|Episode Guide||Teaser||Act 1||Act 2||Act 3||Act 4|
EXT. WOODS Ė MORNING
A YOUNG BOY of no more than ten stands in the woods. He has a cocked bow in his hands and is just about to release another arrow blindly ahead.
As he releases the string, one hand clamps hard on his shoulder, and the other deftly catches the arrow as it shoots from the bow.
Gulping, the boy looks up into icy blue eyes.
Didnít your mother ever teach
you not to play with weapons?
A rustling in the bushes produces a tall, attractive woman. Dressed immaculately, her blonde hair is perfectly coiffed, and she wears a strand of pearls around her neck.
Castor! Where... oh, there you are!
Your father and I were worried sick
about you! Oh, and look! Youíve
found some friends. Isnít that nice?
Weardus! Weardus, come look.
Iíve found Castor and heís
made himself new friends!
A tall, stern looking man approaches the group, followed by a gangly teen-aged boy.
Now Castor, what have
I told you about running....
He notices Xena and Gabrielle.
The teenaged boy comes to a dead stop as he sights Xena and Gabrielle. He draws himself up to his full, inconsiderable height as a broad smile creases his face.
Golly, Castor, you
sure can pick Ďem!
Weardus turns on his son.
Now, Wallius, Iíve warned
you about oogling women.
Gosh, Dad! I wasnít oogling
them! I was just being friendly!
Um, excuse me?
Regardless, I will not have that
sort of behavior in my house.
Now go to your room.
Jeepers, Dad! Weíre in the
middle of a forest! I
donít have a room!
Weardus, donít you think youíre
being a little hard on the boy?
After all, it isnít every day
that we have too such....
She carefully looks over Xena and Gabrielle.
Öimposing guests visiting us.
Now Junos, Iím responsible for the
discipline in this family. And if....
A piercing whistle interrupts the family tiff. The group freezes, looking at Xena through wide eyes.
Clearing her throat, Gabrielle puts on her brightest smile and steps forward.
Now, we were just trying to
make sure that your son....
She eyes the boy in question.
Castor, is it?
Castor nods frantically, still within Xenaís hard grip.
Castor knew not to shoot without
knowing what he was shooting at.
Red faced, Weardus stalks over to Gabrielle and begins waggling his finger in her face.
Now see here, young... lady.
Iíll have you know that my
son knows exactly... ow!
Xena has his finger in a tight grip while still holding onto Castor.
Now thatís not very nice.
Unhand me, you... you...
Xena and Gabrielle look at one another.
Unhanding father and son, Xena pulls the arrow from her bodice and shows it to both of them.
She indicates the arrow.
... is not a toy.
She whips the arrow into a nearby tree, burying it shaft deep into the trunk. The feathered tail thrums madly with the force of her throw.
Everyone including Gabrielle, nods.
Weardus looks as if to speak, but is stopped by a gentle finger against his lips.
His eyes widen.
She shakes her head.
He nods, reluctantly.
WeíreÖ justÖ gonna head out
now. Nice to have met you all.
As they leave, the family gathers into a tight knot. The boysí heads are pressed into their parentsí chests, eyes averted as if Xena and Gabrielle will turn them to stone with just a look.
Once safely out of sight, a stern voice drifts through the trees.
Maybe you two should spend
some time at Aphroditeís
temple! Maybe then youíll
learn some manners.
Boy, has he got the
Chuckling, Gabrielle casually threads an arm through Xenaís.
Maybe heís got the
right idea, though.
Xena looks down at her, eyes wide.
Are you saying I donít
Xenaís eyes narrow. Gabrielle swats lightly at her.
I meant visiting Aphrodite, silly.
Itís been a few since we saw her
last, and with everything that went
on with Ares, Iíd like to see how
sheís doing. I mean she seemed
like her usual Aphrodite self,
but.... I just need to know.
Xena pretends to think about it.
I suppose we could
squeeze a visit into our
already hectic schedule.
Youíre a true princess
Xena gives a mock curtsey.
Thank you. I do try.
EXT. APHRODITEíS TEMPLE - DAY
From the outside, the temple looks normal. Of medium size, it is made up of white marble and is distinctly feminine, as befits the goddess it honors.
A few steps from the entrance, Gabrielle stops dead. Her face is screwed up in an expression of extreme distaste.
What is that smell?!?
Donít look at me.
Iím serious, Xena. It
stinks like rotting fish!
No comments from
the peanut gallery.
Not a word.
INT. APHRODITEíS TEMPLE - DAY
Resisting the impulse to hold their noses, both women step into the temple. The interior looks like a cyclone has hit it. Broken statues and furniture litter the floor space. Gifts left for Aphrodite are rotting on the altar, casting a stench that lingers over everything like a pall.
Only one way to find
A long moment of silence.
A moment later, Aphrodite pops in with a blast of pink sparkles.
Well, if it isnít my favorite
girl group! Whatís the
She appears to be moving to a beat only she can hear. Her body sways in constant motion, and her fingers, perched on her hips, constantly drum.
Are you all right?
Moi? Absolute perfection, as
always. Why wouldnít I be?
Gabrielle exchanges a quick glance with Xena
No reason... I guess.
Whatís up with this temple?
Aphrodite looks around. Shrugs.
Iím a busy Goddess, Gab.
Places to see, people to
do. You know how it is.
Aphrodite, Iíve seen you almost
come unglued if thereís even a
mote of dust on one of your altars.
Things change, ya know?
Like I said....
Youíre a busy Goddess.
Exactly! Speaking of which, how
come you called me out of an
absolutely rockiní party, ladies?
You guys need help from the
loooove goddess, hmm? No
troubles in paradise, I hope.
Xena rolls her eyes. Gabrielle blushes slightly. Aphrodite smirks.
Didnít think so.
SoÖ whatís up?
Oh, nothing much. We were
just, you know, in the area
and decided to stop by and
see how you were doing.
Awww. That is so sweet!
But you guys donít have to check
up on me. As you can see, Iím
grooviní along, just like always.
So... bye-bye now. Hope you
have fun on your little adventures!
Why donít you come with us?
Xena looks at Gabrielle as if sheís just grown a third head. Even Aphroditeís eyes go wide with shock.
Come with us! Xena says
thereís some warlord trouble
in the next town over. Weíre
heading over there to check it out.
Aphrodite looks over at Xena.
You been giving her the spiked
nutbread again, havenít you?
Hel-lo little bardling, itís meÖ
the Goddess of Love? Why
would I want to set one gorgeous
foot inside a war zone?
I wouldnít exactly call it a war zone.
Besides, youíre still a goddess,
right? If thereís any trouble....
Gabrielle snaps her fingers
You just... poof!
Itíll be interesting.
Your idea of interesting and
my idea of interesting are
like totally far apart, Gab.
Yeah, but at least itíll be something
different from all those parties
you say youíre having.
And thatís a good
Gabrielle looks at Aphrodite.
Aphrodite looks back at Gabrielle.
Xena looks like she wants to kill something.
Gabrielle continues to look at Aphrodite.
Aphrodite continues to look back at Gabrielle.
Finally, Aphrodite sighs.
Fine. Iíll go on your little
adventure with you, all right?
Ok, then, letís get this show on
the road, ladies. I meet with
my masseuse in a few hours.
Real talented hands, if you
know what I mean.
Aphrodite, you canít
come with us in that!
Whyís that? This is
Perfect for starting
a riot, maybe.
Well, I am the goddess
of love, Xena. Love
riots are my thing.
Maybe you could try
something a little
With a snap of her fingers, she poofs away to return a second later sporting a much more sedate, yet still eye-popping, ensemble.
Groovy! So, whereís this town
thingie that weíre headed to?
Just give me the directions and
Iíll pop us right there in a flash!
Oh no. No popping.
(beat, to Gabrielle)
(beat, to Aphrodite)
Walking. Thatís how we get there.
Good, old-fashioned walking.
Walking?!? Nobody told me
about walking when I signed
up for this gig of yours.
Goddesses donít walk, Xena.
If they want to go anywhere
with us, they do.
Aphrodite heaves a dramatic sigh.
Oh, fine. Lead the way,
warrior babe. I can
END OF ACT ONE