|Episode Guide||Teaser||Act 1||Act 2||Act 3||Act 4|
EXT. CASTLE GROUNDS - NIGHT
It is very late by the time Xena, Gabrielle, and the mouthy harp make it onto the castle grounds. The grounds are lit by many blazing torches whose flickering light plays over magnificent coaches, horses, fancily-dressed footmen, and dozens of beautiful women dressed in exquisite ball gowns. Gay music and laughter filters out from the castle, and excitement fills the air.
The loud sound of a clock chiming the hour cuts through the noise, causing Xena and Gabrielle to stop in their tracks.
What was that?
What? Ainít youse never
heard a clock striking before?
Whatís a clock?
Yer jokiní right?
Gabrielle gives her a blank look.
You ainít jokiní. What rock
did youse two crawl out
from under, anyway?
Before either can answer, an extremely beautiful blonde woman comes rushing out of the castle and down the stairs. A second later, a very handsome, well dressed man follows.
Wait! Come back!
Please come back!!
The young woman continues to run as if Cerberus is at her heels.
Three rather ugly women attempt to restrain the prince, but he shakes himself free of their harsh grip and continues down the stairs.
Please, wait!! Come back!!
Thatís the prince! Quick,
bring me to him and
youseíll get your wish!
As Xena and Gabrielle start forward, the blonde woman runs past, gasping and sobbing. Just as she passes them, she trips and falls into the mud, then struggles to get up, twisted in the fabric of her gown.
Go on! Iíll catch up!
With a nod, Xena grabs the harp and starts off for the Prince.
The clock continues to chime as Gabrielle squats down and grasps the young womanís arm.
Here, let me help.
Are you hurt?
Please, let me go!
I have to....
All right. Itís all right.
Youíre just twisted in this....
With a mighty heave, the young woman regains her feet and pulls away from Gabrielle, leaving the bard with a handful of muddy fabric for her pains.
Gabrielle struggles to her feet just in time to see the sobbing young woman dart out from the ring of torchlight, running toward what appears to be a rather large pumpkin.
Gabrielle turns to see Xena and the prince, now bearing the golden harp, running toward them. She takes a step forward, only to feel something CRUNCH beneath her boot. She looks down.
The prince slides to a stop in front of Gabrielle, looking down at the shattered glass that now litters the ground.
Oh no! You wouldnít!
You couldnít! You did!
How could you??
What? What did I do?
The prince falls to his knees, scooping up the remains of what had once been an exquisite glass slipper. He cradles the shards to his chest, sobbing theatrically.
My life is ruined!!
Gabrielle looks to Xena for enlightenment.
That woman who ran away
was supposed to marry the prince.
Well, she couldnít have
gotten too far. We could just....
You donít understand!
You ruined it!
You ruined everything!!
Way ta go there, chickie. That
glass slipper ya pulverized was
supposed ta lead him to her.
He woulda slipped it on her foot,
it woulda fit like a glove, and poof!
Happily ever after! But now....
The harp strums a dirge.
I didnít know!
I was just trying to....
The prince stands up, red-faced with anger.
This woman is a
traitor to the realm.
(to his guards)
Gabrielle looks to Xena
The two bolt off away from the grounds and in the direction of a thick stand of trees just to the west. Several dozen guards race off, hot on their heels.
EXT. TREE - NIGHT
Xena and Gabrielle are crouched high up in a tree, watching as the last of the princeís guards straggle back toward the castle, their chase thwarted.
Iím sorry, Xena.
I didnít know....
Nothing to be sorry for.
This place is screwed up.
I know. It almost feels like weíve
been dropped into the middle of
a story where everyone knows
whatís going on but us. At least
we got rid of that stupid harp.
Xena laughs softly.
SoÖ what now?
Her rumbling stomach answers her question for her. A yawn follows.
Xena cocks her head slightly.
A fire. A cook fire, unless
I miss my guess.
I think your guess is right on.
Címon. Maybe weíll run into
some good luck for a change.
Thatíd be a welcome surprise.
The two silently climb down from their high perch and land on the ground below.
EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
A sturdy brick house stands in the center of a large clearing. Mellow light gleams from the frosted windows. Gabrielle peers into one of the windows to see a young girl with golden curls happily eating at a large table. Gabrielle knocks on the window. The girl looks up, and scowls.
Hey! Get outta here!
This is my beat!
Thatís not very polite.
Having heard more than enough for one evening, Xena strides over to the door and blasts it open. Gabrielle quickly follows, just in case Xena might be of a mind to have minced blonde for dinner. Laying a hand on Xenaís wrist, Gabrielle looks at the girl.
Look. Itís very late and very
cold, and weíre very hungry.
So? What do you want
me to do about it?
Well, you seem to have
plenty of food. If you could
just share a little bit with us....
Donít wanna share.
Please? Just a little, and
then weíll be gone. I promise.
The girl thinks for a minute, then eyes the other two bowls sitting on the table. An evil grin comes over her face.
You want some? Fine.
You can have those two.
Thatís very kind of you. Thanks.
Iím Gabrielle, and this is Xena.
Goldilocks, huh? Thatís a
very... pretty... name.
The girl primps said golden locks.
My mother thinks so.
Is your mother here?
Hah! She wouldnít come within
a mile of this place, scardycat!
Another evil grin.
With a little shrug, Gabrielle rounds the table and takes the seat next to Goldilocks. Xena sits at the head of the table, and immediately digs in to the bowl of porridge. As the girl watches, smirking, redness travels up from Xenaís neck to her forehead. Her mouth opens, and flames shoot out across the table, lighting four candles, two torches, and the wood in the fireplace.
Little hot, ainít it?
Gabrielle spoons up her porridge and takes in a mouthful. Her face immediately pales, and icicles form on her brow and nose.
Without saying a word, Xena and Gabrielle simply pick up their bowls and mix the two together, hot to cold and cold to hot until both bowls areÖ.
Yum. Just right.
The trio finishes their meal in blessed silence. Gabrielle then gives forth a jaw-cracking yawn and her eyes slip to half-mast.
Seeing this, Goldilocks jumps up from the table and runs into another room, laughing maniacally.
INT. BEDROOM Ė NIGHT
The bedroom is large and warm, and has three beds. The smallest of the beds is already occupied by Goldilocks, who glares at them over the top of the covers.
And donít you even try to
kick me out of here neither.
Wordlessly, Xena goes over to the largest of the beds and sits down. The mattress moves not an inch, and her chakram clicks against it as if hitting a rock. Sparks fly.
Xena taps the mattress with her knuckles.
As a rock.
Gabrielle walks over to the second bed.
Well, we could always
try this... floofph!
As Xena watches, Gabrielle all but disappears into the exceedingly soft mattress. Her head and her feet, which are almost touching her nose, are the only things Xena can see.
A bit soft, I see.
Removing her armor and weapons, Xena approaches the bed and very gingerly sits down on the mattress...
... and is immediately swallowed up. She rolls as she sinks so that she winds up face to face, body to body, with Gabrielle. Gabrielle grins.
Well, there are certainly
worse ways I could think
of to spend the night.
This is just right.
Xena embraces Gabrielle and kisses her soundly. Then, with a little more wriggling and scooching, they are finally comfortable in their very soft, very warm nest.
Good night, Xena.
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
Xena and Gabrielle awaken to the sound of a door opening and three heavy treads entering the house.
(off camera and very stilted)
Oh, look. Someone. Has.
Been. Eating. My. Porridge.
(off camera and very stilted)
And someone. Has. Been.
Eating. My. Porridge. Too.
Hey! Mineís all gone too!
We. Should. Check. Out.
The. Sitting. Room.
More heavy tromping ensues.
Huh. No oneís been
sitting in my chair.
Nor mine! Letís go
to the bedroom!
Xena quickly throws the covers over her head as the three bears tromp into the bedroom.
Oh. Look. Someone. Has.
Been. Sleeping. In. My. Bed.
Someone. Has. Been.
Sleeping. In. My. Bed. Too!
Mama bear pulls back the covers, exposing Xena and Gabrielle. She looks at them, wide eyed with shock.
What are you two doing here?
Youíre not supposed to be
sleeping in this bed! Itís a travesty!
Hey! No fair! It was my turn
to find someone in my bed.
Here I am!
Not fair! Not fair!
All right, thatís it. Iím through
with all this. Iím talking to my
union. Stupid script changes.
Iím with you, Ralph. Frankie,
get your fuzzy butt over here.
Hey! Donít leave!
Iím right here, see?
Goldilocks jumps up and down on the bed, then turns a few cartwheels for good measure.
Look at me! Wheeeee!
Iím in Baby Bearís bed! See??
Mama Bear grabs Baby Bear and tows him out of the house, still muttering. Goldilocks jumps out of the bed and stomps over to Xena and Gabrielle, hands planted on her hips.
Whyíd you have to go and do
something like that, huh? You
ruined everything, stupid grown-ups!
She sticks out her tongue, then stomps away, leaving our intrepid duo staring after them, dumbstruck.
END OF ACT TWO