Title: Don’t Mess With My Girl

Author: Caina

Ship: Xena/Callisto

Genre: Classic, AU

Rating: PG (Violence, Language)

POV: Callisto

Summary: What if Xena and Callisto were lovers instead of enemies?


Xena and her girlfriend, Callisto, are in a small village when they run into a couple of ruffians with an attitude. What will Callisto do when they mess with her girl? This is just a light fluffy piece to pass the time.







It was always the same, but Callisto was never surprised by it. What could she expect, after all? Two healthy young women with all their teeth, good hygiene, and a taste for leather…what thug could resist them?


All the same it was tiring. Just once Callisto wished she and Xena could go into a village that wasn’t besieged by warlords, or worse, warlord-wannabes (she couldn’t stand putting the smack-down on some gang of boys who still had peach-fuzz on their faces instead of real beards), or full of lazy, leering, pick-pocketing thugs looking for an easy target to either whore or rape.


At the moment all was deceptively quiet. Callisto was sitting on a the steps to a small dry goods store, sharpening her sword and watching the firm swell of her lover’s ass under the black knickers she’d bought after their last guard job.


The straps of Xena’s leather skirt had slid apart, revealing the bottom portion of her rear as she inspected some pieces of fruit for desert that evening. Callisto was torn between wanting Xena to stop wearing those damn skirt, and demanding that she wear nothing but those damned skirts. Considering the fine specimen of gluteus maximus under those black knickers, she couldn’t blame the two no-necks currently eyeing her.


The man to Callisto’s right was very tall, at least seventy five inches, heavily muscled, sporting short black hair, and a patch over his left eye. The man to her left was shorter, about seventy two inches, muscled but at least twenty five pounds lighter than his comrade, with flaming red hair that almost looked orange in the early evening sun which was beginning to yellow with age as it prepared to take a rest behind the western mountains.


They’ll approach, Callisto thought, half wary, half-amused as she played the predictable scenario out in her mind. They’ll foolishly proposition, and Xena will refuse. That’s when they’ll look around to see if anyone is eyeing them. They’ll see me watching and not give me a second thought because after all, I’m just a girl, what can I do? Then they’ll try to force Xena into some alley to rape her. That’s when Xena will kick their asses.


Given the sheer size of the two men gawking at her, however, Callisto knew that Xena was bound to take on a couple of bruises, maybe even sprain something, and her plans for a romantic evening in their room at the Inn will be totally ruined.


“Not this time,” Callisto said.


Putting down her sharpening stone, she stood and approached Xena, who’d stood up, her mind on a particularly plump fig, for the moment unaware of the two men approaching.


Fellas,” Callisto said, standing right behind Xena, her sword resting on her right shoulder. Xena looked around then, seeing the men, and knowing what was coming. “I suggest you back off, and let the lady finish her shopping.”


The men stopped, looked at one another, and then looked at her. The biggest of the two grinned, revealing rotten teeth, and when he laughed, she could smell his breath, soured by gum disease, float to her on the wind, making her frown.


“I’ll take the cheeky one,” he said. His orange-haired partner smiled.


“Good. I got a thing for blondes anyway.”


“I’ll take big-foot,” Xena said, sighing.


“No, no, no, Xena. You pick out a good cut of meat for dinner tonight. I’ll handle this. Boys,” Callisto said, looking left to right. “I’ve got a lesson to teach you: Nobody messes with my girl.”


Orange top looked at Callisto closely. “Did you call her Xena? As in the Warrior Princess?”


“One and the same,” Xena said casually, squeezing a melon and deciding it was ripe. She placed it on the wooden counter of the booth where the attendant was gulping nervously, most likely praying to any god that would listen that there wouldn’t be a fight.


“I’ve changed my mind,” Orange said. “You take the skinny blonde. I want Xena.”


Callisto glared, offended at being called skinny. She thought of herself as waif-ish but powerful. Definitely not skinny.


Orange rushed Xena, but Callisto stepped in his way, grabbing one of his reaching hands and putting a foot in front of his. He tripped but she used his forward momentum to spin him around in the opposite direction, and she landed a solid kick to his lower back to boot. Orange went down, howling in pain, not to mention embarrassment as a large, dark stain spread across the front of his trousers. Many of the villagers laughed, including the produce peddler.


“Hey!” the big one shouted, moving forward. He took a swing at Callisto, surprising her with unexpected speed, agility, and raw power. She backed away, dodging a ferocious assault of fists that sped dangerously close to her head on many occasions with a soft whooshing sound. His face screwed up in concentration, and also seeing he was getting nowhere, big fella stopped and contemplated Callisto, sweat breaking out on his brow.


They stared at one another, quiet, intense, anger on his part, amusement on hers. Suddenly he lunged for her, his hand lighting fast, and seized on a handful of her hair, which the wind had been blowing in his direction.


“You’re grabbing my hair?” Callisto asked, her voice high pitched with surprise more than pain. “What are you, some kind of sissy? Even I don’t grab hair in a fight, and I’m a woman.”


Offended at the insult, and feeling the eyes of all the villagers in the market burning into him, the big one let go of her hair and started swinging again.


“Need some help, sweetheart?” Xena asked, biting into an apple and crossing her legs casually as she leaned against the table.


“No thanks, baby. I’ve got it.”


Tired of toying with him, Callisto dropped into a split, dropping under a particularly hard swing of one of big fella’s ham-sized fists, and used her feet to suddenly knock his out from under him. He fell into a split before her. Not being as limber as she, big fella’s legs popped and he howled in agony.


Callisto brought her feet up in a smooth arc and shoved both at him, one hitting him in the face, the other in the chest, sending him falling back, his nose bleeding, but both of his hands were wrapped around his aching crotch. He lay there in pain while his friend scuttled over to him, wet pants and all, to try and help.


“Like I said, don’t mess with my girl,” Callisto said. She sheathed her sword and went over to Xena, who’d paid for their food.


“Nice work.”


“Thanks,” Callisto said, kissing Xena softly. She was always soft with her girl, no matter how tough she was on the rest of the world.


“Come on,” Xena said, wrapping an arm around Callisto’s shoulder and steering her toward the Inn, where they’d taken a room. “You cook, I’ll clean up.”


“And if the food is really good?” Callisto asked, copping a squeeze on Xena’s ass.


“I may give you a nice ripe peach for desert.”


Callisto eyed the items in Xena’s hand.


“You didn’t buy any peaches.”


“I didn’t have to buy it,” Xena said, winking.


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