Disclaimer:

These characters don't belong to me, they're just on loan for the telling of this little tale. They belong to Paramount Pictures; oh great owners of anything Star Trek. Absolutely no infringement of copyright is intended.

I do however own the idea for the story and the words said within. There is a same sex pairing being discussed and highlighted. There is nothing graphic but if you're not into that kind of thing or you're not old enough where you live to partake of the activity even if you wanted to do. Please surf elsewhere.

Note:

This story was inspired by the fourth season Star Trek; The Next Generation episode; THE HOST.

"Adjustments" takes place approximately six months after.

ADJUSTMENTS

She wore a Star Fleet officer's uniform reflecting the colors of sciences and medical staff, blue on black. A tall elegant woman, boasting three solid gold studs on her starched collar. She'd worn that uniform or something similar daily for almost 5 years aboard this ship. Worn it with dignity and with a healthy level of pride, she'd earned it. Usually it was like slipping into a second layer of skin, protective and secure. Temperture regulated for the most severe conditions. Designed for practicality and comfort. So why did it feel like it was strangling her today? But she already knew the answer to that. With the comfort and the pride came enormous responsibility and a couple of centuries of entrenched expectations of behavior.

Deanna Troi watched the woman pace back and forth in front her. She was her friend and the Enterprises CMO. It had been a relatively steady non verbal trek across the living room carpet since Deanna had opened her door to her a half an hour earlier. She apologized profusely about the hour, made all the excuses Deanna would expect from her friend regarding the nature of her call. But what was obvious and inarguable was she needed her services. Services of ship's counselor. A therapy session of sorts she had said. Well not really a official session, more of a "Deanna tell me what's wrong with this picture" talk.

Deanna observed the long athletic legs covered in standard issue jump suit stride past her once more. Several years older than her, Beverly Crusher was just passing forty. She still wore her hair beyond her shoulders, loose mostly, with the occasional broach or hair band. A beautiful shade of auburn framed generally smiling features. This morning it hung dull and lifeless, betraying a night of relative unrest. And like the uniform it just reminded her she was not handling this at all.

Beverly stopped at the small kitchenette to pour a fresh cup of tea. Her face looked pained, minus much of its usual color. Fingers instinctively curled themselves amongst a mass of orange gold locks and neatly repositioned them behind an ear. Deanna had seen the subconscious hair maneuver performed a hundred times. A sort of nervous twitch that said its owner was struggling with something. As Beverly sipped from the freshly filled cup she tried to imagine life without the leafy fragrance permeating her senses. Familiar, reliable, it was almost medicinal. Thank god for some sense of normality in her life she thought. She had been up half the night since the transmission came through. She managed to tell Deanna that much, as if it would excuse her inability to concentrate or relay clear thoughts. Yet it had been an expected call, not at all displeasurable, in fact she was very much looking forward to it. It was just......

Deanna watched her move back away from the counter finally, tea cup and saucer still providing an anchor for fidgety hands. Normally she would make a concerted effort to maintain the professional exterior that her position as the Enterprises counselor required, facial expression kept neutral, her posture attentive and relaxed. But Deanna was technically on her day off and they weren't in her office. Beverly was a friend, a dear friend, and she knew what most definitely was the cause of her distress.

"Beverly?" she couldn't help but smile. "What exactly has you troubled here? The fact that Odan is arriving in two hours? Or that she no doubt has.... expectations about whom she'll be sharing a cabin with?"

The red head turned to send her an embarrassed look, her face almost matched her hair color as eyes shouted. "My god do you have to be that blunt" When Deanna didn't show a hint of batting her own eyelids she looked away. No it wasn't that, Beverly had no problem with where, or with whom Odan would sleep.

After several more moments of pacing back and forth she seemed to exhaust it's usefulness and took a seat across from Deanna. The glass saucer, still in hand, chimed loudly as it collided with the matching surface of table top. She jumped a little.

"I am looking forward to seeing Kireel." Beverly stated regaining her composure.

Deanna gleamed. "But?"

Beverly shot her another phaser like stare. "Is this really necessarily?"

"No." Came the equally frank response. "But, we're friends. And we both know what your talking about here, so why not call it what it is."

"You make it all sound so simple."

"Well in many ways it is. You proved that yourself." She watched the older woman intently, awaiting the shared acknowledgement of her words. But it didn't come, least not visibly.

It was the truth, Beverly had proven it, in fact she'd instigated it. God why was this was all soooo complicated.

Beverly's mind shifted back six months to where it had all started.

They'd met when the Enterprise was aiding in negotiation talks between the Alpha and Beta moons of Peila Zel. Two settlements that had experienced five centuries of discord and now were it appeared, preparing for war. He was the assigned mediator sent from a little known world to draw up an agreement that both sides of the dispute, along with the Federation hoped would herald in a new age of peace and cooperation. His reputation proceeded him as a talented and gifted negotiator, perhaps the only person capable of achieving an amicable and collaborative settlement.

But Beverly cared little for his professional resume, discovering quickly that he had many others 'skills'. He'd done something no one had managed to do in a very long time. He'd reminded her what it was like to be in love.

Their attraction was instant and intoxicating. She thought he was magnificent. Demonstrative, loving, possessive. The perfect lover who seemed to read her so instinctively. Know her better than she knew herself. He called her "His Beverly, or Dr Beverly", lavished her in gifts and words of undying devotion. By the end of the two week journey necessary to reach the destination of the peace talks, their romance was an open secret amongst most of the command staff.

He made her feel like a teenager and had her acting similarly. She took one full day off to spend with him, then arrived late twice to her subsequent shifts. The sex was electric, the best she could ever recall having, even with Jack, neither able to quite get enough of the other. Odan was everything she had ever desired in a man; he was perfect.

Then the shuttle accident happened, followed by a disclosure that shook her beyond words. The man she thought she knew was actually one of two beings. Intertwined and inseparable, the two species; humanoid host and symbiont operated as one. They were Odan.

She was devastated. The host body of Kiran Odan died at twenty two hundred hours after being brought in to sick bay. Nothing Beverly did could save him. In the short hours they had left together he spoke regretfully of not sharing all about himself with his "Doctor Beverly", but then it was too late. He was dying and none of his errors could be undone.

His last few sentences were more in the way of instructions. What Beverly must do to ensure the symbiont would go on. She worked exhaustively without a break. Mechanically doing all that she could to spare the life of the creature she assumed from the lifeless body she thought she knew.

But keeping the symbiont in stasis was to be only an interim solution of how to maintain its life signs. Without another host, it too would die. The Enterprise's communications with the Trill home world put the arrival of suitable replacement host at 40 hours away. The talks between the Alpha and Beta moons had been delayed beyond what was wise. They couldn't leave to intercept the arriving transport and they had no negotiator of which to continue the agreements.

Then Will Riker volunteered to act as an interim host for the symbiont. Allowing Odan to continue what he had started. It was something that had not been attempted before in Federation history. But Trill physiology and human physiology was suitably similar. Frantic discussions between Beverly and the approaching transport decided it was their only alternative. Will's operation went without a hitch and after meeting with each of the planet's representative's, he was able to convince them that he carried the one they knew as Odan.

For the crew aboard the Enterprise and their visiting dignitaries it seemed liked they had save the day, the peace talks were rescheduled to start. But Beverly realized fully then that the passing on of the human host had left all Odan's personality and feelings for her very intact. Will now behaved exactly like him, even his mannerisms.

It was uncanny, frightening, drawing. They did the unthinkable, they continued as lovers. Just as driven, just as uncontrollable. Unable to deny their almost outright need for one another. To Beverly it made no matter that the First officer operated as host. It was his body, but somehow he was absent, or secondary. Odan was all that she saw, heard and felt.

Will had suffered intermittent discomfort carrying the symbiont from the beginning, but by the time they were closing the talks, his continuing to carry Odan had become life threatening. He, Odan made Beverly promise that no matter what the outcome of the negotiations, at the end of the day she must remove him from Riker's body.

Eventually they were successful and an agreement was drawn up between the adversarial worlds. And again Beverly performed life saving surgery and placed Odan the symbiont within a stasis confinement field. With the Trill transport 8 hours away, the Enterprise broke orbit from around Peila Zel and engaged at warp 9 to meet them.

Finally Beverly could rest at least for a little while. She had reached a point of total exhaustion and her thoughts were fitful and full of strange dreams and images. As she lay her head down next to the small confinement field housing the Odan symbiont, she waited half dozing for the man who would carry him once more. She anticipated that she would be just as attracted to him as she had been of the original host Kiran and of Will. She thought little of their outer bodies, now realizing the answer to a question that plagued most of her life; why she was attracted to anyone. What was it? It wasn't their hands, or their faces, it wasn't even their smiles. But that burning light from within. God and did it burn. A light that could brighten a dead star in the deepest most remote galaxy. A light that could cause fire to start on an ice cap and breath life back into the long deceased. She wasn't sure if she thought it was their souls, wasn't sure until that moment that she even believed in that kind of thing. But it was the only word she had to describe it. Finally she understood why she loved Jack and Odan and for the shortest time why she loved Will. It wasn't their bodies at all. She had encountered countless beings in her years in Star Fleet, all so different, yet all having those two things in common that made their meeting familiar and anything but alien to her. They all had a word for it, they all in different ways made it part of their own lives and cultures. They all believed in life after death and they all believed in love. For the first time in her full forty two years she understood herself and her needs.

She slept deeply then for the remaining hour of the intercepting journey, only to be woken by Mr Worf as he escorted the arriving host to her lab. She couldn't believe it, but it was there, she was there. The replacement host had been a woman.

Almost in a state of automation she performed the transfer surgery that would ensure Odan's continued existence. The new host. The woman had introduced her self simply as Kireel. "I am Kireel, I am here for Odan." was all she said and proceeded to instruct Beverly unnecessarily in the procedures needed to complete the transfer.

Devastation enveloped Beverly for a second time, it had been so close, so perfect, now he was gone.

Then this new Odan had approached her when she should have been recovering from the ordeal of the operation. She had politely invited herself into Beverly's office and declared herself, like nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Beverly couldn't cope. It was impossible, how could this be. The woman was a stranger yet she was Odan, except for the obvious female voice she even sounded like Odan. Her expressions, her words, they were the all same.

No No No oh god no. Why hadn't she thought of this, why did she assume the arriving host would be a man. Where Trill bodies so interchangeable? Dispensable? What would happen if something happened to this host, what then, would the host always be humanoid. The questions, denials self berating torture continued. Swirling and crashing in her head like a meteor storm. She lied and sent her away then. Cursing herself within for it. Telling her that humans, that she just didn't have the capacity or ability to love without boundary.

She'd sunk her head to her desk then and cried solidly. A damn of bitter tears unable to stop spilled out for a few uncontrollable seconds then ceased. Abruptly as if seeing a light at the end of a collapsing tunnel, she hastily extricated herself from the protection of her desk and followed her.

"Wait." she had said, her voice cracking with the strain.

Kireel just turned and smiled at her. The light beaming through. "Look I don't know why or what just got into me back there but, but I didn't mean it......I mean I do love you, too."

Saying nothing Kireel reached for Beverly's wrist in the ritualistic manner adopted between the two lovers. Slowly she raised it upturned to waiting lips. Only Beverly resisted the gesture, taking her other hand to Kireel's face. Then pressing her mouth against the other woman's lips forcefully. There in the very thankfully deserted corridor, they kissed, and kissed and kissed.

Beverly transported them to her quarters without breaking the embrace and without missing a beat, they had made love on her living room floor. Beverly had never made love to a woman before, and afterwards found herself rightly wondering why. Tradition she told herself, culturally accepted norms that dedicated attraction, had controlled her, propelled her to only seek out males. She knew in that second she'd been cheated without mercy.

Kireel could only stay a little while. They had showered together making love one more time in a silence shrouded in sensuality and sorrowful acceptance. It was fast, so fast and then she too, was gone. Transported back to the Trill vessel that would take her on to the next mediation meeting like the thousands Odan had completed before.

That had been six months ago. Since then they had corresponded almost weekly, planned an upcoming trip together, and spoke easily of their clearly non diminishing desire for the other. Beverly had told Deanna, all of it, except the mixed emotions she'd never had to address before about her own sexual identity. There was no point, it wasn't really an issue......she thought.

"Remember when you told me what had happened before Odan transported back to her ship."

"Yes" As if she could truly forget.

"Remember how you said you felt during and then after she'd gone."

"Yes I remember. "

"So what's happening here Beverly, what are you worried about..... Because it seems to me the experience taught you something wonderful about yourself. You know that a woman is not only a possible choice but a very fulfilling one for you now. Why does that disturb you?"

"It doesn't, its just.........I am this ships CMO"

"And?"

Beverly held her breath and then pushed it out damming the consequences. "Odan wants to stay on board while she participates in the debriefing exercise for new federation mediators. The debriefing is for seven days!"

"Seven nights" Deanna couldn't resist. But when Beverly just frowned, she offered. "Well you could stay on the station together. Pretend its a holiday for you both."

"Yes I thought about that. But I have a lot of work to get through this through and so does she."

"Go on." Deanna prompted.

"Odan likes my quarters, they hold....... Its more convenient, but....... there's all the visiting dignitaries parties to attend. "

"So what is it?"

"You are not going to like this. I mean I know it sounds silly, I just....."

"Beverly just say it."

"Having Odan in my quarters is not the issue. If we wanted to we could stay there all week. God we almost did last time. Its outside of those quarters that concerns me....... I mean.......What will people think when...... they see us together."

Deanna sighed, it was out. What had been the real issue for Dr Beverly Crusher all along, not her sexual identity, her sexual reputation. Beverly didn't have a problem being Odan's lover, in fact she loved the very thought of reacquainting herself with the beautiful Trill and Kireel with her. It had only been a couple of short hours that they had together, but there was no doubt that she wanted it again. Wanted it with Kireel Odan. But taking it out of the bedroom was something that until now had just not come up. They were supposed to holiday together on Risa in another month and she would have been lying if she said she wasn't distracted as hell at how they would spend their time there. But no one cared who anyone was with there. Nobody knew them, nobody knew her.

"Your concerned that people on the Enterprise will judge you differently because your having a relationship with another woman, another species?"

"Yes." she sighed slightly ashamed of herself. She loved Odan.

Deanna regarded her for a moment or two in silence. Beverly thought she had offended her, how backward she must have sounded. She could feel her cheeks starting to burn with the growing embarrassment of her words. But Deanna appeared unperturbed, it was only her who was truly uncomfortable.

"Tell me something" Deanna asked cautiously. "What do you think of Lt. Selas?

"She's a fine Doctor, accomplished surgeon Why?" Beverly wasn't sure why she had changed the subject but was relieved at least the focus was off her.

"And Lt. Mallory, or Ensign Tang?"

"Good officers, why?" Not really knowing where this was going.

Deanna smiled. "You know that they all have female partners, Selas bonded for over 80 years. What do you think of them now?"

She'd never thought of it before, but of course Beverly knew Selas' mate was female. In fact they had dropped Selas on a connecting transport to Vulcan a week earlier so she could be with Pa'Ah for the birth of their fourth child...... Mallory had a holo image of her lover on her desk in engineering. Ensign Tang and the pretty young botanist from hydroponics had been married by Jon Luc last year.

She knew all of them. It just never seemed to be an issue before. She didn't think about the other peoples sex lives, of who they were with or what they did. Why did it matter so much now that others may have reason to think of hers?

"Do you know just how many couples on board the Enterprise are of the same sex?" Deanna was saying. "About 170."

"Its not that simple, Deanna. I know what your trying to say. Yes I admire all of those women and of course who they share their bed with bares no relevance to how they do their jobs."

"Then?" Deanna urged her to say it.

"Everyone knows that's who they are. Accepts their choice in sexual partner purely as extension or part of their character...... But with me, well...."

"You've always thought of your self as heterosexual."

"Yes."

"And other people have always thought of you as heterosexual."

"Yes."

"Things change." Deanna responded flippantly.

"Thank you for nothing." They both laughed.

It was good to talk about it, even if it was embarrassing. Deanna made it easy, but then again, that Beverly supposed, was why she made an excellent ship's counselor. And friend.

"Seriously though, Beverly." as she returned to a more neutral expression reflective of her trade. "You're attracted to Odan, and Odan is attracted to you. You are both as they say, of age and clearly have the inclination. Just enjoy it. People will adjust. They do you know. Given the right amount of time and opportunity most races adapt very easily. So what if Beverly Crusher is now enjoying the throngs of bonded bliss with another woman."

Beverly nodded mutely.

She had taken up enough of her friends time with this. Of course Deanna was right. People, including herself would just have to adjust. It may take a little while but she needed to give it a go, not just because of Odan's visit, but for her own clearer understanding. of herself

"Are we finished?" Deanna asked playfully as Beverly stood. "I was just settling in."

"I have to go." She said as she hugged her lightly and turned to leave.

"So," said Deanna as Beverly started to pass through the open door. "Eat right, drink lots of fluids and get plenty of rest........I guess I'll see you in a week. "

Beverly hesitated, pondering an equally sardonic response. The younger woman had been teasing her about her assumed activities for the length of Odan's stay. Yes she knew she would be otherwise occupied for most of it, but she wasn't going to hide away, not this time.

"Aren't you attending the VIP function in ten forward to night?"She finally asked curiously.

"So you're going then?"

"Yes." Beverly replied as she turned to go. "..... and you probably realize, I have a date."