By SX Meagher

Part 9

"Come on in," Townsend called out.

Hennessey opened the door to her friend’s dorm room and strode in. "Who missed me?"

"I did!" Townsend cried, running across the room to launch herself at her friend. "I missed you so much! And I thought of you on Christmas – wishing I could have some deep fried turkey."

"Mmm … it was good this year," Townsend said, smiling. "We had oysters coming out of our ears this year, too. It was a very good year for shellfish."

"How are your daddy and your grandparents?" Townsend pulled her friend over to the bed, then pulled her desk chair up close.

"Daddy was good this time. He was at home every night, and he wasn’t visibly drunk when I was there. I can’t say what he did when I was on Hilton Head, but things were good when I was actually at home. Granddaddy and Gramma are about the same – working too hard – worrying too much. I wish I could finish school so I could help them out, but that dream’s just gonna have to wait."

"So tell me about the workshop? Was it great?"

"It was great great," Hennessey said, grinning widely. "I went to a seminar that your mother gave, and she really impressed me. I think I’m gonna have to finally pull out some of her books and give them a read. She’s deeper than she seems, Townsend."

"Yeah, she probably is. I think she’s one of those tortured souls who has to medicate herself just to stay sane." She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess it runs in the family."

Hennessey reached out and gave her friend a generous hug. "You’ve never been more sane, buddy. You were crazy when you were drinking."

"Eh … maybe. It’s still too early to tell. So, what brings you over here in the middle of the afternoon? I thought you’d have class your first day back."

"No, we don’t start until tomorrow. And I’m here because I want to talk to you about something."

"Something good?" Townsend asked tentatively.

"It’s good for me, but it might upset you a little bit," the brunette said.

"Huh. I can’t guess what this is going to be, so go on."

Hennessey took a breath and said, "I have an opportunity to go to Europe next year. There’s a literature program that’s based in Paris – and they take students from all over the U.S. to participate. It’s very intensive, and it’s conducted entirely in French – so it’ll be very grueling. But I think it would be good for me – help to broaden my outlook a little bit."

"And you think I wouldn’t want you to do this?" Townsend gaped. "I think it would be marvelous for you, buddy. Is it over Christmas?"

"No, this is the part you won’t like," Hennessey said. "I’d be there for nine months. It would be my whole junior year."

Townsend leaned back in her chair and emitted a low whistle. "The whole year, huh? Wow."

"Yeah, I know, it would be hard for me to be away from you that long, but I think the program would be wonderful. It would let me really delve into another culture and gain an understanding of French arts and letters that I could never get in the States. As you know, I want to get my Ph.D. in literature, and having a cross-cultural curriculum like this under my belt would help me get into a good program."

With a small smile, Townsend said, "Hennessey, you have to do this. It would be good for you and good for your career. You can’t turn something like this down."

"Yeah, especially since I would only be able to go if I get a full scholarship. There aren’t many of them offered, but I think I stand a chance."

"I’m sure you stand a chance, buddy. You’re very gifted, and they’d be lucky to have you."

"Thanks," Hennessey said, smiling warmly. "Are you sure you’d be okay with me gone for the whole year? I know how much I’ve come to depend on you—"

"The same goes for me," Townsend agreed, "but your career has to come first. I’ve got some good friends here, and things are working out great with my sponsor. I’ll be fine, Hennessey. Don’t you dare let worrying about me stop you from pursuing something this important."

"Okay, I’ll apply," the brunette said. She gave her friend a playful grin and said, "Robin wasn’t nearly as supportive. She forbade me from leaving her to the vagaries of random dorm assignments."

"Oh, Robin’s so sweet, there’s no way she’d want you to pass up an chance like this."

"Nah, you’re right. She’s happy for me. But we’ve gotten to be very close, and it’s gonna be hard for her to live with someone new."

"Especially since she has the best roommate in the world," Townsend teased. "God knows, I’d love to live with you."

"I think you feel a little closer to me than Robin does," Hennessey said, smiling. "Hey, are we close enough to go get an early meal?"

Townsend inclined her head towards the pile of books on her bed. "No, I can’t. I've got a load of work to do." Smiling at Hennessey, she added, "Now if you want to stay and help me work on a short story …"

"No, no, I’ve got plenty to do. Besides, my food is included with my room and board. I shouldn’t throw money away if I’m going to have enough Euros to bring home some gifts for you next year."

"That’s the kind of planning I like to see," Townsend said. "Now, go get organized, and I’ll see you on Friday – same as always."

"It’s a date," Hennessey agreed, giving Townsend a soft kiss on the forehead while holding her gently in her arms for a few moments. "See you then," she said, reluctantly pulling away.

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

"Hi," Hennessey said over the cacophony near the entrance to the library. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Uhm … no, now’s not a good time," Townsend said, being very circumspect. "How about dinner? Can you swing it?"

"Yeah, sure. Shall I come by your dorm?"

"No, no, I’ll come to Cambridge. I’ll go to a five o’clock meeting, then I’ll come by your dorm. I’ll be there about 6:30, okay?"

"Sure. Are you okay? You don’t sound good."

"Uhm … yeah. I’m fine. I’ll see you then, okay?"

"It’s a date," Hennessey said.

* * *

When Hennessey opened the door to her room, Townsend thrust a tiny cell phone at her. "Don’t argue with me," she said. "I’ve already bought it and had it programmed, and I can’t take it back now. I added you as a member of my family plan – so we’ll share minutes. You can use it whenever you want -- as long as you’re calling me." She gave her friend a sly smile, and Hennessey knew that things were better with Jenna.

"I’ll take the phone, but I need a proper hug," the taller woman said. Townsend snuggled up against her, holding on for a long time.

When she pulled away she straightened her hair and said, "I don’t know what in the hell happened, but Jenna seemed close to normal when she got back to the room. She’s not completely over whatever was bugging her, since I caught her staring at me with a very puzzled look on her face when she didn’t know I was looking, but she’s at least talking to me."

"Damn," Hennessey said, releasing her friend. "She must have heard something that confused or upset her." Hennessey looked at the floor, trying to decide how honest to be. "Uhm … you have made some enemies in town, baby. And in any small town people love to gossip. The day you were in jail I spoke to a number of people when I went looking for you. From what I heard you must have pissed some people off – big time."

Townsend sat down on her friend’s bed, nodding briefly. "Oh, I have. The Kennedy kids have been behaving themselves for quite a few years now, so I’m the island pariah now. It sucks," she said, dropping her head. "I can’t believe I used to be proud to watch people cross the street so they didn’t have to walk next to me. I want to be liked now, Hennessey, but I think the chances of that are slim."

"Nah, don’t talk like that," Hennessey said. "People can change, and everyone loves to see a young person rehabilitate herself. Over time, they’re gonna start liking you. It’s impossible not to like you when you let someone know you."

Reaching out to ruffle her friend’s hair, Townsend gave her a bright smile. "Thanks. You’re so damned good for my ego."

"You’ve got an adorable ego," Hennessey said. "It just needs a little propping up once in a while. Now, let’s go grab some food and I can tell you about my week. We haven’t talked about me nearly enough."

Standing, Townsend linked her arm with her friend’s. "I can’t believe you can tolerate the way I treat you. You should always, always come first, Hennessey."

Dipping her head to kiss the crown of Townsend’s blonde head, Hennessey said, "Now you’re talkin’, it’s all about me."

* * *

"How can it be this cold in March?" Townsend asked as they walked along the bustling streets of Cambridge.

"I d…don’t know," Hennessey said, shivering noticeably.

"Jesus! I know you have a warmer coat than this one," Townsend said, tugging on a thin sleeve. "Where is it?"

"I packed up all my heavy clothes and sent them home," Hennessey admitted. "I didn’t think I’d need them any longer, and I had some free time during break. I came with two suitcases, but I’ve got more than that now, and I thought this was the most efficient way to move my stuff home."

"Yeah, it’s efficient, but it’s a little premature!"

"Now you tell me," Hennessey said. "Where were you when I needed a consult?"

"Let’s take the bus back," Townsend said. "We’re almost a mile from your dorm."

Hennessey was so cold that she didn’t put up a minute’s fuss. She trotted for the first bus shelter and huddled in the corner, the icy cold wind making her teeth chatter.

A large gap in the Plexiglas seemed to strengthen the wind, rather than cut it, and Hennessey was on the verge of hailing a cab – normally an unthinkable extravagance.

Townsend came jogging up to her, panting only slightly. "You look like you’re gonna freeze into a big, Southern Popsicle," she chided her friend.

"C…c…cold," Hennessey agreed, her lips turning blue.

"C’mere." Townsend opened her shearling coat while indicating that Hennessey should sit on the tiny seat designed to provide the most basic level of comfort for patrons. The brunette did so, looking up at her friend with a question in her eyes. "Put your arms around me," Townsend instructed, and Hennessey followed her order.

The smaller woman stepped closer, then wrapped her coat around Hennessey’s shoulders, enveloping her in the soft, buff-colored wool.

"Oh, God, this feels so good," Hennessey mumbled, her voice obscured by Townsend’s body and her clothing.

Townsend stroked her friend’s back, and soon the brunette stopped shivering. "Feeling better?" Townsend asked gently. She kissed the glossy dark hair, lingering for a moment – letting her lips rest against Hennessey’s head.

"Yeah. I feel … good," Hennessey said.

Something about her voice puzzled Townsend, and she pulled back to look into her friend’s eyes. There, for the first time in a year, she caught a glimpse of longing in the beautiful orbs, and before she knew what she was doing she bent slightly and captured the full, pink lips with her own, thrilling at the soft moan that slipped from Hennessey’s open mouth.

Without pausing to reflect, Townsend straddled her, frantically pulling her close. They grappled with each other, trying to mold their bodies tighter, while Hennessey sucked hard on Townsend’s lips.

Suddenly, Hennessey’s mouth was filled with Townsend’s tongue, and they began to squirm and press into each other, moaning insensibly. The bus came, paused, and left – neither woman having the slightest awareness of its passing.

Hennessey’s hands ran up and down Townsend’s back, her fingers digging into the flesh as she tried in vain to pull the smaller woman closer to her. Craving complete merger, Hennessey held her friend so tight as to bruise her, and Townsend winced in pain.

"Oh, shit," Hennessey groaned, her speech thick and slow. "Did I hurt you?"

"Yeah," Townsend panted, her eyes half closed. "Hurt me again. Now!"

Blinking in surprise, Hennessey once again followed instructions to the letter. They continued to wrestle, both gasping for breath until slowly the pace of their kisses turned from frantic to blatantly erotic.

Townsend held the dark head in her hands, and looked into the depths of Hennessey’s eyes. Seeing nothing but arousal and desire she bent to touch the pink lips with the slightest pressure. Using the tip of her tongue, she gently urged Hennessey’s mouth to open. She slid into the slick, warm mouth, feeling like she was finally at home. Hennessey’s tongue fluttered along Townsend’s, her pace slow and sensual.

Pressing against Hennessey’s stomach, Townsend ground her hips into her partner, moaning softly when a pair of large hands cupped her breasts and squeezed. "Ohhh," the blonde purred, "That feels so fantastic."

Emboldened by the response, Hennessey filled her hands again, massaging the firm flesh while her tongue darted all around Townsend’s open mouth.

Without warning, the brilliant glare of a searchlight hit them, and Hennessey pulled her arm from around her friend to cover her eyes. A disembodied voice spoke. "Any further, and I’m running you two in. You’re about two minutes from public indecency."

Still shielding her eyes, Hennessey’s shaking voice called back, "Yes, sir. I apologize, sir. It won’t happen again."

"Uh-huh," said the officer, knowing it would happen a time or two on this particular shift alone. He shifted his car into gear and slowly cruised away, leaving two frustrated, and one mortally embarrassed woman in his wake.

Hennessey rested her head on her friend’s chest, taking in deep, even breaths until she could feel her heart start to calm.

"It’s okay, baby. We’re fine," Townsend soothed. "There’s a hotel not far from here. Come with me." She stood and extended her hand, but this time Hennessey did not comply.

Eyes filled with panic, the dark woman said, "No, no, I have to go back to my dorm. I have to!"

"What? Why?"

"Because this just happened!" she said, as though that were explanation enough.

Blinking in confusion, Townsend asked, "What in the hell are you talking about? Of course this just happened. We decided we'd wait until we were ready, baby. We agreed that we wouldn’t try to meet a timetable. Don’t you remember?"

"Of course I remember, but we’re not ready for this, Townsend. We’re not! Our bodies are more than ready, but our brains aren’t. I know that … I do!"

"Oh, Jesus, Hennessey, not this again!" The blonde climbed off Hennessey’s lap and dropped onto one of the hard, plastic slats. "You can’t mean that!"

Squatting down and running her hand through the soft, blonde hair, Hennessey looked at her friend with deep pain in her eyes. "I do mean it. I wish to God I didn’t. God, I wish I didn’t!" She began to cry, hot tears streaking down her chilled cheeks. "I want you so badly, Townsend, but we’re not ready."

Townsend looked at her, trying to see what was going on inside that dark head. Unable to read the conflicting signals she was receiving, she said, "I am. I’m ready, Hennessey, and I know what I want. I want you, and I want you now."

"I know that," Hennessey said softly. "I’m … I’m sorry, Townsend, but my conscience won’t let me do this. I wish it would shut up and let me do what every other part of my body wants to do – but it won’t. And I won’t make love with you until I’m sure. I can’t do that – to us."

Townsend took in a breath that sounded like it would suck half the oxygen from Cambridge. "I won’t waste my time trying to convince you otherwise," she said. "It’s not worth the energy. When you make up your mind I don’t have a chance." She stood again and gave her friend such a cold look that it hit Hennessey like a blow. "The time is right, Hennessey. I’m more mature and I’m more certain than I’ve ever been that you’re the woman for me. I’ve made gigantic strides in this last year, and you claim that you see them, too. But I think those are just words you use to placate me. If you really believed in me and in my maturity …" Shaking her head, she started off in the other direction, putting up her hand in a dismissive gesture when Hennessey called after her.

"Please don’t leave," Hennessey cried. "Please stay so we can talk about this."

"There’s nothing to talk about. We’ve talked until I’m nauseous. It’s time to let our feelings flow, Hennessey."

"Please, Townsend, please don’t leave. I love you!"

"Not enough, you don’t," the younger woman ground out, her words carried by the cold, dry wind.

* * *

* * *

Hennessey stood in front of Townsend’s dorm room, shifting nervously from foot to foot. A pair of women walked past her and she couldn’t delay any more, so she knocked. Seconds later Jenna answered.

"Hi," she said, her expression giving nothing away.

"Hi, Jenna. Is Townsend home?"

"No. As a matter of fact I’m not sure she came home last night. I assumed she was with you."

"Oh, shit," Hennessey said, closing her eyes tightly to stop herself from crying. "Uhm … would you call her cell phone?"

"Sure. Come on in, Hennessey, and I’ll try to find her." Both of them walked into the room and Jenna picked up the phone, speed dialing Townsend’s cell number. After a moment she smiled and said, "Hey, Hennessey’s here looking for you. Did you come home last night?"

Hennessey paced around the room, trying to occupy her mind by looking at the ticket stubs and menus neatly tacked to a cork board above Townsend’s desk. She heard Jenna pause to listen to Townsend then say, "Oh. Uhm … sure. I can do that. I’ll ahh … see you later, okay?"

Jenna hung up and cleared her throat. "She’s at her parent’s house. I didn’t know she was going home for the weekend, but she won’t be back until Sunday night."

Hennessey gave her a tense smile and said, "Thanks, Jenna. I’ll see you around."

"Okay," the young woman said, a false note of cheer in her voice. "See you."

As the door closed behind her, Hennessey rested her cheek against the door and let the tears flow. People passed by, but she didn’t care if they saw her. Nothing mattered but Townsend.

* * *

* * *

"Come in."

Townsend stuck her head into Hennessey’s dorm room, and noticed Robin sitting at the computer. "Oh! Hi, Townsend. Hennessey’s not here right now."

"Uhm … do you know where she is? This is our normal night to go out to dinner."

"Well … ahh …" Robin gave her an embarrassed half-smile and said, "I don’t think she was expecting you. She’s … she’s been very down this week, Townsend. She thinks you hate her."

Townsend sighed and sat down on the bed. "I could never hate her, Robin. Never." She closed her eyes and raked her hands through her hair, then lifted her head and asked, "Do you know what’s going on between us?"

"Not really. All she told me was that you were angry with her and wouldn’t speak to her."

"That’s about it," Townsend agreed. "I was very angry with her, but I could never hate her. I’m frustrated, and I’m still pissed off, but I know we can work it out."

Robin got up and walked over to sit next to Townsend. Placing a hand on her leg, she said, "She cares for you so much. You can’t imagine how much pain she’s been in his week. I was about ready to call her gramma and ask for advice on how to cheer her up."

"Oh, fuck me," Townsend muttered. "I should have stayed in contact with her, even though I was mad at her."

Robin shrugged her shoulders, then said, "The hardest thing for her was when you blocked her e-mail. I think she understood that you didn’t want to talk on the phone, but not allowing her to talk to you at all was pretty harsh."

"I know, I know. I was just …" She blew out a breath and asked, "Do you know where she is?"

"No, I don’t. I can tell you all of the places she normally hangs out if that’ll help."

"Yeah. I’ll go find her, one way or the other. Will you call my cell if she gets home before then?"

"Sure. No problem. Uhm … you don’t have the hall phone number blocked too, do you?"

Wincing, Townsend said, "I unblocked her on Wednesday. I guess she just didn’t try again."

"She’s not the type to do that, Townsend," Robin said as she handed her a sheet of paper listing Hennessey’s favorite haunts. "She told me that she slid a note under your door telling you that she wouldn’t try to contact you again. Once she tells you something, you can depend on it."

"I know that’s true," Townsend said softly. "But sometimes she, like everyone else, makes promises she can’t keep."

* * *

"I should have known to start at the library," Townsend said when she found her friend over three hours later. The blonde sank into a chair next to the startled woman and shook her head. "I’d make a terrible detective."

Hennessey’s calm lasted for less than a minute, before tears were forming in her eyes and her arms flew around Townsend’s body. "I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry."

"Shh … shh," Townsend soothed. She ran her hands through Hennessey’s thick, black hair, whispering softly to her. "We’ll work this out. We will."

"Are you sure?" Hennessey’s trembling voice asked.

"Of course we will. We’ve been through worse, haven’t we?"

With a wan smile, Hennessey nodded. "I guess we have."

* * *

The pair found a quiet spot near the library and settled down on the spring-green grass. Hennessey was obviously nervous and still teary. Townsend leaned against a tree and pulled the larger woman to her. Like a child, Hennessey cuddled against her friend, nuzzling her face into her neck.

Softly stroking the dark hair, Townsend whispered, "I’m sorry I hurt you, baby. I'm very, very sorry."

"S’okay," Hennessey murmured. "I hurt you, too."

"Yeah you did," Townsend agreed, "but you didn’t intend to. My shutting you out was just cruel."

"Thanks," Hennessey whispered, beginning to cry again. "I … knew you were hurt, but you broke my heart when you cut me off."

"I’ll never do that again," Townsend said. "I promise you that, baby."

Sniffling, Hennessey asked, "Where do we go from here?"

Townsend was quiet for a long while, ordering her thoughts and censoring the ones she knew would be met with a quick rejection. "Uhm … I think you need to do some soul searching, honey, and figure out whether you want to be my lover, or my friend."

Hennessey sat up, her eyes wide with alarm. "I want to be your lover! I swear I do! I’m … just not ready."

"Then you need to find out why you’re not ready. I think you need to get some counseling, Hennessey. You need to find out what’s holding you back."

The dark head nodded and Hennessey said, "I went to the student counseling center on Monday. I was really hurting and I needed some help to stay grounded."

Her expression suffused with pain, Townsend whispered, "Oh, baby, I’m so sorry for what I did. I never meant to hurt you so badly."

"It’s really all right," Hennessey said. "Gramma always says that you learn your lessons through your tears."

Townsend smiled at her friend. "I normally agree with your grandmother, but I hate to have you cry. Do you think you'll go back to the health service? It really might pay off if you talked to someone about your feelings."

"I did," Hennessey said, giving Townsend a puzzled look. "I got some things off my chest, and I'm feeling much better."

The blonde gazed at her friend for a few moments, struggling with her emotions. Deciding that trying to talk Hennessey into going to therapy would never be productive, she merely nodded. "I'm glad you're feeling well, stretch, and I'm very sorry that I hurt you."

"I hurt you too, Townsend. Let's try to put this behind us and make a new start."

Townsend managed a smile, but knew in her heart that Hennessey was no more ready to make a new start than she had been on the night she kissed her.

* * *

Two weeks later, Hennessey lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling of her room. "Did you have fun tonight?" Robin asked.

"Uhm … yeah, I guess. It’s … it’s not the same, but I still enjoy being with her."

"What’s not the same?"

"Our relationship," Hennessey said. "Townsend doesn’t share things with me like she used to. It’s … it’s like she’s afraid to be vulnerable around me any longer. She’s … guarded."

Robin sat down on her desk chair and rolled it close to her friend. "You can’t really blame her, Hennessey. She wants something from you that you’re unable to give her. How is she supposed to act?"

"I don’t know," the dark-haired woman mumbled. "I just miss her. I miss her so much, Robin. I’ve never been as close to anyone that I wasn’t related to, and losing that closeness is about to drive me mad."

"Maybe she’s protecting herself a little bit," Robin guessed. "I mean, in less than two months you’ll go back to South Carolina, then you’re off to Paris for a year. To be honest, Hennessey, I don’t blame her for pulling back a little. It’s obvious she’s not going to get what she wants for another year – at least. That’s a long time – especially to someone like Townsend. She doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who’s fond of biding her time."

"No, she’s not," Hennessey agreed. "I guess you could be right. Maybe she’s just trying to protect herself a little bit. God, I hope that’s all it is."

* * *

The night before Hennessey was to fly home for the summer Townsend insisted on going out for a celebratory dinner. "I can’t believe I got through my first year of college without a drink, a controlled substance, or a failing grade," she said, laughing.

"You’re being more than a little modest, Townsend. You were less than a quarter point from being on the Dean’s List." She reached across the table and squeezed her friend’s hand. "I couldn’t be more proud of you."

"Thanks," Townsend said, blushing under the praise. "I will concede to working hard, and even admit that it felt good to apply myself. Who knows, I might even decide to go to graduate school some day."

"Those are words I never thought I’d hear," Hennessey said, smiling fondly at her friend. After a beat, she added, "You've made all of the progress this year. You've changed you life in so many ways, and I'm stuck just where I was when the year began. You’ve been so patient with me, and now I’m asking you to wait for over a year to see if I can figure out how to have a sex life."

The blonde sighed, trying to be upbeat but having a difficult time of it. "Well, it is disappointing that we won’t be able to work on it while you’re away. I wish you would have let me pay for a therapist for you, Hennessey."

"I should have," the brunette allowed. "I let my pride get in the way, and now we're both paying the price."

"Pride?"

"Yeah. I've always believed that I can fix any of my problems as long as I work hard enough. But I'm not having a lick of luck with this one. I should have admitted that I was struggling and we might have been able to make some progress."

Townsend gave her a thoughtful look, then asked, "Would you have gone to therapy?"

"Well … I didn't mind talking to that doctoral candidate in the student health service, but I don't know if I'm ready to lie on a couch." She looked at Townsend, her lips pursed. "Where I'm from seeing a therapist is a sign of pretty severe mental illness. I'd have to work up to the full blown therapy thing. But I should have at least gone to talk to the people in the student counseling service again. I let my fears get in the way."

Townsend nodded, saying, "Kinda what I thought."

"It hardly matters now, but I wish I had been more open minded. I feel like I've pulled you into this hole with me, and now you can't get out." Hennessey's head dropped for a few moments, and when she lifted it there were tears in her eyes. "I guess … I guess what I'm saying is that I don’t feel right asking you to wait for me, baby. God knows I hope that things can work out between us, but I can’t guarantee they will."

Covering the chilled hand with her own, Townsend said, "I’m not asking for guarantees, Hennessey. I love you and I don’t have any plans to look for anyone else."

Hennessey gave her a relieved smile and said, "I hoped and prayed you’d say that, but I thought I had to tell you that I wouldn’t blame you if you did."

"Please don't worry about that. Just enjoy your summer and try not to let any of the campers drive you mad."

"I don’t think anyone will challenge your record," Hennessey teased, earning a pinch from her friend.

* * *

The next morning, Hennessey sat in the United Airlines terminal, Townsend at her side. "Do you think you’ll be able to visit me at the end of the summer?" the brunette asked.

"I’ll sure try, but there’s a good chance I’ll be in Europe in August. My mom has an international tour to hawk her latest book, and I might go with her."

"Really?" Hennessey’s brow scrunched into a frown. "You’ve never mentioned that."

"Well, it’s not a firm plan, or anything. She just asked me recently, and I’ve been thinking about it."

The frown remained, and Hennessey's shoulders slumped a little. "Oh. Well, maybe we can meet up in Paris. I arrive on September the tenth."

"That won’t work. I start school the day after Labor Day. That’s a week before you get to Paris."

"Damn, Townsend, I don’t know how I’ll survive if I don’t get to see you before I leave. You know I need to see your sunny face."

Giving her a warm, but sad smile, Townsend nodded. "I know. But sometimes we don’t get what we want. Sometimes things just don’t work out."

"Meaning?" Hennessey asked, her frown etching deeply into her forehead.

"Nothing." Townsend patted the taller woman to reassure her. "I just meant that schedules and plans don’t always work like we think they should. There's not much we can do about this one, stretch. I'll make every effort to visit you, but I'm really looking forward to being with my mom on this book tour."

Hennessey looked at her for a long time, blinking in annoyance when she was called to board. "Will you really try to visit?"

"Of course I will." Townsend wrapped her arms around her friend and gave her an enthusiastic hug. "I’ll try hard."

Hennessey looked at her again, staring deeply into her eyes. "Do you promise?"

"I do," Townsend replied, holding her friend’s gaze. "If nothing else, I’ll come to Paris over winter break. There’s no way I’m going to miss the looks you get when you speak French with that Southern accent. No way on earth!"

"That’s my girl," Hennessey said, smiling at her fondly. She leaned over to kiss Townsend, placing a gentle buss on her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too, Hennessey. Now, you’d better scoot if you want to get some room in the overhead bin. Go on, now."

Hennessey nodded, then got in the slow-moving line, looking over her shoulder every few seconds to make eye-contact. After she handed her ticket to the gate agent, she turned one last time, but Townsend was gone.

* * *

* * *

"How am I supposed to call you when you have your cell phone off all day," Townsend said, letting her annoyance show when she finally got hold of Hennessey that night.

"I've got a job to do," the brunette said. "I can't have my phone ringing in the middle of class." She paused for a moment and said, "Is the entire tenor of our conversation going to be like this? If it is, I can make myself miserable. I don't really need help in that department."

Townsend was quiet for a while, trying to control her temper. "I'm sorry, Hennessey, but your e-mail really pissed me off."

"Pissed you off? I pissed you off?"

"Yes, you pissed me off. Your note was so accusatory, Hennessey, and I've done nothing to deserve that."

"I'm the one who's in a position to decide that," Hennessey snapped.

"No, you most fucking certainly not! You can have as many suspicions as you want, but I'm the only one who knows what went on between Jenna and me. And if you want to know what happened, I suggest you take that high and mighty attitude and tone it down a couple of yards. Now do you want have a civilized conversation, or not?"

"Yes, yes I do," Hennessey said, sounding more like herself. "I'm just beside myself with anger and frustration, Townsend. I feel like you lied to me, and I can't tolerate that."

"I did not—not once, lie to you, Hennessey. You can believe that or not, but it's the truth. Now if you want to know what happened I'll tell you. But don't bitch about it if I tell you more than you want to hear."

"I want to hear everything," Hennessey said. "I promise I won't complain."

Townsend took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm down enough to relate her story. "Okay. Here goes. I've always thought that Jenna was an attractive woman. She's pretty, but in a nice, clean, wholesome way. She looks like she could do an ad for milk or some really pure soap."

"Yeah, that's Jenna," Hennessey agreed. "She's not a weathered old crone like me."

"Hennessey, will you stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself!" As soon as she said it, Townsend regretted it. "Oh, shit, I didn't mean to say that."

"Yes, you did," Hennessey said. "You're just sorry that you said it out loud." Her voice was hard and cold, two tones that Townsend had almost never heard from her friend.

"Fine. I am sorry I said it out loud. But you are feeling sorry for yourself and it's getting in the way of my telling you what happened. Now do you want to know, or not?"

"Yes, I want to know. I'll try to keep my opinions to myself."

"Great. That's just what I want." Townsend sighed, knowing it was going to be a long night. "As I said, I've always thought Jenna was pretty, but I also think that Halle Berry is pretty. I gave as much thought to sleeping with one of them as the other."

"Until …"

"Until the night it happened," Townsend said. "I was down about your leaving, Hennessey. I can usually hide my feelings pretty well, but Jenna sat me down that night and asked me what was going on. I tried to weasel out of the conversation, but she was very determined."

"I bet," Hennessey muttered, but Townsend chose to ignore her comment.

"I don't know why I did it, but I told her the truth. I told her that I was in love with you, but that we hadn't been sexual with each other."

"Because I'm frigid," Hennessey said, sounding terribly wounded.

"No," Townsend said, her voice soft and empathetic. "I told her that you were trying to protect both of us from heartache. I told her that you wanted to make sure that I wouldn't drink again, and you were being more careful than I thought you had to be. That's all I told her, Hennessey, I swear that."

Sniffling back her tears, Hennessey said, "I believe you. I'm sorry I'm being such an asshole, Townsend, but I'm so fucking hurt."

"I know that, love, I really do."

"Then what happened?" the brunette asked.

"She asked if I thought you and I would ever get together, and I said I wasn't sure. I said that it wouldn't happen for more than a year, and that I was getting doubtful that we'd ever be able to take the leap."

"You and me both," Hennessey said.

"Yeah, well, she came over and sat next to me on my bed and told me about what had happened when we were on spring break. She was having an ice cream cone and was approached by a woman who I used to sleep with. Now that's not a small group, but I think I know who it was. This woman told Jenna that she'd seen the two of us on the island and asked her a few questions. Jenna blithely told her about being friends, and the woman said that I didn't make friends, I just fucked women until I found a new one who caught my eye, and then I fucked her."

"Ouch," Hennessey said.

"Yeah, well, I can't fault the accuracy of her account, just the inappropriateness. Jenna, as you can guess, was pretty freaked out by the whole thing, but she said that she'd spent the previous months praying about it and seeking guidance. Everyplace she looked told her that women having sex with women was a massive sin, but she slowly admitted to herself that she was attracted to me. I swear that I'd never picked up on it before, Hennessey, but she told me that she was in love with me, and that if I had feelings for her too she'd do her best to get rid of the years of negative messages she's been bombarded with."

"So you took her up on her offer," Hennessey said flatly.

"Yes, I did. I still don't know if I did the right thing, but I did what I thought was right. I don't mean to sound like Mother Teresa, but my heart really went out to Jenna. For a girl like her to fight through all of the bullshit she's been told … well, I was very moved."

"What is this, Townsend, a mercy fuck?"

There was dead silence on the other end and it lasted for a long while. Finally, Townsend said, "I can't believe you said that to me. Do you have no feeling for who I am?"

"Shit. I'm sorry, Townsend. I … I don't feel like myself tonight, and I probably shouldn't have even written to you. I should have waited until I had my feelings under control."

"NO!"

"What? What in the hell are you yelling about?"

"I don't want you to control your feelings, Hennessey. That's why we're in the situation we're in! You have to learn to trust your feelings and give in to some of your desires! You're so buttoned up that it's stifling you." Her voice grew soft and tender, and she said, "It's what's keeping us apart."

"Oh, Townsend, I want to be with you. I want you so much."

"I want you too, Hennessey, but aside from the bus stop incident it had been a year since we kissed, and it's going to be another year before we can kiss again."

"So you're with Jenna because she's available? That hardly seems fair to her."

"Hennessey, I don't use people anymore. I've told Jenna exactly how I feel about you. Neither one of us thinks that we'll be together until death parts us. Jenna is just discovering that she's attracted to women and she wants to see where those feelings lead her. I know what I want, but I don't think I'm going to get it, so it's time for me to start dating again."

"So you don't think we have a chance," Hennessey said, her tone flat.

"That's not what I said. All I said was that I can't put my entire future in your hands, baby. I need to live my life and you need to live yours. If you get to the point that you feel ready to love a woman and I'm single, I'd love for that woman to be me."

"That sounds pretty unlikely, Townsend. You're such a catch that you'll never be single."

"Thanks for the compliment, stretch, but I'm also very discerning now. I'm not in love with Jenna yet, but she's kind and thoughtful and a very good person. She's a lot like you, Hennessey, and that's why I'm willing to take a chance on this relationship."

"And Jenna's okay with the fact that you're feelings are … divided at best?"

"I told her everything, Hennessey. That's all that I can do. I told her that I'm not ready to settle down and get married, that I'm in the market for a girlfriend—not a wife. I can't be more honest than that."

"What happened after you had this discussion?"

"Why do you want to know this?" Townsend asked. "How will this help you?"

"I just want to know. Please don't keep me in the dark, baby."

"I don't think this is a good idea, but I trust that you know what you need," Townsend said. She took a breath and said, "Jenna was struggling with her feelings for me, and she asked if I'd kiss her. I did, and … she liked it."

"Uhm … I guessed that part," Hennessey said.

"We just played around for a while," Townsend explained. "I thought we'd leave it at that, but she insisted that she wanted more."

"Only Jenna wanted more?" Hennessey asked, her tone implying that the question was rhetorical.

"No, I wanted more too. Holding her and feeling her body against mine set me on fire, Hennessey. All of the sexuality we've both been suppressing just bubbled up. Before I knew it, we were both naked and making love."

"Does she … please you?" Hennessey asked, her voice sounding strained.

"Only sometimes," Townsend admitted. "She's got a lot of programming that she's trying to get past, Hennessey. Sometimes it gets overwhelming for her and she has to stop. But when she's able to really be there and focus on the pleasure, rather than the bad messages, she's … she's learning to express herself," she said, trying hard not to be too graphic.

"She's doing better than I ever did," Hennessey said, "and I didn't get a lot of negative messages. I guess I'm just fucked up."

"Hennessey please, please do what I asked of you. You've got the whole summer, and I'm sure you could find a therapist in Hilton Head. You could talk to someone and have a place to vent your anger as well as your feelings about sex. Please, baby."

"I'll think about it," Hennessey replied, giving the impression that she would do no such thing.

"Fine." Townsend sighed and asked, "Anything else?"

"Yeah. What did you mean when you said that sex was weird for you since you stopped drinking?"

"Hennessey, I've been doing everything through a haze of alcohol since I was a kid. I've never been vulnerable with another person. I've never really shown anyone what was in my heart. It's a whole new experience, and it's been pretty amazing. Sometimes it's terrifying, but sometimes it's such a blissful feeling that I'm simply blown away."

"I wanted to be the one to blow you away," Hennessey said, her tears starting again.

"I wanted that, too," Townsend agreed. "But we might still have that one day, baby."

"Uhm … I don't feel comfortable talking like that," Hennessey said. "You're with Jenna now, and I'm not going to be a part of breaking you two up. I'd really prefer it if we can just be friends from now on. I can't have it any other way."

"Fine," Townsend said quietly. "I'll try. Anything else?"

"No, that about covers it. I'll think about what you said and we'll talk again. Thanks for responding so quickly."

"That's it? You're gonna hang up?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm so tired," Hennessey said. "I might be able to sleep tonight—now that I know you didn't make the first move on Jenna. That image has been haunting me for weeks now."

"I'm sorry, Hennessey. I really am. For everything."

"So am I," Hennessey said. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, I'm sorry I wasn't able to have sex, and I'm sorry that you couldn't wait for me. I'm sorry about so many things that I'm sick of being sorry."

"I still love you, Hennessey," Townsend said softly.

"Thanks. Uhm … I'm gonna go now. G'night."

Townsend hung up, and went for a long walk around Boston, struggling to get her emotions under control while being bombarded with images of nothing but Hennessey.

* * *

"Hey, Jenna, how many pairs of shoes are you going to bring?" Townsend was speaking into the depths of the closet in her old bedroom at her parent's house in Boston. She was frowning at how she could possibly have as many pairs of shoes lying on the floor while none of them seemed attractive enough to take to Europe with her. She couldn't hear her lover's reply, partially because her closet was so large, and partially because her cell phone started to ring. "I can't hear you, honey, I'll be out in a minute." Pulling the device from her pocket she flipped it open and said, "Hello?"

"Got a minute?"

"Sure, Hennessey. Uhm … let me make sure we have some privacy." She poked her head out of the closet just in time to see Jenna walking down the hall, heading for the bathroom. Townsend closed the closet door and sat down on the floor. "I'm ready. What's going on?"

"I'm scared," Hennessey said, her voice starting to quake.

"Scared? Oh, baby, what are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of leaving home, being out of the country for a whole year, missing my grandparents, losing you." She sniffed loudly, then said, "Mostly losing you."

"Oh, Hennessey, my sweet, sweet baby. I'll always be your friend. Always."

"I want, I need, a lover, Townsend. I want you as my lover, and I won't ever be happy until I have you."

"Hennessey, I know you're sad now, but give it some time. You're going to be in such a wonderful place, and you'll be learning and experiencing so much. I promise that you'll be so enthralled that you won't have time to focus on our relationship."

"I'll never be too busy to focus on you, Townsend. You fill my mind and my heart. I'd do anything to have another chance. Anything."

"Hennessey, you know I love you, but you need to go to Paris. You need to broaden your mind and your outlook. You need to be open to any new experiences that you encounter. Heck, you might meet some lovely mademoiselle and have a fling. Don't focus on the past, baby. Look to the future."

"I want you to be my future," Hennessey said. "I always will."

"Then spend this year getting rid of the things that stop you from living the life you want. You can't have a future if you're not fully living in the present."

Sighing heavily, Hennessey was silent for a moment, then said, "I'll cancel my plans and return to Harvard this year if you'll give me another chance. I'll go to therapy seven days a week. I'll do anything to make it work."

Forcing herself to remain strong, Townsend softened her voice and said, "I can't do that to Jenna or to you. It wouldn't be fair to either of you. I've dedicated myself to my relationship with Jenna, and I won't give up on it. And you have to figure things out for yourself, Hennessey. I can't do it for you, and I can't make it any easier for you. I'm sorry, but that's the truth."

Once again, Hennessey was quiet for a while. Then she cleared her throat and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called."

"Oh, sweetie, don't be sorry. I'm glad I got to talk to you."

"No, no, I'm not sorry that we spoke. I'm sorry that I tried to pressure you into taking me back. I don't know what in the hell gets into me, Townsend. I call you intending to just say goodbye and wish you a good trip and I find myself begging like a child."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You know how my therapist told me that I was stuck at fourteen because that's when I started to drink?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's a little like that for you. This is the first relationship you've ever had, honey. Most girls start dating when they're fourteen or fifteen. You didn't start until you were almost eighteen and as soon as things got serious you pulled back. You've got to move through the things that most girls get out of the way when they're still in high school. Your brain is very, very mature, babe, but your emotions have some catching up to do."

"I guess you could be right," Hennessey said quietly. "I don't like it, and I hate to agree that I'm that immature, but I guess I have to."

"You're not immature, Hennessey. You're one of the most mature people I've ever met. You're just going to have to progress through some stages that will probably be painful for you."

"Why is growing up always so painful?" Hennessey asked.

"Got me. I think it seriously sucks."

"Seriously," Hennessey agreed, chuckling softly.

"That's my girl," Townsend said. "I knew I could get you to laugh at least once."

"That wasn't really a laugh, but I think it's the best you're gonna get," Hennessey said.

"Have a good time in Paris, stretch, and know that I'm thinking of you … always."

"Me too, baby. You're always in my thoughts. Please try to forget my earlier begging. Rack it up to temporary insanity."

"If I were twice as crazy as you are I'd still be saner than I am now," Townsend said, laughing softly. "You're still my role model."

"I don't know how wise that is, but I appreciate the compliment."

"I've gotta get going now, honey. I'm not even half finished with packing and you know how long it takes me to get ready."

"I'll let you go," Hennessey said, the truth of the words hitting her like a blow. "I love you, Townsend."

"And I love you, stretch. I'll write as often as I can."

"Thanks. I'll do the same. Bye."

"Bye-bye." Townsend hung up and flopped down on the floor. Lying motionless for several moments she felt her heart beating wildly while she struggled to keep from crying. Oh, Hennessey. I love you so much. Please come back to me someday.

* * *