Changes of Heart: Confessions

By CN Winters

Disclaimers in part one.

Write the author at

"Mother? . . . Are you crying?"

She had been crying but Xena didn’t turn around to face Eve who was whispering from her bedroll. "I’m okay. Just get some sleep. We’ve got a big climb tomorrow. You’ll need your strength."

Within moments Xena felt her daughter’s hand upon her shoulder as the young woman took a seat next to her on the boulder looking out over the valley they traveled through earlier that day. The Tree of Fietus, which only bared the special fruit once every ten years, would be in bloom this season. Many people tried to attain it and met their demise in the process. If the mountain didn’t kill them the wild animals of the area did. The odds were against them but what else was new.

"It’s a beautiful view from up here," Eve commented. "But I don’t think it’s the majestic scenery that has you so teary eyed."

Xena smiled. "No, I can’t say I’ve been one who’s moved by nature."

"Then what does move you?"


There was no pause between question and answer. Xena knew it immediately, instinctively. Xena loved her daughter dearly but nothing, absolutely nothing compared to Gabrielle. It’s true I CAN live without Gabrielle but it’s not a life worth living at this point.

"She’s got a wonderful way of looking at life," Xena offered. "She sees beauty and meaning in everything – even a broken down ex-warlord. I always loved your mom but lately, with her gone, I realize just how much. I can see that I took her for granted in many ways. And I pray that Eli finds someway from the heavens to bring her back to me. Even if I never have her as my partner again, I just wish I have the chance to tell her how much she means and how much she changed my life for the better."

"After we get Ares out of the way, we’ll search," Eve responded. "We’ll find her again, I’m sure."

"I’m not sure if she wants to be found Evie. That’s the problem. I did so many terrible things to her over the years. I let my anger do things I swore I’d never do. I blamed her for Solan’s death. I asked her to choose me over Hope. I shut her out at times when she needed reassurance and all because I was scared. I even hit her with my chakram while her back was turned. Some brave warrior that makes me huh? I don’t blame her one bit for leaving. In fact I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did."

"Mother," Eve began, "You said yourself that Gabrielle doesn’t blame you for those things and she’s found forgiveness."

"She’s forgiven me yes . . . but I haven’t forgiven myself. I’m not sure I’ll ever find that. Eve . . . I told you that I was a terrible person for many years but the worst things I’ve ever done have been to Gabrielle . . . I know now that I will never . . . ever . . . harm her again. But I don’t even know how to convince her. Hell, I don’t even know if she’s okay. I’m on top of a mountain, helping a man I can’t stand to be around when I should be at her side."

"You will be at her side again mother," Eve answered. "I have no doubt in that. Just be brave when you see her. Tell her all the things you never told her while she was here. That’s the first step . . . well, after ditching Ares that is," she whispered conspiratorially. "You can’t really expect to work on things with Gabrielle as long as Ares’s in the background. You’re doing things the right way. Get Ares out on his own so you can focus on Gabrielle . . . I have faith that things will work out."

"Always the optimist," Xena grinned. "Your mom’s that way too with many things."

Xena looked over to Eve and she watched as the young woman sat cross-legged – her elbow on her knee and her chin on her fist, deep in thought, looking at the valley below them. I haven’t realized it but Gabrielle does the same thing when she’s pondering something.

"What is it?" Eve asked facing her mother after feeling she was being scrutinized.

And those eyes! My god those green eyes! I have blue. Callisto had brown. The green of those eyes. Could it be? Is it really possible? But how?

"Mother tell me what’s wrong?!"

Xena held a finger up for Eve to hold on for a moment. She darted over to Ares bedroll and tore the blanket away. He woke with a start as Xena grabbed him by his leather vest.

"Hey! What the-."

"I want answers and I want them now," Xena began, giving him a shake for good measure.

"Well good morning to you too sweetheart," Ares retorted.

At this time Herc woke up with all the commotion. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah as soon as Ares answers a few questions. Such as whose Eve’s mother?" Xena said pushing him back to the ground.

"You are," Ares answered. "Is this is a trick question?"

"Who else?" she pressed.

"Callisto. At least that what I’ve heard," he replied.

"Okay . . . Now who else? Come on Ares. I’ve been watching Eve for weeks now and the more and more I see, the more there’s someone else that’s not being figured in here. Tell it to me straight. What’s the real story here? Why were you trying to talk Gabrielle out of leaving Eve and me? You of all people would love to see her go . . . so why the change of heart? Hmm?"

Ares looked to Xena and then Eve standing behind her.

"You’re not supposed to know," Ares muttered.

"Wrong answer," Xena replied, pulling Ares to his feet. He oofed and ouched until they stood toe to toe. "I want the truth or you’ll be dead before you ever see that tree," Xena pressed as she poked him in the chest with a pointed finger.

Ares looked to Eve and then Xena and then back to Eve again.

"Eve is Gabrielle’s daughter too – flesh and blood."

I knew it! That son of bitch knew the whole time and never said a word. But how . . .

"Who gave the helping hand Ares? You? Your sister Dite?"

"I did," Ares answered. "But it wasn’t help. Call it serendipity. I didn’t know Calli gave you the little twerp when I did the meld."

Serendipity? Meld? . . . Mavican!

"When you put Gabrielle and I in one body then-."

"Part of Gabrielle became part of Eve," Ares finished. "Her love of scrolls, her blue-green eyes, her bad temper," he chuckled. "Boy does that bard of yours have a temper when pushed Xena. Worse than you or Callisto. Sometimes worse than the two of you put together . . . Eve’s that way too whether she admits it or not," he smirked.

"Wow," Herc mutter in amazement from his bedroll.

"You said it," Eve reiterated. "So I actually have three mothers?" she asked Ares who answered with a nod. "This is incredible . . . So Gabrielle IS my mom . . .We’ve got to find her mother! We’ve got to let her know," Eve said to Xena taking a step closer.

"Well first things first. Tomorrow we get that damn fruit and you my dear ex-god of war will kindly get the hell outta our lives. You got that?" Xena said continuing to poke him in the chest with the end of every sentence.

"Yeah I got it," Ares answered without argument. "Now that the family tree is all in order do you mind if we get some rest?"

He didn’t wait for a reply. He crawled back under his bedroll and covered up. Herc followed suit.

"Come on," Xena said tugging her daughter to their bedrolls. "Let’s at least TRY to get some sleep."

Eve agreed and they snuggled into the bedroll, getting situated for some shuteye. Eve cleared her throat a bit and asked, "Do I really have mom’s eyes?"

"Yes," she heard three voices answer. "Now go to sleep," Ares mumbled gruffly.

Xena and Eve gave a chuckle. "He’s awful grumpy since he’s lost his godhood isn’t he?" Eve teased.

"I heard that," Ares said.

"Ares," Hercules piped in. "Shut up and go to sleep."

"I think everyone should shut up at this point . . . Starting now," Xena ordered.

Eve lay next to her mother and watched her. Xena’s eyes were closed and she was beginning to breathe deep. My mother . . . the hero. And if you don’t find her . . . I know I will.

"I love you mother," Eve whispered.

"I love you too Evie."



Return to The Bard's Corner