Chapter 3

Xena didn't really want to examine her feelings or even think about what she actually held in her arms. Her warrior's brain pushed aside the pain and the agony of her broken heart. She placed emotions like that into a spot where they couldn't interfere with her capabilities as a warrior. She shoved to one corner of her conscious mind, the fact that she had a wife back in the Healer's hut whose world was falling apart also.

A sharp stab, like a thorn penetrating her skin, pierced her heart. It was difficult to put on that warrior's mask when it came to Gabrielle. She briefly thought of the horror of the crimes she committed when her only child, Solon, was murdered. She remembered the anguish and completely empty state of her heart. That's what Gabrielle was going through right now and it frightened the warrior.

It wasn't exactly what her wife would do, that worried the dark-haired woman. What terrified Xena the most was that she didn't know what she would do. She didn't know if she could be there for Gabrielle. How could she be a source of strength, to encourage her wife to grieve, heal, and then continue with her life, when Xena felt like falling apart herself? Through all of the life and death tragedies the warrior and her bard suffered, it always fell on one of them to carry the load for the other.

Over the seasons, it became a truly equal partnership. When Xena felt she'd lost her way, Gabrielle was always there…her beacon, the light that would guide her. When Gabrielle found herself lost in the trials and consequences of life, Xena's love for her bard was always the one thing that could be counted upon. Now, the two women found themselves faced with perhaps the greatest challenge of their lives. This time they both hurt. This time one could not carry the load for the other.

Xena looked down at the baby in her arms. Her lips were pale and lifeless, but otherwise she looked as if she were sleeping. The warrior paused at the entrance to Artemis' temple. She looked down on her daughter's lifeless body and reached down to kiss her forehead.

"It's not that I don't love you, my Bri, nor will I ever forget you, but your mother needs me, maybe more than she ever has before. I have to be hard and strong for her. You understand, don't you?"

Xena paused as if expecting some sort of answer. She swallowed her tears and pushed the doors to the Temple open. Striding purposefully up to the altar, she laid her daughter gently down across the polished stone.

"Artemis! Your faithful requests your presence!" Xena shouted out.

I took only heartbeats for the Goddess' shape to materialize from shimmering sparkles, to the tall, lithe form of Artemis. Her gray eyes immediately smiled at the offering on her alter.

"Xena, at last…Apollo will awfully upset he missed--"

Artemis scanned the warrior's mind. Unlike her brother, Apollo, she felt no qualms at invading the mortal's minds in her care. She stared hard at the warrior and the vehemence projected from the warrior's thoughts was like a physical blow to the tall Goddess.

"No," she stated, "that wasn't fated to happen!"

Artemis rushed to the lifeless form and tenderly lifted the child to her. Her own heart ached and she reached out to touch her brother's mind. It was rare, but Apollo's thoughts were unavailable to her.

"I'll be back," Artemis hissed and instantly disappeared.

The Goddess reappeared moments later, but she stood in a great hall, massive spinning wheels turning and weaving threads in enormously complex patterns. An eerie blue light glowed, now and again changing to green, them magenta. The Fates went about their tasks, the women never bothering to look up when Artemis came forward. The Olympian Gods only came here for one reason, which was when they didn't like the way the threads fell.

"Do you see this?" Artemis tried to control the rage in her voice. It did no good to anger the three women, who literally held her mortal's lives within their hands.

Clotho looked up first. "A mortal child."

"Yes, the child of my chosen and her Consort. The child is dead," Artemis replied.

"That is impossible. Look," Atropos indicated a bright white thread, still glistening with its newness. "This is the child of Xena and Gabrielle, the Princess Brianna."

"This is the child, just from its mother's womb!" Artemis held the baby out before her.

All three sisters passed their hands over the lifeless form to ascertain the truth of the child's identity. They exchanged worried glances at the impossibility of the situation.

"This cannot be," Lachesis sat down near the glistening thread. "This was not fated for the child of Xena and Gabrielle, this was not the way. See, the thread still holds strong."

Atropos tested threads further away from the bright one of the baby, Brianna, to discover that threads were darkening and shriveling up farther and farther down the line.

"This child's fate was to touch so many lives…to save so many. The threads are changing because the child will no longer live to bring salvation to those in the future. Innocents will die over this."

"The structure of humanity will change over this," Clotho added.

"We will call upon our sister, we have no other choice."

"She will not listen. It will be useless to summon her, she has never desired to intervene."

"The Oracle of Taan is our only hope. She will not wish to see humanity's destruction."

Clotho looked at the Goddess. "There is nothing we can do to reverse what has befallen the infant. A powerful hand was needed to change the will of the Fates. There are few with that power. We will do what we can, but the mortals are not to know of this incident."

Artemis understood why they gave her that directive. The last thing the Fates wanted to get out was the fact that there might possibly be a power in the universe that could outwit them. She nodded and left the great hall.

**********

It was only heartbeats later, within the mortal realm, when Artemis appeared before Xena again.

The Goddess felt the wave of anguish as soon as she materialized before the warrior. She may not be able to tell Xena the outcome of her talk with the Fates, but she was not about to let her chosen, who just happened to be her niece, lose her firstborn child.

The Goddess cradled the infant within her arms; a soft warm glow surrounded her hand as it made it's way across the child's flesh. Artemis worked twice as long as necessary, trying to bring life back into the child.

Nothing happened, the baby didn't even stir and Xena looked on in heartbreak, even as Artemis gazed at the warrior in confusion.

"I don't understand. I have always had Athena's blessing to heal," Artemis whispered.

The Goddess reached her mind out to encounter her sister's mind. She begged, searching the universe for Athena's thoughts, they were as absent to her as her brother's were earlier.

Artemis walked down the steps and approached the warrior again. "I'm sorry, Xena. I'm so very sorry. I swear to you, I won't rest until I find out who took your child's life."

As much as she detested most of the Gods, she was perfectly willing to risk anything to be able to place her living, breathing daughter in her mother's arms. Xena's eyes burned blue fire in the Goddess' direction. The warrior hated relying on others. It was nearly impossible for her to bring her child here, knowing it was tantamount to begging. She hated not being in control of the situation, having her fate placed in another's hands.

Xena set her jaw firmly in place. "Neither will I."

The warrior took the child from Artemis' grasp, and she carefully cradled the infant in her arms as if the child were still alive. Xena didn't say another word to the tall Goddess who appeared as distressed as the warrior herself did. Xena turned and left the Temple, making her way back to the Healer's hut. The warrior cursed the fact that she would have to tell her wife that she failed.

**********

"Xe?" Gabrielle called out. The Queen didn't even have to ask. She could see, by the look on her wife's face, there would be no miracles for their child.

Ephiny sat by Gabrielle's side. She patted her friend's hand and moved to leave the hut. Sartori and Adia rose to leave also.

"We'll give you some privacy," Adia said to no one in particular. She squeezed her friend's arm as she passed the warrior with the body of her child in her arms.

It was long moments later, when it was only Xena and Gabrielle left in the room, before the warrior lifted her eyes to her wife. She noticed Gabrielle's color was a little better, but only just.

"I'm so sorry, Brie. I--I couldn't…" Xena trailed off, fearing her tears would start. She would be useless to Gabrielle if she broke down, so she swallowed up the pain and the regret, and all the guilt she felt, and moved to lay the lifeless infant in Gabrielle's arms.

Xena hesitated, pulling back slightly, wondering if Gabrielle would rather not hold a child that she would soon have to put to rest.

Gabrielle held her arms out and the warrior gently placed the delicate bundle in her wife's embrace. Xena sat beside the young woman, leaning down to place a tender kiss on the Queen's forehead.

"She could practically be asleep, Xe. If I didn't know better, I would think she was sleeping," Gabrielle said in a far away, dreamy kind of voice. Xena realized Sartori must have given her a painkiller or a sedative.

"See, I knew she would have your hair color…see?" Gabrielle lovingly stroked the thick patch of hair on top of the child's head.

"Yes, my heart, I see…you were right," Xena replied.

The warrior put an arm around her wife and the two women said their own goodbyes to the child that they would never see grow. At length Ephiny came back in and accepted the child. She told Gabrielle they would begin the purification and would send the Princess' spirit to the Amazon Land of the Dead on the sacred flames.

Once Xena and Gabrielle were alone, they simply stayed close and held onto one another.

"Xe?" Gabrielle asked.

"Yes, my heart?"

"I want to go home…I want to sleep in my own bed."

The warrior pulled back to look into her wife's eyes. Gabrielle hadn't really accepted anything yet. Her face held a drugged sort of expression, but she looked so tired.

"I'll check with Sartori," Xena responded.

Xena returned a few moments later, followed by the Healer. "I'll come see you in the morning, Gabrielle," Sartori touched the side of the Queen's face. "Check the bandages for any bleeding," she whispered to Xena.

Xena nodded and tucked an extra blanket around the still pale woman. The warrior easily lifted the young Queen into her arms and they left the Healer's hut.

Gabrielle buried her face against Xena's neck, wrapping her arms around the warrior's neck. Xena looked neither right nor left, not caring to meet the sorrowful glances directed their way. She carried the precious bundle in her arms and placed her in their own bed. She went to make a cup of warm tea for the both of them, suddenly needing something to keep her busy. When the warrior returned to the bedroom, she saw Gabrielle reaching out with one hand to gently rock the cradle that lay beside the bed.

"Do you want me to move that, Brie?"

Gabrielle looked up and shook her head. "Not yet," she said simply.

The two women settled into bed, Xena's strong embrace tighter than normal around her wife. There were no words to say, not yet anyway. Each woman buried herself in her own pain and guilt. The hurt was the same for each of them; only the reasons for their guilt were different.

Xena burned with the shame of failing to save her child's life. She knew there must have been something more she could have done, some way to save Gabrielle and their baby at the same time. Gabrielle knew that she would have to live with this guilt for the rest of her life. She knew in her heart, that she killed their baby, just as surely as if it had been a knife she plunged into the child. If she'd listened and not acted like a stubborn child, she never would have overexerted herself to the point where she put her child's life in jeopardy.

She knew she would have to tell Xena. Of course, she also felt that if she admitted her crime to her wife, Xena's love would quickly grow cold. Normally, she would never dream that a tragedy like this would be able to drive a wedge between she and her wife, but she already killed Xena's first child. Would her warrior be able to handle Gabrielle being at fault a second time? With one act, one moment in time, Gabrielle felt she destroyed, not only her baby's life, but her marriage, too. Everything she held dear to her was now slipping from her grasp and she could do no more than watch as it slid away and shattered against the earth.

Chapter 4

Gabrielle's screams startled Xena from her own fitful sleep. The young Queen thrashed about, Xena finally able to hold on to her and bring the young woman against the warrior's own body, to still her movements until she awoke more fully.

"It's all right, Brie, just a bad dream," Xena said while stroking the young woman's hair.

Gabrielle pulled slightly away from Xena, looking down at her own stomach, and absently placing the flat of her hand against her abdomen. She looked up at Xena and all the previous candlemarks flashed by her mind's eye in a swirling rush. The young woman remembered the events and looked at her wife, tears filling deep green eyes until they spilled down her pale cheeks.

"Oh Xe, I'm so sorry…" Gabrielle sobbed.

She slumped forward, Xena quickly pulling the small woman back into her embrace. Gabrielle's wracking sobs shook her small frame. The warrior held her wife, wishing she could join her in her tears, but Xena refused. She had to remain strong for Gabrielle. Falling apart would never do. She would wait, and then later, when the crisis was over and Gabrielle was stronger, then she would allow herself to examine her own pain. Now, she swallowed the rising anger and hurt down, holding Gabrielle closer, and rocking her body in a soothing motion.

"It's okay, baby…I'm here," Xena whispered repeatedly. "You have nothing to be sorry about, my heart."

The warrior kissed the top of the blonde head, stroking Gabrielle's face, wiping the wet tear stained cheeks with her hands.

"I'm right here, Brie. Talk to me, love."

"Xena…I--I…" she looked up into the blue depths of the warrior's eyes, seeing only love and understanding in her wife's gaze.

Why isn't she angry? Cursing the Gods or even screaming? Gabrielle couldn't bring herself to admit it. She wanted to tell Xena, to unburden her own heart, but the warrior looked at her as though she was willing to do anything for Gabrielle. The Queen was taken back once more by the selflessness within her spouse's heart. She only ever thinks of me, Gabrielle thought to herself.

"Talk to me, my heart," Xena repeated.

At last, Gabrielle shook her head slowly back and forth. "I can't," she muttered.

Xena settled the young woman against her larger body once more. "I understand," she pulled back to kiss her wife's forehead. "Whenever you're ready, Brie. I'll be right here."

**********

Gabrielle opened her eyes when she felt a gentle kiss on her cheek. Xena sat on the outside edge of the bed, fully dressed, and reached out to brush her fingers against her wife's cheek.

"Morning," Xena said.

"Morning," Gabrielle returned, trying to match the look of love in her warrior's eyes.

"How do you feel, Brie? Any pain or cramping?"

Gabrielle shook her head back and forth, in answer to the latter question, but ignored the first. Xena seemed to understand and didn't press.

"I need to check the bandages and packing, unless you'd rather have Sartori do it?" Xena said tentatively.

"No, Xe…I think I'd rather have you do it."

Xena removed the bandages and the packing that the Healer left in place after the great amount of bleeding Gabrielle experienced.

"How does it look?" Gabrielle cautiously raised her head to see what Xena was doing.

"Good. Actually, there's hardly a spot on these cloths. I find that a little strange, Brie. You bled more than anyone I've ever seen that didn't have a fatal battle wound. I'll put these fresh bandages in place under your breeches just in case."

"I really don't understand it, though," Xena repeated, shaking her head. "Guess you're getting to be as fast a healer as me." Xena said as she rose and poured some water from a pitcher into a bowl to wash her hands.

The warrior came and sat by her wife's side once more. "Tired?" She asked, running her hands through Gabrielle's golden hair.

Gabrielle nodded. Her eyes, swollen from crying, felt scratchy and burned.

"It's to be expected. You've been through a lot"

"We've been through a lot," Gabrielle interrupted, squeezing the hand that now held her own.

"Yes, but my body didn't go through the same physical trauma that yours did," Xena answered. "You need rest and lots of it."

"Xe, I need to tell you--"

"Sshh…" Xena pressed two fingers against Gabrielle's lips, preventing the young woman from continuing. "All I want you to do is rest today, Brie, no heavy thoughts. Give your body a chance to heal. Okay?" 

Gabrielle offered her wife a weak smile and Xena helped to make the young woman more comfortable, pulling the thick blanket up to the small blonde's chin. The warrior situated herself beside Gabrielle, stroking her hair and face, feeling the young woman relax little by little. Eventually, Gabrielle's deep even breathing told the warrior that her wife was finally asleep.

Unfortunately, as soon as Gabrielle fell into a deep sleeping pattern, the nightmares were there. The Queen didn't wake, but her moans and soft cries tore at Xena's heart in a way that nothing else in life could. The dark-haired woman pulled the sleeping form closer, rubbing her back, and stroking her hair.

With a deep sigh, Xena tilted her head back against the bed's headboard and let her own pain wash over her. It was an odd transformation, almost physical, as the warrior let down her guard for just a few moments. The expression on her face, which only moments before was full of love and compassion for her partner, turned into one of anguish. She thought if she could release some of her pain and hurt, just a little at a time, then lock it back up again, at least she would be more of a help to her wife. Gabrielle didn't need the added burden of worrying about how Xena was handling the loss of their child. The warrior would simply handle her grief privately, and then be there for Gabrielle when her wife needed her.

And so, the warrior let the tears spill from her eyes, silent sobs causing only slight tremors to shake through her body. She kissed the top of her wife's head, the warrior's tears splashing onto the small figure in her embrace. Like the consummate warrior she was, Xena took control of herself and stilled her tears after only a short time. Taking deep breaths, her fingers curled into tight fists, she fought the need to scream and curse at the world around them.

Gabrielle finally slept, but Xena could tell that nightmarish images still plagued the Queen's rest. The young woman's body twitched and jerked, with her moans occasionally turning to cries. Xena sat at the small wooden table, and nibbled at some bread and cheese. Eponin brought it by and seemed as reluctant to speak as Xena did. Warriors had different ways of coming to terms with death than others, so the two sat on the steps of the veranda. The Amazon inquired as to Gabrielle's well being and they spoke of hunting, fishing, even combat training for the younger Amazons. When Eponin stood to go, she placed one hand on Xena's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Without looking up, Xena placed her own hand over the Amazon's.

"Thanks, Ep."

"No problem, my friend. Make sure Gabrielle eats something."

Eponin didn't have to tell Xena to be sure she ate. She was a warrior, and would eat for nourishment and strength, no matter how little of an appetite she had.

So, Xena sat at the table, her hands warmed by a hot mug of tea, and took small bites of the food before her. It lay, tasteless on her tongue, but her warrior's instinct for survival pushed her to chew and swallow, repeating the action until she couldn't bear to take another bite.

Xena felt the chill in the room as the sun crept lower in the sky. She always enjoyed summer and the evenings when it took Apollo many candlemarks to pilot his chariot toward the horizon. She got up and checked on Gabrielle, sleeping silently at last. She would visit the food hut in a while and wake her wife then. Some warm broth would do the exhausted Queen much good.

The warrior pulled the blanket back over her wife's body and leaned down, pressing a tender kiss against the sleeping woman's temple. Xena stepped outside and walked to the back of the house, to a woodpile that she laid in last season. Stacking a few logs in her arms, she heard the sound of someone clearing their throat.

When Xena turned, she saw two of Gabrielle's Royal Guard. The Guard were always stationed at the Queen's home and these two were probably walking the area, when they spotted the warrior. They just stared for a moment, until the taller of the two worked up her courage to speak.

"Our hearts are with the both of you, your Highness," she said.

"Thank you, we cherish the thoughts," Xena replied using the customary Amazon statement.

Xena mounted the steps back into the house, thinking how uncharacteristic it was for her to have taken part in such a traditional conversation. The Guards offered her the customary sentiment on the loss of a loved one. The two women looked a little taken back at the warrior's response, but Xena knew it's what Gabrielle would have said. It wasn't as if she was unaware of Amazon custom, therefore she responded with the expected response when offered bereavement thoughts from the two Guards.

Right now, Xena knew she had to take her wife's place in front of these people. She would have to be Gabrielle's Consort and hold up her end of things. For once, she couldn't frown or roll her eyes at the Amazon's long-standing customs. Xena would have to take a deep breath and try her best to be the Consort this village expected.

Xena walked in to find Gabrielle sitting up in bed, her eyes still held the confusion of sleep. A chill breeze entered the room with the warrior and Gabrielle pulled the blanket around her shoulders.

"Just give me a moment to get a fire lit," Xena said as she placed the logs in the fireplace, "and it will warm up in no time."

"It's funny how the heat can be scorching during the day, yet the instant the sun goes down, I'm freezing, Gabrielle answered.

True to her word, Xena had a blaze going in no time and it quickly took the chill off the room.

"How do you feel?" Xena asked in concern, coming over to sit beside her wife.

The warrior noticed the dark shadows under the Queen's eyes, due in part to the amount of blood she lost the previous day. Xena also understood that no matter how long Gabrielle slept, if the nightmares continued to plague her sleep, the young woman would never get any rest. They had quite a bit of personal experience with that scenario a few seasons back. After Gabrielle's attack, violent images began to haunt her sleeping moments until she looked like a wraith. The young woman was so tiny, it only took a few days, and she lost weight, and sleep, at an alarming rate. Xena could see the same troubled expression in Gabrielle's eyes as she did back then.

"Like I could use a hot bath. Do you think…I mean, would it be okay?" Gabrielle asked.

"It should be fine. Let me go and set some water on the fire in there." Xena replied, gone to fulfill the request before Gabrielle could say another word.

Xena designed the bathing chamber like the one's they had in Athens. A large tank outside the house held water and when a spigot was turned inside, the water rushed into the large basin. During the summer, the sun heated the water in the outside tank, making for a nice temperature for bathwater. Xena filled the basing for her wife, adding a few drops of the hyacinth oil Gabrielle loved. Once filled, she started a fire in the fireplace and placed two metal containers, filled with water, over the heat.

"I've got some water over the fire now. It should be ready in no time." Xena came back into the room and addressed the small blonde.

Gabrielle wore a long robe, made of a light, cottony material. She sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at her own hands. She felt the mattress shift as Xena sat down beside her and watched as her wife's large hand reached across to cover her own. Without the warrior's greaves covering her forearms, the tattoo that ran around her wrist was completely visible. The marks matched the ones on Gabrielle's own wrist, the sign of a Royal Amazon marriage. The Queen traced along the outline of the pattern on her partner's wrist with her own index finger.

"You didn't sleep well," Xena said softly.

Gabrielle nodded.

"Bad dreams?" The warrior asked.

Gabrielle looked up in alarm. "Was I talking in my sleep?"

"No, but I heard you cry out." Xena answered.

The warrior remembered the last time. Gabrielle let herself become ill, trying to keep the truth of her dreams from Xena. The dark-haired woman moved to kneel in front of Gabrielle, taking both of the young Queen's hands within her own.

"Brie, you know that you can tell me anything…even what happens in your dreams. You do know that, right?" Xena reassured.

"I know…" Gabrielle answered reluctantly.

"I just don't want you becoming ill because you're trying to be strong and bottling it all up. You don't have to be the Queen in front of me, my heart."

Xena looked up into pools of forest green. Gabrielle raised a hand and cupped her wife's face within the graceful touch.

"You take such good care of me," the young woman said softly.

Xena lowered her eyes. "Not good enough," she said in a voice so soft, it was barely a whisper.

"Don't!" Gabrielle said sharply. She placed her fingers under Xena's chin and tilted her face up, drawing the blue gaze to her own. "Don't ever think you're to blame, Xe. I couldn't bear it if I knew you felt that way. Please, my love," Gabrielle pleaded.

Xena was somewhat startled at Gabrielle's reaction. She looked in the emerald gaze that stared back at her with a sort of quiet desperation. The warrior formed what she hoped came across as a halfway decent smile.

"I'll try as long as you'll do the same," Xena said.

Gabrielle conveniently brushed aside the part of the answer that pertained to her. "Try hard, Xe…please?"

Xena took the hand that still held her chin and placed a gentle kiss in the palm. "I'd do anything for you, Brie. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes…I do," Gabrielle replied in a very small voice.

The young Queen only hoped that her wife couldn't hear the strained sadness within her answer.

**********

Xena poured the steaming water from the small metal bucket and the instant the hot water mixed with the hyacinth oil, the whole room filled with the tantalizing floral scent.

Gabrielle stepped into the large tub and Xena kneeled down beside the basin. The warrior picked up a sponge and began to wash her wife's back.

"Ep brought by a basket of food. She brought some of that sweet cheese you like." Xena said, hoping to entice her wife to eat.

"That was thoughtful of her," Gabrielle answered, "but I'm not very hungry right now."

"You need to eat, Brie." Xena said as gently as possible.

"I know…you're right. I'll try to eat something when I'm through here."

"I'm going to go to the food hut, you need something hot in your stomach. It shouldn't be too hard to get down a bowl of broth and some bread, will it?"

"I don't get a choice in this do I?" Gabrielle asked.

"Not much of one, no," Xena replied, kissing the young woman's ear.

"Then I guess broth sounds fine. Thank you, love."

"Do you want help with your hair?" The warrior asked.

"No, I can get it, thanks."

"Okay," Xena said, rising from the floor. "I'll be back by the time you're done. Anything else sound good to you?"

Gabrielle shook her head. Even the thought of eating the broth made her nauseas, but she didn't want to disappoint Xena.

"Be back…" Xena kissed the top of her head and left the room.

Gabrielle washed her body, wincing as the hand cloth passed over the tender flesh between her legs. She washed and rinsed her hair, then reached for the ivory comb that sat on the rim of the metal tub. Gently running the comb through her long hair to remove the tangles, she realized her hair grew quite a bit in the last season. She needed to get a bit cut off. She hated having to tie her hair back when she practiced with her staff, although she hadn't been out to the practice field in moons. She would never understand how Xena fought with her raven mane whipping around her face. Gabrielle found it most distracting.

Her mind wandered around to nearly every inconsequential thought in her head, neatly avoiding the one that caused the most pain. Eventually, there was no way to avoid it. She leaned an arm against the metal tub's rim and laid her cheek down on her forearm. Xena was being so loving and understanding towards the young Queen. If only she knew what I'd done. I don't think she'd look at me with such compassion if she knew that I'm to blame.

As Gabrielle stepped from the tub and dried herself off, she felt only guilt and pain when she thought of her wife taking such good care of her. Each one of Xena's kind words was like a slap to Gabrielle. Each loving look; a bitter strike, this is the way her own guilt pulled at Gabrielle's head.

Pulling on her robe, she played with the delicate ring on her finger, the one her father gave her. She thought about it…last night, calling her father and asking the God to intervene on her and Xena's behalf. When she managed to pull herself, screaming, from her nightmare, she asked Xena what Artemis said to her in the temple. Her wife told her of Artemis' inability to heal Brianna, and of Apollo's absence, which the warrior thought odd.

Gabrielle thought it odd, too. Apollo acted almost as excited about the baby's first appearance, as Xena and Gabrielle. He is a God, after all. Wouldn't he know I was in labor…wouldn't he know something went wrong? The young Queen had one hope left and she hung onto it as if it were her lifeline to salvation.

Feeling the warm metal of the ring on her finger, Gabrielle opened her mouth to speak, but slowly closed her mouth again. He was a God after all, wasn't he? She thought to herself. Gabrielle knew that her father would have seen exactly what happened, the birth of her child and everything leading up to that moment. She was sure he saw the things she did to put her baby's life in jeopardy, stubbornly refusing to listen to Sartori or Xena. That's why he was noticeably absent. Her father turned his face away from her too.

If she would have taken the time to examine the whole situation, to talk with her warrior, or the Healers, who cared so much for their young Queen, she may have learned the truth. Sometimes it's so much easier to believe the outlandish or the near impossible. When your grief clouds your vision and your judgment, the unfeasible becomes truth and reality.

Gabrielle pulled her thoughts away from the ring. She would not beg for anyone's forgiveness. Her crime was too great. She didn't deserve forgiveness. She pulled her robe tighter and walked into the other room.

**********

Gabrielle sat at the table, looking at the unappealing basket of food. She wanted to please Xena by eating something, she just hoped her stomach didn't rebel at the first bit of food she put in it.

The door opened and Xena came in, leaving the door slightly ajar.

"Hey, you look good," she kissed Gabrielle's cheek. "No dizziness, pain, or anything?"

"No, I'm fine." Gabrielle returned.

"Brie, I met Ephiny halfway between here and the food hut and she was on her way here with a dinner tray for us. She wanted me to check with you first, whether or not you wanted to see her. She's waiting at the bottom of the steps."

Gabrielle thought of the woman who was perhaps her best friend, aside from Xena. Ephiny was not only her Regent, but also the first Amazon that the young Queen ever had the chance to know. Most of her early perceptions about her people were based on Ephiny's teachings.

"Of course, Xe, tell her to come in."

A moment later, the Regent came through the door carrying a tray of hot food. She placed the tray on the table and Gabrielle stood to greet her friend.

"Please, Gabrielle, don't get up for me."

"It's all right, I'm feeling a lot better physically." Gabrielle tried to offer the older woman a smile, but it was a weak attempt.

Ephiny came to where Gabrielle stood and she hugged the younger woman, situating a light kiss on her cheek.

"Sure you're feeling okay?" She asked warmly.

"Yea," Gabrielle answered, her voice breaking a little. "Eph, what…I mean, I've never…I don't know what's expected at the funeral, what Xena and I are supposed to do."

Xena stood silently by and Ephiny watched as the warrior clenched her jaw and looked down at the floor.

"Gabrielle, don't worry about that, we can go over it later--"

"No, now," Gabrielle answered. "Please, can we go over it now?"

Ephiny looked confused. She never intended this conversation to be taking place just now. She looked up again and found Xena looking back at her. The warrior nodded her head slightly.

"Okay…why don't we sit down?" Ephiny directed them to the table.

Xena reached over to hold Gabrielle's hand as it rested on top of the table. The Queen turned sad eyes on her wife and squeezed the hand in response.

"Adia and two of the elders are preparing Brianna for her journey to the Amazon Land of the Dead. For two more days, the Princess will go through the purification ceremony. You're both familiar with those rites, correct?" Ephiny looked on as each of the women before her nodded their heads.

"The day after tomorrow, early in the morning, the village will begin to construct the funeral pyre. When…when someone from the Royal family passes over, every person in the village comes by and lays wood on the pyre. Just before sundown, we'll gather. I'll call on one of you," she paused to look between them, "to start the flames."

Xena noticed that Gabrielle's hands trembled at the thought of setting her daughter's funeral pyre aflame. The warrior squeezed the hand within her own tighter.

"I'll do it," Xena said.

Gabrielle lowered her eyes to the table and when she lifted them up again, tears clouded the green gaze. "Go on…" The Queen prompted Ephiny.

The Royal Guard will stand watch through the night as the pyre burns down. Princess Brianna's ashes will be sealed in a container and placed in the Temple of Artemis," Ephiny finished.

The Regent watched as Gabrielle rose, reached over, and hugged her.

"Thanks, Eph. Excuse me, please." Gabrielle said, all but rushing from the room.

Both women watched the young Queen hurry from the room. Xena's first instinct was to follow the young woman, to be there for her, but the warrior had to remind herself that Gabrielle needed time to herself too. Just not too much time.

"How are you doing?" Ephiny asked the warrior.

Xena looked at the Regent and Ephiny knew that stoic, tightly held façade that Xena put on for the world, for everyone but Gabrielle. She could see the warrior pulling back within herself slightly.

"Fine…I'm doing fine," she answered.

"I really didn't mean to do this now…" Ephiny said, turning to look at the door Gabrielle rushed through.

"She hasn't really…she's still denying it. I mean, she's accepted what's happened, but I think she's denying her feelings. I can't seem to get her to talk about it. She's been having nightmares."

Ephiny understood the warrior's fear concerning Gabrielle's nightmares. The Queen and her Consort were to Tartarus and back a few seasons back. After Gabrielle's attack, she spent moons suffering in silence from the violent images that haunted her dreamscape. She knew also that Xena blamed herself for being unable to get Gabrielle to open up to her about the dreams.

"It's only been a day, Xena. It may not be the same this time; they may go away of their own accord. We just have to get her talking about it in a way that will be conducive to her healing…a way for both of you to heal."

Ephiny pointed out the obvious, but she knew the warrior mentality or mindset. She especially knew Xena and Gabrielle. Xena would walk through fire, denying her own welfare and safety, to care for Gabrielle.

Xena was going to argue. She raised her head, prepared to confront the Regent regarding her ability to put aside her own hurt, and why it was more important to take care of Gabrielle. Gabrielle came first. Xena stopped and simply stared at the Amazon, realizing that this was only because Gabrielle came first in her heart. She would do her wife no good if she didn't grieve herself. Now may not be the time, but Xena understood that she couldn't put her emotions about her daughter on hold forever.

The warrior lowered her head again, nodding in agreement with Ephiny.

Well, that's different. Xena agreeing? She must be hurting more than even I understand. If Xena is feeling this much pain, I can only think that Gabrielle is absolutely devastated. Ephiny kept her thoughts to herself, but reached out and placed her hand on Xena's arm.

"Hey, we're all here for you Xena…for the both of you, please, don't forget that. You can come and rant at me when you need to, but just remember that you and Gabrielle need to talk to each other too."

Xena looked up at the Regent once more and Ephiny couldn't quite place the emotion within the unwavering blue gaze. It was somewhere between sadness and jealousy.

"There's a little problem with getting Gabrielle to talk to me," Xena paused, her jaw clenched tighter. "I get the distinct impression that she's deliberately hiding something from me."

Continued

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