Episode Guide Teaser Act 1 Act 2 Act 3 Act 4

Production #V905 - Episode 05


WRITTEN BY
Susanne Beck


DIRECTED BY
Denise Byrd


PRODUCED BY
C
arol Stephens

SCREENGRABS
Judi Mair


ARTWORK
Lucia


EPISODE TITLE GRAPHIC
Calli



TEASER

 

FADE IN:

 

EXT. CAMP - BEFORE DAWN

 

It is a well-laid camp.  A fire, banked to smoldering coals, glows mellowly in the darkness.  Off to one side, a gold-colored mare twitches in her sleep, stamps one hoof, and swishes her tail before settling.

 

Closer to the fire, a large, rumpled bedroll is laid out, and beneath the fur cover two figures lay cocooned tightly against one another.  The smaller of the two figures shifts, then shifts again, pulling slightly away from the comfortable grasp of her partner. 

 

Another groan and she flips onto her side.  Green eyes pop open and scowl.

 

XENA

(fuzzily)

Wha...?  What is it?

 

 

GABRIELLE

(grumpily)

Rock.

 

One hand darts from beneath the warm blanket and searches around the ground under the bedroll until the offending rock is plucked up and tossed away.

 

XENA

Better?

 

Gabrielle squirms around, feeling for more rocks with the length of her body.  Finding none, she smiles, satisfied.

 

GABRIELLE

Much.

 

XENA

Good.  Címere.

 

Her smile broadening and her eyes closing, Gabrielle willingly snuggles back into Xenaís warm embrace.

 

All is silent for a moment.

 

Then....

 

Gabrielleís face twitches.  She scrunches her nose, then brushes a hand against her cheek.  Suddenly a sharp smack is heard, and Gabrielle once again opens her eyes, scowling.

 

GABRIELLE

Ouch.

 

XENA

You all right?

 

GABRIELLE

Tartarus blasted mosquitoes.

Why donít they ever

pick on you?!

 

 

XENA

(still sleepy)

ĎCause youíre a lot

sweeter than I am.

 

GABRIELLE

You know, Xena?  Any

other night, that might

work.  But tonight?

 

She growls.

 

GABRIELLE

(contíd)

Itís almost dawn, and Iíve

had an hourís sleep, if that.

 

Xena opens one eye.

 

XENA

Weíll sleep in, then.  Donít

have anywhere we

particularly need to be.

 

 

GABRIELLE

Easy for you to say.  You

donít have mosquitoes

using you for target practice.

 

Xena grins.

 

XENA

Címere.

 

As Gabrielle rolls back to her, Xena tugs the fur blanket up so that it is covering all but the very top of Gabrielleís head.

 

XENA

(contíd)

Can you breathe all

right down there?

 

Gabrielle takes in a deep breath through her nose, smiling as she inhales the scent of leather and Xena.

 

GABRIELLE

(purring)

Oh yeah.

 

XENA

Good.  Try and get

some sleep. Iíll  keep

mosquito watch.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. CAMP - A LITTLE AFTER DAWN

 

Gabrielle awakens abruptly yet again.  Keeping her eyes closed, she attempts to determine what has disturbed her slumber this time.  No rocks. No mosquitoes.  A searching hand makes its way to Xenaís side of the bedroll, only to find it empty.  Not that this is surprising.

 

Finally, with a heartfelt sigh, she opens her eyes.

 

To find a rotten-toothed, ill dressed, unshaven, and stinking mass of humanity ogling her from above.

 

Grabbing her sais from the ground next to her, Gabrielle uses the butt of the left one to take the manís knee out, then quickly hops to her feet as he collapses onto the bedrolls.

 

XENA

(cackling)

Told ya!

 

 

The fallen man simply holds his knee and groans.

 

Gabrielle looks to her right to see Xena fighting four similarly disgusting bandits.  Two more see her and head her way.  She easily downs the first one with a right-left combination to the chest and a spinning kick to the head.

 

The second one, more cautious than his fellows, takes a little more time.  After finally egging him into attacking with his sword, she catches the clumsy swipe with both of her sais, rips the weapon from his hands, drops the sais, and jabs two sets of fingers into his neck.

 

The man drops to his knees, breathless.

 

GABRIELLE

I was in a bad mood already, buddy,

and you just made it worse.  So if

you donít want the last thirty seconds

of your life to be spent like this, Iíd

suggest you tell me what I want to know.

 

Having finished off with her own set of scumbags, Xena looks on, arms crossed over her chest, clearly impressed.

 

BANDIT

Wh-what??

 

GABRIELLE

What in Tartarus are you doing here?

Saw two women sleeping alone in

the woods and what?  Wanted

to invite us over for tea??

 

 

BANDIT

M-m-money!  J-jewels!

 

Leaning back, Gabrielle laughs.  Itís not a very genuine laugh, but itís a laugh nonetheless.

 

GABRIELLE

Oh, buddy, did you ever pick the

wrong camp!  Do you see any

jewels lying around here?

Any money, for that matter?

 

BANDIT

(seriously short of breath)

P-please!

 

Gabrielle pretends to think about his plea.

 

GABRIELLE

I dunno.  Xena....

 

BANDIT
XENA?!?

 

 

GABRIELLE

(grinning)

Didnít realize that either, didja?

(beat)

As I was saying, Xena, do you

think I should take the pinch off,

or should I keep the ďstupidĒ

genes from polluting the pool?

 

Xena smirks.

 

XENA

Your call.

 

Gabrielle pretends to think a second longer, then with lightning speed, undoes the pinch.  The man falls forward, gasping for breath.  Gabrielle grabs his shoulder and pushes so they are again face to face.  She leans in close.

 

GABRIELLE

You might wanna leave now.

Before I change my mind.

 

 

With wide eyes, the man jumps to his feet and runs out of the camp.  The rest of his buddies are all the worse for wear and limp after him, holding tight to various wounds.

 

Still smirking, Xena crosses the clearing until she is by Gabrielleís side.

 

XENA

Well, that was a refreshing

pick-me-up, donít you think?

 

Gabrielle growls.

 

Laughing, Xena pulls Gabrielle in close and kisses the top of her head.

 

XENA

(contíd)

Sorry Ďbout that. I keep warning

them to just stick with me,

but they donít wanna listen.

 

GABRIELLE

Yeah, well, could

you do me a favor?

 

XENA

Name it.

 

GABRIELLE

Thereís a coastal town not far

from here.  Can we go there and

sleep in an honest-to-gods inn

tonight?  Iím sick of rocks. Iím

sick of bugs. And Iím sick of

drooling, smelly bandits

interrupting my sleep.  Please?

 

XENA

Sure.

 

Gabrielle pulls away slowly, disbelief evident on her face.

 

GABRIELLE

Sure?  That easy? 

No arm twisting?

No cajoling? No pleading?

 

Xena grins.

 

XENA

What Gabrielle wants,

Gabrielle gets.

 

 

FADE OUT.
 

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE