Disclaimer: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle belong to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement on their rights is intended. All other characters are my own and belong to me.

Subtext Disclaimer: This story contains references to a loving relationship between two consenting adults, who happen to be of the same sex. If this offends you, or you are under 18 years of age, or you reside in an area where this type of material is illegal, read no more. There is plenty of general fanfic out there for you. Go find it.

Shock Factor: 3. Plan D #33

Please send any comments to asdease1@gte.net

Don’t drink and drive!

Enjoy, I hope.

Community Property

Written by FlyBigD

The bad thing about having your daughter born in the hospital you were still employed at on an on-call basis, was that every other employee of the hospital knew you had just become a new parent and seemed to think that if they didn’t get to see your daughter before she left the hospital, the opportunity would never come again, and therefore, they felt the need to impede your attempt to get your daughter and her mother to the hospital exit before your daughter was old enough to go to college. But, then again, having a new daughter can do strange things to a person. Things like making you beam with pride and grin from ear to ear, and show an incredible amount of patience with the afore mentioned delays. However, this new found patience didn’t include letting people touch her new daughter, but Xena had little to fret over because with T and Ares flanking the wheelchair like the two well muscled, overly protective gods they were, no one was going to get close enough to Joy to do more than get a good peek. Of course, this predatory protection did not extend to the throng of relatives clamoring over themselves and everybody else to record the event with their cameras and video equipment, and blind everybody in the process, but Xena’s patience never got the chance to get tested because Gabrielle’s did, and at the first sign of having an upset Mama on their hands who could revoke their ‘holding Joy’ privileges, the throng quickly moved themselves to the back of the pack. After that, progress was still slow, but it was made and an hour and a half after they left the room, Xena wheeled her wife and daughter through sliding glass doors into fresh air at last. “Thank the gods.” She whispered to herself.

“Amen.” The bard agreed heartily.

“Anytime.” Ares smiled.

“My pleasure.” T nodded and stepped away from her post to open the door of the truck as the throng started making short good-bye’s to the girls so they could rush off to their vehicles to be the first to honk their horns in impatience to get the convoy on the road.

Distracted by the hurrying relatives, the girls didn’t notice the truck T had opened wasn’t Gabrielle’s Jeep until the crowd got thin enough for them to see more than two feet in front of them. When that happened, there were two confused women staring at a Jeep and an old one, but most definitely not the one they had arrived in.

Doing a Vanna White from bumper to bumper, T walked backwards to present the gift. “Taking into consideration personal preferences and the fact that someone would die before they’d be seen in a mini van, Ares and I took it upon ourselves to hopefully come up with a suitable alternative for your driving safety and pleasure.”

Apparently her personal preference affected the gift being a Jeep and an old one, but that’s about as far as Gabrielle could see herself being considered in the thought process. Shaking her head, she smiled at the 1980 something four door Grand Wagoneer that was definitely designed with one person in mind. Jet black at the top fading into iridescent indigo vertical stripes at the bottom, the truck had Xena’s name written all over it with the big chrome pipes for bumpers, a large Harley-Davidson emblem etched into the darkly tinted back/side window and to seal the deal, a silver scripted ‘Warrior Princess’ on the front quarter panel where Grand Wagoneer was supposed to be. “It’s perfect.”

With Gabrielle’s approval, T pulled the keys out of her pocket to jingle them as bait to draw Xena out of her love at first sight stupor. “All aboard?”

“Oh, yea.” Xena whispered with a nod. Staring at her new truck, she turned her smile towards her wife. “Ready to go home?”

The bard opened her mouth to say yes, then hesitated. Turning her gaze to T, she wiggled her finger to get the god to come over and when she did, she pulled her friend down for a covert question. “Is it a stick shift?”

The god chuckled and shook her head. “Automatic transmission.”

“I’m ready.” She pronounced and held out her hand to her wife for assistance in getting up.

Bending down to do as requested, the warrior smirked at the mother of her child. “I heard that, by the way.”

“I was just checking.” Gabrielle smiled and shrugged. “I need to know what to put on the insurance papers.”

“Keep it up and you’ll be riding in the back, Missy.” The warrior warned through a smile.

Green eyes sparkled. “I’d rather ride you in the back.”

“Sounds like fun, but you might get a little cramped back there.” Laughing, Ares moved in front of the girls to point at the back seat.

The girls ducked their heads to look in the back seat and saw Bud’s head sticking over it.

“And I might have a problem with you contributing to the delinquency of my son.” T put in with a chuckle.

And there was Gabriel waving his little hand at them from his car seat.

“Hey there, guys.” Gabrielle’s eyes sparkled again as she stepped out of Xena’s grasp to smile at her boys. “I was wondering where you were. Look who I’ve got here.”

Xena rolled her eyes in T’s direction. “Lemme guess. Aphrodite is hiding in the glove compartment, right?”

“You’re safe.” T winked. “When it comes to modes of transportation, Aphrodite prefers man power to horse power.”

“And what about Bud?” Putting her hands on her hips, the warrior gave the tiger another look. “Are you planning on introducing Gabriel’s big brother to the family today?”

“He’s just along for the ride. I’ll pop him out when you pull in the drive.” Shaking her head, the god moved closer to the truck. “And speaking of drive, I think we had better get a move on before that convoy out there decides to disturb the peace.”

Glancing out at the parking lot, Xena sighed. “Yea, let’s get this show on the road. I can’t cover bail money for that many people.”

With a click, Gabrielle secured Joy in the car seat and backed out the door. “Joy’s in.”

“You’re next.” The warrior told her wife and helped Gabrielle into the passenger seat. Closing the door, she went to the back door and stuck her head in. “Alright, you three.” She smiled. “I’ll have no rough housing back here and you, mister.” Pointing at Bud. “You keep that sand blaster tongue off my daughter, you hear me?”

Bud sneezed, Gabriel nodded and Joy yawned.

“Alrighty, then.” Backing out, she closed the door, then walked around to the driver’s side. Opening the door, she slid onto the seat and buckled up before closing the door. “Okay, let’s see what T hid under that big old hood.” She said with a sly grin at her wife.

Bracing herself for the worst, Gabrielle closed her eyes and stuck her fingers in her ears. “I’m ready.”

Xena put the key in the ignition and turned it to bring the four-barrel carbed V8 engine under the hood to purring life. “Oh, now that’s smoooooth.” She whispered and gave T a thumbs up through the windshield.

The bard frowned when she felt the vibration of the engine, but heard no noise. Unplugging her ears, she looked over at the warrior. “It’s running?”

“Oh, yea.”

“Oh. I like this. Can you make my truck this quiet?”

“Oh, yea.”

“Can you make your motorcycle this quiet?”

“Bud looks awfully lonely back there.”


“Thank the gods for hotels.” Xena groaned as she flopped backwards onto the bed, tired and exhausted from dealing with a house full of festive relatives all day.

“Are they gone?” Gabrielle asked from the nursery.

“Everybody I could get rid of is.” Closing her eyes, she cracked her neck. “I put your parents in the library and mine on the couch in the living room.”

“I thought your parents were going home.” Coming out of the other room carrying Joy, she walked over to the bed and sat down.

Opening her eyes, the warrior nodded. “They were both too beat to drive, so I let them crash on the couch for the night, but I told them not to get used to it.”

The bard smiled. “I’m sure they loved that.”

“They only live 45 minutes away. Let ‘em commute.” The disgruntled daughter frowned at the ceiling, then turned it on her wife. “How long are your parents going to be here, again?’

Gabrielle made an unhappy face. “Three weeks.”

Xena stared at the bard for a long moment then sighed. “It’s too late to move to Greece, isn’t it?”

“It won’t be that bad and they’ll be gone in no time.” She said with little conviction.

Knock. Knock. Knock. “Are you asleep?”

The warrior’s head lolled in her wife’s direction. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that?”

“Or not.” Gabrielle rolled her eyes as she stood. “Coming, Mom.”

Following her wife to the door with her eyes, Xena sat up when Joyce asked to come in. “Is there a problem?”

“No, no.” Joyce shook her head. “I forgot to give this to you earlier.” She said and held up a small gray teddy bear. “It’s for Joy. I hope you don’t mind . . . my grandmother gave it to Faith when she was a baby.”

“I remember you.” Smiling, the bard took the bear and showed it to the warrior. “Look. It’s Mr. Bobbs.”

“I remember.” Smiling as well, the warrior got up to walk over to the bard. “He used to glare at me whenever I went in your room.”

“He did not.” Gabrielle protested and hugged the bear to her shoulder. “Mr. Bobbs is nice to everybody.”

“Lemme see him.” Xena asked and held out her hand.

Giving up her toy grudgingly, the bard kept a close eye on it.

Holding the bear out in front of her, the warrior nodded. “Yep, he’s still glaring at me.”

“Give him to me.” She said, snapping her fingers until Mr. Bobbs was back in her safe possession.

Chuckling, Xena winked at her mother-in-law. “If I can ever get him away from Faith, I’m sure Joy will love him.”

“It took some looking to find him, but it was worth it.” Joyce smiled and brushed her fingers against Faith’s cheek. “I knew this is where he belonged.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Leaning in, the bard kissed her mother’s cheek.

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart.” Kissing her daughter’s forehead, Joyce then placed one on her granddaughter’s head. “Sleep tight, Joy.” Petting where her lips had been, she turned and left with a smile.

The warrior closed the door behind Joyce, then trailed the bard back to the bed. “Before you get any bright ideas, he goes in the washing machine before he sleeps with me or my daughter.”

Hugging Mr. Bobbs a little tighter, Gabrielle pouted.

“Don’t give me that lip.” Xena shook her head at the bottom lip half way to Hawaii. “Tomorrow he can sleep wherever you want him to, but tonight he goes on the dresser, end of discussion.”

Sucking in her useless bottom lip, the bard got up and trudged over to the dresser where she set Mr. Bobbs with a pat to his scruffy head. “It’s just for one night.”

“And you better tell him to stop glaring at me or else he’s going to be blind Mr. Bobbs by the time I get done with him.”

“No more glaring at Xena, Mr. Bobbs. She’s sensitive.”

“Keep your day job, Gabrielle.”

“See, I told you so.”

“Bed. Now.”

“Gotta go.”


Big surprise. Mr. Bobbs was face down in the sock drawer before Xena hit the hay and Joy didn’t spend her first night at home in the nursery. Sprawled out on Mom’s shoulder with her head snuggled into the curve of a warm neck, she slept safe and sound through the night, until her tummy monster woke up at five o’clock in the morning looking for breakfast. Unhappy about being awake more than hungry, she made an unhappy face to go with her unhappy whimper.

Xena’s hand clamped down on Joy before her eyes popped open and she lifted her head to scan the dark room for trouble. Finding none, including Mr. Bobb’s glare, she laid her head back down when her parental instincts expanded to include the recognition of the sound a hungry baby makes when they wake up. Then she relaxed her hold on Joy and gently shook her wife. “Gabrielle.”

Already awake at the first hint of Joy waking, Gabrielle groaned and buried her head into her warrior pillow. “I’m awake.” She lied.

Patting Joy’s small back, the warrior pulled her wife closer and kissed her frumpled head.

Comfy cozy and the source of Joy’s dislike for waking, the bard had the same unhappy expression when she unburied her head to gaze sleepily at her wife. “You’re doing this next time.” She said with a meaningful poke to the shoulder she wanted to still be asleep on.

Not the first time Xena had been threatened in such a manner, the warrior heartily agreed to being the Mama next time, because it was better than her wife’s normal early morning accusation of her being responsible for not putting enough hours in the night. “Absolutely.”

“Good.” And down went the blonde head again, then Gabrielle rolled it around a couple of times, sighed and rolled off her pillow onto her back to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

With Mom patting her back, Joy stopped whimpering and opened her eyes to a dark fuzzy world which didn’t frighten her because Mom was patting her back.

Sigh. Groan. Snort. Sigh. “Alright. I’m up.” Telling the truth this time, Mama scooted up to shove her other pillow behind her back, so she could comfortably lean against the headboard. “Give her here.”

Lifting Joy gently off her shoulder, Mom slowly handed her over to waiting hands, then sat up herself. “Do you want the light on?”

As she cradled her daughter in her arms, Gabrielle shook her head. “No. She’ll probably go right back to sleep when she’s finished.” Guiding her nipple to an open mouth, she winced when Joy did what came naturally with a lot of gusto. “Ow.”

Xena wisely held in her chuckle as she leaned over to speak to her daughter. “Hey, you be careful with that. It’s mine when you switch to solid food, little miss thang.”

“Which could be today, if she’s not careful.” Mama said with one eye squeezed shut. “Yeow. Slow down. That’s my boob, not a garden hose.”

This time the warrior couldn’t hold it in and she let out a chuckle at her wife’s expense. “I suppose this would be a very bad time to mention where she gets her appetite from, huh?”

The blonde with the aching nipple glared at the brunette with the shit eating grin. “Yes, it would be a very bad time if you want to continue breathing.”

Xena bobbed her head. “I thought so.”

Closing her other eye, Gabrielle rode out the initial pain and released a grateful sigh when it began to subside.

“Better?” Mom asked with genuine concern.

“Much.” Glancing down at Joy, Mama shook her head. “I’ve given birth to a guzzle gut.”

“And a red headed guzzle gut to boot.” Xena smiled, reaching over to smooth out Joy’s silky dark auburn hair. “They’re the worst kind.”

The bard tilted her head and smiled at her daughter. “But, gods, she’s just so beautiful, Xena.”

“Of course she is.” The warrior whispered as she rested her chin on her wife’s shoulder. “She looks just like you.”

It was almost too dark to see the twinkle in Xena’s eyes when Gabrielle turned to look into them, but the night couldn’t hide what she knew was there. “Do you know how happy you make me?”

Xena smiled a little lopsided smile as her hand came up to caress a smooth, warm cheek. “And I hope I never stop, Gabrielle.”

“You won’t.” Smiling back at her wife, the bard found soft lips with her own and closed her eyes.

A headier taste than she had gotten in somet ime, the warrior leaned into the kiss, her fingers slipping around the side of Gabrielle’s neck to get lost in blonde tresses.

“Ummmmm.” Came a soft moan filled with desire when the kiss lingered and regret when it ended. “Do we have a do not disturb sign?” Gabrielle asked, her voice a tad on the husky side.

Stealing three more light kisses before she shook her head, Xena smiled into smoky green eyes. Turning her body as she whispered, the warrior rubbed her leg against her wife’s and slipped her arm over a flat stomach, which was no longer the baby inhabited obstacle it had been for months. “No, but if we give them Joy, it might buy us a couple of hours.”

Whoever said giving birth kills the sex drive, never met the blonde bard with the long luscious brunette wife. Intending to look down at her daughter to consider the proposal, Gabrielle’s eyes temporarily wandered en route to traverse the seductive curves of the tan body pressing against her’s. “Um . . . you know, I think your new truck was making a pinging noise yesterday.”

The warrior pulled back a bit and gave the bard a strange look. “What?”

Her eyes never made it to Joy and as the bard brought them back to her wife’s, they were augmented by a wicked smile. “I think you should pull it into your garage and take a look under the hood. I’ll help.”

“A pinging noise, huh?” Asking as her dark eyebrow went up, Xena’s smile mirrored her wife’s. “Those are pretty tricky. Could take awhile to hunt down.” She said as her hand drifted down the bard’s stomach, pushing the covers out of the way.

Gabrielle sat up a little straighter and cleared her throat to keep it from squeaking. “Really?”

“Oh, yeaaaaa.” Nodding slowly, the warrior pushed the covers back so she could run her hand down the inside of the bard’s thigh, while her lips went to work on the length of a smooth shoulder. “Could take all day.” She murmured between nibbles.

Laying her head back on the headboard, the bard closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. “Oh, gods, I hope so.”


Experienced in the art of many things, the girls actually managed to pull off their pinging charade without breaking into an all out mad dash for Xena’s garage once Joy was full, with extra bottles in the fridge and was given over to the care of her unsuspecting greedy grandparents, who didn’t seem to miss their daughters’ one little bit.

Double wrapped for extra sound proofing security, the garage door was closed and locked, as were all the doors on Xena’s truck and with the back seat folded forward, there was plenty of room for no one to see or hear a thing as the shock absorbers were sorely tested by the throes of passion.

Drenched with sweat, but smiling, Gabrielle collapsed in a panting heap on top of her wife. “How many is that.”

In no better condition than the bard, Xena lay motionless, except for her heaving chest. “Three.” She gasped.

Grappling to get up on one elbow, the bard shook her head. “I must be out of shape then.”

“Why do you say that?” The warrior stared and heaved.

Running her fingers through her wet hair, she sighed. “I don’t think I can go more than a couple more rounds.”

“Not a problem.” Xena smiled. “Just leave everything to me.”

Gabrielle collapsed again. “Gods, I was hoping you’d say that.”


“That took awhile. Did you find the trouble?” Joseph asked when his daughter and daughter-in-law walked into the house.

“It’s a tuffy, Dad.” Xena smirked behind a camouflage of hastily applied grease. “We’ve got it narrowed down to a couple of trouble spots we’re gonna look at again tomorrow.”

“How did Joy do?” Gabrielle asked to change the subject before her camouflage melted off her blushing face.

“Oh, she’s fine.” Sean smiled at his daughter, then the baby in his arms. “She didn’t take to the bottle very much, though.”

“Nothing like the real thing.” The warrior whispered and got an elbow to the ribs.

“Okay, we’ll be down to take her as soon as we get cleaned up.” Giving Xena a shove towards the stairs.

“Take your time.” Maggie smiled.

“We’ve got everything under control.” Joyce added.

Xena glanced at Gabrielle over her shoulder.

“Go, just go.” Shaking her head, Gabrielle pushed her wife up the stairs.

“You and your bright ideas.” Grumbling when the bedroom door was closed, the warrior began pulling off her clothes. “Now, we’ll never get rid of them.”

“I didn’t hear you doing any complaining out in the garage.” The bard defended her self as she got undressed.

“How could I with you crawling all over me?” Xena asked huffily and threw her shirt on the floor.

“That was the first two hours. What about the other three you were crawling all over me?” Off came Gabrielle’s pants to join the warrior’s shirt.

“Yea, well I hope you got your fill, Missy.” She warned as she unbuttoned her jeans. “Because that ping is going to miraculously disappear real early tomorrow.” Tossing her pants onto the pile, she stalked into the bathroom in her panties and bra to start the shower going.

Following close behind, the bard tossed her shirt over her shoulder. “Fine with me. I’m not the one with the groping problem.”

Xena pulled off her bra and threw her hands in the air. “Groping problem? Who’s the one who had their hand down my pants before I could get them off?”

“Who’s the one who had their hand in my crotch when I was trying to feed Joy, hmmmm?” Gabrielle countered as she bent down to pull off her underwear.

“Who’s the one who was trying to do a tonsillectomy on me before my hand was in their crotch, hmmmm?” The panty pile grew and the warrior stepped into the shower.

“You’re so full of it, Xena.” The bard said as she walked under the water with an accusing finger point. “You stuck your tongue in my mouth first and you know it.”

Xena used her tongue for a juicy raspberry to counter the accusation. “Hand me the soap.”

“Get your own soap. Phhttt.” Giving as good as she got, Gabrielle snidely began to lather her arm.

Blue eyes narrowed. “I’m dirtier than you are. Gimme the soap.”

“I didn’t tell you to swim in the grease.” Green eyes shined. “Wait your turn.”

“I want that soap.” Lunging for the bard.

“Xena, get your filthy hands off me.” Holding the soap over her head.

“They wouldn’t be filthy if you’d gimme the soap.”

“No! Let go of me.”


“Stop it. Get off me.”

“Gimme. Oops.”

Long pause.


“Yes, Gabrielle?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but the soap is nowhere near where you’re looking for it.”

“Yea . . . I figured that out.”

Long pause. Long moan.


“Yes, Gabrielle?”

“You’ve changed your mind about wanting the soap, haven’t you?”

“How’d you guess?”

“I think your fingers up my wazoo gave it away.”


“Not one word.” Shaking her head with one hand held high, Xena bounced down the stairs behind the bard. “Just hand her over and nobody will get hurt.”

“Grace, can’t we . . . “

“Ut! I said not one word.” Waving her hand in the air, the warrior glared at her mother. “You four have had her all day, now cough her up, Pops.”

“I didn’t get my turn.” Joseph grumbled.

“Don’t make me have to hurt you, Daddy.” Pointing a dangerous finger at her father.

Sean looked at his daughter pleadingly, but didn’t argue when Joy was lifted out of his arms. “Bye bye, Joy.”

“Hi, there, sweetheart.” Gabrielle smiled at Joy’s bright eyes. “Remember me?”

“I’m watching you.” The digitary weapon made the rounds, warning the greedy grandparents not to try a counter attack, then it was put away so Xena could give her full attention to Joy. “Hey, pumpkin. Did you miss us, huh?” She asked with an unloaded finger wiggle to the tummy.

Joy kicked her feet and smiled.

“Yep, yep, yep. That’s my girl.” Chuckling, the warrior glanced at the four dour faces packing the couch. “Don’t you people have something to do?”

“We were doing it.” Joseph grumbled and folded his arms across his chest.

Xena gave him the eye. “You got two choices, Daddy. Move and make room for Faith, or go home and make room for Faith.”

“That’s alright, Grace.” Placing a hand on Xena’s arm. “I was heading for the kitchen, anyway. I’m starved.”

“Ooo, me too. You wanna help, Joy?” Asking with another tickle to the tummy.

“I can make sandwiches.” “I’ll get the left overs from lunch.” “What do you want to drink?” “I’ll get the glasses.”

“Nobody move!” Out came the finger again. “Now, I’m not going to tell you this twice, so listen up. You have had Joy all to yourselves all day and now she’s ours, do you understand me? O-U-R-S. Ours, for the rest of the night. No more community property. So you do what you have to do to keep yourselves entertained because this baby is off limits.”

“Grrrr, how do you put up with her, Faith?” A still grumbling Joseph asked.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Gabrielle smiled at Xena and put a finger under her wife’s chin. “I think she’s kinda cute.”

Xena stuck her tongue out at her father as she was led away.

Joseph turned his glare on Sean. “You wanna trade?”

“If I take them both, does that mean I get another turn?” Sean smiled.

“Come on, Joyce.” Maggie sighed. “Let’s go see if we can round up some playing cards, or something to keep those two quiet.”

“There’s a big television in the den.” Joyce told the room in general. “With recliners.”

“I call the Braves game.” Joseph perked up and hopped off the couch.

“Who are they playing?” Sean asked as he rose to his feet.

“Ahhhh, the boys of summer save the day.” Maggie chuckled after the men had left the room. “Smooth, Joyce. Very smooth.”

“Why, thank you, Maggie.” Joyce bowed her head, then turned it to look over her shoulder in the direction of the kitchen. “What do you think? Should we risk it?”

“I think we should give them a few minutes.” Maggie leaned way over to try to look in the kitchen. “Grace is always in a better mood when she’s got something in her stomach. Shh, shhh. Here she comes.”

Xena made it to the couch, then stopped cold. “Where’d they go?”

“Baseball.” The grandmothers smiled together.

“Oh.” Suspicious, the warrior kept an eye on the women as she walked to the fireplace to pick up Joy’s carrier. Checking the den when she got close, she snapped her eyes around to the suspicious women. “And what are you two going to do?”

“Read?” “Read.” “In the den.” “Library.” “In the library.” “Out of your way.” “All night.” “Have you eaten, yet?”

Xena gave the pair a deadpan stare, then shook her head as she walked back into the kitchen. “Those two are so sad.” She told her wife.

“I heard.” Gabrielle chuckled. “Put it up here.”

Rolling her eyes, the warrior set the carrier on the counter. “I can’t believe we came from those two.”

“We didn’t really come from them, but they aren’t that bad. They just aren’t used to working off each other, like we are.” Laying Joy in the carrier, the bard put her hands on her hips. “Trust me. By the time they try to tap dance their way in here, they’ll have something better than a bad rendition of the game of Clue to throw at us.”

“Hmmmm.” She didn’t like the sound of that and peeked one blue eye around the corner of the opening to see what the tap dancers were up to. “Yep, they’ve got their heads together, alright.” The warrior whispered. “What do you think we should do?”

“Wait and see. Knowing those two,” she smiled, “there’s bound to be an entertainment factor to whatever they come up with.”

Xena chuckled and turned back to her wife. “Dinner and a show without ever having to leave the comfort of your own home?”

“You got it.” Nodding in agreement. “Now help me pick out what’s best to serve up with a Vaudeville act.”

“Laurel and Hardy ala carte. It’s got a nice ring to it.”

Joy’s little button nose twitched with the smells of food her tender, toothless mouth couldn’t eat as her newborn, unfocused eyes shifted from side to side, trying to follow the voices of her parents as they moved around the kitchen. Yawning now and again, she smiled each time a kiss was placed on her head and when lips nibbled at her tiny toes, and she kicked when her tummy was tickled.

“Look what I got. I got me a foot.” Xena cooed at her daughter. Holding Joy’s tiny foot between her finger and thumb, she gave it a gentle shake. “Whose little feety I got?”

“Pssst, pssst. Here they come.” Gabrielle whispered from her eavesdropping vantage point at the stove. Four beef patties sizzled in the frying pan for the double cheeseburger deluxe meal with homemade french fries which had been selected to go with the show. Taking more interest in the burgers, the bard turned one over with the spatula, then waved the utensil at her wife. “Xena.”

“Oop, gotta go.” Giving Joy’s foot a kiss, the warrior straightened, took a step sideways and pretended to be very interested in the tomato she was slicing. “Fries done yet?” She asked and stole a quick glance at the opening.

The bard leaned over to take the lid off the deep fryer. “Another minute or two.” She half chuckled at the serious whispering she heard going on around the corner. Clank went the lid. “Do you want to eat in here, or in the dining room?”

Xena moved her eyes from the sliced tomato to the blonde tomato at the stove and flicked her eyebrows. “How about dinner in bed? That way I won’t have far to go for dessert.”

The whispering around the corner turned into dead silence and Gabrielle waggled a finger at the sultry toned brunette with the wicked grin. You are so bad, she mouthed, then shook her head. “Dessert? I didn’t see you baking anything over there.”

The warrior nodded. “Oh, I’m saving all my baking for when I get you between the sheets, my little cream filled cup cake.”

Somebody tell me she didn’t just say that with our mothers right around the corner. The bard thought, groaned, closed her eyes and hung her head. “Is that right?”

“Oh, yea.” Sporting a very wicked grin, Xena turned away to hide her laugh and her head inside the refrigerator. “I know there’s got to be some whipped cream and cherries around here somewhere.”

“Grace, can I have a word with you?” Maggie called out in a very motherly tone.

Here it comes. Gabrielle thought and opened her eyes.

“I’m busy, Mom.” Shouting into the contents of the fridge, the warrior glanced over her shoulder at her wife and gave the bard a wink.

In a very uncharacteristic move, Maggie walked into the kitchen, over to her daughter, grabbed a hunk of long dark hair and proceeded to drag the wincing warrior out of the room. “Close the refrigerator door, Grace.”

Slam. “Mom! Owowowowowow, that’s attached, ya know.” Eyes as big as the baseballs their fathers were watching, Xena waved and smiled at Gabrielle as she was pulled out of the room. “Don’t burn the burgers. I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.” Giving a little wave herself, Gabrielle watched her wife go willingly, head first, out of the kitchen and as Xena went out, a very unhappy looking Joyce came in. “Uh oh. Would it help if I said dessert wasn’t my idea?”

“Shut off the burners, Faith.” Joyce said and pointed in the direction of the library.

“I didn’t think so.”

Divide and conquer or separate and berate. Take your pick because you come up with the same thing. Two big girls getting their butts chewed by their mothers for being snotty, while one little girl wondered what happened to her mothers. All alone in the kitchen, Joy sat on the counter strapped into her carrier looking around at an empty fuzzy world. She could still hear voices and tried to keep track of them, but the sounds were coming from both directions at once, and they didn’t sound as happy as they did before, which she didn’t like. Her bottom lip quivering, tiny tears formed in her eyes and she was ready to start wailing when somebody placed a kiss on her head, that calmed her down. Then came a light patting on her tummy, that helped more and Joy relaxed, now that she had somebody there to make things alright.

“Grace, I can’t . . . “

Ready for the worst, Xena stared at her mother when she froze in mid sentence. “Mom?” Snapping her fingers. “Hello?”

“Xena!” Gabrielle shouted from the library. “Is your mother frozen?”

“Yes! What’s going on?” She shouted and snapped a couple more times.

“You have a visitor in the kitchen.” T smiled when she popped in.

“Whoa . . . what?” The warrior asked, turning from the frozen version of her mother to the god.

T pointed at the kitchen. “Joy’s in no danger, but I thought you might want to take a look for yourself, before . . . “

“Gabrielle! Is Joy with you?” Xena shouted as she made a break for where she left her daughter.

“No.” The bard shouted back and was on her way back to the kitchen at the same time.

Meeting at the opposite ends at the same time, Joy’s parents found Gabriel sitting on the counter, swinging his little legs back and forth over the edge, while he smiled at Joy and patted her tummy.

“Gabriel.” Gabrielle sighed. Walking over to the boy, she kissed his head. “What are you doing here?”

Gabriel looked up and showed off his dimples.

“Apparently my son inherited my response time along with my looks.” T chuckled as she walked up beside Xena. “Joy was never in any danger, but I don’t believe she liked being left alone or the general discontent in the air very much, so he took it upon himself to keep her company.”

“Did you do that?” Xena asked him as she joined her wife.

He nodded his dark head, turning his smile on Joy, then on her parents again.

“Thank you for watching out for her, Gabriel.” The warrior chuckled softly as she wrapped Gabriel up in a hug.

“Yes, thank you.” Agreeing warmly, the bard tenderly smoothed out his wavy dark hair.

Gabriel hugged Xena back and when she let go, he took Gabrielle’s hand from his head, kissed it and put it on Joy’s.

Xena watched the move happen and looked at his mother. “You don’t need this one back anytime soon, do you?”

“Sorry, Xena.” Moving into the kitchen, T shook her head with a smile. “He’s part of a matched set. You want to keep Gabriel, you have to take his big brother, too and I don’t think with your enumerable skills combined you can explain Bud to your parents.”

“She’s got a point.” The bard nodded. “He’s not exactly your average house cat.”

“Shoot.” Slumping her shoulders, the warrior rubbed Gabriel’s head.

Taking the other hand off his head, Gabriel kissed it too and held onto it with both hands when he smiled a sad smile at Mama.

“Not tonight.” Mama shook her head. “We’ll go home and see if we can’t figure out a way to come by for a visit tomorrow without worrying the stripes off Bud.” Clapping her hands together, she held them out to her son. “Come on. Let’s go so Xena and Gabrielle can get back to having their you know what’s chewed on.”

Gabrielle looked at her wife and scratched the back of her neck as she rolled her eyes in T’s direction. “Ummmm? T . . . if you wouldn’t mind . . . um . . . could you?”

“Oh no, Gabrielle ” T smiled as she picked up Gabriel. “I’m not moving back time just so you two can get out of the jam you got yourselves into.” Settling the boy against her shoulder, she waved a finger in either direction. “Back to your posts.”

Shrugging, the bard smiled at the warrior. “It was worth a try.”

Her upper lip curled up in dread, Xena hung her head as she trudged back into the living room. “Some friend she turned out to be.”

“I’ll call you in the morning to see if one of you can remember to come back for Joy.” The god told the departing couple, then when they were back where they were before, she chuckled as she snapped her fingers to disappear out of the kitchen and release Maggie and Joyce.

“Mom, does that sound like Joy crying?” Was asked by the girls in unison in separate rooms.


Thanks to T’s prompt, the butt chewing was cut short, but then they ended up having to share their daughter’s company with her grandmothers as they ate in the dinning room, which wasn’t really that bad. Watching Maggie and Joyce ooh and ahh over Joy was almost as much fun as the sideshow they never got to see and in between bites they entered into the inevitable disagreement over who Joy looked like. Since the girls couldn’t tell their mothers there was no way Joy could look like any of the relatives they listed off, Xena and Gabrielle chose to voice their opinion that their daughter looked like the opposing spouse, which in turn started up a new round of conversation as each of the baby’s features were pointed out as evidence. Nose, eyes, ears, cheek bones, mouth, fingers, forehead, feet and so on all came under scrutiny and in the end Joy was deemed as being the spitting image of . . . well, her adorable little self.


Joy’s pre-bedtime meal was going pretty much like her predawn meal earlier. Lying in Mama’s arms, she would open her eyes to suckle furiously, then her little mouth would slow to a halt and her eyelids would slowly close as the sandman fought the tummy monster for supremacy.

“She’s a tired little girl.” Mom whispered as she brushed her fingertips lightly over Joy’s auburn hair. “She had a big day today.”

“She’s not the only one.” Mama replied through a yawn.

“Hmmmmm.” Smiling, the warrior cuddled against her wife. “I’ll make a grease monkey out of you yet.”

Gabrielle shifted a sly glance in Xena’s direction. “I thought you said that ping was going to disappear quick tomorrow.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Retracting her statement, Xena looked down at Joy. “Hmmm, fix the truck or have our daughter think her grandparents are her parents. Decisions. Decisions.”

“Don’t strain yourself.” The bard chuckled. “If T brings Gabriel tomorrow, you can kiss fixing the truck goodbye, anyway.”

“I forgot about that.” Nodding, the warrior bent down to kiss Joy’s sleepy head. “Well, I suppose we’ll just have to fix the truck some other day so I can hog all the sugar for me. Isn’t that right, pumpkin?” She asked when Joy opened her eyes. “You’re not going to let anybody get my sugar, are ya? No, sireeee. That’s my sugar.” Smiling, she gave her daughter another kiss. “My sugar.”

“Alright. I know where this is going.” Mama sighed. “She’s done. You can take her.”

Mom’s eyes lit up and she snatched the diaper off the nightstand to lay over her shoulder. “Yea, there ya go.” Gently sliding Joy out of Gabrielle’s arms, she cradled the baby against her shoulder and began patting her back. “Okay, Joy. Let’s make Mama proud. Let ‘er rip.”

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. “Don’t do me any favors.”

“Don’t you listen to her.” Xena whispered to her daughter. “She’s just jealous. Come on, now. Show me what you’ve got.”


“My daughter’s first skill.” The bard smiled in an unimpressed way. “Burping on command and me without the video camera.”

“Hey, what do you expect for a four day old baby?” Mom asked as she began to scoot down under the covers.

Holding up the covers for her wife, Gabrielle chuckled. “True. I guess it’s too early to expect her to be reciting Sophocles.”

Kissing Joy’s head before she settled her own on the pillow, the warrior smiled up at the bard. “Give her another week.”

“Better make it two weeks. We don’t want to pressure her.” The bard replied as she joined Xena under the covers. Laying on her side with her hand propping up her head, she smiled at Joy as she bobbed and wiggled her head into the crook of Mom’s neck. “What do you think, Xena?” She whispered as she reached out with a finger to stroke the back of Joy’s tiny hand. “Biker chick or book worm?”

“Who says it has to be one or the other?” Xena asked as she tucked Joy under the covers. “She can be both, if she wants.”

“Hmmm. I guess she could.” Gabrielle mused as she slid down beside the warrior. “As long as she doesn’t try to read while she’s riding, of course. Safety first.”

“Absolutely.” Mom agreed and turned off the light, then wrapped her arm around Mama’s shoulders as a blonde head came to rest opposite Joy. “No, I think she’ll find something she loves one day, like we did.”

“Do you really think she’ll be that lucky?” She asked as she nuzzled into her wife’s neck.

“Luck, smuck.” The warrior answered. “Luck has nothing to do with it, Gabrielle. I mean, think about it. She’s got two thousand year old parents to teach her right from wrong, gods as guardians, a future king who thinks she’s the cat’s meow and a half ton tiger as a big brother. I don’t see luck factoring into it. What I see is some idiot coming along to tell her she can’t be what she wants to be getting their lights knocked out. That’s what I see.”

The bard chuckled softly. “Well, since you put it that way.”

“Damn straight.” Xena huffed. “Nobody is going to tell my little girl she can’t be what she wants to be. Wrong answer.”

Raising up, Gabrielle smiled down at the determined expression on Xena’s face, then she lowered her head to kiss away the snarl on her wife’s lips.

When she was allowed to breathe again, the warrior smiled. “What was that for?”

“For being the best Mom a little girl could ever have.” She said and stole another long kiss.

“Woof and what was that for?”

“For making me the luckiest woman alive . . . mmmmmm . . . what was that for?”

“What you said.”


The End.

Thanks for reading.