Characters and backstory from Xena: Warrior Princess are property of MCA/Universal/Renaissance. No copyright infringement is intended.

This is an original (I hope) work of alternative fan fiction. No profit will be gained from its production. This piece of fiction is copyright of the author.

There are depictions of love/sex between consenting adult persons of the same gender. If this is illegal where you live, you are underage, or this isn't your preference, then stop reading here and find something more appropriate to your tastes and/or laws.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Author's Note: XWS is getting to me already. I can feel it. Uh, huh. Going crazy...forgot what a plot is. I borrowed a few characters. Don't want to spoil the fun, though. But you'll know who they are and from whom they came. And if not, please see the disclaimer at the end <G>.

A big, happy birthday today, to my son Shawn, who's been driving me insane for nine years now.

Comments can be sent to ztami@hotmail.com.

The Magic of Mushrooms

by TZ

Copyright June 13, 1998


"White rabbit, white rabbit, where are you, white rabbit?" Seeing a movement out of the corner of her eye, Gabrielle crawled slowly to the other side of the camp. "Come on, white rabbit, I only want to pet you awhile...and love you...and squeeze you."

Seeing that she had missed some of the mushrooms that she had cut up for her dinner, the bard pushed herself into a squatting position and hopped over to her bedroll. "White rabbit, I have a mushroom for you. And look, it's smiling so happy," she sing-songed before popping it into her mouth. "Yummy," she mumbled as she savored its earthy flavor.

"White rabbit!"


The bard's head whipped around and her eyes focused on her visitor. "You aren't the white rabbit," she pouted as she ate another mushroom. "Where's the white rabbit?"

"Gabrielle, it's me, Xena." The warrior crouched down next to her younger companion and felt her forehead for a fever. When the bard moaned suddenly and leaned into the innocent touch, the warrior pulled away her hand. Her eyes widened in shock when she saw the bard consume another mushroom. "Gabrielle, how many of these have you eaten?"

The bard's smoky eyes narrowed and her lips curled. "Only three. I can't find the white rabbit to share them with me."

Xena stood and moved away from her friend and glanced around their campsite. "What white rabbit?"

Gabrielle let out a sound that was a cross between a sigh and a longing moan. "The one who came through while I was eating dinner, silly. He said that he would be back when I invited him to join me."

Unsure if being near the bard was a good idea when the young woman was in such a state, the warrior found Gabrielle's plate and the pot of stew that she had been eating from. She ladled out a portion and studied the ingredients and sighed. "Gabrielle, what have I told you about mushrooms? Only eat the ones that you are sure aren't harmful."

"But they looked so good...and so happy," the bard argued as she fell to her knees once more and raised her arms above her head to stretch. "Oh, Xena, this feels so good," she squealed. "You really should try it."

Xena let her head fall into her hands as her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably. She did not know whether to laugh or cry. In one meal, the bard had managed to consume mushrooms that caused hallucinations and for dessert, had eaten others that were an aphrodisiac. She had no idea how she was going to help her young friend through this one. Oh, she knew how she would like to, but a sense of honor squelched that idea.

She was brought out of her quest for answers by a low moan. Turning, she blushed slightly at the sight of Gabrielle removing her clothes. "What are you doing?" Her own voice was strangled with unsated need.

"I'm waiting for the white rabbit," the intoxicated bard answered as she tossed her boots into the brush, "and rabbits don't wear clothes," she explained. "Besides, these are getting itchy," she pouted.

The warrior stared agape. Her eyes focused on Gabrielle's full bottom lip as it protruded momentarily. She wet her lips and closed her eyes, trying to remember what the young woman's lips had tasted like when they had shared their first and only kiss so long ago. She jumped and fell backwards out of her crouch when a hot hand caressed her face.

In an instant, the naked bard was straddling the warrior's hips and was trying to burrow her body into Xena's. "Oh, you feel so good, Xena. I'm so hot, and so itchy. And you feel soooo good," she purred as she began to rub her body against Xena's prone form, trying to make the itch go away. "I just love you in leather," she murmured as she laid her fevered cheek above Xena's breasts.

Xena was stunned, immobile, for the briefest of moments that it took to realize that her own body was reacting to Gabrielle's writhing. She raised her hands to push the bard off of her, but they stilled in mid-air. She knew that if she even touched the bard now, she would lose the battle to her passion for the honey-haired woman. Taking deep, calming breaths, she willed her libido to heel. "Gabrielle, please get off of me."

The bard sat up, but continued to rub against the leather over the warrior's lower stomach. "I can't help it, Xena. It's all tingly and oohhh...this feels so gooood," Gabrielle moaned as she ground harder.

Her senses assaulted by scent of Gabrielle's wet desire and her unintelligible moans, Xena threw her arms over her face. "What god have I offended now," she cried in a soft whisper. Her warrior control was fading fast as she began to flex her hips, aiding the bard in her innocent quest for release. All of a sudden, the bard's weight was removed. Opening her eyes, she found the young woman crawling towards a stand of small saplings. "Gabrielle, where are you going?"

The bard looked over her shoulder to the warrior who had risen to an elbow. "I'm going to look for the white rabbit," she revealed with a sensual grin. "He's all soft, and he'll let me pet him."

Xena groaned when she realized that was too far gone to control herself anymore. Her eyes wandered to Gabrielle's firm ass and she imagined it flexing in her hands. She was burning as hot as the bard surely was, even without the aphrodisiacs that the younger woman had consumed. "Gabrielle, come here."

Even through her addled conscious, the bard understood the commanding tone of her friend and brooked no opposition. She stood on trembling legs and smoothed her hands down her front, as if to wipe away wrinkles in her skirt. She gasped when her own touch struck a resonant chord of need in her loins.

"That's it, Gabrielle," Xena urged as a plan formed in her mind. "You don't need to pet the rabbit. You can't pet yourself. And, it'll make the itch go away, I promise." When the warrior saw the understanding and trust in the bard's eyes, she fell back to her bedroll and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the soft sounds of pleasure that were floating across the camp to her sensitive ears.

Unbidden images came to her. Visions of her and Gabrielle making love under a canopy of stars to a chorus of night insects. A whimper of disappointment escaped her lips when her hand wandered up her torso to her breast, only to encounter the armor that deadened the caress. "That's it," she swore. "I'm not doing anything wrong here. I'm not touching her. I'm not even looking at her," she said to herself as she resisted the urge to peek over at the bard who was moaning longer and louder. "And it's not like I've never pleasured myself while thinking of her," Xena rationalized as she stood and removed her armor and leather.

Clad in only her shift, she laid back down and concentrated on the sounds that Gabrielle was making. Her hands cupped and squeezed her own breasts absently as the fire in her body grew hotter and coalesced in her lower abdomen. Spreading her legs, she felt the cool evening breeze kiss the wetness that had begun to trickle from her aroused sex.

"Ohhh, Xeennaaa...."

"What?" The warrior stopped her hands' motions and looked guiltily at Gabrielle who had collapsed down to sit on her heels with her knees spread wide. Her mouth grew dry as she finally saw the picture her mind had painted while listening. Gabrielle was fondling her sex freely with one hand while the other was running up and down her body, stopping occasionally upon a firm breast to squeeze and pinch.

"Ooohhh, Xeeennnaaa," the bard moaned in response.

"What," the warrior asked, her voice strangled and strangely high.

"Gods, Xena, you feel soooo gooood."

Xena's head fell back to the bedroll with a dull thud. "No," she whimpered. "I can't do this. And I can't do that," she reminded herself as she stole another look at her friend's flushed body. With a resolute growl, the tall warrior stood and stomped to the cold lake that was just a short walk away. Discarding her shift, she dove in and lost her breath as the icy water began to dissipate the heat that had built within her deprived body.

She sat in the lake, shivering, her teeth chattering, praying that Gabrielle would finish quickly. The moment that she heard the bard's orgasmic cry began, she submerged herself totally in the frigid water, grateful that it deafened her to a sound that would probably invade her dreams every night for the rest of her life. Sure that enough time had passed, she rose out of the water and toweled herself dry with her shift.

Xena arrived back at the campsite, holding her wet shift in front of her nude body like a shield that would protect her from her own desire for the bard. When she found Gabrielle curled up on her own bedroll, snoring softly, exhausted from her earlier activities, she breathed a sigh of relief. Banking the fire and draping her shift over a branch to dry, she snuggled under her own furs and watched the glowing embers as they winked at her mockingly. After several candlemarks, she fell into a dreamless sleep.

Awakened sometime later by a movement that her heightened senses had detected, she schooled her breathing until she was able to determine the threat.


Breathing deep and slowing her heart-rate, Xena glanced over her shoulder to see Gabrielle scooting closer. "Yes?"

"I did it again, didn't I?"

Xena smiled at the apologetic tone in her friend's voice. "Yes."

"They looked harmless enough. Not like those other ones that made me sick last time." Gabrielle's teeth worried at her bottom lip. "Are you mad at me?"

The warrior sighed and closed her eyes. "No, Gabrielle, I'm not mad. But you really should be more careful in the future." Her eyes squeezed shut tighter when she felt the bard move closer.

"I'm really sorry, Xena."

"I told you it's all right. Just don't eat any more funny mushrooms." The warrior's breath caught when she felt the bard slip under her sleeping fur.

"I'm not talking about the mushrooms," Gabrielle whispered. "I'm sorry about telling you how I feel about you like that. I wanted it to be special, not influenced by some drug." Gabrielle's mind flashed back to the time when part of her secret love had slipped out with the help of a little henbane, and she smiled. "And you were so honorable, Xena. I know how you feel about me. I've learned to read your eyes. I see how they burn for me."

The bard's body heat and Xena's internal heat fueled by Gabrielle's seductive words, melded into one great inferno when the length of the bard's nude body pressed against the warrior's.

"You know, Xena, sometimes honor is misplaced," Gabrielle whispered as her arm snaked around Xena's body and rose boldly to cup the warrior's left breast.


Nibbling on a convenient shoulder, the bard hushed her friends words. "No, Xena. I'm not under any influence right now, but my own love for you. And we have waited too damn long for this to happen. Now, just shut up, roll over, and let me kiss you."

The commanding tone of her soon-to-be lover sent a delicious shiver down to the warrior's toes. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was turned on when Gabrielle became forceful in certain situations. When she complied, she found herself enveloped in the sweet love of the woman she had desired for so long, the woman who held her heart.

"Now, Xena, we are going to do this," Gabrielle warned as she sprinkled kisses along the warrior's upper chest, "and this time, you are not going for a late-night swim. Got it?"

Xena forced the bard's face up so that she could see the young woman's face. "What do you remember?"

The bard smiled sheepishly. "Everything. But this time, when I come," she moaned as her hips swiveled and dipped, "I'm going to mean what I say about how good you are."

Large, callused hands captured the bard's hips and guided them until Gabrielle was straddling a strong thigh. "What about the white rabbit?"

Gabrielle lowered her lips to capture Xena's earlobe. "Hmmm? Oh him," she grinned when she raised herself to the warrior's lips. "He and the dormouse must have found something better to do."

Xena savored the taste of Gabrielle's mouth upon hers and the bard's wet need upon her thigh. "The dormouse," she questioned with a lift of her brow when their mouths separated for air.

Trailing kisses down to Xena's heaving breasts, Gabrielle looked up and grinned. "Did I forget to mention him?" She shrugged and bent to her task once more. "He was much too antisocial," she mumbled before her tongue began to trace around a dusky areola. "A little like you," she chuckled. She gasped when Xena's thigh pushed harder against her squirming sex.

Rolling Gabrielle to her back, Xena took the bard's mouth by surprise. "I'm antisocial, huh?" Her blue eyes sparkled with challenge. "We'll see who can hold up their end of this conversation," she warned solemnly before she offered a lop-sided grin.

Any retort Gabrielle might have offered was stolen by the feel of Xena's skilled mouth tracing a path of fire down across the planes of her stomach.

At the perimeter of the camp, two figures watched as the women made love to one another. The smaller one wiggled his whiskers. "She was a little flaky to begin with, if you ask me."

The taller, plumper observer twitched his tale and fixed a narrowed stare on his companion. "She was nice," he defended the young woman who had offered them a kind dinner invitation earlier. "And she pets so well," the white rabbit sighed.

The dormouse snorted as the warrior's groans of pleasure reached his flickering ears. "So I can see." With an imperious nod of his head, he cleared his throat. "Come on, rabbit. We're going to be late again. The Mad Hatter will not be happy. You and your affinity for blondes, I swear by the Queen."

The white rabbit turned and hurried to catch up to his companion. "Did I tell you that she is a Queen?"

The dormouse snorted with derision and grumbled to himself as he looked at his pocket-watch. "Always late."

As they had left so quickly for their date with the Mad Hatter, the two visitors missed the explosive conclusion of the warrior's and bard's passion for one another. Several other nearby creatures, however, dropped dead from heart failure, while an owl that had observed the whole thing promised itself that it was changing its diet to the magic mushrooms that had fueled the impressive display.

The end.



Rip-off disclaimer: I borrowed the white rabbit and the dormouse from Jefferson Airplane, who borrowed them from Lewis Carroll (I borrowed the Mad Hatter from him...duh) during a moment that I can only assume was influenced by some mushroom or another...<G>. Now that I'm done...they can have them back. Just letting you know this...I don't do lawyers...heh, heh, well...<BEG>.


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