Warning: Bizarre humour
Disclaimer: RenPic doesnt know or want to know that I wrote this, but they do own the characters. It takes place after Altared States and contains spoilers for that episode. More Apologies to Eve Ng. The Gods know I have abused her gift again. I think I may have written this so that Xena can have some sort of revenge for Spider. For those skeptical (TMY, Lawls) about the wolf potion I refer to Farley Mowats Never Cry Wolf.Of Two Minds
She has to go.
Id be dead without her.
Shell die WITH us! Why is she here? Were Ares Chosen! And were letting this little girl lead us around! And look at the goofball way shes stomping around the fire, waving her arms...
Shes working out a story. Dont you think its sorta...
What? Cute? NO! And she NEVER shuts up.
She is so....
I know. Cute. Another reason to get rid of her.
It isnt like I havent tried...
You call that trying? You want ME to try? Let her finally meet the warlord she writes about?
YOU, stay away from her.
You are soooo whipped.
I like her. Dont you think shes easy to like?.
What! She is the most irritating combination of innocence and... I dont know! And pushy! And.... Shes driving me crazy!!!
"Xena? You dont think those wolves are still out there, do you?"
Say no! Say no!
"Yes, Gabrielle, Im pretty sure they are."
"That was amazing what you did to stop them from coming in here. Whats in that jar?"
"Um, family secret."
"The way the wolves just stopped at the cave entrance right where you put it? They just sniffed it and backed off! Is it a potion? A magic potion stolen from a sorceress? From Apollo or Artemis? I can see it! The noble warrior tricks the Goddess...
"Gabrielle? Could we just rest? When morning comes, the wolves will have left, and we can leave the cave."
"But theres that stream just down the hill, and I was feeling a little grungy..."
"You smell fine."
You sniffed her!
You got off on it!
"Cause... ah, Xena? I was hoping to clean up, maybe take a swim..."
You were thinking about her naked.
What of it?
We have GOT to get rid of her.
"Bed. Sleep. "
"Yes Xena. Goodnight Xena."
Youre doing it again.
Youre thinking about when she climbed you in the well.
Maybe. Right. You were wishing she had crawled up your chest, and then when we got to the top, she would have had to clamber over...
I was not.
Uh huh. And you didnt get all warm and fuzzy when she said you were beautiful.
Im going to sleep.
Were gonna have dreams.
Leave me alone.
Now youre thinking about when she ducked underwater when you were teaching her to fish.
In your version her hands dont grab the fish...
Shut up. Oh oh.
Shes trying to fake being asleep and shes checking to see if were out...
Whats she up to NOW?
Shes going to try to sneak out and go for a swim....
Past ME? And what about the wolves? Ohhhh! Not if she has some of our magic potion....
Oh Gods. She wouldnt.
We really should stop her...
Nope, too late. There she goes. Shes got the vial.
Youd think shed have smelt it first.
Oh, this is good. Think shes using enough?
Guess we should be glad shes going for a bath.
How much was left in the vial, anyways?
I filled it.
Thats right, we must have had a least three flagons of that ale.
More than enough to fill that vial.
You and your classic family secret wolf repellent.
I guess we should follow her, make sure she doesnt get hurt.
You know....theres that outcropping. Near the stream. We could watch her from there...
I thought you didnt like her?
Can I help it if I like the way you feel when we look at her?
Well, I guess were decided. We go after her.
Might as well. We seem to have already marked her as our territory.<chuckle>