Disclaimers: Star Trek Voyager is copyrighted to Paramount/Viacom. This story contains subtext so if you're under 18 years of age or you don't like seeing alternative fan fiction - please read another story.

Coming Home

by Imzadi

B'Elanna was on her way to quarters. Shift was over and she wanted nothing more than a long soak in a tub full of hot water. It had been a hard day and she was exhausted. As she rounded the corner, she noticed the Captain hurrying into the deserted observation lounge.

Walking past the open door, B'Elanna glanced inside and stopped dead in her tracks, frozen by what she saw. Captain Janeway was leaning-palms flat against the bulkhead, head resting upon the viewport- quietly sobbing in what appeared to be utter desolation.

As the doors closed, shutting that very private moment from view, the exhaustion B'Elanna felt a moment before was forgotten. What could make the Captain sob so broken heartedly? Should she go in, or should she leave the Captain to her privacy? Decorum dictated the latter so B'Elanna slowly turned and continued to her quarters - deeply disturbed by what she had just seen.

As B'Elanna lay in bed that night, the scene kept playing over and over in her mind. What could possibly be wrong? Captain Janeway was their rock - always in control - always in command. She was the one the entire crew depended upon as they hurled their way through unknown space on the long journey home. B'Elanna knew *she* depended upon her daily, depended upon the Captain's strength, her character, her companionship. And it was her companionship B'Elanna depended upon the most.

The relationship between Captain and Engineer, although strictly professional, was a special one - both loving this ship with the same intensity. But, as B'Elanna had long since realized, it wasn't just the shared love of Voyager that made her cherish the moments she spent in the Captain's presence.

B'Elanna loved Kathryn Janeway with her heart and soul...had loved her for a long time. She loved her smile, her commanding presence as she entered a room, her mellow voice. And those eyes... B'Elanna could lose herself in those eyes. Blue, gray, smoky...all three at once.

B'Elanna sighed resolutely...always one to face the truth. She knew no matter how much in love she was, that love would never be returned. The Captain was.....well, the Captain, and B'Elanna understood enough about Starfleet protocol to know that she could never let her feelings show. But that did not stop the longing and it was only her Klingon tenacity that kept it at bay. As she extinguished the lights, B'Elanna knew this would be a sleepless night, spent worrying about Kathryn and wondering what to do.

At staff meeting the next afternoon, B'Elanna was one of the first to arrive. As the rest of the department heads came in and the meeting got underway, she watched the Captain. On the surface she appeared the same - calm, cool, in command - nothing in her demeanor betraying what B'Elanna had witnessed last night.....until the Captain glanced up in an unguarded moment and B'Elanna looked into her eyes.

It was just a glimpse, just a brief second before her eyes masked once more - but it was long enough for B'Elanna to see into her soul, and what she saw tore her heart in two. The hurt, the melancholy - she shuddered from the intensity she saw there. It was all she could do not to rush to the Captain, hold her in her arms and comfort her.

Thank goodness the Engineering report had already been given, for all she could think about was that raw look of pain she had seen flash through Janeway's eyes. As the meeting came to a close, B'Elanna knew what she must do. Decorum be damned, she had to find out what was wrong.

"Captain?" she said, as she approached the head of the conference table.

Janeway turned and smiled as she faced B'Elanna. "Yes Lieutenant, what may I do for you?"

B'Elanna took a calming breath, "Captain, I need to speak with you if I could?"

"Certainly Lieutenant, shall we go into my Ready Room?" Janeway turned to head toward the door.

B'Elanna placed a hand on her arm. "Actually Captain, it's rather *personal*. I was wondering if I could speak with you after shift change? Perhaps I could stop by your quarters after dinner....that is, if you don't mind?"

Kathryn looked into B'Elanna's face and saw the seriousness there. "Of course I don't mind B'Elanna, you know my door is always open." She paused, " But instead of stopping by after dinner, why don't you come to dinner instead. I was planning on having Trillian stew tonight...you're welcome to share it if you would like."

B'Elanna's heart skipped a beat. She would like nothing better than to spend an evening with the Captain. She smiled, "I'd love to, and I'll bring the dessert."

"That would be wonderful. I'll see you at 1830 hours."

Two hours later found B'Elanna standing outside the Captain's quarters dressed in slacks and a simple silk blouse and holding a cheesecake, knowing it was the Captain's favorite desert. She hesitated briefly, then reached to press the door chime.

"Come." She heard from inside the Captain's quarters.

As the door opened, B'Elanna walked in to the wonderful smell of Trillian stew and soft music playing in the background. She glanced around and noticed Kathryn putting the finishing touches on the table. As she straightened and turned, B'Elanna's heart dropped in her chest.

The Captain was dressed in a simple, ankle-length lounging gown made of - what looked like to B'Elanna - shimmering gossamer. It hugged her body in a sensual, yet innocent way, the thin straps barely holding it in place. B'Elanna noticed that the Captain was barefoot as she walked over to greet her guest.

"I didn't realize I was suppose to dress up." She said apologetically.

"What, this old thing?," the Captain said, glancing down at what she had on. "This is the most comfortable thing I own, and after being in a uniform all day, I like to get as comfortable as possible. Besides, you look fine." she said with a wave of her hand. "What have we here?," smiling as she spied the cheesecake.

B'Elanna was so taken by the Captain's appearance she had forgotten she was holding the desert. "Oh, it's just a cheesecake Captain. I -uh- I heard it was your favorite."

"And so it is. But we're not on duty now, call me Kathryn." she paused a brief second. "I love my name and I don't get to hear it very often," she sighed wistfully. B'Elanna's heart wretched as she saw the pain flash through her eyes once more.

Kathryn took the cheesecake, turned quickly and walked over to the table. "Well, " she said, a little too brightly, "Dinner is ready whenever you are."

B'Elanna swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat and followed the Captain to the table. They sat and attacked the meal with relish, making small talk and enjoying each others company.

When they had finished, Kathryn got up, walked over to her couch and sat down. "Don't worry about the dishes, I'll do them later." she said as she gestured to the chair opposite her. "Have a seat B'Elanna and tell me what's on your mind."

"Captain," B'Elanna started.

"Kathryn," she corrected her gently.

B'Elanna flashed a quick smile as she started to pace nervously . "*Kathryn* - I wanted to come see you this evening because....well, because I'm worried about you." She finished in a rush, "I know something is wrong, and I just wanted you to know that I am here if you need me. That, if you need to talk, I'm here to listen."

She heard a soft intake of breath and quickly turned to face Kathryn who had such a look of sadness about her that B'Elanna walked quickly to the couch and put her arm around her shoulder, the other resting lightly on her arm.

"I wasn't aware I was that transparent." she said quietly, head bowed, eyes brimming with tears.

"You are to me." B'Elanna whispered. "Kathryn, I see the pain in your eyes and I know the tears you've cried. Tell me what's wrong....please."

Kathryn drew a shuddering breath and leaned into B'Elanna who closed her eyes in silent joy as she tightened her arm around the woman she loved.

"It's very difficult for me to talk about myself," Kathryn began haltingly. "I've always had to be the strong one, always the *Captain*." She paused, gathering her thoughts, then continued forlornly. "But, sometimes I get tired of being the Captain, tired of being the one in command. I ache for someone to hold, someone to hold me and take the pressure of command away."

As she was speaking B'Elanna enveloped her in both arms, listening quietly, her cheek resting against Kathryn's.

Kathryn's whole body trembled as she began to open her heart. "I feel so lost, that I can't think straight and.....I am desperately - abysmally lonely."

Holding her tighter, B'Elanna could feel Kathryn's ear against her neck and, without thinking, kissed it gently. Kathryn sighed. B'Elanna kissed the tender skin below Kathryn's ear as she felt Kathryn's heart pounding an erratic beat that matched her own. When B'Elanna heard her moan softly, she pulled away and tried to calm her ragged breathing.

Kathryn glanced up at B'Elanna. Her brow ridges were knitted together in deep concern, mouth slightly open as she struggled to regain control. Kathryn stared at B'Elanna's lips. They looked so soft and full. She continued to gaze at them for the longest time before she slowly she brought her eyes up to meet B'Elanna's.

"Why did you stop?," her voice barely audible.

"I....I don't want to push you into something you may regret later." B'Elanna stammered, no longer able to conceal what she felt for this woman.

Kathryn smiled as she touched those lips lightly with her fingers. "There is nothing you could push me into that I would ever regret."

She slowly closed the distance between them and kissed B'Elanna. Her lips were warm and soft and sweet. She opened her mouth as B'Elanna's tongue reached out to touch hers and her whole body was infused with the love radiating from B'Elanna's heart. The kiss was slow and deep, and as she was pulled deeper into B'Elanna's embrace, Kathryn knew she had finally come home.

After a long moment, B'Elanna once again pulled away, looking deeply into Kathryn's eyes - her hunger evident. "Kathryn," she whispered intently. "If this is not what you want, tell me now. Because if we continue, I won't be able to stop this."

Kathryn gave her answer by reaching and pulling B'Elanna's mouth to her once more. B'Elanna groaned in ecstasy as her arms tightened around her beloved Kathryn.

The kiss was endless as each woman gently caressed the other. As their mouths parted, Kathryn's hand came to rest lightly on B'Elanna's abdomen, and she felt her muscles tighten from the touch. She gazed into the depths of Kathryn's eyes. Eyes that never left hers as Kathryn's hand glided upward, coming to rest upon her silk-clad breast.

"Kathryn," B'Elanna's voice caressing Kathryn tenderly as she asked once more, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Please," Kathryn pleaded. "I've been alone for so very long."

B'Elanna brought her hands up Kathryn's arms, closing her eyes as she stroked the velvet skin beneath her fingers. She bent her head to kiss the hollow of Kathryn's throat - smiling against the rapidly beating pulse she found there.

Slowly she grasped the thin straps of Kathryn's gown as she gently lowered her to the couch. Her hands moved down Kathryn's body, taking the garment as they went. As she slid the gown past Kathryn's bare feet, she gazed upon her naked body in awe, "You are so very beautiful."

Kathryn smiled at the compliment. A smile that quickly faded to a gasp as B'Elanna's mouth closed upon her breast. With a guttural moan she pushed up and into B'Elanna.

B'Elanna was in heaven. She knew she loved Kathryn, but until this moment did not realize how much. Her heart was so full it nearly burst when Kathryn raised, offering herself. As her tongue played slowly over Kathryn's breasts, her mind was having difficulty processing the fact that her dreams were actually coming true. She was creating love with Kathryn Janeway!

With a low groan, she moved up to Kathryn's lips once more, tasting the sweetness of her tongue. "I love you Kathryn, I love you so much!" she confessed through her kisses, hands continuously moving upon Kathryn's body.

Kathryn captured B'Elanna's face with her hands and saw the truth in her eyes. She felt every beat as her heart pounded in her chest. "B'Elanna," she revealed - as much to herself as to this beauty before her. "I love you too - I think I always have."

If B'Elanna's life had ended at that very moment she would have died the happiest woman in the universe. As she started to caress her beloved once more, Kathryn's hands stopped her.

"Undress for me B'Elanna - let me see how exquisite you are." B'Elanna stood and removed her clothing with trembling hands. As she stood naked before her, Kathryn raised her arms and B'Elanna sank into paradise, gasping as she felt the softness of Kathryn against her skin. She kissed the hollow of Kathryn's throat once more, slowly making love to her delicate collarbone as her hands traveled down Kathryn's body.

Reverently she lowered her mouth - following the same trail her hands had blazed earlier - coming once again to Kathryn's breasts. They were delicious and B'Elanna could not get enough of their taste. She kneaded them gently as her tongue swirled around the hardened nipples.

Kathryn writhed beneath her. She couldn't think - couldn't see. All she could do was feel and it was wonderful. It had been so long since someone had caressed her. But no one had ever worshiped her body as B'Elanna was doing now.

She sobbed her need as B'Elanna's mouth started to move again. Lower she traveled, kissing her way downward until her face rested between the juncture of Kathryn's legs. B'Elanna breathed deeply. Her scent was overwhelming. She gently nudged Kathryn's thighs apart and kissed the sensitive skin within.

Kathryn reached to curl her fingers in B'Elanna's hair. Those warm lips on her skin was driving every coherent thought from her mind. She held her breath as B'Elanna's mouth moved to caress the tender lips of her womanhood, only to release it in a shuddering sigh as her tongue probed gently inside.

B'Elanna lost herself in the taste of Kathryn. The sweet wetness - the pungent musk of her arousal. She was lightheaded with desire. Languorously she possessed this woman, kissing lightly on her outer folds, delving deeply with her tongue. Seeking, ever seeking. Taking as much as Kathryn would give, and Kathryn gave her all. As B'Elanna's lips moved over her sensitive clit and her hands crept up to cover Kathryn's breasts, she was thrilled as an aching moan softly reaching her ears.

Kathryn lost herself as B'Elanna controlled her mind, her heart, her every breath as she lay between her thighs. She arched herself into that wonderful mouth feeling the intensity build within her. B'Elanna's mouth pressed harder and her tongue moved faster until Kathryn - raising up in ecstasy - shuddered and fell back, gasping in her release.

Kathryn lay there breasts heaving, her body shaking from the strength of her climax. B'Elanna slowly made her way up Kathryn's body and kissed her tenderly.

Kathryn brought her hands up and placed them on B'Elanna's face. "I....love....you" she whispered desperately, pulling B'Elanna's head to her breast, enveloping her in her arms.

Kathryn felt B'Elanna trembling with need as she lay against her body. She turned, slowly bringing her lips to B'Elanna's in a delicate kiss that ran through their hearts like liquid fire.

Kathryn trailed her fingers gently over her breasts...down her stomach, sending shivers throughout B'Elanna's body. When she reached her thighs, B'Elanna gently expelled her pent up breath as she parted her legs, granting Kathryn access.

Kathryn stopped, giving them both time to control their breathing before she lovingly lowered her mouth to those delicious breasts and slid her hand into the wetness between those lovely legs. Her fingers moved lightly over B'Elanna's clitoris, each touch sending electrical currents throughout B'Elanna's body. B'Elanna whimpered with pleasure as she felt Kathryn's fingers dip inside.

Kathryn leisurely consumed B'Elanna's breasts as her fingers moved deeply within. Suddenly her breath caught in her throat and she closed her eyes. All her mind could comprehend was the warm softness that enveloped her fingers. All she could focus upon was her hand moving in syncopated rhythm to the thrusts of B'Elanna's hips. She felt B'Elanna's flesh clench around her fingers as she arched herself into Kathryn. She felt her body respond to B'Elanna's passion, reaching her second climax as B'Elanna reached her first.

B'Elanna lay gasping quietly, her heart pounding as she slowly came back to reality. She shivered lightly as Kathryn withdrew her hand, moving to lay beside her.

They lay in each other's arms, gazing into the depths of each other's souls, neither speaking a word - nor needing to. Their lips came together of their own volition - kissing softly, endlessly, both knowing this was right - both knowing they were now complete.

Finally Kathryn spoke, "How long B'Elanna? How long have you loved me?"

B'Elanna raised up and looked into the smokiness of Kathryn's eyes. She reached to brush a stray tendril from her forehead and answered softly, "Since the beginning of time."

Slowly she lowered her head and kissed Kathryn once more as she too realized she had at last come home.

Copyright 1998 Imzadi