’t give you. And if she has to live with that possibility every day, it will be pretty unhealthy for both of you. There’s nothing but pain in that." She let the words settle. "You need to think about whether or not you’re ready for a relationship with Lily on her terms. She wants to hold you and kiss you and touch you. If you’re going to go forward with her, you’re going to have to want that too."

Anna grew very quiet as she processed her friend’s words. She understood what Lily needed, but she hadn’t let herself dwell on those thoughts. It was just too overwhelming. "You know, I really loved you a lot back in college, Carolyn. I might even have been in love with you, but I was pretty naïve about things like that. I probably would have done anything you asked, just to please you."

"Is that how you feel about Lily? That you want to be…physical with her just to please her? Just to keep her as a friend?"

"No Carolyn. I want it for me too," she admitted it for the first time. "I’ve never wanted anyone this much in my whole life." It was true. The idea of making love with Lily was more exciting than anything she had ever felt.

"Then tell her." Those three words summed it all up, as far as Carolyn was concerned.

"What if she doesn’t feel the same way? And how can I make her trust me not to hurt her?"

"Believe me, she feels the same way. But the trust thing is going to take time. What you have to understand—and this is the hard part—is that everything has to come from you. Lily won’t act on her feelings. There’s too much at risk. She’s worried that you’ll reject her, and despise her for having those feelings about you. She can’t bear that." She saw the confused look on her friend’s face. "I know this, Anna. It’s the truth. You have to be the one to move this relationship forward."

**********

Anna had thoroughly enjoyed the evening with Carolyn and Vicki. The pair talked about how they met and what they felt for each other. Each told a heart-wrenching tale of coming out, the problems it caused with their families, the friends they lost along the way. Nonetheless, both would go through it all again a hundred times to reach the happiness they now had with one another.

Anna wanted that kind of happiness, and now more than ever, she was certain that Lily was the key. On the flight home, her thoughts strayed to the problems this might cause for her father, but she knew that Kim and Hal would be there for her. David was a pretty cool kid, but it was bound to be weird for him. Martine’s acceptance would be crucial to smoothing things at home. Without her support, this could drive a permanent wedge between them all.

Arriving home after seven, Anna double-checked her tickets and travel documents. She unpacked her small bag from the Seattle trip, then began the task of packing for nine days abroad. When she had finished, the exhausted woman set her bags by the door and went to bed. The car would come for her at six in the morning.

Anna had hoped to have this situation with Lily resolved before they left, but it was now after midnight. She had put off thinking about it as she took care of the final details for her trip, but now as she lay in bed, thoughts of the beautiful blonde filled her head.

**********

"I’m coming!" Who on earth is knocking at this hour? Looking through the peephole, Lily saw the most beautiful—and unsettling—site she could have imagined. She had already turned on the lights and yelled through the door, so it was too late to pretend she wasn’t home. As she opened the door, the dark-haired woman pushed through without waiting for an invitation. Even in a sweatshirt and jeans, the woman was stunning. Lily suddenly worried that something had happened to bring her friend out so late. "Anna? Is everything alright?"

Anna took in the sight of her rumpled friend, dressed for bed in flannel boxers and a tank top. "No, it’s not alright, Lily." She wanted just to reach out and pull the little blonde to her, but she held back, fearful that Lily would push her away again. Her confidence now wavering, she said what she had rehearsed in the car on the way over. "I can’t stand what’s happened between us. We’d gotten to be such good friends, and now everything’s changed. I…want us to be close again."

Lily’s own need to be close to the dark-haired woman was almost overpowering. She wanted desperately to give in, to accept on Anna’s terms the simple offer of friendship. But self-preservation was a powerful instinct. She needed to guard her own heart. Meeting the blue eyes with a steel resolve, the smaller woman answered, "I can’t, Anna. I just can’t." Please don’t push this.

But Anna wouldn’t let it go. "What can’t you do? Please talk to me, Lily. Doesn’t this hurt you like it hurts me?" the tall woman pleaded.

"Yes, of course it does. But some things are out of our control. I want very much to be your friend again, but I just can’t right now."

Anna remembered again Carolyn’s counsel that only she could move things forward. It was time to take a step. "Is it because of Todd?"

She knows! The tears that Lily had been holding back since the day she left Tahoe returned unbidden, not from her eyes, but from her heart. She sank to the arm of the couch and looked blankly into the dark room, unable to meet her friend’s eyes. "Yes," she whispered. There. It’s out. "I know that you’ll never think of me that way…or want me the way I want you. But…I can’t stand by you as a friend and watch you fall in love with somebody else. I’m just not a big enough person to do that." Lily only hoped that Anna would be able to respect her finally for telling the truth.

The dark-haired woman strode silently to couch. Grasping the small hands, she drew the heartbroken girl to her feet. Locking blue eyes onto green, Anna searched her heart for the right words. "You’re wrong, Lily. It’s you that I want." Ever so slowly, she lowered her head and captured the waiting lips with her own.

Finally! On to Part 11

Part 11

Leaving no room for doubt that this might only have been a friendly gesture, Anna pressed closer and raked her tongue tentatively across the smaller woman’s lips to urge them apart. Staggered by the surge of emotions that welled up in her chest, she moaned into Lily’s open mouth.

If I’m dreaming, god help the fool that wakes me up! For Lily, it was more than just a meeting of lips. It was an unmistakable confession from both, and the blonde was completely overpowered by the sensation. Anna’s lips were the softest she’d ever kissed, and she pulled the woman’s head closer, slipping her tongue inside the warm mouth.

Too soon the kiss ended, both women short of breath. Not willing to give up this intimate embrace, Lily buried her face into the long slender neck. Anxiety simmered underneath as she worried that Anna would suddenly have doubts. The words replayed in her head. "It’s you that I want." If there was a chance on earth that they could really be together, Lily knew she would walk through the fires of hell to make it happen.

The tall woman pulled her closer, cupping the blonde head with her palm, swaying ever so slightly to keep the sensations alive. She held Lily like that for several minutes, not uttering a sound. Gradually, Anna felt the strain of the last six weeks recede. In its place was quiet, like a settling of her soul. "This is right," she whispered. "I feel so still inside."

"Me too. I want to stay in this…place, wherever it is." They stood together silently for another few minutes, soaking up the calm. Lily would take the next step. Leaning back, she studied the tall woman’s visage, looking for signs of awkwardness or uncertainty. Finding neither, she brought her face closer, green eyes darting between Anna’s eyes and lips. Turning her head slightly at the last instant, the women shared a breath as their lips met again.

The second kiss held none of the shyness of the first. It deepened with fervor as each was swept up again in excitement and wonder. Arms and hands remained still, holding firmly to the other. This was not about passion, but about connection. When they broke again, Anna kissed the smaller woman’s nose, and rested her cheek atop the blonde hair.

"I have to go. I need to leave for the airport at six." She didn’t release her hold, even as she talked of leaving.

"No. I’m afraid I can’t allow that." Lily tightened her grip.

"Dad and I are going to Munich tomorrow for nine days. I’d like to go thinking you and I were okay again."

"We’re okay, Amazon."

**********

Something is different about Anna this morning. George Kaklis and his daughter boarded the Lufthansa 747 at 7:45 a.m., taking their seats in first class. Anna was obviously excited, more so than George could remember on any of their previous trips. "Are you looking forward to Munich?" he asked his smiling daughter.

"I’m looking forward to being with you. It’ll be fun to see the new designs. I just wish they would schedule this in July instead of January," she lamented. Anna hated being cold.

"You’re in a good mood," her father fished.

"Yes, I am." But she was not forthcoming, so George let it drop for the time being. Breakfast was served over Arizona, and to his surprise, Anna then pulled a blanket over her head and slept all the way to New York.

**********

Lily was running on pure adrenalin. In the office by 7:30, she was smiling and friendly, a welcome change from the surly nature her co-workers had come to expect.

Unable to sleep at all after Anna’s late night visit, Lily relived the kisses, the embrace, the soft words of assurance. Truth be told, she feared that if she went to sleep, she would awaken and none of this would have really happened. Her day started off with a thrill when Anna had called her from the limo at 6:15.

"I’ve only got a minute. The driver has gone to the house to collect Dad’s things."

"If a minute’s all you’ve got, I’ll take it."

"Thank you for talking with me in last night."

"Thanks for not taking no for an answer. And for coming back after I was so… mean."

"It’s forgotten. I understand why you ran."

"You do?"

"Yeah, Kim helped me figure out the Todd part." Lily cringed. She didn’t want to think about that. "He kissed me, not the other way around. I told him that night I wasn’t interested."

"You’re kidding." If what Anna said was true, Lily was responsible for her own misery of the past six weeks.

"Honest. I was already trying to figure things out. About my feelings for you, that is."

"Well, I like what you decided."

"They’re coming toward the car. I should go. I…I’ll miss you."

"Me too you. Travel safely."

Anna’s secretive behavior on the phone made the attorney a little uneasy, but she waved it off. This was all new to the beautiful woman, Lily reasoned with her rational mind. She herself wanted to bang a drum on the street corner and shout that Anna Kaklis had kissed her! But she was determined that Anna would lead the way. I’m not going to screw this one up with expectations about how she should act.

**********

Christ! Nine days was a long time! Her only contact with Anna had been three "thinking about you—hope you’re doing okay" messages left on her voicemail, once while she was in court, another while she had been in the shower, and the third while she was taking out the garbage at home. Now resigned to let the garbage reach the ceiling, Lily planted herself on the couch all weekend waiting for the phone to ring.

Wednesday afternoon. Four more days! Anna’s plane got in at 4:07 on Wednesday afternoon. She would probably be exhausted from her trip, and go straight home. Then she’d want to go to the dealership because she needed to check on things. And she’d probably have to sleep a lot on account of the jet lag. And see her family. Either way, I’ll be lucky if I see her again before next weekend.

Lily’s misery was interrupted by the loud ringing of phones all over the tiny apartment. She had turned all the ringers to the max to be sure that she wouldn’t inadvertently miss a call. "Hello….this is she…no, I’m not interested…no, really, the only thing I dislike about my current phone service is that you have my number." With that, she hung up the receiver, immediately noticing the blinking message light.

Shitfuckhelldamnscrew! Another Lauren-ism.

**********

God, this was frustrating! Anna had tried to guess when Lily would be at home or at her desk, but she hadn’t been able to get through. The time difference made it difficult, and the seminars left her with little free time. She’d hoped it would be easier to connect on the weekend, but that too went to voicemail.

Or maybe Lily’s avoiding my calls again. Anna hadn’t wanted to consider that possibility, but it had taken her a week or more after Tahoe to realize that getting bounced was no accident. She couldn’t stop the niggling doubts as she replayed in her head the phone conversation from the car. Was it disbelief she heard in Lily’s voice when she told her about Todd? Or maybe Lily simply didn’t have the patience to deal with someone who couldn’t seem to get her head on straight.

Curious George could stand it no longer. Anna had been cheerful and upbeat when they left LA. Now, a week later, she was distracted and withdrawn. Over dinner on Monday night, he gently broached the subject. "Sweetheart, is everything okay?"

"Of course. The seminars are good. The company is absolutely fabulous. It isn’t snowing. What more could a girl want?" she answered with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

"You know, I’m really enjoying having this time with you, too. We don’t seem to spend enough time together. That’s why I always look forward to these trips." When he got no response, he knew he would have to be more direct. Something—or someone—was consuming his daughter’s thoughts. "It’s just that you seemed so happy when we left, and now you’re quiet again."

"It’s nothing to worry about, Dad." Anna didn’t want to have this conversation. "It’s just a small personal problem. I’ll work it out."

A personal problem? Was Anna seeing someone? She was an extremely private person, not at all quick to share information about the men she dated. In fact, she had been seeing Scott for nearly two months before she introduced him to anyone in the family. Surely, George reasoned, she could use my guidance here. "Anna, I’m your father. I’ve been watching you worry about things all by yourself for 32 years. I want to help." She wouldn’t meet his eyes. "Please let me in there."

The woman sighed. She could resist almost any force on earth, but she couldn’t refuse her father. What is it they say? Stay as close to the truth as possible. "You remember my friend Lily, from the earthquake?"

"Yes, of course." Where was this going?

"Well," she started hesitantly, "we had a misunderstanding, but I thought we had it cleared up before I left. Now I’m not so sure." Anna still hadn’t met her father’s eyes. "I’m just worried about losing her friendship."

George weighed the possibilities. His daughter didn’t have many close friends, so he knew that Lily was important to her. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it than that, and it made him extremely uncomfortable. His first instinct was to dismiss out of hand his daughter’s irrational worry about the state of a casual friendship. He bit his tongue though, remembering Martine’s warning about inadvertently pushing Anna into something. Still, he needed to say something to convey both support and caution. "Sweetheart, I understand that Lily is important to you, but maybe it’s time to start putting that terrible earthquake ordeal behind you. You can’t let things like casual friendships rule your life. Your family, the business, these things are much more important in the grand scheme of things. Don’t you agree?" That was a pretty good argument, if I must say so myself. But his daughter’s response nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Standing abruptly, Anna gathered her jacket and purse. "You know, I think I’m going to blow off the last day." It was a half-day actually, followed by a luncheon, then a cocktail party for the North American dealership owners tomorrow night. "I hope you don’t mind. I’m just going to go back to my room and call the airline. If you want to join me, I’ll change your ticket too, but I don’t mind if you want to stay until Wednesday."

Well, that certainly went well, George thought sarcastically. "No, you go ahead."

**********

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow!

The attorney was drafting an update to the court on her counsel with Maria Esperanza to cooperate with the court-ordered visitation schedule for Miguel. True to his word, Pete Simpkins had enrolled the volatile father in classes for anger management. It looked like all of them were headed for a happy ending. Lost in her work—and mercifully distracted—she missed seeing the beautiful woman exit the white Town Car at the curb.

Anna tried the door at the main entrance, but it was locked for the night. 6:40. The flight from JFK had been delayed 90 minutes, but the car she had arranged had been waiting for her at the airport. Thinking her friend might be working late, Anna took a chance and asked the driver to bring her to the Braxton Street Law Clinic. She grew excited when she saw the light on in Lily’s second floor office but without entry to the building, the phone was the only option. If the blonde were ducking her calls, she’d just have to get back in the car and go home.

The tall woman walked back to the limo to retrieve the phone from her carry-on. Nervously, she paced through the menu options and pressed the call command for "Lily’s office." Leaning her tall frame against the door of the Town Car, her heart skipped a beat as the blonde appeared in her view.

"Lilian Stuart," she announced formally, slapping the button to activate the speaker phone.

"Hi Lily. It’s Anna." She held her breath as she waited for her friend’s response.

The attorney was speechless.

This was not good.

"Are you there?"

Lily lunged to grab the receiver, very nearly disconnecting the call. "Anna! Finally! I can’t believe it! I was about to leave and I would have missed you again! Oh my god!" To say that the blonde was excited would have been a bit of an understatement. She was nearly hyperventilating. "This has been so frustrating. I’m going to be so happy to see you!"

Whew! The tired traveler was flooded with relief. "Well, then you may want to look outside your window."

Lily made her way to the window and parted the blinds. There in the twilight leaning against the limo was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.

**********

I can’t believe how easy this is, thought Anna. She and Lily had spent almost every evening together since she’d returned from Germany. They’d slid effortlessly back into their old playfulness, the tension of the last six weeks forgotten. Looking back, Anna realized that she and her husband had never shared this kind of compatibility. In fact, any casualness they enjoyed as they got to know one another seemed to disappear once they moved their relationship to a romantic level. At that point, the woman suddenly became more self-conscious, and she had difficulty with simple conversation. If it had felt this natural with Scott, I might never have let him go.

Tonight, Anna was stretched out on Lily’s couch reading the current issue of Car & Driver while the attorney sat close by on the floor reviewing a stack of legal briefs. Neither needed the other’s attention, but each relished the closeness. Their silence was relaxed, and every so often the blonde would reach behind her absently and stroke the beautiful woman’s arm, leg or… "You know, I’m not going to let you get your work done if you keep that up."

Lily reluctantly removed her hand from the woman’s shapely hip, arching her eyebrows suggestively as she turned. "Then maybe I should just put my work away." With that, she let the papers fall and climbed onto the couch, draping her entire body along the length of the muscular frame. "This…couch…is…awfully…lumpy. I don’t know…how I ever…fell asleep here." She burrowed into the now giggling mass underneath her. "But it’s definitely…softer in some places."

The kiss that followed started innocently, as just another chance to connect. As it lengthened, it deepened, and soon both bodies were responding to the exchange, moving in a slow rhythm against one another. As Lily’s hand drifted up to softly stroke the side of Anna’s breast, the taller woman gently caressed the shapely rear beneath her own fingers. This was the first clearly sexual overture of their young relationship, and it was escalating too quickly for either woman to keep her head.

"Oh my…you’re incredible," the blonde said as she stilled and dropped her lips to the woman’s neck.

"Wow, I…" never felt anything like that in my whole life. "Wow," she said again simply. Anna had always felt that she controlled her own desires, that things moved to the next level because she decided it was time. That wasn’t the case here. If circumstances were different—that is, if it weren’t already ten o’clock on a night before both were due at work early the next day—Anna was pretty sure that she wouldn’t have wanted to stop. She had wanted to be certain of her feelings before she gave in to her body’s response, but it was her body that seemed to be running this show. This was so different from anything in her past, like a craving.

Lily shifted and sat up beside the beautiful woman. "I could get lost in you so easily." Lily knew that her sentiment meant more than just the physical desire that she felt. She was falling deeply in love.

Anna was drowning in these new sensations, and couldn’t think of what to say. She squeezed Lily’s hand and smiled.

Well, that went over well. Lily knew she had to give this time.

**********

"Lilian Stuart," the attorney answered crisply. She was due in court this afternoon for jury selection in a housing discrimination case. It was Tony’s case, but he always asked her to sit in when he picked a jury. You have a gift for reading people, he had said.

"Hi there, sweetheart. How’s your day?"

Sweetheart! Lily nearly swooned. "Hi yourself. It just got better. What’s up?" She stretched from her desk to push her office door closed.

"I wanted to ask you something. I’m having dinner with Kim tonight. I’ve been thinking that I’d like to tell her about us, if it’s okay with you." They had decided—actually Anna had asked—to keep their relationship secret until they were more certain of their feelings. Lily took it as a good sign that the stoic woman was ready to share this with her sister. On the other hand, it was also a risk. Kim’s disapproval would be difficult to overcome.

"Of course it’s okay." More tentatively, she added, "Will you tell me how it goes?"

Anna realized that Lily was worried. "Sure, but don’t worry about it. Kim likes you, and I think she has pretty good idea what’s going on. She’ll be okay with it, I’m sure."

Grateful for the assurance, Lily countered, "Well, I hope it goes okay. How would you feel if I talked to Mom?" She felt guilty for keeping something so important from her mother, and she hoped that Anna would acquiesce.

"Go ahead. I know how close the two of you are. I guess it was silly of me to ask you to wait in the first place." Anna really envied the closeness between Eleanor and her daughter. She liked to think that she would have been as close to own mother.

"Not silly at all. I know this is all new for you, and it’ll take some time to get used to it." Lily paused before she continued. She didn’t want to scare her new love away, but Anna needed to be prepared for some of the problems she might face. "As much as I hate to say it, you’re right to worry about what others might think. People have prejudices, and some of the folks that you’ve known for years might look at you differently if they knew about us."

"Lily, I…how do I say this?" The blonde’s stomach suddenly lurched with anxiety. "It isn’t you being a woman that scares me. It’s…it’s making another mistake for everybody to see."

Lily’s heart went out to the woman. As they drove to San Jose last fall, Anna had described in detail the humiliation she felt when she divorced Scott after only a year of marriage. Against her own better judgment, George and Martine had staged an elaborate wedding and reception, with more than 400 people in attendance. Anna had been almost embarrassed at the opulent display, made worse by its undoing so soon after. Lily reassured her friend, "We’ll take our time with everything. I want you to be sure."

**********

"So what’s it like making love with another woman?" Kim was not one to beat around the bush, especially when her sister—to her demented delight—embarrassed so easily.

"I can’t believe you went there so fast!" Anna retorted indignantly. "I just told you about this sweet woman who has touched my heart, and the wonderful sense of romance we’re enjoying. But no! All you want to hear about is the sex!"

"Yeah, yeah. So? What’s it like?" the imp persisted.

Anna sighed and dropped her shoulders in surrender. Kim was incorrigible. "I don’t know. We haven’t…exactly done anything."

"Well, what are you waiting for!"

"It’s not a race, you know. Not everybody gives in so easily to their most basal instincts, like two people I know who shall remain nameless but who can’t keep their hands off one another!"

"Don’t go changing the subject. We’re talking about your sex life here." Kim took special pleasure in tormenting her sister this way, and she was thrilled to see Anna so obviously happy.

"We are not talking about my sex life! I don’t even…know what it is that we do," she mumbled the last part sheepishly. Her sister was the only living soul with whom Anna had shared the details of her intimate experiences with Scott. To her infinite embarrassment, Kim then went on and on about the things she and Hal did between the sheets. She would never look at her brother-in-law—or Al Gore for that matter—the same way again.

"You don’t even know what you do? Well how will you know when you’ve done it?" Little Sister was really having too much fun now. Once she tasted blood, she usually badgered Anna until the shy woman spilled her guts.

"Well, I guess I sort of know what we’ll do, but…people like different things." Anna had never thought much about sexual things. She liked to think of herself as more, ahem…cerebral. Now however, her attentions wandered there almost every time she thought of the cute little blonde. "Lily excites me."

Kim was taken aback by the quiet seriousness of her sister’s last remark. "I’m really happy for you, Sister. What’s it like, the excitement?"

Anna thought of Lily and smiled. "It’s like nothing I’ve ever known. Being with her just makes me so aware of myself, of my own body. I want to feel her hands on me. I want to kiss her and touch her…everywhere. It was never that way with Scott."

"You didn’t like to touch him?" Kim needed to tread carefully. She didn’t want her sister to think she was still teasing.

"It wasn’t that. I just didn’t think about it. When I did touch him, I did it because I knew he wanted me to. But with Lily, it’s like a hunger."

"A hunger." It wasn’t a question, but an understanding. She felt the same way about Hal. "So why don’t you feed it?

The tall woman blushed again. "I think that’s going to happen soon."

"Then you’ll tell me everything, won’t you?" The old Kim was back.

In spite of herself, Anna knew she probably would.

**********

"So she doesn’t seem to be afraid of getting involved with a woman?" Eleanor was delighted to hear of the new direction in her daughter’s love life, but was trying to determine the source of the faint apprehension she discerned.

"No, she says she isn’t. I really don’t think that it’s an issue for her." Lily had been bursting with excitement to finally have the chance to tell someone about Anna. But as she talked with her mom, she realized that it was also a chance to explore her own feelings about where things were going. "It’s just that…well, that’s not the same as saying that you’re gay. And if she’s not, then she’ll realize it eventually. And there won’t be anything either of us can do about it."

"You know, Katharine had a favorite expression she would use whenever someone worried too much about things that might not happen. She used to say ‘Don’t go borrowing trouble.’ I think that’s what you’re doing here, sweetheart. You need to be enjoying this time, not worrying about it."

As always, Eleanor was absolutely right. Even if Lily couldn’t control her creeping doubts, she needed to savor this time getting to know Anna in a more intimate way. "You’re right Mom. I wish Katharine were here to see this. She’d probably get a kick out of seeing me so frazzled. I tell you, it’s like nothing else in the world exists."

"So…are things…progressing?"

"What things?" It suddenly dawned on Lily what her mother was asking. "Oh no! No way am I going to talk with my mother about that! I have limits!"

"Okay, suit yourself. But I guess that means you don’t want to hear what’s new with Bill Mueller and me." Bill was a longtime family friend. In one of life’s cruel ironies, the oncologist had lost his wife of 21 years to cancer three years ago. Lily knew that her mother spent a good deal of time with the doctor, but she had no idea that their relationship had blossomed into a romance.

"What’s this? You and Bill? Tell me everything! No, on second thought, a girl doesn’t need to hear these things about her mom either."

"Well, that’s a good thing. A woman’s got to have some secrets," she chided.

**********

"It was a very moving service, don’t you think?" Hal offered as they left the Presbyterian Church on Endicott Avenue. Kim, Anna and Lily were near tears and unable to do anything but nod their agreement. Tony wrapped his arm around the blonde attorney as a gesture of support. One year ago today, 27 people had lost their lives at the Endicott Mall. Tonight’s memorial service commemorated those lives and honored the heroes who had rescued scores of survivors. For Anna and Lily, it also marked the day that they met.

After a quick dinner with their friends, the two women headed to Anna’s Bel Air house in the X5. "What on earth did you say to your sister? She kept looking at me, grinning like she knew something I didn’t know. I swear she winked at me when you took my hand in the church."

"Oh, I just told her that you were special to me, and that we were having a lot of fun getting to know each other." Anna reached out and took Lily’s free hand again.

What does ‘special’ mean? "So what did she say?"

"She was…inquisitive."

Lily sensed that Anna wasn’t telling her everything, and it allowed her insecurities to creep in. Had Kim tried to dissuade Anna from going forward? Pulling into the driveway, she turned off the engine and shifted sideways to face her friend. "You mean inquisitive like ‘Are you happy with how things are going?’ or inquisitive like ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’"

The tall woman sighed and looked out the window so the blonde wouldn’t see her blush. She hoped above all that Lily wouldn’t tease her like Kim had. She had never been able to talk about intimate things openly without getting embarrassed. "No, inquisitive like ‘What’s the sex like?’"

"Oh." The blonde’s stomach fluttered, as it did every time she thought of making love with this beautiful woman. She couldn’t see her friend’s reddened face in the dark, but she surmised from the turned head that Anna was unsettled by the thought. Her heart sank with the acknowledgment that they might never progress beyond friendship, but if friendship was all that Anna could give, Lily knew she would accept it just to be near her. "Anna, look. I don’t have any expectations about that. I just want to enjoy being together. If it happens, I know it will be wonderful. If it doesn’t, we’ll be okay." And I will die.

Realizing that the blonde had misread her embarrassment as apprehension, Anna knew she needed to clear things up. "Come inside for a minute," she invited. They had already decided to call it an early night, since the car dealer needed to be on the lot at seven on Saturday morning. Lily stepped into the foyer, and Anna wrapped her arms around the small body. "Don’t read anything into that stuff with Kim. She lives to make me blush, and she’s pretty good at it."

"So you were embarrassed?" Lily was confused. So it wasn’t…

"Yeah, a little. But it doesn’t mean that we won’t…you know." Anna couldn’t hide this growing blush in the soft light of the foyer.

Nor could Lily hide her relief. Oh god, I’m in love with this woman! She tightened her arms around Anna’s waist and laid her head on the tall woman’s shoulder. "Hey, I’m not going to tease you. I’m just glad to know that you’re thinking about me that way."

"Of course I am." Are you kidding? "You are so special to me. But I get the feeling you don’t really know that. Sometimes I don’t think I do a very good job of showing you how I feel."

"No, you do fine. You’re special to me too." Very special. "I think I’m just a naturally insecure person. Probably my birth mother’s legacy. I usually expect the worst, then I’m not disappointed." As those words left her lips, she grimaced at how pathetic she sounded.

Anna was gradually coming to understand the fragile state of Lily’s heart. All of those people who had walked away from her—her mother, her high school friends, her lovers—had missed the chance to know Lily’s capacity to give. She took the small hands and clutched them to her chest, "I don’t want you to be insecure about my feelings for you. If you want to make love, I’m ready."

The blonde was so surprised by the statement that she couldn’t immediately respond. She was almost ashamed that her admissions of insecurity had elicited such an offer. "Anna, the thought of making love with you excites me almost more than I can stand. But when we make love, and I hope we will, I want it to be because we’re both ready, not because I’ve made you feel like you have to prove something to me. I need to handle my own insecurities."

The dark-haired woman relaxed, resting her cheek against the blonde head. They stood that way for several minutes, both warring with the need to share something. Talk of making love had definitely raised the stakes.

Guarding your emotions is a bunch of crap if it means not being true to yourself. "I love you, Amazon."

Anna’s arms tightened firmly around her. "I love you too, Pygmy."

Ahhhhh! Part 12 - 14 (Conclusion)

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