"Con 04. Renee. And her crazy fan."

by KT
fsktl@uaf.edu

Well, I’ve decided to start this con report in the middle, with the performance that I suspect most people are most interested in. The appearance of Renee. And her crazy fan.

I see that I didn’t take any notes during this performance, so this is all from memory. Anyone who was also there should feel free to correct any mismemories.

The stage was set with a small table with two chairs pulled up to each end, a coat rack and various scattered props.

Renee came onto the stage as an old lady, all bent over, wearing glasses and a wig. She shook her way up to the center of the stage, moving like very old people do.

She had her BGSB Gabrielle outfit on, but she was wearing it over a mustard colored, long sleeved shirt and pants. (Looking very like some old ladies I remember who used to dress in layers like that on 29th street in New York. Just ‘cause they wanted to.) She creaked her way over to the chair at stage left.

At first it was just fun, watching her be an old lady, listening to her wit as she sketched a story of how when she was old, she would be telling her grandchild a story about her experience as Gabrielle. And then the raw honesty of what she was saying became more interesting than watching her act out being an old woman.

She talked about how her acting coach kept telling her that she had to open her emotions. Had to let go of holding in.

She looked out at all of us as she talked to us, saying how she’d be talking to her grandson one day, telling him about how she went to the 2004 convention to say goodbye, having learned to let go.

“And he’ll say to me, ‘Nana, WHAT are you wearing!?’”

She was having some problems with her mike—she was supposed to have a hair band on that apparently had the mike in it, but she couldn’t keep it on her head with her wig on. And so she kind of left it where it had fallen, draped around her neck, and worked with it that way.

She talked about the emotion of the moment when Rob yelled for the last time on XWP, “That’s a wrap!” And thus ended the series and that phase of so many people’s lives.

She picked up a small box, shaped like an eye glass case but larger. She opened the box and took out this oblong green stone. It was shaped like a wide leaf shaped stone point like ancient people made to use as spear heads, but with rounded edges and top, not a sharp point. She held it up so we could all see it and told us that this was the gift the crew had given to her when the show ended.

She talked about how giving this gift was a custom from the Maori culture. The crew on the show selected this very specific type of stone. And then everyone on the crew had the chance to carry the stone and fill it with their love. They could keep it with them for however much time felt right to them, until they had given it all the love they had to share. She talked about one person actually taking it to bed with him and sleeping with it. (And then I think I remember she said that when someone asked him how that was, he said “It was like sleeping on a rock”.)

And then, once the stone had soaked up all the love every member of the crew had to give it, they cut it up into pieces. They cut it into two biggest pieces, one for Renee and one for Lucy. And they cut it into numerous smaller pieces, enough to give one to each member of the crew. So everybody had a share of all the love that they had created amongst themselves while working together on the show.

I had never heard about the special background of the gift nor that the crew had also received parts of the whole stone. Renee wrote this part of the program and it was just such a fine tribute to the PacRen folks who all worked together as a team. Reminding everyone that the show as a completed creation had far deeper roots than just the outward faces of the actors who get to go on stage and get publicly lauded for their work.

Then she turned away to walk towards the coat rack that was filled with the costumes she needed for the show. When she turned around, we saw that her leather Gabrielle belt was undone in the back and hanging down her backside. We laughed and she turned around and looked at us and then looked over her shoulder and grinned.

This was interesting—how at times in the show she would suddenly become Renee and not an actor. And relate directly to us as herself, stepping outside of the sphere of the fictional actor’s world she was creating for us and for her to live in for the time she was on stage.

As she unwrapped her skirt, she grinned and said, “You’ll finally see how I take this off”. When she unlaced the BGSB there was a buzz of approval and when she whipped it open there were a few outright cheers. (Of course, she still had “street clothes” on under it all.

She wrapped herself in this pretty kimono type robe, white with flowers on it I think. Then she went over and sat down at the little table. She was playing the part of an actor who is in her dressing room, listening to the time cues and getting ready to go on stage. She brushed make-up powder on her face and was drinking wine.

She acted as if she was talking to someone else in the room at first. She talked about being an actor and how acting requires you to be totally open and vulnerable. That acting means you have to open yourself to a “lacerating exposure”. That’s what the job entails.

She asked for the house lights to be put on so she could see us. She stood up and looked into individual faces, stared back into the eyes that were staring up at her. She gave very serious, searching looks, her eyes glittering from the spotlights trained upon her face. She continued to talk about acting requiring that you must open yourself up, open up your soul, to the scrutiny of others. Let all those others see right into you. And as she stared hard-faced and unsmiling at us, she said that now we knew what lacerating exposure felt like.

The voice of the stage manager called her on stage and she turned to go. Music came up signaling the end of the piece.

Renee went back to the coat rack and pulled out a cowgirl hat and a denim jacket. She stepped into the role of a young woman rodeo rider. She told us her history, how her daddy had been scornful of one young man’s lack of skill and said that his little daughter could ride better than him. And then her father told her to get up on the horse.

The cowgirl told us that 8 minutes is the magic number to stay on the horse. And that she did it. And so her nickname became Big 8. She talked about how the rodeo used to be so much fun, just people getting together to have a good time. And than it became more and more commercial. And some people got involved just to make money off it. And then everything began to change, once the marketing people came in. “They” wanted her to spruce up some, to look sexier, to dress up kind of like the Dallas Cowgirls Cheerleaders, instead of like a cowhand. She was VERY scornful of that proposition. She growled about “them” wanting to make it into something like the Ice Capades, using that as another example of how a fun thing had been bottled up and packaged as a “product”. The piece ended with her lamenting about how rotten it is that when people are having fun just to have fun, somebody’s got to come along and ruin it, use it to make money and then try to change it so that they can make even MORE money from it.

The piece was humorous and poignant. Renee played a horse-loving tomboy really well. There were some really funny lines and Renee’s stance and body language added to the humor. She also did a great job playing her character angry, frustrated and sarcastically resentful as she sees a way of life she loves being distorted and cheapened for money.

The next portrayal was of a woman who talked about when her mother lay dying. Her mother had cancer and was given 90 days to live. So the mother went out and bought 90 marbles and put them in a bowl by the side of her bed. And each day she would take out one marble and hold it in her hand because she said it seemed to make the day last longer. And Renee clutched the marble and held unto it, lingering over the feeling of it in her hand. Round, complete, a circle like eternity.

Towards the end, the mother went to bed right after dinner every night. She wanted that time alone to prepare herself for what was coming. And each night the daughter would hear one marble drop down onto the floor, way after it was dark and quiet in the house. And then one night she heard the rest of the marbles all clatter down to the floor together. And when the daughter went to her mother’s room, she was gone. The piece ended with the daughter holding a marble in her hand saying, “It makes the day last longer”.

This piece was very poignant. The daughter showed a great deal of affectionate love towards her mother as she described her foibles. She talked about their life together and her mother’s life with the character’s father. There was some humor in it of course, but it was more nostalgic and affectionate humor than ha-ha funny humor. It was very well done.

Next, Renee played a member of a religious fundamental sect that handles snakes. She sketched a very vivid picture of her father and the people in her life. She quoted the “chapter and verse” that inspired generations of her family to handle snakes to prove their piety. Some of the lines in this piece were hilarious. Renee really let go in this one. She imitated people channeling the spirit of the Lord and raising their hands and testifying. And then she’d get real quiet and talk about the snakes and the purity of faith that was necessary to be able to handle them without getting bit. OR when you do get bit, living through it. She talked about “trancing” the snake. And about the people who watched her doing so. She pulled a “snake” (really a rolled scarf) out of a box and handled it as if it were alive, draping it around her arms and shoulders. The piece ends with the character talking about one day having a crisis of faith and feeling emptied of the Lord’s grace, and knowing that the snake was just a snake, not a God-inspired test of faith at all. (And it might just bit her then, eh?)

Really well done.

The final piece was about a woman who stood up and told us that at 35, after 15 years of marriage, and being a supportive wife, living just to be a helpmate to her husband, he had suddenly decided that she was too boring a person to continue to live with. Life had just passed by her and never touched her. So he left. And so here she was, alone.

One night she went out to a bar and picked up a musician. When he was between sets, they went outside to have sex. She made some deprecating remark about having sex “between music sets”. But I THINK she says she didn’t want to leave with him, so he cuts her. Renee picked up a magic marker and ran it along her jaw and down her neck and said, “He marked me.” And the character explained how people finally began to see her once she was marked. And she began to really look at other people who had also been marked. And she realizes that they are a special group, they recognize and know each other. She decides to get a number of tattoos to celebrate events in her life and to show the world what she’s like inside. She pulled her blouse off, standing in a black camisole and showing off numerous tattoos. There were tattoos on her arms and her belly and her back. She caressed them as she talked about them and what they stood for, how they showed that she had been touched by life.

And that was the end of the vignettes. The audience roared out their approval and gave Renee a many minutes long standing ovation.

Renee did an extraordinary job. She was compelling from the moment she first appeared on stage. She did such a great job with so few props. Her skill put her into the heart, soul and mind of many characters and made us believe in each one.

She also did an excellent job at picking her material. All of the pieces were thought-provoking and deeply intriguing. There wasn’t one that didn’t hold my attention. And everybody else’s, as was obvious from the dead silence in the audience, due to the hushed, rapt, absorbed focus we were all giving to her work.

The first one about the actor seemed to me to be the most personal piece, one that was giving a message to us from her. The words, “Lacerating exposure” create a very powerful image of what being a good actor entails. What it demands of you and how it feels to you if you manage to rise to the occasion. There have been hints in the past that Renee is uncomfortable with pouring her emotions out. And I think that here she was sharing with us why that is. And trying to give us a taste of what it’s like.

So, show over, she stood in front of us bowing and thanking us for our applause. And she held up her green stone. She kept trying to say something, but many people just kept applauding.

Finally, things quieted down some. Again she held up the green stone and she said that she wanted to include us in the love that had been absorbed in that stone. So she held it out towards us in her palm, making a slow kind of sweeping motion with it that made it available to all of us in the hall. She thanked us for all the support and love we have given to the people who made the show. And for still being there for them even though the show has ended.

This was very touching, that she called us in to the circle of love that the crew who produced the show had created. It was a very lovely and sweetly generous thing for her to do. It struck me as coming full circle, that what they loved and gave to us we loved so much also when receiving it. And that stone represents our feelings now also. And so we ARE all truly bound together by love. We’re just this damn little mutual admiration society…

Then Renee said she wanted to thank her acting coach who was in the family and friends section of the audience. She turned towards her and talked again about how they were working on her (Renee) opening up and expressing her emotions. Which would let her be free, let her release herself and let things go. And then Renee broke down and started to cry a little bit. She said, “Sorry” and turned around to protect her privacy I think. Of course, then she was facing the back of her giant head on the screen. She got herself under control very quickly and turned back around to face us again. Then she left the stage, again to thunderous applause.

One thing that really stood out for me was the connection between her and us that had us rooting for her success at all times. At one point, her little clip mike came loose and it slipped down her shirt. She tried to quietly fumble it back up towards her shoulder, but it was totally lost. So she just stuck her hand WAY down her blouse searching for it as she continued somewhat slowly with her dialogue. When SOME people began to giggle a bit, she finally broke character and gave us a little amused smirk as she dug down around her belly for the mike. And then the minute she found it and pulled it back out, she went right back to being the character again. And we settled right back down into seeing her as that character.

I just love the comfort level we and these actors share at cons. So many of us are so obsessed with the characters these guys play that the fame veil is in some ways, very sheer for us. We all know so much about these guys. Especially with Lucy and Renee, but also with the particular characters we each respond to. For instance, Bonnie got online before coming to the con and researched Alison Bruce’s career. Because she knew she’d get some face time with her and wanted to formulate some intelligent questions to ask her.

We know their birthdays, we know their parents and partners, we know how many kids they have and so on. Because of our intense interest in these guys, we have far more info on them than most audiences do when watching an actor at work. This con stuff is a really weird hybrid of planned and professional (more or less, wink) entertainment and a strange approximation of a slightly “friendship” like relationship. I don’t think there’s anything quite like this in any other performing kind of situation. Even music groupies—the WHOLE audience is not composed of intense groupies—some folks just like the music. But at a con, we ALL be groupies. And I think that the actors realize this and accept that we are just a somewhat different group than regular everyday audiences.

And I think that Renee sharing the gift of the stone with us validates and honors that.

So, Creation announced that there would be a short question and answer period with Renee. Sharon Delaney would have a mike and she would go into the audience with it so we could ask our questions.

And of course, in the audience there was this one typically crazy fan. The woman had wild and maniacally unruly black cork-screwed hair. She was somewhat heavyset (fit right in) and was dressed fairly casually. And she had a question for Renee.

As everybody knows by now, this was Lucy in disguise. And boy, does she know us. She was a perfect little presentation of how many of us look and act at the cons. She was playing the dorky fan. (Mike—I think she was playing you...grin)

She was dressed in baggy jeans and a green shirt. Well at least these were the outer layers. She must have had quite a few items of clothing on underneath these because she was one chunky little bugger. She topped it all off with a big ol’ denim jacket.

She spoke in a goofily excited, overwhelmed-to-be –speaking-to-her-goddess type of voice. (She spoke a bit like Lily Tomlin’s Ernestine but lower, slower, with more of a drawl and not much snorting. You know, I bet Ernestine would be a Xena fan. But I bet she’d like Gabrielle.) Just imagine how Ernestine would sound if she was deeply thrilled to be in the presence of somebody she was a big fan of – like if she met Gore Vidal in person.

Lucy’s question was (now imagine this said in the above described voice) “What’s it like to kiss Lucy Lawless?”

However Renee recognized her immediately, screamed out, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” and then leapt off the stage, ran over to her and gave her a huge hug.

By this point, screaming pandemonium had erupted all over the hall. Now fans who had been on the internet knew that Lucy was going to appear because of the coy little message that Creation sent out to their mailing list folks who had immediately blabbed it all over the Xena lists. But there are still many fans who are not online. It was a TOTAL surprise to them. People were screaming and yelling and applauding and laughing. Absolutely wild excitement.

So then they both got up on stage and Lucy said in her character’s voice, “What’s it like to kiss Lucy Lawless”.

And Renee answered, “C’mere and I’ll show you”. (But she didn’t.)

Later Lucy said to Renee in her infatuated but stunned fan voice, “Your hair’s real pretty”. And Renee answered very graciously, “So is yours”.

They mentioned that they hadn’t been together in a while. And when Lucy had been scheduled to go to New Zealand for the looping of Boogeyman, they had planned a sleepover to get in a visit before she left. But one of their boys got sick and so the sleepover got cancelled. So this was the first time in a while they’d seen each other.

Lucy asked Renee what she was doing. And Renee talked about workshops and the Guns and Diamonds movie, I think. Then Renee asked Lucy what she was up to and Lucy said in her fan voice that she was taking a photography class. Renee replied in a very surprised voice, “Really?”

“Nope.” They both laughed. Lucy really wanted to play with her character and kept fading between being Lucy and being the crazed fan. Must have been a tad confusing for Renee trying to figure out if Lucy was talking about herself or just improvising. They just both beamed at each other constantly —they were obviously very happy to be together again. Just look at the pictures of Renee that are already up on many web sites. She’s STOKED that her big buddy came to her show.

The audience began to scream very early on that we wanted Lucy to take her wig off. Lucy didn’t want to. She wanted to stay in character. And perhaps she didn’t want to be Lucy on stage, taking any of the spotlight from Renee.

But Renee also wanted Lucy to take her wig off and made her sit down so she could remove it. Lucy protested and said, “I don’t like this”. Renee persisted and got it off, then pulled out Lucy’s little topknot bun and loosened her hair. As she was doing this, Lucy said in an aggrieved tone, “You’ve unmasked me”.

Lucy talked about working up her disguise. And she said she wore an outfit that people would deliberately look away from, to keep from being recognized. (Like those people on the subway or the buses whom you would never dare make eye-contact with.)

She said that the clothes were just stuff she had “found around the house”. She had “borrowed the jacket”. But that the fanny pack (or whatever she’d call it she was wearing actually was hers, since, “When you’re a mom and you’re carrying babies around…” (shrug)

Lucy can be such a big galoot at times.

Lucy fairly quickly said goodbye and left the stage to Renee. But then Renee left very quickly after Lucy did.

Well. That was fun. Grin. It’s always so sweet to see the obvious affection and love these women have for each other. I think that always resonates very strongly with the fans. With those of us who have friends whom we love and treasure and with those of us who don’t but wish we did.


KT

 

Return to Main 2004 Xena Convention Page