Darkbard Fantasies
August 27, 1996
The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are the property of MCA/Universal. The
story is all mine.
I know I'm supposed to be writing the conclusion to 'The Letting Go' but damn
if I didn't hear the theme to the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' during the 12
o'clock time-warp on Q102 while I was out driving around and this just popped
into my head. <g>
Xena and Gab on that same tired old path. Argo's pulling up the rear.
G - "I'm bored."
X - "Hunh?"
G - "I'm bored, Xena. Let's do something fun tonight!"
X - "What? No nice chat by the fire?" (devilish grin on her face)
Gab glares at Xena.
X - "What? So I still have some pent up anxiety over this whole Callisto
thing. It helps to vent it out."
G - "Yeah, that's not the only thing you vent. Is sex the only thing on your
brain these days?"
X - "No."
G - "Then name something else."
X - "Uh..."
G - "See. I told you so."
X - "I'm thi..."
G - "You got any dinars?"
X - "WHAT? You're gonna make me pay for *it*?"
G - "No, silly." (she turns towards X, lovingly puts her arm on Xena's, then
turns and pinches her butt) "But I bet you would!!"
X - "No way! I don't have to pay for anything - certainly not sex - why I have
legions of fans that would gladly pay *ME* for the opportunity."
G -"You're deluded."
X - "I am *not*. I'm just being honest. You like that in a woman, right?"
G - "Oh yeah, I love it - but that's hardly one of *your* most valued traits."
X - "So I'm complicated. Come figure me out." (X grabs G and tries to pull her
into the forest.)
G - "Xena, quit. I'm not in the mood."
X - "Why not?"
G - "It's the middle of the day - look around you."
X - "You mean we're only allowed to *do it* at night?"
G - "Yes."
X - "Why's that?"
G - "Hey, you're the 'secretive warrior princess' - you figure it out."
X  - "Oh."
G - "I want to go to the movies."
X - "Hunh?" (X still pondering that last thought)
G - "Don't you ever pay attention to me? I *said* 'I want to go to the
movies'. You remember: popcorn, a giant Pepsi, Dolby-surround sound, comfy
X - "No, no,no,no,no, no. The last time we tried to *do it* at the movies
people stared at us."
G - "Gee, I have a novel idea - let's *watch* the movie this time."
X - "That's sounds boring."
G - "But they're having a midnight showing of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'.
I wanna go."
X - "Isn't that the one with that stupid dance in it?"
G - "No, Xena. And that was called, "the macarana" - we learned it in that
grubby little tavern in Corinth last week."
X - "Oh... I didn't like that."
G - "Duh! I should say so - You can't dance; 2 left feet."
X - "HEY! I dance fine."
G - "Yeah, right - in your dreams. Don't you remember Rocky Horror? I guess it
does have that little dance that goes "a shake to the left - then a step to
the right."
X - "Uh..." <Xena ponders once again>
G - "You knocked down that guy next to you. Remember? You thought he was
*coming on* to you 'cause he was dressed like a woman. You threw him in the
air, kicked him, and then stabbed him with your sword when he hit the ground.
Does any of this ring a bell? We got kicked out for Goddess sake!"
X - "Oh...yeah..." (a slow smile crosses Xena's lips) "Whadda ya want to go
back there for - surely they won't let us back in?"
G - "It's at a different theatre this time." 
X - "Oh... Can I be FrankNFurter this time? He was such a wuss. I want to
portray him as a real man!" (Xena stands tall)
G - "Forget it... <Gab is suddenly sad> we don't have any rice or a squirt
gun. And you looked ridiculous in that paper hat. Besides, your acting
abilities leave something to be desired."
X - "HEY! At least I studied to be an actress. What'd you ever do - pretend
you were a caterpillar in your school play?"
G - "Now, cut that out. And I thought you studied opera or mined gold
X - "I have *many* skills.
G - "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bite me."
X - "I do - I was in that lesbian movie 'Peach' - perfect training for a
warrior; I even kissed a guy."
G - "I'm so proud of you." (sarcastically, of course)
X - "You should be. That was hard work."
G - "They should've named the movie -"Kiwi. Tales of a Fruit Down Under."
X - "That was *NOT* nice! See if I sleep with you again."
G - "Ooh - scared of you." (imitates Xena's little hand thingy) "Besides as
soon as it gets dark you'll be all over me again." 
X - "Will not."
G - "Yeah, you will."
X - "You'll see."
G - "I'll see your head between my legs."
X - "Sooo... You're saying you don't like that?"
G - "That's not what I'm saying."
X - "Then change the subject!"
G - "Wanna go to the movies?"
X - "You buying?"
G - "Maybe." (Xena leans in to peak down Gabrielle's breast for hidden dinars)
X - "I wanna see something action-adventure. It's been kinda boring around
here lately - nothing but reruns."
G - "Me, too. I hear there's a really great movie playing at the Bijou."
X - "Yeah? What is it?"
G - "Darkman II. I hear the girl in it's *real* cute.
X - "But isn't the girl a hooker or slut or something?"
G - "HEY! She's *reformed*"
X - (grabs Gab around the waist) "Let me show you 'reformed'." (she kisses
Gabrielle passionately on the lips)
G - "Uh. Maybe we *could* just stay in tonight."
X - "Yeah, let's do that..."
Argo knickers softly, while the sun sets in the west...........

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