Disclaimer: The characters in this story: Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto, Perdiccus and Theodorus are the property of Renaissance Pictures and Universal MCA.  This story is not meant to infringe upon their rights or the rights of the actors who portray them.  Also, any part of the story “What I’m trying to say is…” is not to be copied, whole or in part, without the author’s permission, and is not to be copied for public use or for profit.  Please be advised that this story does contain content of a sexual nature between two consenting adult women.  Without further ado…

What I’m trying to say…

Written By:  Caina Q.  Fuller


Gabrielle truly believed she didn’t know happiness until that day so many years before when she’d looked at Xena, her companion and soul mate and realized she was in love with her.  Her emotions only intensified when she realized her feelings for Xena went beyond friendship and mere sexual desire.  It was self-less complete love. 

Sometimes, on nights like tonight, she would sit and watch the Warrior Princess eat the meals she cooked.  This duty always fell upon Gabrielle because Xena, talented warrior though she was, couldn’t cook to save her own life.  She just didn’t seem to have it within her to understand that the world in which she lived offered spices to make the food she was cooking eatable.   No matter.  Gabrielle loved her regardless.

Just when did I fall for you? Gabrielle asked herself as she studied Xena polishing her sword.  The Warrior Princess rubbed the blade with practiced ease, tending to a weapon that had seen more war and death than Gabrielle could even begin to imagine.  The answer came to her quickly enough:  The moment I laid eyes on you.  No, I think my question is: When did I allow myself to admit I was in love with you?

The image of Perdiccus lying dead in her arms came to her.  It was the night Xena rid the world of Callisto.  The first time at least.  Gabrielle allowed herself to be lost in the memory of it all.  Xena had returned to the cave with the news that Callisto was dead.  She remembered how her friend had come back, covered in sand from the waste down.  Later, after Theodorus and the rest of Callisto’s men had been dispatched to the local authorities, and Joxer had gone on his way with stories of how he’d gotten his new battle wound saving the Warrior Princess herself, Xena had found a hot spring in a nearby forest. 

Gabrielle closed her eyes and took in the memory of coming upon Xena in the trees.  The sight of the Warrior Princess’ tall, strong body as she’d pulled her clothes off had excited Gabrielle in ways she had never been able to imagine possible.  She had believed Perdiccus had shown her what love was on their wedding night.  They had made love repeatedly and Gabrielle had been thrilled with the experience, but even at the height of her passion with Perdiccus, she had felt nothing like she felt now, watching Xena move toward the water.

How she’d failed to respond to Xena this way on the occasions she and Xena had bathed together before baffled Gabrielle at that moment.   Perhaps it had taken her night of passion, with the only man she could see herself loving, to damper her inhibitions.  No matter the reason she had been unable to appreciate Xena before, she quickly got over it when she took in the site of Xena’s curves and lines.

Gabrielle could remember how well she appreciated the fact that Xena was hard and muscled in all the places a woman should be, and soft in all the right places as well.  As Xena had lowered her naked flesh into the hot water of the spring, Gabrielle had felt the butterflies of excitement stir within her.  Her heart had begun to pound so hard and fast that she’d wondered if it would explode beneath her breast.  Gabrielle had run then, from the site of her friend’s naked flesh, a mixture of embarrassment, confusion and guilt battling for victory within her.

Now the confusion was gone.  Guilt was a thing of the past, and she couldn’t imagine feeling embarrassed around Xena anymore.  At least not until she remembered that first kiss and the first time she’d tried to pleasure Xena.  What a clumsy lover she’d turned out to be…

Now Xena was looking her over with a playful glint shining in her beautiful blue eyes.  Oh how she loved it when Xena looked at her like that!  It filled her with a myriad of emotions.  Intense and thrilling emotions.

“What?”  Xena asked, pausing in her chore of cleaning the blood of today’s battle from her blade.

Gabrielle placed the last dish away, suddenly glad to be finished with her own chores.  She needed to speak to Xena now.  She needed the comfort of knowing Xena was fully aware of just how intensely she felt for her.  Just how much she loved her.  She went to the woman who was her friend, her lover, the better half of her soul, and took up a comfortable position in front of her.  Xena was sitting on a log and was therefore higher up than she, but Gabrielle didn’t mind.  She always felt safe as well as comfortable with her role of the more submissive, but no less equal, partner in this relationship.

“Xena…I need to talk to you.”

Xena studied Gabrielle’s face and saw emotion welling up in her warrior Bard’s soulful green eyes.  Because she’d seen this emotion before from Gabrielle, she knew something sweet, magical, and powerful and wonderful was coming, and therefore didn’t become alarmed.

“This is serious.  I’m listening.”

Gabrielle had to make a conscious effort not to fall into tears.  Tears born out of happiness and love, not sorrow or bitterness.

“Where to start?”  She said, her voice quiet with concentration.

“Start where you were a moment ago, watching me polish my blade.”

Gabrielle had to laugh at that.  “Xena, you’re always so perceptive aren’t you?”

“I try to be.  I’m listening to you Gabrielle.  Heart and soul, I’m listening to you.”

Gabrielle nodded and began.  “A moment ago.  I was remembering the day Callisto died-the first time.”  They shared a quiet laugh then Xena sobered to allowed Gabrielle to continue.  “That night you took a bath in the hot spring.  You probably don’t remember this-“

“You were watching me.”

“You knew?”  Gabrielle asked, genuinely surprised.  She’d thought she’d been so quiet!  Now she found she’d given her presence away.

“Yeah.  You were breathing with excitement, like you were just now.  I’m flattered my body inspires that kind of reaction in you.”

“That’s just it.  It’s not only your body it’s you.  It’s your laugh.  It’s your sense of duty, your loyalty.”  Gabrielle’s forced herself not to run her words together from the force of emotion that was driving them from her soul.

“It’s the soul I see looking back at me behind your eyes.”  Gabrielle was caressing Xena’s cheek now.  The Warrior Princess’ skin was soft and smooth to the touch.  It was perfect, and whole, just as everything else about her was.  “It’s…it’s you Xena.  I fell in love with you the moment I lay eyes on you, only I couldn’t  allow myself to admit it until that night.”  Another soft chuckle issued forth deep from within Gabrielle’s throat.  Xena loved those throaty laughs of hers…”I was thinking about our first kiss.”

Now it was Xena’s turn to give a throaty chuckle.  “I can’t forget that one.  You became so excited you bit my tongue.  Hard.”

They broke down into giggles together this time, content to be sharing this tender moment together.  Xena took Gabrielle’s hands in her own then took Gabrielle’s mouth with her own.  The kiss was soft and sweet, full of honesty and understanding and love.  When the kiss was over they stared into one another’s eyes, sharing something beyond words in a way only lovers can know.

“We’ve come through incredible odds Xena.  Crucifixions, duels with the gods, and surviving twenty-five years in an ice cave.  What I’m trying to say is…I love you with all my heart and soul.”

They shared one last long glance before Xena returned the loving sentiment, first with her actions, then with her words.  She lay Gabrielle back gently onto her bedroll, then rested her larger, heavier body over her.  In the warm, golden glow of the campfire, Xena claimed Gabrielle’s lips with passionate kisses as she poured out her love for her companion with equally passionate caresses.


“I love you Gabrielle.  More than life itself…”

The end.

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