Disclaimer: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle and others mentioned, belong to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement on their rights are intended.

Subtext Disclaimer: No sex, but as usual there is an implied loving relationship between two consenting adult females. If this bothers you, or you’re under age, or you live somewhere where this type of material is illegal, go away.

Timeline: Plan D #15.

Shock Factor: 0. Just enjoy.

Note: This story is a PWP story and for those who don’t know what that means. PWP stands for Plot? What plot? And so, this story has absolutely no plot and it’s sole purpose is to brighten your day and give you a good laugh.

Technical note: Half ton, immortal tigers can jump approximately 20 feet straight up, when given the proper motivation.

Don’t drink and drive. Always wear your seat belt, or helmet.

Send comments to asdease1@gte.net


Monday Night Free-For-All

Written by FlyBigD

"Xena, smarts is not spelled with a ‘z,’ so just pick up that tile." Pointing at the board, Gabrielle shook her head. "And no triple word points for you."

Growling, the warrior picked up her ‘z.’ "It’s not my fault I can’t spell."

Raising her eyebrows, T cocked her head to stare at the misspelled warrior. "And who’s fault would it be?"

"Yours!" Pointing an accusatory finger, Xena waved it. "Why couldn’t you just add that when you were giving me all my memories?"

"Is there any way I can convince you guys to play in Greek?" Ares asked, as he studied his tiles closely. "English is just too bizarre a language." Shaking his head.

Three intrigued female faces turned to look at him, simultaneously.

Glancing up, he saw the looks he was getting. "Well it is." Picking up his tray of letters, he turned it for them to see what he had. "Who can work with this?"

Chuckling, Xena covered her eyes.

Gabrielle did the same, but hung her head.

T smiled at the row of consonants. "Honey, you’re not supposed to show us your letters."

"I don’t care." Moving the tray further out for inspection, he frowned. "Just look at this. How am I supposed to get any points when all I collect are consonants?" Bringing the tray back, he put it down hard, making his useless tiles jump. "I hate this game. Can’t we play cards, or something?"

"Yea." Perking up, Xena nodded. "Cards is a good idea."

"No, no, no." Shaking her head, Gabrielle leaned toward the warrior. "You’re a cheater and I refuse to play cards with you."

"I don’t cheat." Feigning being offended, the warrior put her hands on her hips. "You’re just unlucky." Smiling smugly.

"Xena." T sighed. "The last time we played cards, you got Gin with a King of Spades and two King of Hearts."

Suddenly seeing something very interesting out of he corner of her eye, Xena turned her head to investigate it.

"How about Monopoly?" Ares suggested. "Or Risk, I love Risk." Nodding heartily.

Shaking her head, T sighed again. "We’re not playing anything that remotely resembles world domination."

"Well, what do you want to play?" He shot back with an attitude.

"I thought Scrabble was a good idea." Gabrielle mumbled and began collecting the tiles off the table, placing them in the box.

"That’s because you can spell." Having investigated the anomaly, the warrior turned back and began helping put the game away with much fervor. "How about Twister?" She said as she smiled sultrily at the bard.

Rolling her eyes, the bard ignored the pass being made at her, since her game was being packed up and she felt like pouting.

"Xena." Pretty much tired of sighing, T did it again. "How do you expect to get me and Ares and you, who are three people of above average size, on that tiny piece of plastic? Gabrielle would have to be the spinner, or risk being crushed."

"Aggravation?" Ares suggested and got three moans. "No, I guess we live that one." Nodding in self agreement.

Still pissed, Gabrielle motioned for Ares to push his stuff her way. "I could break out Candyland." She said with a sneer.

Lowering her head, T covered her eyes. "Every Monday night, the same thing." Taking a few moments to listen to the banter going around the table, which soon turned into a little wooden tile throwing match, she shook her head. "Okay, okay, okay." Lifting her head, she looked at the three faces staring at her. "Board games and cards are out, right?"

The three faces nodded silently and Xena picked a tile out of her hair.

"So is anything that requires putting oversized bodies in close proximity, right?" Moving her head, she glanced at the curious eyes that moved with the nod. "Okay, you three get this mess cleaned up and when you’re done, meet me out back."

"Out back?" Gabrielle asked. "What’s out back?"

"You’ll find out." Standing, T smiled and twirled her finger in the direction of the scattered tiles. "Just get this cleaned up, before Bud swallows one."

The three faces exchanged perplexed looks and watched T go out through the French doors, onto the deck.

"Wadda ya think she’s got planned?" Xena asked Ares.

Ares shrugged. "Don’t know. She’s been kinda edgy lately. Maybe she’s just gonna turn the hose on us."

Sighing, Gabrielle shook her head. "Everybody’s allowed to be testy, okay. Now let’s get this put away, so we can stop guessing and find out."

"Okay." Shrugging, the warrior continued with her personal grooming and picked several more tiles out of her hair.

Outside, T took a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill her lungs. "Okay, smarty. Now what are you going to do?" She asked herself. Walking off the deck, so she couldn’t be spied on, the god put her hands on her hips and looked up at the sky. "Well, there are at least four hours before dark." Making the mental note, she also noted air temperature, humidity and several other things in an effort to quickly come up with a game. "Charades is out." Lamenting her sudden lack of imagination.

"Okay, we’re here." Xena said, as she stepped out onto the deck.

Putting her hands on her hips, Gabrielle moved to stand beside the warrior. "What’s the scoop, Ace."

"When does football season start?" Ares asked.

Looking upward, T suddenly felt a whim of evil pass through her brain and she tried to put it aside, but under the current pressurized situation, she decided to just go with it. "We’re playing Hide and Seek."

"What?" Sighing, the warrior rolled her eyes and began to protest the idea, when T jumped up to shove her shoulder.

"You’re it." Chuckling, T jumped over the railing and took off at a run. "The deck is home base."

Eyes wide, Gabrielle smiled and quickly followed suit, before Xena could come to her senses. "Inside the houses, the garage and the stables are off limits." She shouted, just before she disappeared around the corner of the house.

Ares found two intense blue eyes turning toward him and smiled. "Catch me if you can." He chuckled as he quickly back pedaled toward the railing and managed to escape, just as the warrior was reaching for his foot.

"Gods are not allowed to pop around and cannot use their powers." Xena shouted at the top of her lungs, then she hopped over the railing and began the search, intentionally heading in the direction T had gone. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." She whispered, then felt something against her foot. Looking down and sighed. "Bud, I wasn’t calling you." Shaking her head, she took a step forward then stopped to turn and smile wickedly at the tiger. "Bud, how would you like to be my partner?"

Bud sat quietly, staring up at her, then sneezed.

"I’ll take that as a yes." Chuckling evilly, she bent down to whisper in his hear. "Did you know that T’s shoes are untied?"

Perking up, Bud stood and ran off in the same direction the warrior was headed.

Nodding, Xena put her hands on her hips. "Teach you to tag me." Leaving the tiger to exact her revenge, she switched directions and took up the hunt for a certain God of War. "Catch me if I can, huh?"

"Go find your own place to hide." Gabrielle whispered harshly to Ares, who was crowding her.

"I want this spot." He whispered back and gave her a nudge.

"I was here first." She shoved back. "Get out." Using her feet, the bard shoved for all she was worth.

"Okay, okay." He said with a hint of a irritation in his tone. Standing, he looked around and saw the warrior coming his way. "Damn." Turning he ran off.

Her quarry spotted, Xena took off at a full run. "I’m gonna get you, you little weasel." Running past the bard’s hiding spot, she continued to keep her eyes solidly on the God of War. "Ares!"

"Whew. " That was a close one." Snickering, Gabrielle stuck her head out and felt something touch it. Putting her hand behind her head, she felt the item and groaned, when her senses immediately recognized the warm soft skin of one warrior princess.

"Gotcha." Xena said with a smile. "Gabrielle’s it!" Shouting again, the warrior immediately took off. "Gabrielle’s it!"

Crawling out of her hiding place, the bard slapped at the dirt on her knees. "Someday, I’ll learn to keep my big mouth shut." Knowing her comment got her caught, she stood and put her hands on her hips. "Okay, lets do this logically." Glancing around, she brought one finger up to tap her chin. "If I were a God of War, where would I want to hide?" Taking her time, Gabrielle strolled around as her mind did the hard work.

"Bud, get off me." T growled. "I’m not even wearing shoes, you idiot." Giving the tiger a huge shove, she managed to get enough leverage to stand. Glaring down at him, she put her hands on her hips. "Xena sent you, didn’t she?"

Bud studied the ground and cocked his head to peek one eye up at her.

"Hmmmm. I thought so." Arching a disgusted eyebrow, she began tapping her bare foot. "Okay, two can play at that game." Smiling, she bent over to whisper in his ear. "You know Bud, I think I saw some little pieces of wood stuck in Xena’s hair. Maybe you should help her get them out. I’d hate for her to get a splinter in her head."

Bud sneezed, then stood and took off.

"Send my own ensign after me, will ya." Chuckling, T jogged off to find a hiding place.

"If anybody asks, I will say that I distinctly remember saying the inside of the houses were off limits." Climbing up a trellis, Gabrielle smiled as she talked to herself. "I never said anything about the outside. Sooooo." Reaching the roof of her house, she crawled onto it and stood. "I’ll just use that to my advantage." Putting her feet on either side of the crest, the bard scanned the area beneath her. "Hmmm." Traversing the steep pitch, she made her way around the roof, searching for anything that didn’t fit into the pattern of trees. "There you are, Ares. Oooo. Smart choice of hiding places." Smiling, she ducked down to lay flat and watched him glance around. "Now, how do I get to him without being seen?" Propping on one elbow, she stared at the area around him and rested her chin in her palm, drumming her fingers against her cheek. "Oh, wait. I am not seeing what I think I’m seeing." Laughing, she watched the warrior move through the trees. "I guess T was right. Nobody ever looks up."

Chuckling at her own ingenuity, Xena tried to crawl into the bard’s previous hiding spot and found Ares. "What are you doing here?" She growled.

"Apparently, the same thing you are." He said harshly. "Now get out." Giving her a shove.

"I want this spot." Shoving back, she tried to get him to move.

"I was here first." Slapping her hands, Ares pushed her. "Go away."

"Make me." Grabbing his arm, Xena tried to pull him out.

"My pleasure." Wrapping his arm around her head, he began to pummel it lightly.

Growling, the warrior tried to extricate her head from his arm pit, then gave up on that and grabbed his leg, to torque it into an unnatural position. "Ha!"

"Ow, ow, ow." Snarling, Ares pummeled harder.

Gabrielle wiped the tears from her eyes as she laughed. "Oh, no. Not that." Spotting Bud enter stage right, she put her hand over her eyes, then spread two fingers when she heard loud shouts from below. "Oh my god!" Laughing harder, she had to grab the edge of the roof to keep from falling off.

"Who turned out the lights?" Ares asked, as he tried to maintain his head lock and was covered with striped fur.

"Get off me!" Xena shouted, as she was sandwiched between the two. Kicking her feet, she grabbed the first piece of flesh she could get her hands on and heard a high pitched squeal from Ares. "Sorry." Chuckling, she felt the head lock ease up and squirted out, to fend off Bud. "I thought you were my partner, you brat." Punching his shoulder, she found herself in another head lock. "What are you doing? I don’t have lice."

T sat quietly in her hiding spot, until she felt strange sensations coming from her friends. Hanging her head, she realized what was happening and got up to go sort things out. "It’s hide and seek for Zeus’ sake. Why do they always have to turn everything into all out war?" Snapping her fingers, she popped in next to the bard. "What is going on?"

Unable to speak, due to uncontrolled laughter, Gabrielle pointed instead.

Following the bard’s direction, T shook her head and smiled. "Which one is which?" Sitting down, she cocked her head and tried to determine male from female and tiger from human and all of the above from the large bush they were under.

Shrugging, the bard managed to sit up and leaned against T, as tears rolled down her face. "This is better than the Muppet Show."

Chuckling, the god nodded.

"Ares!" Xena shouted, which came out as a mumble growl, since Bud’s huge paw was covering her face. "Get this fur ball off me!"

With one hand on his crotch, the God of War grabbed Bud’s hind leg, wrapping his arm around it. "Get your foot out of my face." He instructed, as a large dirty foot began pushing against the side of his head. Letting go of her personal items, he grabbed the annoyance and bit a filthy big toe.

"OOOWWW!" Kicking madly, the warrior’s toe was quickly released and she went back to trying to dislodge the half ton tiger from her head. "Get off me, you heathen!"

Crawling onto all fours, Ares lunged forward onto Bud’s back and wrapped his arms around the tiger’s shoulders. Pulling hard, he was thrown to the ground when Bud rolled over and the God became pinned. "I can’t breathe!" Pounding Bud’s shoulder.

"Oh, shut up. You don’t breathe anyway." Xena growled, as she attacked Bud’s underside.

Bud, who was having the time of his life, wrapped his huge paws around the warrior’s head and pulled it to his awaiting maw. Opening his mouth wide, he managed to get half of Xena’s head in and began to gnaw gently.

"You eat me and I’ll kill you!" Wailing on his tummy, she was pulled off balance, when Bud rolled again. "Aaaaaaaaaa. Oof." Losing all the air in her body, she felt her lungs start to burn and again grabbed the first thing she could get her hands on.

"OOOWWW! That’s me, you stupid ninny!." Slapping at the hand that had it’s fingers dug into his calf, Ares jerked his leg from her grasp. Snarling, he put his shoulder against Bud’s and shoved.

"You know, Gabrielle." Smiling, T turned to look at the bard. "Despite all the possible ramifications from this event, it is nice to see them working together."

Nodding, the bard smiled back. "I think they’re bonding"

Hanging her legs over the edge of the roof, T smiled and went back to watching the fun. "Go, Bud. Go!"

Her eyes bulging out of their sockets, Xena was relieved when her attempt to breathe succeeded and she took in a lung full of air. Then she took several more, before she sat up and was immediately pounced on. "Oh, for criminy’s sake. Get off me!" Now pinned on her side, she wiggled up to wrap her arm around Bud’s huge neck. "I’ll show you how to pounce, you ingrate. Get him Ares!"

"Get him Ares?! I just got him off you." Gasping, Ares stared at her like she was insane. "Oh, what the hell. What could be the worst thing that could happen?" Jumping up, he landed on Bud’s back and again, wrapped his arms around the tigers’s shoulders. "Yeeee Haaaaa."

Feeling the weight on his back, Bud did the obvious thing, which was to spring high into the air.

"Oops." Ares whispered as he went airborne, clinging to the flying tiger.

"Ares, I’m gonna kill you." Growling, Xena watched the ground go away, then come back very quickly. "Ohhhhhh, shit." Wrapping both arms around Bud’s neck, she braced for impact.

"Ride ‘em, cowboy!" T shouted, whipping her arm around in the air.

Shaking her head, Gabrielle chuckled. "You’re fixing anything that get’s broken, because I’m not going to try and explain to the EMT’s how Xena broke her legs while fighting a tiger."

"Deal." Patting the bard’s back, she watched the landing. "Ooo. That hurt."

"Oof." Slamming into Bud’s back, Ares hung on.

Xena somehow managed to avoid any broken bones and immediately hopped up to jump on Ares’ back. "You idiot." As she began to pound on him, she was surprised to discover that Bud was again unhappy and wrapped her arm around the god’s neck as they lifted off. "Bud. Stop doing that!"

Ignoring the command, Bud changed from ravaging tiger to bucking bronco. Well, springing tiger, anyway. Which he found was almost as much fun as being a ravaging tiger and worked at jumping as high as he could.

"Bud! Stop!" Wincing every time her body was slammed into Ares’, the warrior held on for dear life, which constituted keeping her arm wrapped around his throat in a death lock.

"Ack! Whoa! Ack! Whoa!" Ares shouted in between being choked.

"T!" Gabrielle shouted, as she felt herself slipping off the roof.

Laughing, the god grabbed the bard’s arm and effortlessly pulled her back up. Wiping her eyes, she snapped her fingers, to make a level surface and put them in those short lawn chairs. "This is priceless."

Now safe to let her body double over with laughter, the bard did just that. "I wish I had a movie camera."

"Don’t worry, I’ll put it all on tape for you." Patting the arm of her friend, T sat forward when Bud jumped closer to the house. "Stay out of the hedges!" She told him and was pleased when he headed for open space again. "Good boy."

"Do something!" Xena shouted right in Ares’ ear.

Wincing, the God of War rolled his eyes as his body was bounced around. "Ack. Like what?"

"Send him to Siberia or something." Sliding sideways, while they were in the air, the warrior dangled and took a tighter hold on Ares’ neck. "Aaaaaaaa."

"Aaaaaaccccccckkkkkkkk." Sticking his tongue out of his mouth, Ares tightened his hold on Bud, who in turn jumped higher the next time. "How bout I send you to Siberia? Aaaaaaccccccckkkkk. OW!"

Using her free arm, Xena punched Ares in the head. "How bout I send you to the moon?"

"Ow. Aaaaacccccckkkkk. Ow. Aaaaaacccccckkkkk." Moving his head from side to side, the God of War tried to evade the punches and felt his ire going north. Frustrated, he finally gave in and let go of one hand, to grab the warrior’s wrist and pull her forward in an attempted karate flip. Unfortunately, it was at this moment, that Bud decided that simple straight jumping was getting boring and on the next leap, threw his hind legs out to one side, twisting his body in mid air, like the flexible, versatile and quite feline that he was. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa." Was Ares’ response to this maneuver, as he tried to return his hand to tighten his grip and was half pulled off the tiger by a dislodged and dangling warrior princess.

"Arrrreeeesssss!" Hanging onto his leg, Xena quickly scrambled up his body, before the ground caught up with her and she got a firm grip on his waist as Bud went air born again.

"Chubby Checker?" Gabrielle inquired, pointing at Bud’s new twist.

"Sam Cooke." T corrected and offered the bard some popcorn from a bowl that appeared in her lap.

"Thanks." Smiling, she took a handful to shove in her mouth. "Lemonade?"

"Sure." Shoving her mouth full of popcorn, T snapped her fingers and handed the bard a large glass of chilled lemonade.

"Thanks." Taking the beverage, Gabrielle washed down the popcorn.

"You’re welcome." Smiling, T popped one in for herself and went back to the action.

"Get off me!" Ares shouted, now that he wasn’t being choked and shook his legs. "Get . . . off . . . me!"

"Stop kicking me!" Xena shouted back and took her anger out on his broad back. Punching his side, she made the mistake of taking hold of one of his belt loops for security and proceeded to ignore the fact that silk boxers were quickly making an appearance.

Eyes wide, T shot her hand to the right, to cover Gabrielle’s eyes. "Ares, put your pants back on this instant!"

"What am I missing?" Trying to pull T’s hand off her face. "Lemme see! Lemme see!" Kicking her feet in frustration.

Finding the little Marvin the Martian’s quite interesting, Xena took the opportunity she’d waited over two thousand years for and sank her pearly whites into his silk covered butt.

"Yeeeeeeooooooowwwwww!" Letting go of the tiger on the upswing and thankfully very close to the ground, Ares and the warrior princess were released from their feline pogo stick and hit solid soil with a thud. As this happened, the God of War immediately rolled out of Xena’s somewhat toothy grasp and managed to get his pants back in place before he rolled onto to his back to see one thousand pounds of striped flesh coming straight down at him. "Aaaaaaaaaa." Eyes wide, he rolled quickly out of the way.

Jumping to her feet, Xena put her hands on her hips. "You moron, this is all your fault!"

"My fault?!" Buttoning up his jeans, he glared at her. "You told me to get him, you twit."

"I said get him, not give him ideas." Throwing her hands in the air, she spun around and turned back to give him a shove. "Yeee haaa! Who’s bright idea was that?"

"Well, who told you to jump on me?" Shoving back. "All you had to do was find your own hiding place and none of this would’ve happened."

"It’s my yard!" Shoving him back. "Why didn’t you hide in your yard?"

T sighed and turned slowly to the side to give Gabrielle a sad look. "Show’s over, I guess."

"And I missed the grand finale." Nodding in a depressed way, the bard sighed. "Typical."

Bud, who’d been having too much fun, was somewhat disappointed that his weekly play time was over early and remedied the matter by tackling Ares.

"Oh, wait." Perking up, T grabbed Gabrielle’s arm. "Look. Round two."

"Oh. Goody, goody." Chuckling, the bard settled down in her short lawn chair.

Laughing, Xena put her hands on her hips and smirked downward, as Ares began to wrestle Bud. However, her jovial mood was short lived, when the pair rolled into her legs, knocking her down and pinning her under too much weight. "Aaaaaa. I can’t breathe."

"Suffer." Ares told her, as he tried to get Bud in a head lock, intentionally avoiding the tiger’s back and doing his best imitation of a steer wrestler.

Swinging his head from side to side, Bud reared up on his hind legs and slung the God of War around.

"Whoooooaaaaaaa." Holding on, Ares was suddenly wrapped up in strong paws. "Lemme go." Kicking his dangling feet, he attempted to rip Bud’s head from his shoulders. "Xeennnaaa!"

"Thank you." Xena gasped, holding her chest, to check for broken bones. Satisfied she was still in one piece, the warrior looked up to see Ares feet coming at her. "Shit." Rolling to the side, she avoided being stepped on and made her getaway by crawling out from under Bud’s tummy.

Seeing an escapee, Bud chomped harmlessly down on Xena’s ankle and held it firm, while he reared back up. Satisfied, he began swinging his head again.

"Buuuuud! Ow!" Bumping into Ares legs, as she was swung back and forth, Xena tried to grab hold for stability as she dangled upside down. "Stop kicking me!" Switching to another tactic, she punched the feet that were slapping her face. "Don’t you ever wash these?"

"Leave my feet alone, you hussy!" Ares growled and tried to kick harder.

"Hello!" Eyes wide, Gabrielle’s arm shot out to the left to cover T’s eyes, as the warrior’s shirt responded to gravity.

Rolling her eyes, T sighed. "Gabrielle. What are you doing? We used to bathe together all the time, so unless Xena has grown some strange appendage, you’re not protecting me from seeing anything I haven’t seen before."

"Sorry." Lowering her hand. "Reflex." Smiling apologetically, she went back to watching.

Shaking her head, T glanced back down and slapped her forehead. "Ares! You keep your eyes straight ahead, mister! You hear me!" She shouted, realizing that her significant other had a perfect view of the warriors exposed parts.

Gabrielle chuckled. "I guess I’m not the only one with green eyes."

"Don’t make me have to come down there!" Seeing him close his eyes, she stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Xena! This is supposed to be a family oriented activity! Where is your bra and for goodness sake, tuck in your shirt!" Waving a warning finger at the princess. "Xena!"

"Screw you, miss high and mighty!" The warrior shouted back. "You want my shirt tucked in. Why don’t you come down here and do it yourself! I’ve got other problems right now and Ares, get your nasty toes out of my eyes." Slapping at the items in question.

Fuming, T hopped off the roof and landed next to where the trio were in the middle of their weekly fray. Hands on hips she arched an eyebrow, looking for a good place to attack. While she waited, she pulled off her t-shirt and tossed it on the hedge, exposing her muscular form, sport bra included.

Gabrielle sat forward and grabbed the bowl of popcorn. "Oh, this is gonna be good." Chuckling, she shoved a handful into her mouth and chewed happily.

Lifting his feet, the God of War rubbed them together and sent a shower of dirt downward, while he chuckled.

"Ares!" Spitting, the warrior wiped her face and reached upward, trying to get her hands on his feet. "Come here, you little brats." Having several near misses, she finally got one and pulled down, just as T found the spot she was looking for.

Spitting in both hands, T rubbed them together as she cracked her neck. "Okay, that’s it. It’s my turn." She said loudly and charged the trio.

"Whoooaaaa." Grabbing Ares’ leg, Xena held on as they were all shoved sideways by the force of the impact. "T!"

"Sweetheart! This may not be such a good idea." Tightening his hold on Bud’s neck, he was thankful that the tiger had managed to stay upright.

Shoving with her considerable strength, she wrapped her arms around Bud’s tummy and braced her legs for one good shove. "You’re coming down, old man!"

"Nooooooooo." Ares and Xena shouted together as the ground came at them.

Xena hit first and was released, to roll out of the way, although she did bump her head.

Ares hit next, landing on his feet and was taken down as well, because Bud failed to let go of his legs. "Aaaaaaaaaa." Thud. Then he rolled to safety.

Bud hit last, landing on his side and immediately tried to get up, but was pinned by T. Growling, curled up and tried to bite her head.

"Would somebody please count ten, so I can let go!" She shouted into his fuzzy white belly.

"Oh." Perking up, Xena lunged toward them and fell to her knees, slapping the grass. "One. Two. Three. Four. Damn." Jumping back, as Bud jumped up, she stayed close, in case her services were needed.

Still attached to her quarry, T hung on and dug her heels into the grass, as he tried to get away. "Oh, no you don’t." Gritting her teeth, she pulled back, picking Bud’s front end up off the ground. "You’re not going anywhere, mister."

Twisting, he pawed the air madly as he tried to get back down on all fours.

"Ooooo. She’s gonna bust something." Gabrielle whispered and put some more popcorn in her mouth.

"Look out." Ares said softly, as he watched Bud’s tail start to twitch. "T, he’s up to something!"

On the verge of acknowledging the fact that she already knew that, T didn’t have a chance to get the words out before Bud switched directions and tried to rear up. "Wrong again, Buddy boy." T growled out, as she shifted her weight to pull him sideways and off balance. "Whoa, whoa, whoa." This little verbal ditty was a response to the fact that Bud made an attempt to jump sideways, when he failed to rear up and, for some unknown reason, ended up being suspended off the ground. This, in turn, was making T’s life rather unpleasant and she stumbled around, holding Bud in the air.

"Holy skimolies!" Xena shouted. "She picked him up!"

"Technically, I think she caught him." Ares amended, but was still awe struck. "Way to go, honey!" Thrusting a fist in the air.

Bud, who was probably the most surprised, wasn’t helping matters, because despite the fact that he could no longer run, his legs were acting like they were.

"T, put him down before you strain something!" Gabrielle shouted as she stood. "Put him down! Put him down!"

"Xena!" T shouted. "Why aren’t you counting!" Feeling as if her eyes were going to pop out of her head, she tried to stumble in the warrior’s direction.

"Oh, shit!" Hitting the ground, Xena began slapping out a ten count. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five, yes. Six, come on. Seven, you can do it. Eight, almost there. Nine, one more to go. Ten! Waaaaahhhhhooooooo! Bud bites the dust!" Jumping up, she held her arms in the air and bounced around. "We’ve got a new champ!"

Letting her arms go limp, the god released Bud and did her version of the Nestea plunge by landing spread eagle on the grass. "Medic." She said softly as her chest heaved.

Ares ran over and knelt down. "You okay?" Smiling down at her, he saw the glazed expression on her face and began waving his hand in front of it. "T? Honey? Baby? Sweetheart? Hello?" Finally getting a response, which was a small shake of the head and a blink, he sighed. "You okay?" Smiling again.

"Next week, we’re sticking to Scrabble." Whispering, she took a deep breath, then puffed out her cheeks to let it out slowly.

"Okay." Nodding, he leaned down and gave her a kiss.

Smiling, T lifted her head, when she felt something fuzzy against her abs and looked up to see Bud lay his head on her tummy.

Laying down, he purred and pawed lightly at her shoulder, then rolled onto his back.

Chuckling, the god shook her head and smiled. "I still love you too, Bud." Reaching out, she scratched under his chin and laid her head back down.

Coming over, Xena squatted down beside Bud. "That was worth every pair of boots that’s ever been chewed." Chuckling, she patted T’s shoulder. "I am very impressed."

"And you’re underdressed." T chuckled back, then tugged on the warrior’s shirt. "You think you could come with the bare essentials next time? And the next time I’m holding up a thousand pounds, do you think you could possibly leave out the narrative when you’re counting?"

"Mmmmmmaybe." Flicking her eyebrows, she stood when the bard jogged over. "Hey, how about we hit the pool next?"

"Cool your jets, Space Ace." Gabrielle said and waved her away, so she could take the warrior’s place and check on T’s condition. Kneeling down, she gave her friend a shake of the head. "You okay?"

"Yea." Nodding, she patted the bard’s leg. "I guess I got carried away."

"Bud got carried away." Sighing, the bard gave her a smile. "Literally." Turning, she patted his tummy. "And don’t you do that anymore."

Rolling toward her, Bud put his huge paw in her lap.

Giving him a wink, Gabrielle turned back to T. "Well, you up for a swim?"

"You may have to carry me, but yea." Smiling, she started to sit up and was grabbed by helpful hands. "Oh, come on. I was only kidding about you carrying me." Slapping at them, she eventually gave in and was carried, very ceremoniously to the pool, on the shoulders of one God of War and Warrior Princess. "I should’ve stayed on the roof." She lamented at the pompousness of the event, but was fortunate to have her spirits lifted, when she was dumped, unceremoniously into the pool. Breaking the surface, she smiled. "Thanks. I needed that." Then she snapped her fingers, with a small splash, changing out of her jeans and sport bra into a bathing suit.

Doing the same, Ares dove in and left the mortals to fend for themselves.

"Hey!" Holding her arms out, Xena objected. "What about us?"

Rolling her eyes, T snapped her fingers and put the warrior princess in a yellow polka dotted bikini. Well, the yellow polka dots were actually little Tweedy birds, so she ducked under the water to hide.

Ares just swam to the other side of the pool and chuckled.

Glancing down, the warrior heard snickering beside her and turned to glare at her wife. "You think this is funny, Gabrielle?" She asked unamused.

Covering her mouth with her hand, the bard shook her head. "No." Squeaking a tad, she saw that look start sparkling in blue eyes and turned to run back toward her house, before she could get caught laughing her ass off.

Bud thought the outfit was very attractive and even tried to lick one of the birds, but stopped when he was growled at. So, he jumped in the pool instead, to paddle over to Ares.

"T!" Shouting, Xena put her hands on her hips, which didn’t take away from the cuteness of the bikini. "T, change this to my green bikini right now." Moving to the edge of the pool, the warrior searched the water for the bane of her existence. "T!"

Sneaking up the side of the pool, T reached up, to grab Xena’s ankle, pulling the sputtering princess in.

"Waaaaa." Splash. Spitting out a mouthful of water, Xena growled and searched for T. "I’m gonna get you for this." Slapping her hands on the surface, she swam to the edge, only to be pulled back under. "Whoa. blub, blub, blub."

When she got the warrior to the bottom of the deep end, T let her go and shot upward. Breaking the surface, she jumped out and ran to the diving board, where she poised herself for an ambush.

Sitting on the bottom, Xena sent up tiny bubbles as she fumed and looked up to see the blurred image of her best friend ready to strike. Thinking, she knew she was running out of air and finally decided to give the god as good as she got. Crouching on the bottom, she pushed off with all her might and popped out of the water. Using her warrior skills, she barely managed to hang onto the diving board with one arm, while trying to pull T off, by the ankle with the other, and as the fates decreed, this was when she spotted a certain blonde bard charging them both. Sending her eyes into baseball mode, she gasped as Gabrielle ran into the back of T.

Looking around, T held out her hand, as if checking for rain.

"Ow." Rubbing her shoulder, Gabrielle frowned, then got that pesky determined look and wrapped her arms around T’s waist. Flexing her powerful thighs, she shoved forward, squeezing her eyes shut with the effort she was expelling. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

Ares chuckled and hopped up on the edge of the pool, letting his legs dangle in the water. "Wadda ya think, Bud. Do they have a chance?"

Crawling out of the pool, Bud shook his coat and sat down to stare at the antics going on and then laid down.

"Me neither." Ares agreed and shook his head.

Xena, having resumed her effort to send T into the water, continued to tug heartily on the ankle and was becoming quite irritated with the lack of results. "Oh just fall, will ya. My armpit is getting chafed."

"Oh, well." Sounding mildly annoyed. "If you insist." Sighing, T shrugged, then twisted her torso around and grabbed Gabrielle’s, to lift her off the ground. Prying the bard’s arms off, she rotated the blonde and tossed her over her shoulder, then hopped one-footed to the end of the diving board.

"Hey, hey, hey! Put me down!" Wailing on T’s back, she kicked her feet to no avail and was sure she saw an amused smirk on Xena’s face, just before her’s was covered with water, as she and T went under.

"Cannonball!" Climbing up on the diving board, the warrior got a good running start then bounced high into the air. Tucking her knees to her chest, she rotated several times before coming down a mere two feet from where Gabrielle finally surfaced.

"Xena!" Closing her eyes, Gabrielle’s yell got her a mouthful of water, which she held in her mouth and eventually spat it at the warrior when she popped up.

"Eeeeewwwww." Cupping her hand, Xena fought back, by sending a gush of water the bard’s way. "Take that!"

"Oh, no you don’t." Sending one back, the bard was hit in the face again and the battle began.

Chuckling, T swam over to where Ares was now back in the water, but sticking to the side of the pool and safety. Stretching her arms out, she hung off the edge by them and shook her head at her friends. "Come on, Gabrielle. You can take her!" Giving the bard some encouragement, just as she was dunked. "Or, not."

"Nice dive, by the way." He said appreciatively.

"It wasn’t my best, but I’m working on it." Chuckling, she pushed Xena away with her feet, when the water fight got close.

"You sure you’re okay?" Smiling, his voice betrayed his concern. "You have been tired lately."

"I’m fine." Sighing she rolled her eyes. "I don’t have anything that a good Monday night free-for-all won’t cure." Giving him a wink, she took his hand, pulling him out into the water. "Now, you ready for a knock down drag out chicken fight?" Flicking her eyebrows, she tread water.

"Honey, you need somebody to stick their head between your legs, I’m your god." Flicking his eyebrows back at her, Ares ducked under the water and swam to take his place, then glubbed glubbed his way to shallower water, where he kept going until the water was chest deep. Smiling, he adjusted T on his shoulders then nodded up at her. "Ready when you are, oh clawed one."

"Let’s get ready to rrrrrruuuuummbblllllllllee!" T growled out and beat her chest like a gorilla.

Turning their heads simultaneously, Xena and Gabrielle got face fulls of water and blinked, then smiled. Exchanging a quick glance, the warrior grabbed the bard’s hand. "Time to knock those two down a couple of notches."

"Oh, sure." Swimming along, Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "You’re not the one who has to actually try and do the knocking."

"Whiner." Laughing, the warrior felt her feet hit bottom and reached out to pull the subsequent knocker to her. "Up ya go." Bending down under the water, she held her breath, while the bard climbed on her shoulders, then she popped up with a grin. "You’re goin dooooowwwwwwnnnn, T. You’re goin’ dooowwwnnn!" Growling, she walked slowly toward the godly couple, balancing Gabrielle on her shoulders and pointed an intimidating finger.

"Our Father, who art in heaven." Gabrielle whispered. "Help me to survive till Tuesday."


The End.

Epilogue: Don’t you just wish all your Mondays could end like that?

Thanks for reading.


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