HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP & TV REVIEW!!!
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Volume IV, Number 9, 3/1/98
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XENA

MALL CHICK beats the STUFFINGS out of Gabrielle and
Xena has to intervene to save her friend's life!
"Stop that!" Xena cries. "Why are you attacking
Gabrielle?"
Mall Chick: "I want to be your new
assistant/girlfriend."
"Hmmm..." said Xena, licking her lips.
"Xena, you can't be seriously considering
taking this trollop along with us!" Gabrielle cried,
putting a compress on to stop the bleeding.
"Quiet!" snapped Xena. "We have to try and
rehabilitate her. Gabrielle, you've displayed a bad
attitude, I'm putting you on girlfriend probation
until we get the matter worked out."

Later, MALL CHICK and Gabrielle get into the
FIGHT OF THEIR LIVES to determine who gets to sleep
in the same sleeping bag with Xena that night! When
Xena returns to the clearing, she finds both girls
bloody and beaten. "What happened here?" she
demanded.
"Nothing," said Gabrielle quickly. "I fell into
a tree."
"Yes," said MALL CHICK. "I fell into her tree
too."

The next morning Gabrielle yawns as she wakes
up.
Xena gets up. "Good morning! Who's going to
give me my morning back rub?"
Suddenly Gabrielle hears a CRUNCH and feels an
enormous pain as MALL CHICK steps on her hands!
"Yeow!" she screams, as Mall Chick: "Aw, she
hurt her hand. I'll do it, Xena!"
Gabrielle watches jealously as Mall Chick rubs
her down.
Mall Chick, kneading Xena's body down to her
lower back. "Further down?" she asks.
Xena: "Gabrielle never stopped there."

After the massage, Xena announces, "Time for
our morning hot tub bath! Where's Gabrielle?"
MALL CHICK: "I think she went hunting for
firewood," she says, hoping Xena doesn't notice the
thinly outlined bound and gagged form in the bushes.
"I think you're going to work out fine," Xena
muses, as MALL CHICK soaps her back.

Xena: "Now after breakfast we have to rescue a
magical urn."
"What's so magical about it?"
"It's said to contain some of the bathwater of
k.d. Lang."

But when they get the urn, MALL CHICK
doublecrosses them by giving the urn to her old
boyfriend!
"Xena, you see, she's not rehabilitated!"
Gabrielle cried. "She's still turned on by men!"
Xena cocked an eyebrow. "Maybe we just haven't
given her enough personalized instruction...."