The Third Season
Parental Advisory Rating: L, N, AC
Break out those V-Chips, everyone!
Created, Produced, Directed and Written:
Fanatic and TNovan
Episode Thirteen: Out of the Mouth of Babes
"You move over."
"Im cramped as it is."
"Brennan, you never move over. Im gonna tell Mommy."
I roll my eyes, unimpressed with Collins threat. "The last time you told Mommy something, you kicked her in the back. It made her unhappy. I dont like it when shes unhappy. Stop being a brat and move over."
Collin moves slightly more to the left. "Thats it, though. I cant go any further."
"Yeah, yeah." I lean back and stretch out a little. It is really cramped in here. And hot. I dont see how we can stay in here much longer. Not unless Mommy makes the room grow bigger, but she doesnt like how big it is already. At least, thats what she says.
Collin rubs his hands together. "So what do you think were going to do today?"
Thats a good question. Things have been very different lately. Mommy and Mama arent together all the time. Mama leaves for awhile; sometimes she takes Puppy. And Mommy and Aunt Brian play during the day. They sing a lot. Mama has a better voice than Aunt Brian though. Hes just loud. "I dunno, Collin. But the only way to find out is if we get Mommy up."
He laughs. "I like waking Mommy up, because then Mama wakes up too."
Yeah, Mama is fun. "Okay, you know the drill."
Together we begin moving our arms and legs in every direction. Sometimes I accidentally hit Collin.
"Hey, watch it!"
"Its dark in here," I tease.
We continue until Mommy jostles us. Our task is complete.
"Go back to sleep," Mommy says and rubs Collins back. Lucky guy. Mommy has a gentle touch.
He leans into her hand. "Lets sleep some more," Collin says, yawning. Hes so easy.
"Hey, you two," Mama says, her voice nearby. "Its too early to be awake. Give your Mommy another hour or so, okay?" She rubs my head.
"Okay, sounds good to me, Collin."
* * *
"Harper," Mommy says as we lay down in the swaying thing. "Arent those batteries dead yet?"
"Hmm, chér, my battery never stops," Mama says in the Puppy voice she sometimes uses. "I was the model for the Energizer Bunny."
Brennan scratches her head. "I dont get that. Why is that funny? Why is Mommy laughing?"
I shrug. "I dont know. Whats a battery?" Suddenly Mommys tummy becomes brighter. A bright red, round spot appears over my head. "Oh, yeah! Brennan! Its tag time." I push off Mommys bony thing and propel myself up toward the light. "Whee!"
Suddenly, my sister is more awake. "Cool! My turn, my turn!"
The light appears next to her arm. Brennan jabs her elbow at it. "I got it!"
It blinks twice above me. "Mine, mine!" I do a combo head and fist jab.
"Harper!" Mommy says.
"Hello, my sweet, little ones," Mama says, pressing into us.
I laugh and tap her.
"Hey!" She likes that. I know she does because she always taps me back.
I laugh again. Shes fun.
"Harper!" Mommy says again.
Shes always saying this to Mama. I think it means stop cause the second time she says it, the red spot always disappears
* * *
Mommy and Mama have taken us to get our pictures taken again. Whatever that
means. All I know is going to see Doogie can make Mommys heart race. I like to
be quiet because when Mommys heart races that means something is wrong with her. I
dont much like it when it does that.
"Its gonna make Mommy jump. She says its cold."
"But its only for a second," Brennan argues with me. She likes to argue.
"I dont know."
"It must be really bad," I say.
"Well, think about it. Mommy jumps and says its cold. If it makes Mommy jump, that means she doesnt like it. So if she doesnt like it, it must be bad."
"But sometimes Mama makes Mommy jump and thats not bad." Brennan tugs at her ear.
"Mama must not be cold."
"I dont think I ever want to be cold."
"Dont worry. Mama and Mommy wont ever let us be. They said so. They even bought us special blankets to keep us from it, remember?"
"Un-huh." I turn over a little because I feel Mommy shift. That means shes not comfortable. "Whats a blanket?"
"Im not sure, but its important, because Mommy always seems to have hers."
I listen now, because when Dr. Doogie takes the picture he always tells Mama and Mommy what were doing. Sometimes hes says Im doing things Im not.
"Kevin." Ah, theres Mommys voice. I love her voice. It makes me feel all warm. "Can you tell whos who?"
"Sure." Dr. Doogie seems to be nice. Mommy relaxes when he talks to her, most of the time. One time he said something and her heart went so fast I thought it was gonna break. But Mama took her home and made it better. Mama always is able to make her better. "Seems that Brennan is on your right and Collin is on the left."
"Well, Ill be damned," Mama says.
Oh, boy, that gonna cost her a dollar. Wonder what a dollar is? I know theres a whole list of words that Mommy charges a dollar for. Im gonna have to be careful what I say because I dont have any dollars.
* * *
I gotta go.
I gotta go.
I gotta go.
I look over at the Dark One. Look at me! My eyes are yellow. A little trip to the woods would be in order here.
I gotta go. Have a heart!
Alpha says something and points to me. Thank you, thank you. I go over and lick her hand in gratitude. At least someone understands me.
Dark One comes over and puts her lead on my neck. She always needs my help when we go out. Though, sometimes, she takes it off so I can run fast. As a two leg, shes pretty slow. Except when she wears the round, slippery paws. Then she can almost keep up with me.
"Okay, Kam, were going. Calm down."
She barks weird. The only thing she ever manages to get right is my name. I dont know why Alpha cant teach her better.
We go to the moving room where we meet up with another two legs and Fritz. Hes my pal. "Hi ya, Fritz." I take a sniff of him. Cant be too careful. Just because it looks like Fritz doesnt mean it is.
"Hi ya, Kam." He sniffs me too.
"You look yellow, man."
I nod and jerk my head toward Dark One. "She didnt want to go out. She doesnt like to leave now that Alpha is so close to having the litter."
Fritz sits on his two legs paw. "Tell me about it. My two legs didnt want to leave the two legs in the box."
"That box is bad. The little two legs seem to hypnotize the big two legs." The moving rooms door opens. Dark One tugs on her lead, asking me to find the way for her. "Gotta go, Fritz. Good seeing you."
We go outside and Dark One scratches me behind my ears. "You were awful friendly with Fritz in the elevator. You two have a good talk?"
I take a look around. I dont see Fritz. I tug on her lead. Come on, Dark One, lets go to the grass. I have needs.
* * *
I like the big grass place. Every day I take Dark One here and we see our friends. All the two legs stand at one end and bark at each other. Sometimes they drink black water out of small, paw bowls. I dont like the dark water. One time, I tried to get some from Dark One and she accidentally poured it on my nose. It burned and made me sneeze. Why would two legs drink hot water? It doesnt make any sense. Alpha drinks something made with hot water, but she puts the golden sweet in it. Sometimes she gives me some of that. I like the golden sweet. Even though it makes my tongue sticky. Its a special treat that only Alpha gives me.
I race Chloe to the far tree. I like Chloe. Shes really cute. She has soft coat thats always clean, and she has the prettiest necklace. It sparkles.
"Kam, has your Alpha had her litter yet?"
Girls always like to talk about litters. "Not yet. Soon. I bet shell be finding someplace warm before long."
"Youll let her use your bed, right?"
I scratch my nose. "I dont think shell fit."
"Shes that big?"
"No, my Dark One is bigger. But Alpha is having a big litter."
Chloe looks over at Dark One. Shes baring her teeth at another one of the two legs. It doesnt mean the same thing from them as it does for us. "Its pretty neat that your Alpha brought home Dark One to play with you."
"Yeah, she came a couple days after me. I think it was because Alpha knew she was going to have a litter for me to protect. So she wanted me to have some fun, too. I cant complain. Dark One is pretty good for a two legs." Of all the two legs in the big grass place, I have the best one. Chloe knows it, so I dont have to rub it in.
Both Chloe and I look at her two legs. He needs to spend more time here and run with us. Those box two legs really have him hypnotized. "Can she get the ball yet?" Chloe asks.
I shake my head sadly. I am a little ashamed of our lack of progress in this area. "She keeps throwing it away. I bring it to her to chew on, and she tosses it again. Sometimes I have to bring it to her several times before she keeps it."
"Shell learn one day."
Our two legs all begin barking at us. "They must want to go home."
Chloe sighs. "Youd think they could find their own way by now. We bring them here and back every day."
I dont reply. When youre right, youre right.
* * *
Its been a pretty quiet day. Mommy has been really tired, so Collin and I have been trying to be good. Mostly Mommy has been laying down and rubbing us. She keeps talking about wanting to go to New Orleans. I asked Collin if that meant we were in Old Orleans, but he didnt know.
Mommy has been telling us funny stories today. Theres one thats particularly strange. Its called Green Eggs and Ham. Mama normally tells it to us, but Mommy has been telling it today.
"I like it."
Collin looks over from his side of our room. "Its funny. I like when Mommy laughs."
When Mommy laughs, it makes us bounce around. One time, she laughed so hard at something Mama did, that Collin and I nearly switched positions. "Whats funny about green eggs?"
"I dont know. What are eggs?"
Beats me. "Whats a Sam?"
"What?" I jump a little. He scared me, yelling like that.
"How do we know youre Brennan and Im Collin?"
"Because Doogie said so."
My brother scratches his behind. "He did?"
"Yeah, remember that time you were tugging on your third leg?"
"I was not!" Collin looks down at it. "It hasnt grown much more. Im getting worried."
"I dont have one at all."
He turns big eyes on me. "Arent you scared? What if its important?"
"How important can it be if I dont have it?"
"Huh, I hadnt thought of it that way."
Of course not.
* * *
Two walks in one day!
I am living large! I pull on Dark Ones lead and she quickly catches up. Shes wearing her round, slippery paws so we dont have to go so slowly. We race beside the wood trail, passing lots of two legs.
We are nearing a two legs with a shiny box when Dark One pulls on her lead, asking to stop. She must be tired already. Two legs dont have very much stamina. I stop and go back to check on her.
Dark One goes over and barks at the two legs with the shiny box. She likes this two legs.
So do I.
He gives her rolled meat. I watch as she smothers the meat in a sauce and puts very stinky things on top of it. Maybe the meat is bad?
Seems okay to me.
Dark One looks down at me and bares her teeth. "Would you like one too, Kam? Kels doesnt let us have hot dogs at home, so we have to get them when we can, right? And what she doesnt know, wont hurt her."
I figure out what Dark One is barking about when she gets me some rolled meat as well. She must not be worried about mine, because she doesnt treat it the way she did hers.
We sit on the grass and have our snack.
I like taking Dark One out for walks. Alpha is great, but with her litter, she moves even more slowly than before. I am so excited about the puppies. I have been wanting some brothers or sisters to play with. I hope they like to roughhouse like Dark One does. Sometimes we each hold the end of a rope and tug it back and forth for hours. One time, she was pulling it so hard, she was swinging me back and forth on the floor. It was fun.
Alpha barked at her for that.
Dark One is looking forward to the puppies too. She is almost as protective of Alpha as I am. Sometimes, she even scares me.
She doesnt scare Alpha though. Its funny. When Dark One is near Alpha, shes not quite so fierce. She bares her teeth a lot, but she then licks Alpha and grooms her. Alpha likes it. Sometimes, Dark One gets so distracted by her licking, that I have to do guard duty alone.
Dark One wasnt trained very well as a puppy, Im afraid.
Alpha doesnt like me grooming her as much. I guess thats why Dark One is her mate. Sometimes it makes me sad that I dont have one.
Maybe one day.
* * *
"Heaven, Im in heaven," Mama is singing. She likes to sing to Mommy. And to us. Most of the time when she does, Collin and I fall asleep. I sometimes think thats what shes trying to do. "And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak."
Mommy is moving around, more than usual, tonight. Sometimes she moves so quickly, I bump into Collin.
"Stop touching me," he warns.
"Im not touching you."
"And I seem to find the happiness I seek," Mama croons. "When were out together, dancing cheek to cheek."
Suddenly, both of us are tossed around as Mommy falls backwards. Collin and I both scream and grab for anything to hold on to. Unfortunately, all we have in here is each other and the ropes attached to our tummys.
Mama catches Mommy, who begins laughing. "Harper! You cant dip a pregnant woman."
Collin and I are still spinning. I nearly turned upside down. "Get your foot out of my face." I push at it.
"Where else can I put it?"
"Where it was before."
He glances down. "Your leg is there."
Huh, what do you know? It is. "Okay, lets work together on this." I put my hand on his shoulder and push, shrugging my shoulders, trying to get Mommy to give us just a little more room. Its really much too cramped in here.
"Ow!" Collin protests, as he moves back over to his side.
"Tell me about it."
"I need to sit for a minute, Harper," Mommy says.
Good, please sit down.
"Everything alright, chér?"
"Yeah. Its just I dont think the twins cared much for that." She begins rubbing where I am pressing into her.
"No?" Mamas voice comes closer. How come she can do that, but Mommy cant? "Im sorry, my little ones. Everyone all right in there?"
"Were okay, Mama," Collin answers. To prove it, he thumps on Mommys side.
"Ooo!" Mommy exclaims. "Here, Harper, give me your hand. And say something."
Mommy laughs. "Brat! To the twins."
"Hello in there."
"Hello!" we call back. Collin gives Mama a tap where shes pressing in on him.
Now its Mamas turn to laugh. "They sure are active. I cant wait to see them, Kels, and hold them."
Collin kicks. "I want to see Mama too!"
Hes such a Mamas boy. "And Mommy!" I agree.
"What do you think they look like?" Collin asks.
"I bet theyre big. Huge!" Collin holds his hands far apart from each other.
I hadnt thought about that. "Why?"
"Because theyre so loud."
* * *
I wake up and stretch. What woke me up? I yawn and listen. Mommy and Mama are talking. They do that a lot. I like to listen to them. Their voices are warm and soft and make me feel all happy.
I close my eyes.
"I am a huge, beached whale."
"Hardly, darlin. You are a beautiful woman pregnant with twins and about to give birth."
"So you agree?"
I open an eye. I want her hear how Mama gets out of this.
"Im taking the Fifth."
They both laugh. I need to remember that fifth thing. I might need it in the future when I have a wife of my own. I really think I should have one. They seem pretty great.
"Sweetheart, you are almost done. Youre in the home stretch. In a couple weeks, well have two beautiful children to love and spoil. All because you brought them into this world."
They laugh again. They laugh a lot together. Maybe thats why were all so happy.
"Ive been thinking about Collin," Mama says.
Okay, now they have my full attention. What about me?
"Yeah? His future football career?"
Whats football? Whats a career?
"I have a little jersey for him already," Mama says, "but thats not the point. I was thinking about after hes born."
"And you know that little procedure they do on most boys."
Mommy laughs, low and deep, sounding a bit like Puppy. "You can say it, Harper."
"Fine, fine. Circumcision." She sounds like Puppy now.
"See, that wasnt so hard? Now, what about it?"
"I dont want it done to Collin."
Done to me? I dont like the sound of that.
"Hmm. Okay. Why not?"
"Its not necessary. And, well, sometimes bad things happen."
Like what, Mama?
Should I wake up Brennan?
"They do! Come on, our own network did a story about that poor kid who got his whole one cut off accidentally. The family raised him as a girl and he was completely messed up. I dont want any chance of that happening."
Raised as a girl! No!
Whats a girl?
"Its a one in a million chance."
"Once is bad enough. Besides, uh, well "
"I happen to know that none of the Kingsley men are, either."
"Oh. I wont need to verify that."
"I would hope not. I had a little discussion with Robie about this issue. I mean, you wouldnt want him teased by his cousins Clark and Christian, would you?"
Who are Clark and Christian?
"My Christian is too sweet to do that. Besides, Im fine with the decision not to, Harper. Ive been doing some research on it as well."
"Yeah? Wonderful. Thanks."
Okay, so theyre not going to do something to me.
I think thats good.
I wish I knew. I think things will be clearer when Brennan and I are born. I dont know quite what that means, but Mama and Mommy seem excited about it. If they think its a good thing, then it must be.
I think I need more sleep.
Good night, Mama. Good night, Mommy. Good night, Brennan.
* * *
Fresh air! Finally!
Alpha didnt seem to want to go out today. Squeaky kept making her lay down. If shes about to have a litter, she needs to start finding her warm place to have them. She needs someplace safe, where no one can find them while shes having the puppies.
I think I saw a good place. I pull on Alphas lead. Shell never find it without me. Two legs dont have very good sight or smell. Sometimes Im surprised that theyre able to find food to eat and recognize friends and foes.
"Kam, slow down," Alpha barks at me, pulling on her lead to get my attention. I glance back. Shes breathing hard. I hope she doesnt have the litter here right now. I look at Squeaky.
"Let me take him for you, Kels."
He takes Alphas lead and puts his paw under hers. "Why dont you sit down for a moment? Ill let Kam get some of his energy out. And Ill get you some water. Okay?"
Alpha goes to some wood and sits down. I press my nose against her stomach and sniff. No. The litter seems intact. I lick Alphas paw.
"I love you too, Kam." Alpha scratches behind my ears and my tail thumps hard against the ground. She always knows the right spot to hit.
"Come on, Kam." Squeaky wants to run.
I look to Alpha for permission.
She bares her teeth at me and waves her paw at Squeaky. "Go on. Have fun!"
Squeaky and I leave Alpha and go out onto the big grassy place. None of my usual friends are here right now. Its not our meeting time. Squeaky gets tired quickly and takes his lead off me.
"Get the ball, Kam, get the ball!" He takes a bright, red ball and throws it far away.
I stare at him. Why do two legs keep losing their chew toys?
"Go get it, Kam!"
I look across the field where the ball sits in the grass. Cant he see it? Why doesnt he go get it?
"Go on!" Squeaky begins waving his paws.
I trot off and go for the toy. I hope he doesnt lose it again. Maybe Ill carry it for him until I take Alpha home.
When I pick up the ball, I glance over at Alpha. What I see causes me to drop Squeakys ball. My fur stands on edge and I bristle in anger.
A two legs is trying to scare my Alpha. I sniff. And doing it too.
"Get away from her! Get away from Alpha! Go! Go! Go!" I yell, running across the field. I leap over the wood shes sitting on and land at her feet.
The big two legs stumbles back, losing his balance. He smells like the yellow water Dark One sometimes drinks. I hate that smell.
"Get away!" I warn him again.
I bare my teeth and snap at him when he tries to touch my head. I put my body between him and Alpha. No one hurts my Alpha or my little brothers and sisters.
"Go!" I show him even more of my teeth.
"Brian!" Alpha barks.
The smelly two legs backs up, as another two leg starts to run over, hearing my barking. He barks at a two legs, on top of a snorter, to come here too.
"You better go! Coward! Go!" I continue to yell.
He listens to my advice and leaves as quickly as he can.
Just because one threat is over, it doesnt mean Alpha is safe yet. I can still smell her fear. I back against her, so shell feel better. Carefully, I watch the on-coming two legs. I bare my teeth at him. The snorter keeps the other two legs a good distance away.
They can stay where they are. Alpha is safe with me.
"Down, Kam," Alpha barks at me. "Brian, hand me his leash."
I hear a snap and realize that Alpha has clipped her lead to me again. Good. Now Ill be able to keep her with me if we have to run away.
The snorter looks over at the grassy field where the bad two legs ran. "He smelled."
"He wanted to hurt my Alpha."
"Its okay, boy." Alpha begins stroking my fur, grooming me. "You did great! Youre such a brave dog!"
I relax a little, sensing that Alpha is feeling better. I sniff. She is.
The two legs steps forward, I give him a warning look.
"Maam, can you make sure your dog wont bite me?"
I growl softly, warning him. The look didnt work if hes barking at Alpha.
"Its okay, Kam. This is a police officer. Hes here to help us. Be a good boy." Alpha grooms me even more. She finds that spot behind my ear again.
"I know him," Snorter says, swinging his large head toward the two legs. "He wont hurt your Alpha."
"He better not try."
"Kam," Alpha barks.
I sit quietly and watch. Anyone makes a wrong move and theyll find out I may be young, but my teeth are full grown.
Alpha presses her cheek against my fur, rubbing my chest. "You are absolutely wonderful, Kam."
I smell like Alpha now.
I like that.
* * *
Dark One comes into where Alpha and I are sitting. Ever since earlier today, Alpha has been staying close to me. Its okay. I dont want her far from me, either. I dont like it when anyone scares my Alpha.
What smells good?
I look over at Dark Ones paws.
My mouth waters
That smells good.
Dark One holds up the strip of meat. "You want it, Kam? For being such a good boy with Kels today?"
To take it would mean leaving Alphas side.
I lick my chops.
And stay where I am.
Dark One looks over at Alpha, baring her teeth. "I think someone is reluctant to leave you, Kels."
Alpha scratches my head. "My hero."
"Hey! What about me?"
Alpha pulls me back against her. I lay my head on her belly, and listen to her litter. Theyre always busy in there.
"You werent in the park with me today when some drunk guy started getting a little too aggressive. You didnt leap over the bench and land in front of me scaring him half to death. And you werent the one holding off the police force when they came to help." Alpha puts her mouth against my fur. "Kam was. My hero."
Dark One looks at me strangely. I dont think she likes her mate putting her paws on me like this. She holds out the meat to me again. "Yeah, hes your hero."
I realize I have a choice. I decide to have the best of both worlds, and not anger Dark One. I turn my head and take a quick lick of Alphas face. Then I trot over, snatch the meat from Dark Ones hand and go to my bed.
Dark One takes my place in Alphas paws. "I hate to say this, Kels, but your hero just gave you up for a strip of steak."
Alpha puts her mouth against Dark Ones. "You would never do that, right?"
"Not for steak, no. But maybe for some of Mamas shrimp Creole."
* * *
"I like it when Mommy does this." Collin laughs.
"Me too," I agree. I concentrate. I want milk. I know Mommy wont disappoint me. She never does. Whatever we want, she give us.
"Mon Dieu, Kels! How can you eat that and drink milk?" Mama asks.
A better question is why Collin wanted lima beans and ice cream.
"And what am I supposed to drink at this hour, Tabloid?"
"True. At three a.m. one cannot be too picky."
"No, because if one gets too picky, one will be going out for something else."
"Milk is good for you, sweetheart. Drink up." Mama laughs. She must like milk too.
"I cant wait to get home." Mommy rubs my back while she talks to Mama. Oh, thats nice, and its making me sleepy. "Im really looking forward to seeing everyone."
There must be lots of people in this New Orleans place Mama and Mommy keep talking about. I know were going there soon to get born. Why we cant do that where we are now?
"Yeah?" He looks over at me and burps.
"You think since Mama says were two new, little lives, thats why we gotta go to this New Orleans to get born?"
"Could be. Maybe its a rule."
I think about it for a moment and then put in my order for spaghetti. Why is Mama growling like Puppy now?
"Oh, Kels, darlin, I love you, but that is just sick!"
* * *
"Brennan, what do you think its going to be like after were born?"
"Its going to be good."
"Why do you think so?"
Brennan shrugs. "Because Mommy and Mama say it is."
"I look forward to seeing them. Mommy is really pretty."
"How do you know that?"
I sigh. "Because Mama always says she is."
"Thats true." Brennan lifts her arms above her head and stretches. "Im looking forward to having more room to move around. Mama says well have our own room that shes been working on."
"Its gotta be bigger than this then," I agree, "if Mama can fit in it. I want to see Puppy."
"And Aunt Brian!"
"How much longer do you think well be here?"
Brennan shifts position. "I dont think it can be much longer, Collin. Were running out of space here."
"Well be together, though, wont we? I dont want to be alone."
"Absolutely. Were family. Family stays together."
© 2000 Exposure Productions. All rights reserved. The Content is protected in the U.S. and internationally by a variety of laws, including but not limited to, copyright laws and treaty provisions, and other proprietary rights laws.
You are hereby granted permission to receive a copy of the Content from the mailing list or web site in whole or in part, (and, except where otherwise specified or provided by Exposure Productions, print a single copy of the Content for your own personal use) but only for purposes of viewing and browsing through the Content. You are also hereby granted permission to store the files on your computer for your own personal use. All other use of Content from the mailing list or web site, including, but not limited to modification, publication, transmission, participation in the transfer or sale of, reproduction, creation of derivative works from, distribution, performance, display, incorporation into another web site, reproducing the Content (whether by linking, framing or any other method), or in any
other way exploiting any of the Content, in whole or in part, for uses other than those expressly permitted may not be made without Exposure Productions prior express written consent.
Though this series is inspired by certain actual incidents, it is a work of fiction and references to real people and organizations are included only to lend a sense of authenticity. All of the characters, whether central or peripheral, are wholly the product of the authors imagination, as are their actions, motivations, thoughts and conversations, and neither the characters nor the situations which were invented for them are intended to depict real people or real events. In particular, the depictions of CBS and NBC are not meant to portray the corporations, or any individual within the corporations, but are only used to lend a sense of authenticity to this work of fiction.