The Parchment Chase
The Quill Is Mightier..
Hilary J. Bader is rapidly becoming one of my very favorite writers of
Xena: Warrior Princess scripts. Two times this season she has written
comedies that will surely become instant classics, "Been There Done That",
and The Quill is Mightier... In this wonderfully witty script, which
amazingly succeeds in being both dense and elegant, she had me rolling on
the floor with mirth AND was able to say wise things about the process of
writing. Somehow along with her other successes she was able to achieve
significant development in three beloved recurring characters. (OK one of
them is Joxer. So SHOOT me!) She also significantly added to the legend
of Gabrielle, the Bard of Potidaea, by bringing forth her intelligence,
inner strength, imagination, and her love of both Xena and her craft.
Frankly, I don't know how she was able to cram so much into a 44 minute
screenplay. It's a hell of a success. Indeed this script is BETTER than
Been There Done That because its concept is not derived from a movie
script, but is totally original to my knowledge.
It begins with the defacement of a Temple to Aphrodite. The wit shows up
immediately with a mild jab at fans Some of the graffiti read "XENA
RULES" and "XENA'S DA BOMB!" Aphrodite (played with her usual witty
intensity by the ASTONISHINGLY gorgeous Alexandra Tydings) naturally is
angry at Xena and Ares (Played deliciously by the hunk of all hunks Kevin
Smith. Here's a tribute to him. My girlfriend had me freeze frame my tape
on Kevin and she just stared at him for at least 5 minutes!) Ares
convinces 'Dite that the problem is with Gabrielle, Xena's chronicler.
Jump cut to Gabrielle and Xena in camp. Gabrielle has just opened a new
scroll and is waxing poetic at the parchment. Gabrielle loves the smell
and she offers it to Xena. Xena teases "It smells like moldy leather to
me." Gabrielle snaps back, "It would to the non-creative person." This
totally unfair gibe (See Gabrielle in the ATIDL hot tub scene) establishes
the loving, teasing relationship between our heroines. Xena's modesty
arises and she enjoins Gabrielle to create her own characters. Just at
this moment, and unknown to them both 'Dite shows up and enchants
Gabrielles scroll. Mayhem follows and so does the best teaser in the
entire series INCLUDING "Altared States." Gabrielle discovers she has ALL
of Xena's powers and beats off 5 ugly barbarians. Joxer has showed up,
Xena has vanished, and she realizes that the events of this morning were
EXACTLY what she'd written down on her scroll.
Gabrielle awoke with a jerk... Gabrielle clearly meant for her to have
awakened quickly. Instead, she awakens with Joxer at her side. Here is
the crux of the wit of this story. Gabrielle is an artist. Her language
is in idioms, metaphors, and images. The powers Aphrodite has granted the
scroll is abolutely LITERAL. The scroll has no understanding of the
nuances of language, but it only understands the FIRST definition of a word
in the dictionary. This leads to hillarious sight gags. The phrase "The
drinks are on the house leads to an inn with ale POURING from its rafters.
It also leads to both Ares and Aprhodite powerless and TWICE in a
compromising position. This conflict also drives the story and all the
events thereafter. This is a tremendously witty idea and leads to a
brillantly intelligent rumination on the art of the writer without making
it SOUND like a rumination. Amazing. Gabrielle writes And a woman in
leather with the whip of Xena appears. It's MINYA! Joxer writes a silly
limerick on the scroll and three naked Gabrielle's arrive. (Was it really
Renee in the shadows?) Even the names of the bad guys reflect this wit:
Scabarous, Felonius, and Bilious!
I won't go on about the events of the intricate plot, but you can truely
tell that the performers love the material so much that they put everything
they have into it. Joxer is developed further into a well meaning but
comedically prejudiced fathead---the Rebel without a Clue. Never so
strongly is the wannabe's desire for acceptance and his confusion of his
baser urges for this desire more strongly shown. Aprhodite, stripped of
her powers has no idea what hygiene is and ends up driving men away that
normally would have been drooling with lust for her. Ares interestingly,
since he was mortal in 10 Little Warlords is shows more poise. Back in
that episode, Gabrielle and Xena must have shown him how to take care of
himself. He seems to enjoy his experience.
Surprisingly, Gabrielle and Ares strike up a friendship! Ares even plays
a gentle joke on Gabrielle. The world is on its ear! What TPTB intend to
do with this could be VERY interesting in the future. The episode Is FULL
of in jokes about the series. The best was Xena's return at the end
(Gabrielle had written on the scroll that she'd gone fishing.) The final
fight was full of references to the Fish Throwing in ADITL, The fish
stringer fight in Altared States. There was a reference to the debate on
the net about what Gabrielle was eating in Lost Marriner, was it squid or
Octopus? In the teaser, Ms. Bader even plays on the fans admiration of
Renee's midriff to the point of Gabrielle deflecting a sword with her
mighty abs! All of these were a riot.
The performances were terriffic. Renee was absolutely radiant as
Gabrielle. She showed ALL the traits we admire about the bard wonderfully.
Kevin Smith played his part with relish, from leering at the three naked
Gabrielles to his sibling like rivalry with 'Dite. Ares is becoming a very
three dimensional character---the only god that is that way, and Kevin ran
with it. Alison Wall has playing Minya down to a science. When Minya goes
into action, well her juices really begin to flow. Better watch it Howar!
Andrew Merrifield directed this ep with verve and clarity. It is a true
tribute to the wonder of this script that Lucy is only in a little bit of
the teaser and the last act AND I DIDN'T EVEN MISS HER! It was just that
good. This is now my second favorite comedy just ahead of BTDT. I want to
see a LOT more Hilary Bader scripts. She's awesome!
LordNelson
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