"This Life"
By
Angela
Copyright:August 14, 1999
Disclaimer-- Paramount/Viacom owns the copyright for
StarTrek: Voyager, no copyright infringment is
intended, this is a strickly non-profit venture. If
you don't recognize the character, then she belongs to
me.
Author's Note-- I hope this story doesn't prove to be
confusing to anyone out there, its not my intention.
It's basically a song fic., which I find easier
to write, basicaly the story ends when the song does.
The song is called, "In This Life", and it's
sung by Collin Raye, he's a country singer in case
you've never heard of him. Thoughts are represented by
using the ( ) symbols, lyrics are denoted in
italics.
For all I've been
blessed with in
this life
There was an
emptiness in me
(That was true) I thought as I headed towards the
holodeck.
I was imprisoned
by the power
of gold
(I guess the extra pip did keep me from becoming
involved with anyone for a long time) I mused.
With one honest
touch you set
me free
"And what a touch it was," I uttered to
myself.
I reached holodeck 2 and entered my program.
I stepped through the doors and into my quarters.
It looked the same as it always did, but there was
something different.
Something inside was telling me to end the program and
leave...
But I couldn't, not now.
Let the world stop
turnin'
Let the sun stop
burnin'
There was nothing I wouldn't give up to have that day
back.
Let them tell me
love's not worth
going through
"Kathryn?"
"Yes, Annika?" I replied a sad smile on my face,
which promptly vanished when she stepped into the
room.
My heart stops...
Her beauty is beyond compare, why she chose me, I'll
never understand.
It is something I am eternally grateful for.
"You are early," she says, wrapping her arms
around me.
"I couldn't keep away for a second longer," I
whispered honestly, before becoming too busy to
talk.
If it all falls
apart
I will know deep
in my heart
(There were times I didn't think it would work
out, I had too many objections, which she took apart
with her cool logic. I know that our relationship was
looked down upon by certain members of the crew, of
course never to our faces, but you hear things. In an
environment this controlled, it was impossible
not to hear the gossip. I didn't care, I was
tired of my self-imposed isolation.)
The only dream that
mattered had come
true
"Annika... do you know how lucky I am?" I asked
when we broke our kiss.
"Is that a rhetorical question Kathryn?" she asked
with just the faintest hint of a smile on her
features.
In this life
I was loved
by you
"I see you've been busy..." I told her, seeing the
dining room table set, and stasis field covering our
dinner.
"I must find something to do prior to your
arrival," she replied.
For every mountain
I have climbed
Every raging river
crossed
(There may not have been real rivers and
mountains, but each adversity this crew endured to get
home, was a struggle) I thought.
"How was your day?" Seven asked, as I pulled out
her chair.
"Well... thanks to you... we'll should be arriving
in the Alpha Quadrant..." I managed to say before the
emotions I had fought so hard to bury, rose to the
surface.
"Kathryn... what is wrong?"
You were the treasure
that I longed to
find
"I... we didn't have enough time," I said, the
tears streaming down my face.
"Kathryn, please tell what is the matter. You are
frightening me..." Seven said, gathering the fragile
looking woman into her arms, feeling the tears soak
through her clothes.
"What am I going to do?" I whispered.
Without your love
I would be lost
"Tell me, perhaps I can help?" Seven offered,
anything to stop the pain her partner was
feeling.
Let the world
stop turnin'
"You can't."
Let the sun
stop burnin'
"Why?" Seven asked.
Let them tell me
love's not worth
going through
"YOU'RE NOT REAL!" I shouted. "Computer...
freeze program."
If it all falls apart
I will know deep
in my heart
"WHY.... WHY!?!" I screamed, feeling my legs give
out on me.
The only dream that
mattered had come
true
"It's time to go," I heard through my
tears.
"What?"
"It's time to leave."
I feel myself being helped up from the floor.
"Computer... end Janeway Alpha-Ten."
Soon my quarters disappear, giving way to the black
and yellow grid lines of the holodeck.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"When you didn't come home after your duty shift.
I asked the computer where you were... I waited as
long as I could..."
I nodded, I probably would have done the same
thing.
"You have to stop this mother. I don't think Mom
would approve of your hurting yourself this
way."
In this life
I was loved
by you
Wiping my hands across my face, I straightened my
clothes, there was no way I was leaving this room
looking like a mess. I wasn't going to let anyone see
behind the mask again, it hurt too much.
I walked along the corridors of my ship, my... our
daughter, Erin by my side. She looked so much like
Seven, it was startling at times. She would be turning
eight this year, she was stronger than most eight year
olds, a by-product of Borg technology, she was also
remarkably intelligent, just like her mother.
Hopefully, if the last test B'Elanna ran was
successful, Erin would be seeing Earth for the first
time, in person.
The ship was deceptively quiet, the news had not been
shared with the rest of the crew. We've had too many
false hopes over the years and I didn't want to be the
one to bash them to bits one more time.
We reached our home, the only one Erin's ever
known in her short existence. She didn't have many
toys, she preferred to study, as evident by the data
padds strewn on the couch.
"I'll get your bath ready," she told me, I believe
sensing the exhaustion I felt.
"All right," I replied, smiling weakly.
She turns to leave, only to stop and look back at
me.
"Mother?"
"Yes dear?"
"I love you."
"I love you too," I replied, the ache wrenching at
my heart. She should have both her parents with her,
it just wasn't fair.
I reached out for the holo-image of Seven from the
table.
(I can't believe she's gone.)
There wasn't anything anyone could do, there was too
much damage.
No matter how hard the Doctor tried, her injuries were
devastating, not even the nano-probes could cope with
the massive wide system failure her body went through.
Chakotay and the others wanted to be there for me, but
I knew I needed them to find out what caused the
accident in the first place.
My place was with Seven.
"Kathryn?"
"Save your strength darling, you're going to need
it later," I told her, holding on to her hand, the
only place that had escaped injury. I brushed the
strands of hair away from her face.
"Take care of Erin... of yourself..." her
breathing was becoming labored.
"That's your job, you'll see... you'll be up and
around in no time," I told her, the denial all ready
setting in.
"I will always love you Kathryn...
always..."
Before I knew what had happened, I felt her hand slip
from mine.
The Doctor pushed me out of the way, what seemed an
eternity was only a few minutes, as I watched him work
on the love of my life.
"I'm sorry Captain," he said, I do believe I saw
tears glistening in his eyes. "There was nothing I
could do..."
"You did all you could Doctor," I told him, my
voice calm.
"Shall I contact Erin for you?" he asked
gently.
"NO!" I answered harshly.
If anyone were going to tell her, it would be me. She
had no idea what was going on, only that her mom had
been hurt and that I was with her.
"I will."
The pass five months have been Hell on us, the
nightmares finally started fading. I knew that I was
being self-destructive, using the holodeck to try and
recreate her over again. I didn't want to let go.
B'Elanna, Erin's godmother, took Seven's formula and
worked on it tirelessly, until miraculously she
believed she had finally found the missing piece of
the puzzle.
"Torres to Janeway..." I heard coming from
my comm badge.
"Go ahead B'Elanna."
"It works Captain... it's works," I could
hear the joy in her voice.
"Good work... I know Seven would have been
pleased. Get some sleep.."
"Captain?"
"You heard me B'Elanna, I can't have you
collapsing at your post when we do this."
"Yes Captain." I heard her say somewhat
hesitantly.
"Tomorrow B'Elanna... tomorrow. Janeway
out."
It worked.
We were now only a few hours away from the Alpha
Quadrant.
"Mother... your bath is ready."
There are certain phrases that Erin uses that make me
shake my head and remind myself that it's not Annika's
voice I'm hearing.
I place the holo-image back on the table, but not
before bestowing a kiss on it. I warily get up and
walked towards the bath Erin has waiting for me.
I look down at my left hand, and see the simple ring
that meant the beginning of a journey that was far too
short for my liking.
"Mom..."
"I'm coming.."
In this life
I was loved
by you.
The End
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