Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. MCA/Universal are getting rich. I’m just having fun.

While I do have a pretty good idea how things work on a production set. I claim absolutely no working knowledge of how things are actually done on the set of XWP, therefor everything stated here is pure assumption and logical thinking.

Ever wonder what it might be like if Xena and Gabrielle were really teaching Lucy and Renee how to be Xena and Gabrielle?

This is part four in The Truth...series and MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR 4th and 5TH SEASON XWP.



The Truth and Nothing But The Truth…

Part 4

By T.Novan


Xena stood in front of the prop trailer contentedly munching on an apple as she listened to Gabrielle grumble around inside moving things with far more force than necessary. She sighed as she leaned back against the metal of the trailer and listened to her soulmate rant. She just smiled and shook her head as she continued to eat her apple.

Renee came around the corner of the trailer. She was excited about the new costume changes and wanted to get her friends opinions. What better experts than the two who actually lived it? "Hey!" She called to the warrior who had just finished the apple and tossed the core into a nearby waste can. "Whaddya think?" She turned a full three hundred sixty degrees to give Xena the full view.

"Very nice. If I weren’t three thousand years old and married…." The warrior grinned with a wink as the actress moved closer.

Renee cocked her head as a loud crash exploded from the prop trailer. "Oooo somebody’s mad. What did you do now?"

"Me!?" Xena protested as she pointed a finger to her own chest. "Why must you assume that I did something?"

"Because you usually have when she’s this upset. Remember a couple of months ago when we were working on that scene in that awful mud and…. "

The warrior winced as she remembered the tumble the bard had taken during rehearsal because she had missed catching her hand by just millimeters and the nasty bruise that was left on her hip and thigh as a result. "Yeah, but this time I swear I didn’t do anything. Little miss ‘It’s only a TV show’ is cranky over the changes this season."

"Why? You’d think she’d enjoy the fact that they’re making Gabrielle more realistic. I mean I didn’t mind everything that happened last season, but if they had given me one more ‘Gabrielle falls for the local religious nut’ I was gonna start cramming scripts down the writer’s throats."

The warrior laughed as she nodded in agreement. "The one thing my bard never really was, was gullible, but I don’t know if realistic is the proper word either. Except for a few bits and pieces, the show went pretty off the mark of our lives after the first few episodes of third season. Took me a long time to cope with it but now that I’ve got it under control she’s," Xena thrust a thumb over her shoulder "Losing it."

The door flew open and a steaming bard emerged with the new weapons in her hand. "Would you look at these!" She held them up for her soulmate to inspect.

"Very nice." The warrior just didn’t know what else to say.

"Nice my ass!" The bard growled.

"Yeah well that’s nice too." Xena smirked with a downward glance at her wife’s tight fitting jeans.

She soon found the tip of one of the new weapons even with the end of her nose. "Behave before I show you how much damage you can actually inflict with one of these."

"Yes dear." Xena grinned as she winked at Renee.

The bard spun around looking at the actress. The first thing she took in was the new costume. She groaned. "Oh God…."

"What? You don’t like it?" Renee looked almost disappointed.

"Oh no Re it looks great on you, but I never…."

"Hey," Xena placed her hands on the bard’s shoulder massaging them gently. "It’s just a TV show, remember?" She was rewarded with an elbow to the ribs. "Ooof…" She coughed a little as she drew in a deep breath. "Hmm it would appear that it’s a different story when the shoe is on the other foot." She grinned as she let go of the bard’s shoulders and picked up the case that held the prop swords.

"Yeah well this is just silly!" Gabrielle groused as she waved the new weapons at the retreating form of the warrior. "If they’re gonna turn her into a warrior give her a sword for Christ’s sake! I never had a problem picking up one when I needed to."

"Picky, picky…." Xena called without ever looking back.

"Ah bite me!" The bard yelled before turning and smiling at Renee. "I’m sorry it’s just that all of this is kinda taking me by surprise."

"I know but with Luc being pregnant they have to shift the balance…."

"I know and I’ll live. Besides you are gonna have a ball with this."

"Oh yes I am." A wicked little grin spread across the actress’ face as they moved to join the warrior. "It’s gonna be nice to kick some real butt after four years."

"Hey you did a pretty good job with two and three. It’s not your fault that they sent the character so far off into left field last year."

"I know, but boy I gotta tell you I’m glad to be back on first base." She grinned. "So tell me about my new toys…."

"Well let’s go over here, I’ll kick a cocky warrior butt and show you how they work." She grinned as she eyed Xena opening the case containing the swords. "Hey tall, dark and ancient…." She yelled at the warrior.

Xena straightened up and looked at the women as they approached. She looked around and then back to the women, pointing to her self. "Who Moi?"

"Yeah you! Want to give Re a demonstration?" She asked as she twirled the weapons in her hands in a very intricate pattern.

"Sure if you think you can keep up there shrimp." She pulled the sword from the case and gave it a very impressive twirl of her own.

"Shrimp? Who you calling shrimp stretch…?"

"You shrimp…."

Renee just laughed as she folded her arms across her chest and watched as they played with each other.

Xena grinned at the bard as she twirled her sword and circled her.

Gabrielle tucked the weapons under her forearms and shot her soulmate a bored look. "You gonna fight or dance?"

The warrior looked down at her attire, boots, jeans, and T-shirt. Then she looked up with a smirk. "Well since I’m not dressed for dancing…." She moved forward with a quick thrust.

Gabrielle brought down the weapon in her right hand, catching the blade of the sword near the hilt, she turned putting her back to the warrior, then with a quick twist of her right hand she used the tool to wrench the sword from Xena’s hand. It flew a few feet into the air and then dropped to the ground. When it was over Xena was swordless and Gabrielle still had full control over both of the items in her hands.

"Oh that was nice." Renee offered as she stepped forward. "Can I try that?"

"Sure." Gabrielle offered her the props. "Be careful. They don’t have edges but man they can still do damage." She lifted her eyes to the warrior. "Can’t they dear?"

"Oh in such a big way." She agreed as she retrieved her sword and wiped it off. She gestured to the weapons. "Took one of those through the thigh once. Bled like a son-of-a-bitch."

Renee grimaced as she looked at then and felt their weight and balance. "Clear through?"

"Yup in one side and out the other."

"Well ouch! That hurts just to think about."

"Well it didn’t feel good." Xena grinned as she picked an errant blade of grass from the hilt of her sword.

"Re," The bard began as she approached the actress. "Remember that these are primarily a defensive weapon. Depending on what the scripts call for I’ll show you how to use then offensively as well, but your primary use is defense and disarm."

"Well they’re already more effective than the dustbuster." The actress chuckled.

Xena dropped her head and groaned. "Oh please don’t get her started on that!"


TBC? Oh who the hell knows…<GBG>