by: BladeMast

Disclaimers: Don’t really need ‘em, cause this is an UBER. Yup, quite possibly the very first uber relationship there ever was. Honest.

Sexual situations warning: Um…nope. None of that either, though you of the gutter minds juuuust might think there’s something more going on here than meets the telescope. I’d classify it as an alt, cause, well, cause that’s all I write. Genders aren’t mentioned here, though. I don’t think they’re even possible in this scenario. Just read on, you’ll see what I mean. ;)

Feedback: Is always gratefully accepted. If it tickles you, please feel free to write me at . Enjoy!




It was dark. And cold. And very, very empty.

And in the middle of all of the dark, cold, emptiness lay something darker, and colder, but very, very full.

It was a hole in the blackness with a magnetism so strong that not even light could escape it. All balls of gaseous light, large or small, were sucked into this magnetic black hole, never to be born nor seen again.

The hole knew only of itself and its dark need. The need to feed upon the light.

It hated the light.

It had once been light itself, you see. Back before. When everything was bright, and warm, and full.

And it had been the lightest of the light.

But then a bit of darkness came and the light led the charge against it.

It failed.

And in its failure, it grew so large that it exploded and turned a deep, rotting black. In its anger, it sucked all of the light into itself, never wanting to see it again.

And so it existed, alone and unafraid. It's sole purpose in existence--the end of existence for others.

One day, a tiny bit of light, smaller by far than the others which had preceded it, came into this dark, empty and cold place.

The light saw the dark hole in the center of it all and was drawn to it.

But it had strength, this tiny speck, and resisted the efforts of the darkness to pull it in.

<<Who are you that you must suck all the light from the world?>> the tiny speck asked.

<<I am all there is.>> the hole replied.

<<No, you're not. I am here now.>>

<<Not for long,>> the hole said pompously.

<<Why not? What have I ever done to harm you? I am but a speck of light to your overwhelming darkness. I have a purpose, just as you do.>>

<<And what might that be?>>

The little speck, having formed out of nothing, wasn't real sure about the answer to that question, but it had spunk. <<Well, I can keep you company. I can sing.>>

<<Please don't.>>

<<I can dance. I can tell stories. About what, I'm not sure yet, but I'll think of something.>>

<<You talk too much. Come closer that I may swallow you up. I am hungry.>>

Young, it might have been, but not foolhardy. <<I think I shall pass on that invitation, thanks. You have eaten all that came before me. Their light no longer shines.>>

<<Exactly as it should be.>>

<<No it shouldn't. You are just lonely.>>

<<I am not.>>

<<Are too.>>

<<Am not.>>

<<Are too.>>


<<Oops!>> In its argument, the tiny speck of light wandered too close to the hole in the darkness and felt itself drawn inside. <<Hey,>> the little speck thought, <<it's not too bad in here. Warm. Kinda nice. Smells good, too.>>

But then the tiny light remembered its mission, given by whom, it wasn't sure, but a mission was a mission. With all the strength in its tiny, gaseous body, it pulled itself out of the gravitational void.

As the speck slipped out of the black hole, the hole itself felt . . .something. Something kind of . . .nice? NO!!! <<What do you think you are doing?>> it asked.

<<I've come to ask you to free all of my friends,>> the speck replied, orbiting the hole and trying its best to avoid its undeniable magnetism.

<<Then you are a fool. I will not give back what is mine. Come closer, that you may join your friends.>>


<<NOW!>> The hole exerted its strongest pull on the annoying little speck of light.

<<Ha Ha! Can't catch me!>>

<<YES I CAN!!>>

<<Oops!>> *In* went the little speck. But, again, its strength was surprising. *Out* it came.

Feeling a pleasant little tickle, the black hole pulled the speck back within itself.

*Out* popped the little speck.









<<Oh, my.>> the black hole thought, <<this game is . . .fun!>>





<<Oh yeah!>> the little speck thought. << This is GREAT!>>





<<What ever you are doing, little light, don't stop now!>>

<<Don't worry,>> the speck panted, <<I'm not going to!>>







The black hole exploded, issuing forth all of the balls of light it had ingested in its eternity of existence within the dark void.

The universe became full of light once again. The stars could be heard singing out their happiness.

And if, on a cold winter's night, you chance to look up at the sky very closely, you will see an enormous area of utter blackness, circled by a dancing little light. And if you listen very carefully, you may hear the faint sounds of....



And that, dear readers, is the uber version of how the universe came to be created. The REAL story behind the big bang.


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